Loving Him is What I Needed
by creativebeautifullife
Summary: Love. Pain. Violence. Feeling scared, alone and inlove. Finding him, he shined a light in the tunnel that Marley was in. And she needed out. She needed him. Rated M. SARLEY is endgame.
1. Chapter 1

So this is my first story ever and I would really appreciate it if you guys gave me feedback and criticism! Ok well I hope you enjoy it!

**Summary:** Love. Pain. Violence. Feeling scared, alone and in love. Finding him, he shined a light in the tunnel that Marley was in. And she needed out. She needed him.

"Alright guys this week will be a special week. All of you have to sing a song that is close to your heart. A song that you always listen to, something you relate to. You're going to sing it with real emotion." said with a bit of excitement in his voice.

"Uhh.. as great of an idea that sounds, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of sharing something that affects me to everyone. No offense to anyone here." Explained Marley. She was new to the school, new to glee and well she wasn't quite ready to share anything personal with the group. Sure they were nice, and glee was a judgement-free zone, but that didn't quite reassure her. She knew this week was gonna be tough.

"I agree with Marley, I feel that we all have something we don't want to share and clearly there's a reason we don't want to, so why would we want to sing about it?" Answered Unique, with a sassy tone.

Everyone seemed to agree with Marley and Unique. All of them nodding their heads and exchanging side glances to whom they were sitting next to. Of course saw this coming. But he wanted these new gleeks and old ones to own who they are, he wanted them to share with one another so they were comfortable with themselves as well as they're fellow classmates.

"I understand, but this is a place where we should be comfortable with each other, no judging, just singing. This assignment is a must and if you decide not to do it, I will have to consider you getting kicked out of the club and having someone who really wants to be in here replace one of you. I know all most of you better than anyone else. You all need to keep an open mind and show everyone who you really are. Own that, and don't be ashamed." hoped that little speech at least cracked the outside of their shell.

"Come on guys I for one think this is a great idea. We can all learn so much about each other, especially the new guys." Sam was out of his seat now, looking at Marley and the others. But for some reason, his eyes always seem to go back to Marley. She was looking beautiful today, she always looked beautiful, but today she caught his attention.

"Sam, Sam?, SAM!" Yelled out . Sam came back to reality and looked up at who wore a confused expression. When he looked back at Marley he noticed her smile but next to her beautiful face was the face of an angry Jake.

"I'm glad that you feel this way Sam and I love your enthusiasm!" took out his cell phone and smiled a bit. "Alright guys, I have to take this call, while I'm gonna think over what song you'll be singing this week." answered his phone as he left the chorus room.

"Well, I guess we have no choice but to sing this week." said Blaine.

Artie, Sam, Unique, Blaine and Sugar seemed to be relaxed and calm about the idea. They were comfortable with one another. Jake and Britney almost unphased by the idea just sat there, but Marley was uncomfortable and anxious. She didn't want to bring up her past. nOr her present. Sure people knew her mother, but they didn't know her father. The darkness of her home. The sanctuary that most refer to, was her hell. And she was determined not to let anyone know. She had to sing a lie. A song that didn't show much but enough that nobody would realize that she was faking. As she was thinking she felt a pair of eyes boring into the back of her head. And then a hand touch her arm. She was startled letting out a gasp.

"Hey, sorry, you ok Marley?" Jake kept it in a hushed tone, loud enough for her to hear but quiet enough for no one to notice.

"Yeah just thinking about a song I'm going to sing." She showed a weak smile, trying to cover up her fear.

"Ok, well I'm gonna go get a bottle of water from the vending machine, want anything?" Asking with a hopeful tone.

"Uhh, no I'm ok. Thanks for asking though." Jake got up and left leaving an empty seat for anyone to sit. And that anyone was Sam.

"So you got a song?" Sam chirped with a smile.

"Hmm? Oh uhm, no." She said with a little chuckle. "I don't really know what to sing, or share. It's just a bit personal to ask for us to sing about something painful. What are you gonna sing?"

"Well I kind of want to keep it a surprise, you know but if you must know, I'll give you a hint." He got closer to her face, and Marley can feel the goosebumps on her neck rising as she felt his hot breath. His hand over hers. She felt a jolt of electricity run through her nerves.

"It has something to do with loving someone who deserves better." As he pulled back, he noticed a small smile appearing on Marley's face, but quickly disappeared as soon as it appeared.

Her face turning a pale color, Sam looked up to noticed the object and reason of her sudden color change. Jake looked furious. He looked like he was ready to kill and his prey was Sam.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" His voice livid, his jaw clenched and a vein ready about to pop on his neck. Jake was ready to pounce.

"Nothing, it's not what it looks like, I was talking to her and I couldn't say it out loud." Sam said trying to keep his game face, but he felt like it wasn't gonna be a fair fight.

"Marley?" Jake looked to her, questioning the excuse that Sam gave.

"He's telling the truth, it's not a big deal Jake! We were jus talking about the songs we were going to sing this week!" Marley wondered why Jake was so possessive over her! They were dating, sure they were together but it wasn't official. Just last week, Jake was going to attack a guy for commenting on Marley's arse. She was wearing her favorite jeans that definitely defined her arse. The next day she wore a v-neck shirt that showed a bit of cleavage but not too much. A guy was talking to her and Jake swore he saw him trying to look down her shirt. You can figure out what Jake said rather than did.

"Whatever. Jake picked up his bag and bumped into Sams' shoulder as he passed him.

The tension could be cut with a butcher's knife. That was how much there was.

came back in and noticed Jake leaving with the look of anger on his face, and Sam in a defending position.

"What is goin-" was cut off by the slamming of a locker. Everyone ran out and saw Jake walking down the hallway. It was time to leave and everyone left the chorus room. Marley was in trouble. All she could think about in Biology, was the incident that happened in the chorus room. She thought about the feeling she got when Sam touched her. Never had she felt that way. Sure Jake made her feel special, like the only girl in the room, but Sam. There was something about him. Something that got her going, and not in the sexual way. She got butterflies when she always saw him in the hallway that day. She needed a way to clear her head. But something dawned on her.

Her dad was coming home today. No she thought, no.


	2. Chapter 2

Ahhh ok so basically people read the first part but no one really said if they liked it. I really would appreciate knowing what you guys think! I don't know my updating schedule so you know when I update, I update. But I promise I'll update it every few days at least 3 times a week! Okay well it gets intense here. I figured we needed background info on Marley so here we go!

**Warning:** language, violence and rape

I will never understand how my life became a constant battle with myself and the world. Never. I remember when I was younger how I had everything. Parents that loved me, a nice home, the feeling of being loved, not having a care in the world about how I look. I was just happy. And now I'm 16 years old, poverty-stricken, my mom is the lunch lady, my dad is an alcoholic bastard and I'm alone. I put this fake smile on my face when I go to school. It's not always fake. My mom makes me happy. She makes me smile. She loves me and I love her. But sometimes I feel like that's not enough. In my old school I wasn't accepted. At all. Never have and I used to think I never will be, but the glee club kind of changed that.

I walked home from school thinking about how it would have been a good idea to take the bus, but I wanted to take my time before I got home. I would be lying if I said I wasnt terrified. Terrified that my dad was gonna be home, with the smell of liquor and garbage all over the floor. My mom stayed at school for a bit because she had to clean the kitchen up. I felt alone like usual. And I really wanted my mom to be there with me when I got home to see my dad. I don't even know why I consider him my dad. He treats me like some charity award that he won and now that he's won it, he just puts it on the shelf thinking he deserved it and now he can just drink away his life.

I walked down the street noticing that I'm breathing harder. I have an acute anxiety problem. I don't want that to get in my way of facing my dad but I know I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I saw the car, that old blue muscle car. I knew he was home, and my hands were shaking. I climbed the steps to my home. As I put my hand on the knob I could hear the T.V was on. This could be either really good or really bad. He could be sober and watching, in a good mood. Or he could be watching, drunk and if you got in the way of the T.V you were asking for a death sentence. I opened the door, and the smell of alcohol was evident. I sighed, knowing I shouldn't have thought it would be different.

"Marlay? Marlay is that you?" I heard him shuffling trying to get off the couch. I walked down the corridor and walked into the living room. What used to be a spotless and clean living room now had alcohol bottles lined up on the table, full and ready to drink, as well as empty glasses on the floor. As he got up and turned to face me, he moved to fast and nearly fell back down. I reached out to keep him up.

"Hey, your drunk! I thought this time would be different!" I said with a bit of anger in my voice but I eased a bit so I wouldn't face the consequences.

"I-I-I'm not dat dr-r-unk Marlay." He said. Yes he was, he called me Marlay when he was drunk.

"Yes you are, ugh, you can't keep doing this! I cleaned this house yesterday and now you have infested it with the smell of alcohol." SMACK. I put my hand on my face. I felt a hand pulling on my hair. I knew what was coming. I pushed it too far. You did it now Marley.

"You, you, you don't talk to, to your fa-ther like that Marlay. You hear meh?" He was pulling hard now, and I was pushed to the ground and then pulled back up. I felt a sharp pain in my head.

"Stop, stop you're hurting me. Stop dad please!" I tried holding back tears, but I was too weak, I let them spill, my throat was dry and I croaked as I said please.

"Pathetic." He pushed me into the wall and I fell. I wiped my tears away and slowly got up.

"Where's Mary-Ann? Git up! Where is your mather?" He grabbed my arm and shook me.

"SHE'S AT WORK! Let go she's at work!" I removed my arm out of his grasp.

"WORK? Sshh-she don't want to se-ee her man? Well than." He took a sip from his bottle. He threw it on the ground at my feet, the glass shattered. I knew I had to clean that up.

"Cl-clean that up-p. Marlay, Imma git a cig." He was drunk, and now he wanted to smoke. Just perfect. I bent down to pick the big pieces of glass up.

"I SAID GIT ME-EH A CIG DAMN IT." He pushed my hand causing the glass to fall on the floor again and my hand getting cut.

"OW." My eyes welled up with tears. No Marley, no crying, show him your strong. But that didn't happen because I felt his hand on my hair and I was thrown into glass table which unfortunately had broken glass on there too. I felt something warm dripping down from my head. I smelt copper. I got up and looked into the mirror. I saw I had a gash on my fore head. Not too deep, but I also had a gash on my palm and it stung from the alcohol.

"You ma-ade a mess. Cl-cl-ean it." He left the house probably to get his cigarets. As long as he was outside of the house I was safe. I went up stairs to my bathroom and took ointment and bandages out of the cabinet. I washed out the blood. By the time i had finished it was 4 o'clock. I went back downstairs and started cleaning up. I scrubbed the floor, locked up the alcohol and cleaned the glass up. By the time I was finished it was 5:45. As I was washing my hands careful not to get the band-aid on my hand soaked, the door opened. I prayed it was my mom.

"Hey sweetie pie!" My prayers were answered!

"MOM!" I dried my hands and ran up to her. She enveloped my in a hug.

"Hey sweetie you ok? Why do you have band-aids? He hit you didn't he? I'm so sorry I wasn't here to protect you, I can't expl-" She started to tear up and she never liked to cry in front of me.

"Mom it's fine! I'm fine! It's not your fault!" I wiped her tears away, I gave her a toothy smile and crossed my eyes. She laughed. I loved making her laugh. But the happiness was cut short by the sound of men, laughing and the door slamming shut. I looked behind her noticing my drunk dad and his drunk friend. A welcome home party perfect.

"Hey what's going on? Why are they here?" I asked crossing my arms. My dad stepped forward giving me his mischievous look.

"Hey Marlay! You remember them boys right thur?" He chuckled. His stupid drunk chuckle.

"Hey Marlay! Mary-Ann you doin' fine I see? Lookin' bet-tter than ever aye?" A man who stood tall, had a somewhat of a strong build, named Jerry said. He gave me a long lingering look. They all laughed, my mom sighing knowing she say anything or she would have to deal with the consequences. I walked back to my mom.

"Why don't you stay at for tonight? I'll stay here and take care of the place! They won't pick on me, and your tired you need to sleep." I smiled trying to hide the fact that I really didn't want her to leave.

"Marley, darling, I don't know if I can do that! What if something happens while I'm gone?" She looked at me with a worried look.

"I promise I'll be ok!" I gave her a hug and kiss on her cheek. I got her just-in-case-of-an-emergency suitcase and called up a taxi to get her out of this place.

"Marley you call me if you need anything ok? I'm gonna be 5 minutes away so you just let me know alright?" I nodded and smiled at her giving her a hug. The party was just getting started and I heard the guys back in the house cheer. They unlocked the alcohol cabinet. She got in the car and drove off. I waited a minute in the cool environment before turning back.

This was going to be a long night. I just knew it. And a feeling of regret took over. I got inside the house and I made sure they weren't doing anything stupid. They were just drinking and watching some football game. The usual evening at my house. I went up to my room and closed the door. My bedroom was the second biggest room in the house and the nicest. My mom wanted to make sure I had a nice room because she felt guilty. For what, I don't know. It's not her fault. I went to start on my homework. An hour later as i was finishing up the last of my Geometry homework I heard a knock on my door. The door opened and some man who goes by the name of Jerry walked in. He was clearly drunk and assumed he was looking for the bathroom.

"The bathroom is down the hallway the last door to your right." I said without a change in tone or expression." I went back to my homework, expecting him to leave but he didn't. He just stood there.

"I wasn't looking for the bathroom. I was looking for you." He grinned and came towards me.

"Uhm, how can I help you?" I got up walking backwards towards my drawer. He got closer putting his hand on my waist. He inched closer as I stepped back. His breath smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. His light brown eyes turning black.

"I just got tired of the testosterone downstairs and was looking for someone to love for the night. You interested?" He wasn't as drunk as the rest of the men downstairs because he spoke without anyone trouble.

"No, now leave." I pushed his hand off my waist.

"I don't think you heard me correctly. I want you, now." He pushed me back on my bed, putting all his weight on me. I tried to wiggle out and put my hands on his chest trying to push him off. It didn't work. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them down. He grinnded on me and I tried to move but that didn't work because that just got him more horny, and made him think I was interested. I kicked and then started to scream.

"STOP! DAD HELP! DAD PLEASE! DAD!" Nothing. I heard him laughing, my dad laughing not realized his daughter was getting raped. I started to cry. The man's face got closer.

"Don't cry, shhhh. I'll make you feel all better." He stroked my hair out of my face. I couldn't think anymore, I felt like I lost. I did lose. Everything was blurry, my tears getting in the way. This was it.

"DAD PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE." I was sobbing. I was suffocated my this mans' mouth on mine. I moved my face so our lips would disconnect. I gasped for fresh air. He started to climb on top of me. This was my chance to get him off. His vulnerable position. I took my knee and hit it straight up to my target. My knee hitting his crotch. And I successfully hit because as soon as it made contact he jumped off and cried in agony, his hands hanging on to his crotch.

"SHIT! AHHH. YOU STUPID BIT- AGHH." He got up and pushed me against the wall, my head hitting the wall hard. Everything became a bit blurry, the throbbing in the back of my head was not helping my situation.

"You can't get away that easily." My hands pinned above me. A sound of glass breaking came from downstairs, screaming and yelling. I heard sirens, I think I heard sirens. I was still whoozy, but I still felt his cold hand creeping underneath my shirt. I wanted this nightmare to be over.

"Please, please stop. Please..." Was all I could say. All that I can manage to come out before everything went black.

When everything went cold.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys sorry this is so short I promise the next one will be longer! I didn't have a lot of time and I just wanted to upload this chapter because I thought it was important for you guys to know how Marley reacts to this incident. Some questions are left unanswered! I really appreciate the 2 comments I got! They mean SO much. I honestly was excited and so happy knowing people were enjoying this! Okay well enjoy!

**Warning:** It does involve a form of** suicidal thoughts**, please **read** with **caution**! If you ever feel like how Marley is feeling at this point, know there is hope! And I care! I really do! I want you all to live a good healthy life and my intention is not to make you feel worse but to entertain and hopefully can relate and learn to cope. If you don't like this idea please do not continue reading! This is my **first** and **FINAL** warningabout this. I don't want to ruin the story with these warnings.

I can't tell you what it's like to be dead. I can't explain to you how much I wanted to be at this point. But that didn't matter because I was alive. unfortunately, and with the memory of what happened last night still fresh. Or at least I think it was last night.

The feeling of pain, excruciating pain, coming from the back of my head woke me up. As I slowly opened my eyes the white light prevented them from opening all the way. I looked down and saw an I.V needle in my forearm, and I heard the monitor next to me, keeping track of my heart beat. I was alone. Not surprised. I was alone because nobody wanted me. Except for him. The memory caused me to feel queasy.

"Here, this should keep the fluids coming out of your body in a confined space." The nurse handed me a small bucket, just in time to catch the vomit that came out. Disgusting I thought. My stomach was in pain as I kept on vomiting what looked like to be just clear fluid, like water.

"We called your mom. She should be on her way. You were in a pretty bad state when the ambulance saw you. But don't worry you should be fine by tomorrow! You just had a small concussion and some cuts and bruises." She said with a small smile. I finished barfing and put the bucket down next to the table. The nurse came around and took it. She was very pretty, and very young. Her hair was a dark shade of red and her eyes were hazel. She was gorgeous. All I could think about was how any guy would be drooling over her.

My eyes widened a bit as I remembered that there was a man drooling over me. I was raped. Or at least I remember that I was about to. Before I can say a word about if I was raped, the nurse beat me to it.

"Don't worry, the police caught the man before even undressing you. If you were wondering whether or not it's still Monday, it is! Oh and I need to give you some medicine for your cuts. I'll be back!" She smiled and ran out.

I looked at the clock and saw it was only 9:15. The night was still young and it was only a couple of hours ago when the whole incident happened. I tried to tune out the memory but it wasn't working. How could this happen to me. I deserved it. I didn't know why exactly, but I did. Even though the man was caught before getting any more intimate with me, I still felt violated. Vulnerable. Scared. Alone. I always felt alone, but this, this was isolation. I felt like a freak. Some sort of disease. I hated myself. It was my fault. I should have been more prepared. I should have known better not to think I would be safe from those drunk bastards. I should have known from that wink he gave me while I was downstairs with my mom. As soon as I thought of her, I lost it. I started to cry, feeling the warm salty tears falling down my face. I didn't want her to see me like this. I didn't want her to look at me with such disgrace. I felt a pair of arms wrap around and my instinct was to shove and move, and so I did. I yelped but then I smelt the sweet scent of my mom.

"Mo-om?" I managed to choke out.

"Shhhh, it's okay baby, I'm here. Shhhh." That was when I really lost it. I sobbed, I sobbed so hard. I don't think I have ever cried so hard! I stayed like that for hours until I fell asleep, too tired from all the crying. Exhausted from the memory replaying in my head. The feeling of being restrained, unable to move. The feeling of being touched where you don't want to be. Knowing that no one was there to save you. Not even your own father. That, made me cringe. My dad, my own father who was supposed to protect me, save me, and love me wasn't there. He was too drunk to care. Too stupid to understand. That was my dad. He didn't deserve to be called dad. But I couldn't help but feel bad. The 3 hours of sleep I got was filled with crying, thrashing in my bed and waking up in cold sweat. I got tired of sleeping (if that was even possible) and decided it was time to go home. The nurse came in with the medications I would need. I had to go to therapy and talk about what happened. I had to go to one for the next 3 month. Great I thought, an hour a day talking about something I wanted gone from my memory.

I got home and took my medications, changed my bandages and got in my pjs. The house was clean because came to our home and cleaned the place up for my mom and I. My room was no longer a crime scene and all I could think about was sleeping on a bed. Any bed. Except for that bed. That bed that was in my room where I was thrown on, where I was violated. I stood by my bedroom door just staring at it. Replaying the scenes in my head. From where I was doing my hw to being thrown against that wall where everything went black.

"You can come sleep in my bed if you want." I heard my mom say from behind me. I was startled by her but not too much that she would notice.

"Thanks mom. I just don't know if I'll be getting any sleep." I turned around giving her a hug, resting my head on her shoulder looking down the corridor.

"Well you still need to sleep. You don't have to go to school tomorrow, you just need some rest." I thought about it for a moment, but realized I needed to go to school. I didn't want to stay by myself in my home. I wanted out, I wanted to breath and suddenly I feel like I'm suffocating. I start to panic, and my breathing gets heavier.

"Marley what's wrong. Oh god, hold on I'll get your pills. Just breath sweetie." Her horrified expression soon ran off into the bathroom where my anxiety pills were. They were prescribed to me a couple of years ago and I haven't taken them since I moved here. I was handed pills and I gulped them down along with water, feeling the medicine already kick in. I didn't realize that I was sweating untill I felt sweat dripping from my forehead onto my hand. I needed a cold shower.

"I'm fine mom, I'm gonna take a cold shower." I walked off. I didn't feel like myself. I felt, weird. I just didn't understand what I was feeling but it was a feeling. Suddenly I had an urge to let this feeling out. I got my clothes, my towel and got into the shower. The cold water making contact with my skin instantly made a sigh slip out of my mouth. The shower was quick and cold and by the time I had finished it was 12. My mom was asleep and I wasn't expecting her to be awake, she was tired and scared and it was my fault. I got in my bed, trying to forget the incident that happened on here, looking through my phone. 64 missed called, 53 text messages and 60 voice mails. All from one person.

Sam Evans. And I smiled. A genuine smile. My heart fluttered, my stomach made knots. Someone cared. And that someone was him. I felt like the dark cave I was in became a little less darker. A light out of this cave. He was my light I thought.

He was what I needed.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, I have gotten comments/reviews and I'm a bit new to all of this stuff so I don't really know how to reply because nobody has a reply button near the comment. So basically, I'll say my thank you's here! So MMurray978 OMG thank YOU SO MUCH. I honestly love you right now because your comments made me smile and I can't thank you enough. But I'm not a Harry Potter fan, I'm sorry! And Rose, yes I noticed there wasn't a lot of Sarley and I wanted Sarley because they are both so cute and ugh fEEls (oh and thank you so much love!). CSIGetteBlue, I'll definitely being adding more that's for sure!

**Warnings**: nightmares, self-loathing (self-hating), suicidal thoughts, self-harm

I read through a couple of the messages. Each one almost the same as the last. Most of them saying 'I saw police outside of your house, what happened? Are you okay? I wanted to visit you at the hospital but they wouldn't let me'. I decided to listen to one of the voicemails, and he basically repeated everything he said in the texts. The sound of his voice really caught my attention. He was worried, scared. He cared for me I thought. As soon as I deleted all the texts and voice mails, I decided to give him a call. Just to let him know I was okay. But was I really? No. I wasn't. In all honesty, I just didn't want to be here right now. In my room. I wish I had taken my mom's offer and slept in her bed. But I needed to be alone, have whatever privacy I had left. The phone rang a couple of times before he picked up.

"Marley?" I must have woken up. His voice was low, a bit husky, and it croaked a bit. Bad idea Marley. How could you be so stupid? It was 12:30 no one is awake at 12:30 on a school night. Or maybe that was just her.

"Hey, Sam. I-I-I was just letting you know I was okay. I'm sorry I woke you up! I'll let you get back to sle-" I was cut off by his voice.

"No! Please! I don't want to go back to sleep. I want to make sure you're okay! Your father said you fell down the stairs, and your dad and his friends were watching some football and drinking. I just wanted to make sure you at least landed safely down the stairs." He chuckled trying to make light of the situation.

The only problem was it wasn't funny. My dad lied about the accident; And I couldn't just let everyone know my dad was an alcoholic, violent liar. And I didn't want anyone to know about what happened so part of me was glad my dad had lied. But part of me wanted to just... explode.

"Yeah, aha, I was bit clumsy. Just you know being Marley." I tried to sound cheery, hoping I was a good enough actress to pull that off. I assumed I did because he made a joke about that.

"Oh you were just being Miley? I mean Marley? The last time I freaked out, I just kept looking down? hahaha." The sound of his low laughter made me smile a bit. The joke was funny but a part of me didn't have the energy to laugh just as hard as Sam was, so I just giggled.

"Yeah well I'm no Miley, she beautiful and got great hair, great clothes, a great body, a great smile. She's just I guess great." I felt like absolute garbage. I felt dirty and disgusting just thinking about how Miley was this beautiful woman with her whole life ahead of her, engaged, happy and well just being Miley.

"Yeah, but I think your stunning. And who needs great clothes? Who needs clothes? I want to be a nudist and I know you would look great naked too!" Even though he wouldn't see, I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. I was definitely blushing and happy we were talking on the phone and not face to face.

"Uhh yeah. Well, I'm a bit tired Sam. But I'm really happy you called! You made everything better!" It wasn't a lie. Well it was a small one! I was happy that he called, but I still felt like crap.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. But your right you do need your rest. I hope you feel better Marley!" I felt bad, I knew i made yet another stupid move. Your on a roll I thought.

"No ,no, I just, I'm really tired! But if it makes you feel better, I heard you have a great body yourself!" I thought I could hear the smile forming on his lips. His lips. Wow. Am I really thinking about them?

"Well I don't mean to brag, but I do have a great 6-pack." He chuckled and I swore the giggle slipped out of me. I felt at ease while talking to him at this point. Nothing was forced, everything came naturally.

"If you need anything Marley, I don't live far away from you, in fact I live down the street, and I can always come by! Or you can call me anytime! Okay?" I knew he was being genuine about it, and I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face.

"Of course. You'll be number one on my speed dial list. I promise! Thank you Sam. You really made me feel happy! I mean it!" This wasn't a lie. Because I was happy and my heart was fluttering the entire time as I said it.

"Anything for you beautiful. Goodnight! I'll see you tomorrow!" I felt myself grow red as he said beautiful. I couldn't get that feeling in my stomach to go away and my heart kept racing.

"Goodnight Sam." I said with contentment.

"Goodnight Marley. Don't let the bed bugs bite! Oh and sweet dreams!" He said before hanging up.

Sweet dreams. Sweet dreams. It would be anything but sweet dreams for me tonight. I wouldn't see it coming. It wouldn't be sweet though. It'd be a nightmare, a memory that would play in my head all night, till I would wake up in cold sweats, crying.

It was 1:30 when I woke up. I was crying. Screaming. But not too loud I assumed because I didn't wake my mom up. Good I thought I didn't want her to see me like this or get worried. He was there. Jerry. I couldn't get away from him. I couldn't. I forced myself to dream about something, anything, anyone, but it always ended up with Jerry in my face pinning me down getting ready to insert into me. And the pain. The back of my head would start to throb, I feel like the stitches I got on my head and palm of my head were ripping open. And I'd wake up just to make sure that I wasn't bleeding, nor was Jerry anywhere near me.

The second time I woke up it was 3:00. This time it was worse. I remember every detail. It was the same scenario but this time I was awake even after my head hitting the wall. And I can feel everything. Almost everything was heightened. His lips attached to my neck. His body trying to cause friction against mine. And I couldn't stop him. I was stuck. Then almost after 2 minutes of him kissing that one spot on my neck I felt him suck, bite then lick. A hickey. He left a hickey. Then out of nowhere my dad is sitting there, watching it all happen. Laughing, cheering him on. Holding liquor in one hand and beer in the other. I was pulled away from the wall thrown on my bed. He was straddling me and I yelped out. Trying to stop him from doing anything else. I pushed him off, only making things worse as his legs straddled me even harder not allowing me to move. I couldn't do it. I felt myself having an anxiety attack. I could feel it. It was almost too real.

Because it was.

I woke up in cold sweat, panting, crying, I could feel my heart beat in my ears. I was shaking. I wasn't breathing right. I needed my medication. I got out of my bed, opened the door and headed straight to my bathroom. I turned the light on, opened my medicine cabinet, and found the pills in the safety locked plastic container. I took the bottle of water sitting on my sink from last night and took two pills. I could feel myself breathing at a normal pace. I looked in the mirror and noticed something. A bruise. A red and purple colored bruise. On my neck. The same spot where Jerry gave me a hickey on my neck. Oh my god I thought. It wasn't a dream, how can I dream about something I didn't know actually happened. That means, no I thought. Your dad would never just stand there and watch you get raped. I touched the bruise and instantly felt bile come up. I opened the lid of the toilet and let the vomit spill. I cried as I sat near the toilet bowl. I had a mark. I was marked by him. I couldn't quite process anything. As soon as I had finished I got up to my wash my mouth and flushed the toilet. I brushed my teeth and sprayed some febreeze to get rid of the vile smell. I looked at the bruise again. Me, being the stupid Marley, decided to touch it and almost in an instant the bile that i thought was down the toilet was back into my mouth, except this time I couldn't get to the toilet and instead had to let it all out in the sink. I cried again. Why was I so weak? I couldn't help but think that, if anyone, or even me, touched that bruise, I would just throw up right then and there. I finally cleaned up and had to redo the process I had so carelessly screwed up by touching the bruise again. I got to my bed and noticed it was 4. It was 4. I spent an hour in the bathroom. I was never going to get any sleep like this. I had to wake up in almost 2 hours. How was I supposed to do that? I didn't want to stay home. I wanted to get out.

I wanted to see him.

Why don't I see him now, I thought. No, Marley, you'd be considered selfish to wake him up at 4. He wouldn't even come. He would be asleep, or too tired. I don't even think he meant it when he said I could call him anytime. Maybe he did? Through all the thinking I did in the 5 minutes I didn't even notice that I had my phone in my hand and I already dialed his number.

Shit. I thought. Now what.

He picked up. He picked up. No. NO. Why did he pick up?

"Marley? Hey, are you okay?" He didn't sound so sleepy. He sounded like he's been up all night like me!

"Sam, I'm sorry, I just needed someone to talk to. I haven't been feeling good, and I just needed someone." Way to feel desperate idiot. Way to feel all wanting and needy. Gosh, I'm such a screw up.

"Do you want me to come over? You know what that's not even a question I'll be there in 10 minutes ok? Actually less than that!" Before I can say no, I was cut off by the sound of him hanging up. Now what? It was 4:10. I was feeling antsy. Kind of annoyed with myself. Acutally, really annoyed. Such an idiot. You just screw everything up. Now he's going to treat you like some lost puppy who can't take care of herself. Who throws up when the bruise is touched. Who cries like a baby without its mother's milk. Like a stupid bitch. Your pathetic Marley. You deserved to be attacked. You deserved the pain your suffering because you aren't strong enough to take it. You don't even deserve him.

I couldn't do it. I need something. I need to know what I was thinking wasn't true. I needed to prove myself wrong, to prove that I am stronger than that. I went into the bathroom. I open my medicine cabinet not sure what I was looking for. Then I found it. A blade that's still fresh and clean because I haven't used it for shaving my legs yet. I removed it from the handle and held it in my hand. This will prove that I'm stronger. That I can take pain. It'll be good for me. I won't be some pathetic little girl. I held the blade and hovered it over my forearm. Thinking about how I could hide these cuts, I decided I could wear bracelets and if bracelets won't be able to hide it later, I could always wear long sleeve shirts. I pressed down and pulled a little. Bit by bit. The skin tearing, the burning sensation as the blood started to pool around my wrist. I stopped and sat down against my sink. Throwing my head back and closing my eyes letting the pain run through my body. I did it I thought. And maybe I could do it again. As I started to cut again I heard a crash. Someone was in the house and the sudden noise caused me to jump and I moved the blade to fast cutting too deep the blood gushing out. It was so heavy. Shit. I tried to get a towel but I got up to fast and got dizzy. No. My sight being clear again and I saw him.

"Marley? MARLEY? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Sam came over and got a towel putting pressure on my wrist. I couldn't stand straight and I felt his arm snake around my wait, and the other still grasping the towel against my wrist.

"Marley? Marley why?" He asked in such a sympathetic tone. I couldn't help but cry. I couldn't help it. Just the way he asked it. Or was it the way he looked at me with such a worried look, scared to lose me.

"Sam, I-I, Im. I'm sorry." I let my head rest on his shoulder. Everything was gonna be alright. I just knew it.

"It's okay Marley, shhh. I'm here. Everything's going to be alright. I promise. I'll be right here. Right next to you." He kissed my forehead. He picked me up with such ease, and put me in my bed. I felt the bed dip as he leaned over me and removed the towel and put a bandage around my wrist. The bleeding had magically stopped. I looked up at him wondering if he was an angel sent from above. He came just in time.

"Thank you." I couldn't help but smile a bit, tears forming.

"You're welcome. Now come on you need some sleep. It's 4:45. I can drive you in late tomorrow. You need to sleep Marley." I shook my head, I couldn't sleep, the nightmares would come back.

"No, my nightmares, no. I can't." He looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"No, I promise you, you won't have them. I'm here I'll make sure they won't show up. Just close your eyes and sleep. I promise I'll protect you." I rested my head against his chest and let my heavy eyelids fall. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. Suddenly I heard him sing, ever so quietly, and gentle. Sweet and like a lullaby. I smiled a bit as I heard him sing while playing with my hair.

_You've got that smile,  
That only heaven can make.  
I pray to God everyday,  
That you keep that smile._Yeah, you are my dream,  
There's not a thing I won't do.  
I'd give my life up for you,  
'Cause you are my baby, everything that I have is yours,  
You will never go cold or hungry.  
I'll be there when you're insecure,  
Let you know that you're always lovely.  
Girl, 'cause you are the only thing that I got right day when the sky is falling,  
I'll be standing right next to you,  
Right next to you.  
Nothing will ever come between us,  
'Cause I'll be standing right next to you,  
Right next to you.

Song: Right Next To You Chris Brown ft. Justin Bieber

watch?v=g2qGI3nOyzY

I recommend this version to picture him singing to her!


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, guys chapter 5. I hope this is good enough! I'm trying really hard to make these chapters long because I would be lying if I said I didn't get annoyed when other writers write short chapters and I don't want to be a hypocrite! And this chapter came out WAY too long so I'm updating twice! Thank you so much for the support! x

**Warnings: **Marley just being clumsy and language.

Sweet Dreams. I had sweet dreams. Dreams were everything and anything you could have hoped for happened. Were your dreams were better than reality. But I couldn't say they were better because quite honestly, I was happy being enveloped in his arms and waking up to his scent. I slowly opened my eyes looking down seeing my hands tangled in his arms. I looked up slowly to see his face. He looked so peaceful sleeping, relaxed. Almost like he was happy to be here. I frowned realizing why he was here. It was my fault. I got the sick feeling in my stomach and the nagging voice came back saying it was my fault because I'm too weak to handle all of this. I felt warm tears form ready to fall. I couldn't cry now, I had to stop being so feeble. I stiffened as I felt movement coming from him.

"Morning beautiful." He spoke with that low, husky voice that made him a lot more attractive. I felt like the morning voice changed the mood I was in. I smiled back looking back into his green orbs. Almost getting lost in his gaze I snapped back into reality.

"Morning! Did you get a goodnight's sleep?" I asked with concern. I had to make sure I didn't ruin his sleep and he was at least somewhat comfortable.

"Of course! If I wasn't I wouldn't have cuddled with you the whole night. Or morning." He smiled and I felt a blush creep on my cheeks. He had a point, and I started to play with his hands. Looking at how much bigger they were then mine. We stayed like that for a while before I heard a phone go off. Damn it. Moment ruined. He reached behind him to get his phone and frowned a bit.

"Hey mom! Yeah, no I'm fine! I'm at my friends' house." I could hear a faint, high-pitched voice come from the speaker.

"Mom, stop! I'm not that late, I'm going just give me some time to wake up!" He rolled his eyes letting out a heavy huff. I felt guilty. It was my fault he was getting in trouble and being late for school. Great, more things to add to my list of things I did wrong. Which seems to be almost everything.

"Okay, I love you too!" He hung up. He looked down and frowned a bit.

"Don't. It's not your fault! I chose to come here and be late for school." He moved a strand of hair out of my face.

"I just feel bad! It's 8:15 already! You've missed 1st and 2nd period and probably will miss 3rd." I looked away just so it was easier for me to speak. His eyes made it hard to do a lot of things. They were a beautiful green. Darker then Peridot but lighter than emerald. But in the light they sparkled. Like jewels.

"And? It's not a big deal! I've skipped school before! Missing a couple of periods is not a big deal! Your so sweet and innocent. You've never skipped a day of school have you? And not for a reason. I mean skipping because you just felt like not going." He smirked and I swear I could have been turned on right then and there, but a part of me was still thinking how I was a sorry excuse.

"I-I. It's not my fault! Academics is probably the one thing I'm good at." I looked down a bit.

"I hardly doubt it! I know your good at being beautiful and perfect." He smiled and I let out a sarcastic laugh, unintentionally. How could he think I'm so perfect? So beautiful? I noticed his smile turn into a frown.

"What really happened last night Marley?" I looked up confused. Why was he even questioning what happened?

"What do you mean? You already know! I fell down the stairs." I replied.

"Marley, you have bruises on your wrists, a concussion, several stitches on your palm, a small cut on your forehead, and I caught you cutting last night. I'm pretty sure falling down a couple of stairs will not cause so many injuries!" He replied with such firmness in his voice.

"I fell down the stairs Sam. That's all that happened." I got off the bed and started to storm off, but his arms wrapped around my waist bringing me back down on the bed. My bad against his chest. I tried to get out of his grip feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Hey, hey, Marley. I'm sorry okay? I just curious. Stop moving I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise you." He said in a confused tone. I stopped moving and relaxed a bit, but I still wanted him to let go.

"Okay, just let me go I need to shower." He let go, hoping it was the last of his questions, I got an underwear and bra out of the drawer not seeing what I got because I just wanted to get out of the room. I got in the shower and prepared for the water to fall from the shower head. I started to relax and once again the warm water caused my tense muscles to loosen up. I let out a sigh and stayed under the warm water before shampooing my hair.

I got out of the shower and reached for my towel. I dried myself and noticed the underwear and bra I had gotten. It was my g-string and matching push up bra. Of course I thought. Just my luck. And all I could think about is what Sam would think when he saw me in this set. I had to get my not so sexy underwear but with Sam in there I didn't know how I could do that without him glaring. I poked my head out and looked to where Sam was sitting.

"Sam, could you turn your head and face the wall. I need to get something and I'm not quite dressed." I asked being polite. I felt a bit awkward.

"Uhhh, yeah sure. Are you sure you don't want me to get whatever you need for you?" He asked.

"No, uhmm I can get it." He nodded his head and turned. In my towel I tip-toed over to my dresser and got my underwear and bra. As I turned and tried to get out of the room quickly, I slipped and fell on a puddle I made coming out of the bathroom. I hit my head and fortunately for me, the concussion I got was on the left side of my head. I yelped out in pain tears forming a bit. I was still clinging on my towel to cover up my naked body. Sam jumped out to come and help me.

"Are you okay?" He asked, a smile showing.

"Yeah, I just slipped." I got up with his help and before I knew it I was blushing. Damn it Marley stop blushing.

"Okay, well be careful next time. I'm gonna make us some breakfast. Be careful not to fall down the stairs because you might kill yourself, considering all the damage you got from yesterday's fall." He was doing that on purpose. He knew I lied about yesterday. I wasn't going to break.

Breakfast was quite weird. My mom had left for work a long time ago, but before she left, she made me lunch. I was in the car with Sam now on our way to school. I felt a bit awkward sitting in the car with not conversation going on. Just silence lingering in the air. Until of course he had to ask again.

"Marley, I know you said you fell down the stairs but I don't feel like you did. I don't think you understand. You can tell me anything! I promise it'll stay with me and nobody will find out. I just want to hel-" I cut him off right there.

"Sam. You don't understand. It doesn't just affect me. It affects the people I love. And I just can't. I'm not ready." I looked down to see I got a text from Jake. Wow. Jake. The guy that I thought I really liked, who I was supposedly 'together' with. Whatever that means. I couldn't help but feel guilty again because I didn't feel the way he felt about me. Basically leading him on to his fall.

_Hey. Srry I didnt knw u were in the hospital. Just found out. Call me._

"Who is it?" I was pondering on whether I should say.

"It's Jake." Did I really just tell him?

"Oh. Well I'm assuming he just found out that you got hurt. Wow, what a jerk. He just sends you a text? I think you deserve more than that." I frowned a bit.

"Sam, it's no big deal! He just found out and he's in school what is he supposed to do?" I came to Jake's defense. I at least owed him that. Sam scoffed.

"At least tell me this. Why are you still with him? You deserve better Marley! You are better than him. He's just another badass womanizer trying to get in your pants. And mark you as his just so everyone he slept with Marley Rose."

"Sam, I'm pretty sure you're no better. I'm sure you happen to be those guys who play the good guy and tries to identify with girls just so you can sleep with them. Cause those girls to fall in love with you, but then just leave them in the dust right when you get what you want. You're probably no better! Or did you forget about Amber? And how she cheated on her boyfriend to be with her. And she left and now you're all alone" I was angry. He had no right. But I knew what I said was just bullshit. I know Sam isn't like that. He's everything I would want in a guy but I didn't want to be seen weak and easy to dominate. I wasn't gonna be a victim. We pulled up in the parking lot and I knew I hurt him.

"You could be right. Or you could be wrong. But who was the one who came to you in the middle of the night and took care of you. Who was the one who showed affection and care when you had nobody else. And those fucking bruises are from abuse. And that damn hickey was forced. AND THAT CONCUSSION WAS NOT FROM A FALL. AND THOSE STITCHES WERE FROM GLASS. SO DON'T TELL ME I DON'T FUCKING CARE BECAUSE I DO. MORE THEN I SHOULD MARLEY." He was red and fuming, almost out of his seat. I felt like shit. I pushed it too far again. Of course. He unbuckled his seat-belt and got out of the car.

"SAM. Sam Wait!" I got out and rushed towards him. I grabbed his wrist but he pulled away.

"Sam please!" I was begging for him to answer, I needed him. I knew it and I was just pushing him away. It was to protect him. I didn't want to hurt him. The irony because I already had.

"Sam!" I yelled out but he kept on walking. I was alone in the parking lot. I felt the tears start to fall. I just lost what could have been the best thing in my life. A friend. Someone who cared. Maybe what I was feeling now would become something more. But that dream was gone because I screwed it up. I lost him and I wanted him back.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. This was one of the toughest chapters I have to write so far because I had to choose songs and OMG it took a while for me figure out what worked and see if I could picture the characters actually singing it. Alright here you go! And Thank you guys SO MUCH for the support! I really do appreciate it! xx

**Warnings:** Possessiveness (in the most romantic way possible but it may not seem that way)

I just wanted her to know that I cared. That I was falling deeply and madly in love with her. I just didn't understand how she thought she could lie about something that obviously looked more serious then it was. Maybe she was getting abuse at home? Maybe she was assaulted. Raped? No. I didn't want to think that someone could hurt her. It got me angry and I felt my blood boil at the fact that someone would lay a hand on her. absolutely not. Nobody is allowed to touch her. I didn't look back as she called my name because I had to show her that I was mad. That she had her chance and she lost it. But the truth was she could get 300 more if she tried because I wasn't gonna let her slip. I opened my locker and the bell to end period 3 went off. A crowd of students walked by and through the crowd I saw her. Her eyes red and puffy. Shit I thought. She was crying. I kept a firm face trying to look emotionless. But all I could think about was how she looked so vulnerable and how she needed someone. Her beauty radiating even while crying. But that was soon gone when I saw Jake come beside her with a worried look. That look was bullshit because he didn't care. He was a good actor though I'll give him that. I made eye contact with him and quickly turned away getting my books and blending in with the crowd of students.

The day went by slowly and every class I had with Marley went incredibly fast. But every class I shared with Marley and **JAKE** seemed to last forever. Just watching him rub her back and kiss her cheek. I had to control myself but he didn't deserve to do that. **I **did. **I **was the one who was there for her when she needed somebody. **I** was the one who made her smile when she was down. The bell rang and it was 6th period. Time for lunch and I was ready for lunch.

I went to my locker and exchanged my old books with the new books. I looked over to notice Marley by herself at her locker. Part of me wanted to go to her and say I'm sorry but then another part of me said not to. I had to show that I was being serious about the situation. and I was determined for her to tell me. Her phone rang and I noticed her expression change from relaxed to shocked. I shut my locker and was about to go to her to see if she was okay but I was stopped by the presence of Jake showing up at her locker. He put his arm around her and they walked towards me. I clenched my jaw as I looked at them. As they passed by I looked at Marley who looked distressed and upset, while Jake was looking at me with an obvious warning expression saying 'stay away'.

Lunch was pretty awkward. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't staring at Jake and Marley. Or what some people call them as 'Jarley'. Jarley. 'Sarley' sounds better. **A LOT BETTER**. But what was I supposed to do?

As I was going to glee Unique stopped me.

"Uhhm, hi Unique can I help you?" I asked in confusion.

"Actually Sam, can I help you? Really can I?" She asked with the sassiness evident in her voice.

"Yeah, sure, but with what?" I was confused.

"With your staring, and hiding the fact you are hoplessly and irrevocably in love with Marley Ann Rose. Boy you need to learn how to discreetly stare at her. Damn, I know she's attractive and what not but it's obvious. Oh and don't think your 'I'm gonna kill Jake' look is discreet, cause honey that is just as bad." I was a bit taken back. The fact that she actually took note of how I looked at Marley.

As I opened my mouth to say something I was cut off.

"Don't you **DARE** let her slip from you. She needs someone after falling down them stairs because that girl looks like someone beat the hell out of her. And if you don't do it Jake will. And **I KNOW** you don't want that and neither does Marley. I'mma tell you something. You would be the world's biggest puss if you don't go after her. And you best believe I will come and kick that cute ass of yours. And if Marley don't want you, you know where to find me. Alright Sugar?" She made her point clear. And it was a good one. I wanted Marley. And I might sound possessive but I just knew that she belonged with me. Jake was only going to use her, abuse her and just throw her away. And my attitude changed.

"Thanks Unique, uhh yeah um. Thanks." Well this is awkward.

"Mhmmm, and remember if you don't do shit. I will come and hunt your white ass down." She walked off and I scrunched my face a bit.

I had a new plan. No more jerk Sam. It was time to let Marley know how I felt. And if that meant getting my face beat in by Jake, then so be it. I walked in and sat down right behind the so-called 'couple'.

"Okay guys so before we start the singing I would just like to say, Marley, I'm so glad you are okay and that you were so strong to come to school today. Usually, students take advantage of their injuries, but I'm glad you didn't! Okay who's first?" clapped his hands and rubbed them together looking for someone to volunteer.

"I'll volunteer Mr. Shue" Said Unique, she gave me this look. A weird look.

"The floor is yours." Unique stood tall and made sure all eyes were on her.

"Since I am fabulous I'm going to need a fabulous song to sing. And of course a song by the fabulous Beyoncé Listen. I used to be ignored. And I wanted to be heard, to show people who I really was. And this song helped me through the times were nobody would listen. And now here I am standing tall and being fabulous. And I want you guys to listen." Unique stood tall and got ready to sing.

The man at the piano began to play and Unique let the first verse out:

_Listen to the song here in my heart_

_ A melody I start but can't complete_

_ Listen to the sound from deep within_

_ It's only beginning to find release_

A moment of silence, as the guitar and piano played together.

_ Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard_

_ They will not be pushed aside and turned_

_ Into your own all 'cause you won't_

_ Listen_

_ Listen, I am alone at a crossroads_

_ I'm not at home in my own home_

_ And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind_

_ You should have known_

_ Oh, now I'm done believing you_

_ You don't know what I'm feeling_

_ I'm more than what you made of me_

_ I followed the voice you gave to me_

_ But now I've gotta find my own_

_ You should have listened, there is someone here inside_

_ Someone I thought had died so long ago_

_Oh, I'm screaming out and my dreams'll be heard_

_They will not be pushed aside on words_

_Into your own all 'cause you won't_

_Listen_

_Listen, I am alone at a crossroads_

_I'm not at home in my own home_

_And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind_

_You should have known_

_Oh, now I'm done believing you_

_You don't know what I'm feeling_

_I'm more than what you made of me_

_I followed the voice you gave to me_

_But now I've gotta find my own_

_I don't know where I belong_

_But I'll be moving on_

_If you don't, if you won't_

_Listen to the song here in my heart_

_A melody I start but I will complete_

_Oh, now I'm done believing you_

_You don't know what I'm feeling_

_I'm more than what you made of me_

_I followed the voice you think you gave to me_

_But now I've gotta find my own, my own_

Unique stood there and the pain in her eyes was evident. Her strong voice gone quiet and the rest of sitting there thinking wow. Or at least I was and by the looks of it everyone was too. We all clapped and she walked back to her seat. But before she sat she gave me mouthed 'your next'.

"Excellent job Unique and may I say a fantastic song choice it really fit your voice. Alright, who's next?" Everyone was silent. Here was my chance. But I just didn't want to go yet. Not yet. Now wasn't the right time. It had to really mean something. It had to prove to Marley that she deserves better.

"Artie? Tina? Brittany?" They all looked down shaking their heads 'no'.

"I'll go." Jake got up and took his guitar. Please I thought. Not another one of your stupid acoustic versions of songs. looked excited to see Jake get involved.

"Uhh yeah, here we go." What a pathetic introduction I thought.

_Easy come, easy go_

_That's just how you live, oh_

_Take, take, take it all_

_But you never give_

_Should've known you was trouble_

_From the first kiss_

_Had your eyes wide open_

_Why were they open?_

_Gave you all I had_

_And you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, you did_

_To give me all your love_

_Is all I ever asked_

_Cause what you don't understand_

_Is_

_I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes, I would die for you, baby_

_But you won't do the same_

_No, no, no, no_

_Black, black, black and blue_

_Beat me 'til I'm numb_

_Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from_

_Mad woman, bad woman_

_That's just what you are_

_Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car_

_Gave you all I had_

_And you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, yes you did_

_To give me all your love_

_Is all I ever asked_

_Cause what you don't understand_

_Is_

_I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes, I would die for you, baby_

_But you won't do the same_

_If my body was on fire_

_You would watch me burn down in flames_

_You said you loved me, you're a liar_

_Cause you never ever ever did, baby_

_But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_I would go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes I would die for you baby_

_But you won't do the same_

_No, you won't do the same_

_You wouldn't do the same_

_Ooh, you'd never do the same_

_Oh, no no no _

He stopped looking at Marley. Alright, I'll admit it was good. Hell, it was really good. Now what? What was I supposed to do? I looked down to see if I could make out Marley's expression. She looked content. Which was good because that just means she liked it but it didn't mean anything. Perfect.

"Great job, Jake. I really liked the song choice and clearly it has great meaning to you because you've sacrificed things for the people you loved. That shows great character and Marley seems to have won and lucky guy." I couldn't help but let out a scoff. Unfortunately for me. everyone heard and got a dirty look from Jake.

"Okay, well we have time for one more." exclaimed. Unique glared at me mouthing 'go'. It was now or never Sam. It was the perfect timing to do so.

"I'll go." I stood up and everyone stared. Marley looked up and we made eye contact for the slightest second but I could tell that whatever was hurting her was eating her alive.

"Alright, great! Go for it Sam!" walked towards his seat.

"This song is something personal. I guess. Well it's basically a song about loving someone who deserves better than what she has. And not being the one to give to her what she needs. I hope she'll realizes it though. That she's amazing and that I'm always here to help her through it all." I nodded my head to give the signal to the boys to start.

_Beauty queen of only eighteen_

_She had some trouble with herself_

_He was always there to help her_

_She always belonged to someone else_

_I drove for miles and miles_

_And wound up at your door_

_I've had you so many times but somehow_

_I want more_

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved_

_She will be loved_

_Tap on my window knock on my door_

_I want to make you feel beautiful_

_I know I tend to get so insecure_

_It doesn't matter anymore_

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies_

_It's compromise that moves us along, yeah_

_My heart is full and my door's always open_

_You can come anytime you want_

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_I know where you hide_

_Alone in your car_

_Know all of the things that make you who you are_

_I know that goodbye means nothing at all_

_Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls_

_Tap on my window knock on my door_

_I want to make you feel beautiful_

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_[in the background]_

_Please don't try so hard to say goodbye_

_Please don't try so hard to say goodbye_

_Yeah_

_[softly]_

_I don't mind spending everyday_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Try so hard to say goodbye _

Marley got up and ran out tears in her eyes. I ran after her.

"Marley! Marley!" I grabbed her wrist maybe too hard because you gave me a face of pain.

"Marley look at me." I puts my hands around her face forcing her to look at me. My thumb stroking away the tears nearby. Her skin soft, her eyes full of tears and pain.

"Marley. I don't want to lose you. And I know there's something more going on and I want to be there. Let me in. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved." I looked at her, looking for a response.

"Sam, I-I can't." She began to sob. She ran off. I followed. I followed her till we were outside of the school in a corner were no one could see us.

"Why? Why can't you? What is it that's hurting you so much? Marley I can help!" I held her face in my hands and kissed her tears away. I pressed our foreheads together, feeling her warm breath against my face.

"Just let me in." I spoke softly. I brushed our lips together, her breath hitched a bit. I placed a soft kiss, pressing hard, becoming more passionate as we kissed. As our lips parted for air, I kissed her forehead.

"I want to make you feel beautiful." I said.

_Listen by Beyoncé (Unique)_

_Grenade by Bruno Mars (Jake)_

_She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 (Sam)_


	7. Chapter 7

So guys I am **SO SORRY** about all the grammar and spelling mistakes. I do spell check but I should probably proofread. Some of the stuff you might have read in the past chapters didn't make sense and I am **REALLY **sorry. I usually don't mind it when others do it but I just feel really bad that I probably confused most of you. And another **SORRY** for updating late. October has been an insane month and November is probably gonna be just as crazy (thank you One Direction). And school has been another obstacle. Okay well here is chapter 7! **Enjoy **and A **MASSIVE THANK YOU **for your **SUPPORT**! xx

**Warnings: **A lot of confessions and awkwardness going on and a lot of **angst (**Well I tried to make it angsty)and **self-hatred**. _**Flashbacks are in bold and italics.**_

His lips brushed up against mine. My breath hitched not expecting the feeling I would get. He placed a soft kiss at first, but then it became more passionate. I wanted this to last forever. This moment was perfect. As our lips parted for air, he kissed my head.

"I want to make you feel beautiful." He said in a soft whisper. The tears were stilling running down my cheeks, going over the dry trails the old tears left. We stood there, foreheads touching, the tips of our noses touching, and his hands still holding my head.

"I don't want this to change us." I whispered. What happened to me would just ruin everything. I didn't want him to look at me differently. I don't want him to be disgusted with me, like I am with myself.

I got a phone call earlier in the day saying that Jerry was going to walk free because there was no evidence of rape nor a struggle. That there was just a fight downstairs and Jerry was supposedly helping me cope with what was happening. How could they be so stupid? How could they not see? I was just so fed up with everything. My dad ran off with his buddies and told my mom he'd be back on Sunday. That was probably the only good news I heard that whole day. Well at least until this moment happened. This was perfect and I can slowly feel myself coming back to the old me, becoming content and safe.

"Nothing will change this. What we have is unbreakable and I want you to know that I'll always be here." I looked up as he said those words. 'What we have is **unbreakable**'. I believed him.

"We should get back inside before we get introuble." I said.

"If only Rachel could see the dramatic exit we did. She probably would have given us an encore." He gave a light laugh. Even though I never met Rachel, I knew of her. She was the queen bee of glee and well was the loser outside of it. I heard she went to NYADA and is making her dream happen over there. She had everything. Money, beauty, the voice, the brains. She was perfect. I kind of looked up to her. And this other girl Santana Lopez. She had basically lived her 3 out of the 4 years in high school a lie. She was beautiful, had money, the voice and every guy **AND **girl drooled over her. She was another inspiration. I would never let anyone know that but I just really thought I could make a story for myself like them. And finally I started to have an ounce of hope because of Sam.

I gave him a small smile and we walked in the school holding hands, but letting go right before we got into the chorus room. He looked upset, but I didn't want anyone to know about us yet. Whatever 'us' was. And Jake still thinks we are 'together'. Whatever 'together' means. All these technical terms were annoying. I sat in my seat waiting for someone to make a comment, expecting some look from the others but they all wore this expression. Like they all knew. And Jake just gave me the 'what is going on' look. Clearly he was oblivious to what was going on because even Brittany knew what was going on. And not that Brittany is stupid, she has her moments, it's just that if she could get what was going on, Jake should be able to, too.

"Okay, umm, well. Good job Sam, I enjoyed the performance and I assume that everyone else did as well." Mr. Shue said, trying to get everyones attention back, instead of them staring at Sam, Jake and I.

"Alright, we will continue tomorrow. You guys are dismissed." Everyone started to leave and I picked my bag up and felt a grasp on my arm. Jake pulled me out in the hallway and his anger showed through his eyes.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Nothing, Jake. It's not any of your concern and at this point I don't even know why you care." I tried giving him a 'bitchy' look but I don't know if it worked.

"It's of **my** concern because your **MY** girlfriend." He kept on emphasizing 'my'.

"No I'm not. I never was! I never knew what we were and whatever we had is now over. I need my space and you being in it does not help my situation at all. So if you could just please leave me alone, it would be much appreciated." I walked past him, my shoulder brushing against his. I was surprised that he didn't say anything or grabbed my arm to get his point across.

I went to my locker and got all the books I needed. I was ready to go home and sleep. I just had so much on my mind. Especially because Jerry got to walk free. No damage done to him, but more done to me. I closed my locker and was about to leave when my phone started to vibrate. It was Sam.

_I'll meet u outside at my car?_

_**ok.**_

I replied. As I was leaving the school I looked for Sam and saw him standing there talking to someone on the phone. It almost seemed like he was mad. Actually he was. I approached him and tried to smile a bit, but it seemed my smile went unnoticed.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY CHEATED?" Sam yelled through the phone. I stood there kind of awkwardly.

"I DIDN'T CHEAT! WE BROKE UP RIGHT WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE FOR L.A!" He was getting really mad because he was red.

"WILL YOU JUST LIST-? FINE, FINE, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GLAD YOU'RE GONE. WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP WE HAD WAS AS BOGOUS AS YOUR WEAVE." He hung up his hand going through his hair. He looked really upset and I didn't know what to say.

"Hey, are you okay?" The only thing that came to my head. To ask him if he was okay. Well clearly he wasn't Marley. Such an idiot.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah everythings fine. Come on let's go." He let out a deep breath and i could tell that nothing was fine. I wasn't fine, he wasn't fine. How was he supposed to be there for me when I'm the BIGGEST mess in the world? I got in the passengers seat and I felt the awkwardness lingering in the air. It was a strange sense of deja vu because we had already gone through the same awkwardness in the morning.

"So, uh-" I was going to complete my sentence before I was cut off.

"She was my girlfriend from last year. We broke it off over the summer because she was going off to L.A to follow her dreams. I decided it would be best to just end the relationship because she was going to meet hot new guys over there and quite honestly I didn't want to deal with all that shit about cheating. But that didn't work out because she thinks that I cheated on her when she has no proof and it's not technically cheating if we aren't dating. So whatever bullshit she's on, she needs to get off it because she really got me angry."

I frowned a bit feeling really bad. I'm never good with these types of situations because I always say the wrong things. Or I just sound really stupid.

"I'm sorry, maybe she felt like she made a mistake of leaving and wanted you back? Or... yeah I don't know." I felt really shy all of the sudden and hot. I looked away just so I wouldn't see his reaction to my stupid comment.

"No, I don't know maybe your right. But I don't think it was a mistake. I'm glad that we broke up because I would have never fallen in love with you in the first place. Maybe I would have but it would be a lot harder to be together with a girlfriend on your back." He smiled and his eyes seemed to shine when he did. I felt a smile spread on my face and couldn't help but crinkle my nose a bit. I was feeling really happy and nothing could ruin this moment.

Well at least that's what I thought.

We finally got to my house and nobody was there. My mom still at work and my dad gone to who knows where. At least he wasn't near me. I felt a bit uncomfortable when I was at the door. I unlocked it but I couldn't open it. A part of me was saying run away. Walking through memory lane was not the best idea. But then I felt his hand in mine and I instantly felt safe. I turned the door knob and walked through the hallway. I decided it would be a good idea to eat first but I didn't know if I should ask or just go ahead and make him a sandwhich. Something must have caught his attention because he let go of my hand and went to explore whatever the object was that got him intrigued. I went into the kitchen and looked for anything I could make.

"Do you want to eat something?" I asked.

"You were so cute! Look at little Marley!" He laughed and I felt myself blush. I came into the living room were most of the pictures were.

"And no I'm not hungry! But I would like to have a little cuddle with you. I always like to cuddle when I'm not in a good mood!" He wrapped his arms around my waist giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Okay well there is a bed we could cuddle on upstairs!" I really wanted to cuddle too. Just to sleep in his arms. Listen to the sound of his heart beat. And just be able to feel safe. I led him upstairs dragging my bag too just incase we decided to do homework. We made it into my room and I looked into my mirror making sure I at least looked somewhat attractive. Screw it I thought, if he's still here wanting to cuddle then that at least means I've got something going for me. Even though I was looking in a mirror I somehow was still surprised when he came behind me and gave me another kiss on my cheek. I felt a strange sensation as he kept on kissing down from my cheek to my neck. And then the worst possible thing that could happen happened. As he gave me a slight hickey on my neck, my stomach turned and I felt the need to barf.

"Oh my god" I ran into the bathroom my mouth over my hand the other opening the cover of the toilet. I felt his prescence near me and I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. He came closer and his hands were coming around to push my hair out of my face. I flinched away. I didn't know why but I just couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I was just trying to help!" He looked upset, almost offended that I had gotten freaked out by his prescence. I just needed space. I needed air. A way out because I slowly felt an anxiety attack coming. I start to sweat and my breathing got heavy. I got up from the floor wiped my mouth with a towel and opened the cabinet. I searched for the medication but I couldn't find it.

"No, no, no!" I yelled out. I felt it becoming stronger, my heart racing, the room getting smaller. I was panicking, the tightness in my chest wasn't helping the situation and I started to get dizzy. I saw movement but I didn't process what was happening. The next thing I knew I was swalloing the pills and drinking water. My knees gave out and I fell, but he caught me and we fell insync. He pulled me close and I could see a worried look on his face. I felt my heart beat back to normal and I slowly could function again.

"I'm sorry I was just feeling sick that's all." I had to lie. What was I supposed to say? 'Oh yeah when I nearly got raped the guy gave me a hickey and touched me and I get sick and oh did I mention that they guy got to WALK? Yeah that's the cherry on top of the cake'. Yeah no. I wasn't ready to share my story.

"Okay, well let's get you in bed. You could use some rest! Besides you only just got out of the hospital yesterday!" I was glad he didn't question my excuse. That would have been disasterous. I just felt like it would be a good idea to brush my teeth.

"Yeah that sounds good. Just give me a mintue to brush my teeth and refresh?" He gave me a quick peck on my cheek and left the bathroom. I let out an exasperated sigh. I just don't know how long I will be able to keep this up before I break, I mean what was I supposed to do? Lie to him? The whole relationship will fall apart. It would be built on lies and that's not a good relationship.

I finished brushing my teeth, washed my face and fixed my hair. I thought I looked somewhat presentable. I was gonna cuddle and just sleep but it doesn't hurt to look good. I left the bathroom and saw him lying on the bed looking through his phone. I sat on the bed and awkwardly waited for some sign that he was ready to accept me in love and comfort. I felt a bit awkward just sitting there.

"Well you don't have to wait for me to say anything! Just come closer and cuddle, I promise I don't bite!" He said with a smile and I felt myself moving closer. His body radiated heat and I felt so cold next to him. Too cold in fact. He wrapped his arms around me as I layed my head on his chest, the intoxicating smell of his cologne causing me to relax a bit. It smelt of an enticing aquatic scent with a bit of a soft flower smell. It was a manly smell even though it might not sound like it. It was a strong scent but it had a sweet tinge to it. Almost like this Calvin Klein cologne that I could have sworn I smelt before. I listened to his heart beat against my ear and felt his lips make contact with my head.

"You know you smell really good? What's the scent?" He asked and I couldn't help but let a giggle slip out of my mouth.

"It's Black Amethyst! And you don't smell bad yourself!" I had the bottle on my dresser I was glad I had sprayed the perfume on before I went to school.

"It's Calvin Klein! And I like the scent! Don't feel free to change it!" I felt a smile form on his lips when he bent his head down to kiss me.

"I knew it! And I won't don't worry, it's my favorite scent too!" I snuggled into him more. I felt a bit chilly and couldn't help but scrunch up into a ball and tuck my hands behind his back.

"You cold?" He lifted me up a bit to get the blanket underneath us to cover us both. As soon as I was covered I let my eyes close and felt my self start to fall alseep.

"Can I ask you something?" Well this should be interesting I thought. He's definitly had something on his mind for a while now.

"Of course, what's wrong?" I asked with concern.

"You know how I lashed out on you this morning? And how I said that the bruise you have on your neck was forced because it's really red and bruised and big. And I never bothered to ask who gave it to you. So could you tell me?" No. Nope. Absolutly not. No. You can't. NO.

"I'd rather not say Sam. It's not a big deal just a hickey that I got while I was out at a party!" Another point to Marley for lying.

"Marley Ann Rose at a party getting a hickey from some guy? That doesn't sound like you Marley. At all. So stop with the lying and just be honest." He was getting mad and I couldn't have another incident like this morning. But I couldn't tell him. A part of me just couldn't tell him. It was embarressing, he'd think I was disgusting. He'd break up with me right then and there. I just, I just couldn't. If I couldn't come to terms with it, how could he? He would look at me differently. Marley you really are wasting your time right now. Your just a waste at this point. Nobody would want you if they found out. Not even your own father wants you. So why would Sam, this amazing boy who I was hopelessly falling in love with, want anything to do with this. I was just a walking disease. I just wanted to forget. Pretend it never happened. Maybe if I just convince myself that the incident never happened it would be easier.

"Marley." His firm voice brought me back to reality.

"Sam, I promise. It's nothing to worry about." I did not convince him.

"Marley. Stop. Ju-just stop! Why are you lying to me? I can't stand liars. And I don't want my girlfriend to be some liar. This relationship would be fake, built on lies, and it'll just crumble once the truth spills. I don't want that. Just say it. Please." The pain he tried to mask was evident. His voice almost cracking. I was hurting him. Already a bad girlfriend Marley. Wait did he say **my girlfriend**? Wow. I'm his. And I'm ruining everything. The memory of the night was rushing back, leaving that vult I put it in, in the back of my head. Unlocked and replaying. I felt warm tears forming.

"Sam. I-I can't." I felt that huge lump in my throat, my mouth going dry. I just couldn't.

"DAMN IT MARLEY." His hands were forming fists, his knuckles turning white. I was scared he was going to hit the closest object near him. Me. I wouldn't be surprised. I deserved it at this point. We haven't been dating for more than 2 hours and I already am screwing everything up. I just hope the contact of his fist hitting my face won't be too bad. My dad has punched me a couple of times. Once a couple of years ago, he was drunk and watching the news on who would win the Presidential elections and I assumed that I got in the way because as soon as I walked past the t.v I felt my cheek throbbing and the taste of copper in my mouth. I had a pretty bad bruise for a couple of weeks. I had to cover up the black and blue bruise with makeup but the swelling couldn't be hidden. I looked like a freak. Everyone made fun of me at school, calling me Melon-faced Marley. However, my dad kept on hitting me and I couldn't hide the cuts and bruises easily like I used to. His alcohol taking the best of him. I was surprised to see him still alive and able to function somewhat properly. I can still remember this one night when he first started showing signs of an alcoholic.

_**I had just turned 8, he came home drunk and broke glass, and slapped my mom for not making him dinner at 2:30 in the morning. I came down and yelled at him telling him not to hit her and gave him my angry face that would usually make him laugh. But he didn't laugh this time, and I didn't think he would have, but instead of yelling at me telling me to go to my room, he punched me hitting my cheek and part of my eye. It was light enough for him not to break my skull but hard enough to knock me out cold for 12 hours. I remember I woke up to my mom crying. I asked where dad was and she replied saying he wasn't feeling well and had to go to the doctor and get some medicine. He came back 2 weeks later with a vodka bottle in hand and I still hadn't healed from the last hit. It started to become a routine. He'd come home drunk, hit me at least once, the most was a beating that lasted for 5 mintues, and then leave again. He would lock me in my room and yell at my mom mentioning he'll know if she let me out. My mom was such a strong woman. She would let me out and hug me and kiss me and sing me to sleep. She protected me and she felt so guilty and blamed herself for letting him hit me. It wasn't her fault I'd think. It was mine. 'I made daddy mad. I shouldn't have given him that look.' I'd tell her. I would get fresh new bruises every night, and cuts that started to heal would be cut again.**_

This abuse still goes on. But now I can at least defend myself and he isn't around as much. But, it was never a good idea to try to defend myself because that just aggravated my dad even more.

I didn't notice I was crying until I started shaking and sobbing to the point were I couldn't even stand. I lost all my control and I couldn't compose myself. I felt vulnerable. Scared that I was going to lose everything I needed. And I needed him. I needed his love. To know that he'll save me, protect me. Help me get out of the world of abuse and torment. He was the light in my tunnel that I was in. Loving him was what I needed to save myself, to forget about everything that haunts me.

"Marley, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm so sorry babe!" He ran to me enveloping me in a hug, holding me as I couldn't stop shaking. His soft 'shhs' and 'I'm so sorry's' and his 'I love you's' seemed to calm me down but I just didn't feel like I was going to be okay. I felt like I was drowning, I needed air and if I could predict when I was gonna have an anxiety attack, I could be considered a physic.

"Shhh, hey, hey, look at me. I will always be here to help you, love and protect you. Even if I don't know what I am protecting you from. I'll always be here." He placed a kiss on my temple and I couldn't break away from his green orbs. Almost caught in a trans, looking into them I could almost see a possible light. A way out.

"Just, just please trust me Marley. Okay? That's all I ask. And when your ready to te-"

"It's him. He hurt me and I-I-I couldn't do it. I just couldn't Sam. An-a-and I-I-" The sobbing kept on cutting me off. I just needed him to know. I trusted him enough but I needed to know that if I told him, he'd keep his word.

"And yes-yest-erday, I-I, told him to-o st-stop but he wouldn't. An-and ever-y-thing went bl-lack and they sa-id I was fine but I-I'm n-ot." And that was it, I couldn't talk. I lost all my will power to even maintain composure and surley enough I wasn't able to speak.

"Who, Marley? **Who?**" The sudden change of his tone and the tightening of his arms around me, let me know that he was about ready to drop everything and find him. He scooped me up bridal style and layed on the bed leaving me laying on top of him.

"My dad. His friend an-d. S-s-am." I just wanted everything to be okay. I wanted to be okay. I wanted to be Marley with just an abusive father and not Marley with just an abusive father and his friend Jerry who nearly raped her. Whether it was considered rape or not, I was still attacked and I felt like a disgrace to my mom, a disgusting human who couldn't protect herself and fell into the destruction of herself. And I couldn't blame Jerry. I couldn't blame him because maybe it seemed like I asked for it! Maybe it was me who led him on as we made eye contact in the kitchen. My mind was racing and I felt the feeling I had yesterday, of disgust and failure. The feeling of being unwanted, a waste of breath, a weak being. I needed to prove myself that I was strong. I needed that blade against my skin. To know that I can take pain, physical pain. Blood to me now was just a liquid as I am so used to seeing it on myself.

"**I swear to god**" His jaw clenched as he said it through his teeth.

"Marley, I will never let anyone touch you or hurt you. Ever again. And I will find him and I will make sure he regrets everything he did."He kissed my tears away. He rubbed me back and I just wanted to sleep. Fall in a deep slumber. Let my eyes cry till tears couldn't form. I searched for the sound of Sam's heart beat and waited to get in the rhythm. I felt his strong arms wrap me and I kept my head on his chest as he shifted to get into a comfortable position. As soon as I heard the beat I let my heavy eyelids fall and let my mind wander. All I could hope for was that Sam would still be there when I woke up.


	8. Chapter 8

I have changed the rating to M because this is mature stuff. Just read the warning and you'll understand. Okay well I love you guys and I really appreciate you reading this story! I hope you'll continue to read it! I'm so sorry I'm so behind on updating! I just have so much going on! Please forgive me. xx

I do not own Glee nor the characters, the story is mine!

**Warnings:** **There is a trigger warning. If you are struggling with anything such as self-harm and self-hatred I do not recommend reading this. Please seek help because things WILL get better. I know what it's like to go through these problems and I just want you to know that you're not alone. You are never alone. Please read this with caution. **

I kept on waking up just to make sure that Sam didn't leave me. Just to be sure he didn't decide I wasn't worth the time or energy. Some worthless, disgusting girl who didn't deserve anyone. I just felt so alone at times like these. Like no one would understand. No one would see right through that fake smile. Through that fake laugh. I've always been like this but unfortunately after the incident it's hit ten times harder.

I looked at the time and saw it was only 2:33 am. Great I thought, I have to 3 more hours just to see the light again. I couldn't go back to bed and the voice in my head just kept on repeating **'you don't deserve him. He's just pitying you.'** And it seemed like the voice in my head was right and I felt myself trying to worm out of Sam's arms without waking him up. I successfully made it out and headed for my bathroom. I just hoped that Sam wouldn't wake up anytime soon because I really needed to do this. I really needed the feeling of that cold sharp razor on my wrist. Maybe then I can feel better. I searched for a razor, anything sharp enough to successfully cut through. I could use my razor but I wanted a better grip on what I was gonna do. I wanted something I can actually **control**. I went back in my room and searched for a plastic pencil sharpener. It took a while especially because I really wanted to be quiet and not wake Sam up. As soon as I found a sharper I sneaked back into the bathroom and closed the door making sure I locked it. I took out tweezers that could unscrew the razors out. As soon as the screws came out I threw them out and the plastic and left the razor. As my eyes met my reflection I noticed something different about myself. I looked sick, ghostly, almost like a totally different Marley. I noticed that I put on some weight and my stomach supported it. I didn't have the flat stomach that I was somewhat able to keep. I noticed I was breaking out on my chin and there were bags under my eyes from the sleepless night. I just felt so ugly. And not only did I feel it, I looked it. This just caused me to want to feel that razor make contact with my skin even more. I took a deep breath and placed the razor on my wrist keeping a steady hand and making sure I pressed hard enough to do the damage but light enough not to cut a vein. My skin started to tear and blood seeped out. I let out a slight yelp from the pain. The pain lasted for only a bit but I wanted more. I just needed to feel it again. I took a tissue and wiped the blood that was already present. I took my razor and made another line underneath the previous one I had made. I already had a fresh scar that still hasn't quite healed from the night of the incident. I sat there just letting the pain inflicted over take my body. I decided to clean up the blood and took some Clorox wipes out to overshadow the smell of blood. I wiped my hands and then cleaned the razor. I wrapped it in a towel and hid it in the cabinet making sure it was covered my items. I waited a bit just to make sure the blood stopped and finally decided it was a good idea to crawl back into bed. I was relieved to see that Sam was still asleep and creeped back into his arms. It took quite a bit to fall back to sleep. I just thought about how I was so lost. I wasn't myself and I felt stuck in this dark pit I was in. I was so exhausted and before I knew it I fell asleep.

A couple of weeks passed and it was no longer October but November. It has been a month and six days since the incident. I have been cutting everyday when I get back from school and right before I sleep. Sam didn't seem to notice me excusing myself to go to the bathroom as soon as I got back from school every single day. I decided to change the timing of when I would cut. Everyday Sam would drive me to Taco Bell and we'd have Doritos taco. And everyday we'd go back to my place and do homework and then just eat some more, and talk and cuddle and sleep. He always stayed at my place because he wanted to be here when my dad got back. My dad was supposed to come back weeks ago but he never showed up. I shouldn't have expected him to come home anyways. Part of me was relieved but another part of me wanted to ask him why. Why he lied about what happened, why he didn't help me, save me from him. Why he left and never came back. It just hurt to know that he was just out there living his life, free of guilt, while I drowned in sorrow and hate and cried my eyes out when I was alone and hurt myself to feel just a bit more alive. I ate to take my mind off of things, I ate when I wasn't hungry, I ate when I was bored, and I ate when I needed to fill the void inside me (whatever this void was).

"You look a bit bloated Marley. What's wrong? Did your mom need to take off some pounds and decided to give you some of her fat to add to yours? Makes sense why she's been looking a bit leaner." Kitty smirked and gave me her wicked smile. She just called me fat. Or bloated. And if she's noticed that I have gained some weight then I clearly have gained some weight. I noticed Jake come towards us and grab her hand. Figures I thought. He went to his plan B.

"Is everything okay here?" He asked.

"Oh nothing just talking to Marley and discussing how she could lose a couple of pounds, not because she's **fat** or anything but because she wants to know what's the healthiest. Anyways, that's not important. Let's go Jake. Bye Marley." She made sure that I knew she thought I was fat. They left but Kitty made sure she gave Jake a nice long kiss. All I could think about how it would have been great if Sam was here to stand up for me. But he was home, sick with a stomach bug and he couldn't even get out of bed.

I walked to my next class which was chemistry and as soon as I walked in I had forgotten that I had a test. The first test of the second marking quarter and I was most likely gonna fail. I went to sit in my seat, the last seat, in the corner. The test was waiting face down and as I looked around people were starting to file in and take their seats while others had their serious test taking faces. I hated taking tests. I sometimes get anxiety attacks when I start to feel like I can't take it anymore. I sit down and start the test. The first few are easy but I spoke too soon because all of a sudden I had no idea what I was doing, and then after 6 agonizingly long questions later the test gets easier. Then another two questions are impossible to do because I have no idea how to do them. Our teacher most definitely did **NOT** teach us how to do this because I pay attention in class and I am positive he didn't teach us this. I looked up to see I had 10 minutes left and I felt like everyone around me had already handed in their tests. It went from 10 minutes to 3 minutes and I decided to do the extra credit. The bell rang and I had a feeling that this would not look good on my report card. I handed in the test and I started to get really hot and uncomfortable. I needed air and I couldn't leave the school during the day. I decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to go to the bathroom and just wash my face a bit maybe then I can relax. I had gym next and they usually didn't mind if you were late. I headed to the girls bathroom and was relieved to notice there wasn't anyone in the bathroom. Spoke to soon.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Ms. Pudgy Rose herself! You know that shirt really fits you well. Really outlines your love handles." I don't have love handles I thought! Sure I have a bit of a belly and my thighs might jiggle while I walk, but I don't have love handles.

"I don't understand Kitty, why do you have to keep on pointing out that I put on weight?" I felt my voice shake. I was intimidated. She was a cheerleader for crying out loud. She had the cheerleader body. And quite honestly, I was jealous.

"No actually the question you should be asking me is 'Kitty, how do you have such a great body?' Because I would not mind answering that question." She gave her evil smug look. I just didn't know how to reply to that because she was right. I should be asking her that. And maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"Right. So Kitty how do you have such a great body?" I was actually intrigued about what she had to say.

"Well since you asked, It's pretty simple." She started putting on lip gloss looking in the mirror. "I keep a 1,000 calorie diet making sure I drink plenty of water, then I have cheer practice everyday for 6 hours and then I have a portion sized balanced meal. It's pretty safe actually. It might sound ridiculous but it's not. As long as I keep hydrated and eat 1 and a half meals a day I'm good to go." She puckered her lips and made a popping sound and looked at me. All I could think about was how she could stay alive while doing this.

"Oh. Uhm, I guess I'll keep that in mind." I said.

"You should try it! Maybe Sam would be interested in seeing you naked! I mean come on, isn't it a bit odd that he doesn't ever wanna do more than cuddle?" She asked and I looked at her confused. How could she possibly know that we haven't done it. Or that we cuddle.

"H-h-how did you know that?"

"Well you just told me. So I guessed right. I'm sorry Marley. But maybe you should just lay off the food a bit. It will really help out." She put her hand on my arm as if to console me. I could feel the tears pool in my eyes. I swallowed.

"Yeah, um, thanks." And that was the last of our conversation. She left and I was alone again. I looked in the mirror. All I could think about was the conversation Kitty and I had. Maybe she was right. Maybe I could go on a diet and become this thin, attractive and beautiful girl who Sam could fall in love with and maybe just maybe I could get a happy ending. I washed my face and left as soon as I finished drying it. I went to the girls locker room and got my gym clothes out. Every girl wore the same thing, a shirt with our school mascot on it as well as black shorts and I was thankful I brought a sweatshirt to wear so I can hide the scars on my wrists. The best part about everything is I have to change in front of every girl. I don't even know how I got so unlucky to be stuck in a locker room with Kitty and her friends who had perfect bodies that any girl wish they had. I took my clothes and went to go change in a stall. I then heard whispers and giggles coming from Kitty and her group of friends. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I felt like maybe they were talking about me. I couldn't let that get to me. It took quite a bit to change because the stall was a bit small to change in. As soon as I got out, I locked my clothes and bag in the locker and left the locker room. We usually had a couple of minutes to just sit around and talk before the gym started. I sat down near the bleachers and tied my shoes.

"Oh there you are! We have been looking for you but we didn't find you at your locker inside." Tina said and Wade was right next to her. I actually was happy to see them just because I had felt alone and just needed to engage in some sort of conversation with them.

"Oh yeah I had to go to the bathroom after I finished changing."

"Oh well I was just telling Tina that you still haven't done your solo about something personal. You always seem to dodge the bullet whenever asks if your ready to perform! What's up with that?" Wade was right. I have been missing glee a lot just to avoid having to sing and seems to have totally forgotten that I still hadn't gone. It's too late though because this assignment was from a month ago. It would be weird if he asked me to sing something now.

"Yeah it is a bit weird. But I'm glad that I didn't have to go because I don't even know a single song I can relate to." I tried not to make eye contact with either of them. I always felt awkward and uncomfortable when I did. The conversation was cut short when our gym teacher came out.

"Okay ladies we will be doing the fitness test this week." A sound of moans and groans came out. I remember not minding doing the fitness test. But I wasn't feeling it today.

"Today we will be doing pull ups and maybe if y'all don't take forever to get up there and try we can get to do the shuttle run." Crap. I have absolutely no upper body strength. I used to be able to do like 10 pull ups the most, but now that I've gained weight and I stopped doing dance I'm so out of shape. Great I thought. Another opportunity to be made for Kitty or anyone really to comment on my weight.

"Now there a couple of rules. One, do not be rude or disrespectful to your classmates. Two, you can use a chair if you can't read the bar and three. Your chin must come up above the bar and you must go down all the way till your arms are straight and come back up for it to count. The third rule has changed a bit from last year. Okay, any volunteers who would like to get this over with? If not we go in alphabetical order." All I could think about was how no one was going to follow rule number one.

"Okay well I guess alphabetical order it is." I zoned out and soon girls just started going up and quite honestly I wasn't paying attention to anyone at all. Tina and Wade just kept on talking about how some new fashion designer was coming to the Lima Mall on Saturday. I didn't seem to notice that Tina and Wade had gone a long time ago because I felt a tap on my shoulder saying that I was next. No, no, no. I don't want to go, I thought. I slowly got up and pulled on my sweatshirt sleeves pulling them past my wrists so my hands were also covered. I was getting nervous and all the girls stopped talking as soon I got up to the bar. I felt 60 pairs of eyes on me and I was uncomfortable. So uncomfortable. I put my hands around the bar and took a deep breath. Don't fail me now arms. I pulled myself up and was able to get my chin above the bar but as I went back down to bring myself up again my arms were shaking and I could feel myself turning red. I couldn't do it and I let myself drop. I landed on my feet and noticed that everyone wasn't paying attention anymore. I was relieved to know that no one saw me fail. Or that's what I thought. I walked away knowing I could just do the arm hang but we didn't have time. As I passed the group of cheerleaders I heard a voice pipe up. I stopped walking but didn't turn around.

"What happened Marley? You used to be able to do pulls up with no sweat! Maybe it's your weight gain that prevented you from being able to do it. Maybe you're too heavy for even you to pull yourself up above the bar." I heard the giggles and I felt my face turn red and I felt a pool of tears form. I went back to where I was sitting and hoped that Wade and Tina wouldn't notice anything that happened.

"Don't worry about that. I just told her there is no way in HELL I'mma be able to pull up this much diva." Wade patted my shoulder.

"Kitty Wilde your next." Kitty gave me her signature smug look and her little pony flip. She got ready to start but of course she had to make some sort of comment.

"You guys might want to take a quick nap cause this may take a while." And she wasn't kidding. She did 94 pull ups and we all got so distracted that we forgot that we only had 5 minutes to change. Everyone was in awe and honestly I was too. I wish, just wish, I could be like her. Perfect body, perfect hair, perfect life. Perfect everything. At least I have Sam. Just remembering Sam changes my mood. I miss him. I can't wait to see him.

"Okay guys you can leave." I got to my locker and got my clothes and went to the stall to change. As soon as I got out I went straight to my locker making sure I couldn't be stopped to be talked to.

It was the end of the day and I didn't feel like going to Glee. I wanted to see how Sam was doing and maybe get him some soup. My mom didn't after to work overtime today so she left the same time I did and we decided to drive back home together.

"So how was your day sweetie?"

"hmm? Oh it was fine." I was too busy thinking about how I wasn't gonna be able to cut because my mom was gonna be home and I had to go check on Sam and I realized that tonight I had dance. I left dance for a month after the incident; they said I was allowed one month before I had to pay again.

"You okay?" No. I'm not.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just thinking about what soup I should get for Sam."

"Oh well you should get him veggie soup! I can make a pot for us and you can give him a bowl!" Veggie soup sounded great but something told me that wasn't gonna help my weight.

"Yeah that sounds good." As we pulled onto the drive way I sent Sam a text. He probably was asleep because that's what he's been doing for the past week. I made my way up to my room and got started on my homework. I had history, math and english. All this was done in 2 hours and I still wasn't done. I didn't have time and I had to get to dance. Mom called me down to eat. I quickly got my dance bag and put on my tights, leotard and then shorts. I got my leg warmers on and had to put my point shoes, ballet shoes and an extra pair of tights and other back up items in my dance bag. I put my hair up in a pony tail took all my belongings and headed downstairs.

"I'll just take the soup to Sam and then go to dance." I took the soup and a food to eat while at dance. I took 2 bottles of water and was about to leave before my mom stopped me.

"You have to eat something Marley! You'll be tired and might faint if you don't!" I was in no mood for this.

"I'll be fine, I'll have a quick snack while I'm there." I left and got in the car. I drove down to Sam's house and saw the light in his room was on. I had been visiting Sam everyday after school for the past week and so he left the key under the mat so I could just walk in. As I unlocked the door I felt a bit dizzy. I hadn't eaten all day and it slipped my mind that I had to actually feed myself. If I could go a couple of hours without eating, I can go a couple of hours more. I walked up the stairs and made my way into his room. He was lying on his bad with a grin on his face as he watched Grown-Ups. He looked a lot better than he has been the past few days and I was glad he was showing signs of recovery. Unlike me.

"Hey babe, you can come in, you don't have to stand there!" I placed the soup on his night stand and leaned in to give him a peck on his cheek.

"Hey, I wanted a kiss!" He gave me his pout along with a pair of puppy dog eyes. I crinkled my nose thinking how cute he was. How was he mine?

"Yes, but you still are sick and I'm not risking getting sick."

"But I'm feeling all better!" He started to cough and I knew he wasn't lying, because he looked a lot better, but the cough seemed to warn me that he still was sick.

"Really? Because that cough says other wise." I gave him the hot soup and looked at the t.v as Adam Sandler was talking to Salma Hayek on how the Milan fashion show could wait. I loved this movie and I really wanted to stay and watch but I don't think my dance teacher would appreciate me coming to class late. I started to get dizzy again and a light-headed. The bright light hurting my eyes a bit. I tried to regain my balance and keep it together so Sam wouldn't notice.

"Hey babe you okay?" Well you failed at keeping it together Marley. Four for you Marley, four for you.

"Yeah just have a bit of a headache. I'll be fine!" I gave him a weak smile. I didn't want him to worry about me. He had enough to worry about and I just felt like an extra weight pulling him down.

"I have to go Sam. I'm gonna be late for dance, I'll call you later tonight okay?" I gave him another peck on his cheek and gave him the best smile I can possibly compose with my frail body.

"Okay, but be careful okay?" He grabbed my hand intertwining our fingers together before giving planting a soft kiss on my hand. Someone please explain to me how I am so worthy of someone like him. Why he even cares? Why is he even with me? How is he in love with me? I'm me, and nobody could possibly want me, not my father, not myself, probably not my mother considering how I'm the reason she has no husband and she lives in a run down neighborhood, and my friends consist of me, myself, and I. I don't even want to be me. The voice in my head was starting to get to me again and I just wanted fresh air. I left without another word and let a small sigh slip out of my mouth as the icy cold air hit my hot skin. I felt the blood rush back to my head and I suddenly felt better. For now.

After 3 agonizing hours of modern, contemporary and jazz, I had to go through another hour and a half of ballet/point. This wouldn't be so bad if I had at least eaten something. Maybe I had, but I just forgot. As I stretched out for 10 minutes, I saw my ballet teacher Madame Charlize come in and I felt my palms get sweaty. This was the most advanced class you can be in for ballet/point and I hadn't been practicing at all for a month. I was worried that today was the day were she would test us on our dance routine for our dance recital that we had in December.

"All right everyone, stand up, stretching time is over, partner up and get ready to dance because I will be judging you and seeing if your worthy to still be in this class. _Allons dames, vite, plus vite_!" I was going to fail miserably. And when she spoke french it usually meant that she was ready to kick anyone out who did not follow.

"Beatrice and Marie, begin." The two girls stepped up and as the music started so did their bodies. The music started and Madame Charlize began to chant the dance steps.

"Attiude, tendu, triple pirouette, bourree, à la seconde, arabesque, à la seconde, echappe battu, repeat" And as I watched them do it again I started to get nervous. I had to memorize the moves before I was next.

"Faster, faster, Marie POINT YOUR TOES. Beatrice faster, this is not level one girls, you need to push yourselves." She seemed disappointed and that meant if she was disappointed by two girls who have practicisd she'll be disgusted when she see's me.

"Enough, enough, please, _oh mon dieu_. That was pitiful, ballet is an art, the stage is your canvas, your body is the brush, and you painted your future, back in intermediate. I recommend you two to go practice and watch your feet in the mirrors. You'll be just as horrified as I am." Marie and Beatrice looked like they were going to cry. Oh god, no I'm not ready. I'll just break down and embarrass myself. Her words are like knives and they hurt. I was hurting for them.

"Danielle and Alexandria begin." The two looked at each other with concern and the music began and off they went. Attiude, tendu, triple pirouette bourree, à la seconde, arabesque, à la seconde, echappe battu, and repeat.

"Excellent, keep on going ladies, faster Danielle." Attiude, tendu, triple pirouette, bourree, à la seconde, arabesque, à la seconde, echappe battu, and repeat. It seemed I was so caught up in remembering the steps I didn't notice it was my turn.

"Marley and Annalyse begin." Take a deep breath Marley, relax. Don't screw this up.

Attiude, tendu, triple pirouette, à la seconde. No, no, that's not right. Crap come on Marley. Echappe battu, and repeat. I looked to Annalyse and she was doing it so effortlessly. How was I partnered with one of the best in the class again?

"Stop, STOP. What is this?" I looked to Annalyse who furrowed her brows.

"Not you Annalyse. Marley, you missed bourre, arabesque, and the second à la seconde." I couldn't look her in the eyes but I had to. She would call me out on it and embarrass me even more. I felt myself getting hotter and just wanted to get out of the spotlight as quickly as possible.

"What's your excuse? You have been gone for a month, not even for some serious injury, nor a surgery, nor were you sick. You were out for a month because you were having **personal issues. **And now you come back to this class thinking you wouldn't hear it from me if you just watched the other girls who have worked hard for the past month. _Tu devires avoir honte._ I want you to learn the moves right now with me. Wasting everyone's time Marley. But because you were such a good student I still have a slither of hope that maybe you can do better. Annalyse to barre with the rest of the girls."

Annalyse gave me a look that us girls would always give each other when one of us was in trouble. Ballet was my escape. I felt free and myself. I felt beautiful and strong. These girls were always here to help me and I was there to help them. And now it seems that ballet has become a place were I am pitied and I no longer feel beautiful and I feel weak if anything.

It took me 25 minutes to get everything down. I think I won her over again because she gave me her little head nod that usually meant an approval. She called over the rest of the girls and we began to do the dance together. It started to look great in the mirrors and I felt good. Till she decided we needed more practice on our triple pirouettes.

"_Une, deux, trois_. Begin."

At first I was doing fine till I started to get dizzy and light-headed. I felt bile coming up and I needed a toilet fast. I ran out of the studio into the bathroom and I made it just in time for the bile to leave my mouth. I don't understand, I barely ate today. I made sure I barely did.

"What happened?" Madame Charlize came in behind me. I grabbed toilet paper and wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet.

"I'm so sorry Madame Charlize I just got a bit sick. I feel better I can continue."

"It doesn't matter class is over. I will see you tomorrow and I hope to see you in much better shape. Understand? If not then I will make sure you will learn your lesson. I recommend you start coming an hour early so you can stretch and learn the steps a lot better. You seem to be lacking the **perfection **it takes to be a ballerina. You had that Marley. And it seems that one month of relaxing took it all away." I stood there trying to hold back the tears. I was perfect and that's all I wanted to be. I stood outside the stall just blinking my tears away and hoping she would just leave so I can break down and cry.

"_Bonne nuit _Marley." And with that she left and I was alone. My bottom lip started to quiver and I was ready to just let all the tears out. And I did. I looked in the mirror and saw the whites of my eyes were no longer white but red and the tears just blurred my vision. I let out a sound and I didn't stop another from coming out. I lost track of time as I just cried, thinking how I shouldn't be here. I should be home just letting myself drown in tears and just give up. Loose hope. Maybe take a couple of pills and sleep. Dream of being perfect, being this beautiful girl who had everything going for her. Just being perfect. I was perfect. I had the perfection it took to be this beautiful ballerina. And I lost it. I'm no longer perfect.

Perfect.

PERFECT.

**PERFECT.**

Translated French Terms:

_oh mon dieu- _Oh my God

_Allons dames, vite, plus vite-_ Come on ladies faster, faster

_Tu devirais avoir honte-_ You should be ashamed

_Une, deux, trois_ One, two, three

_Bonne nuit-_ Goodnight

it seem's like french class has come in handy!


	9. Chapter 9

I don't know if I should start wrapping this story up because I'm not really getting any idea if you guys like it or not! I really want to know if you guys like this story or if I'm just wasting my time. This chapter is a bit shorter so yeah. I kind of decided to make Kitty and Marley have this relationship sort of like the relationship Santana and Rachel had, but Kitty and Marley are more, intimate? I don't know how to explain it but I guess you could label it any way you want it to after you read this chapter.

**Warning: **eating disorder, minor insults, nothing really too big, but possible **trigger warning**

I don't remember the ride home, I don't remember the cold shower, I don't remember me sitting against my bathroom wall with a bloody mess on my left wrist. And now I'm sitting in my bed crying my eyes out not being able to breathe. The excessive sobbing has made my eyes sensitive to the light and I shut the lights off crawl under my blanket and try to sleep. But all I could think about is what Madame Charlize said. I was perfect. I was! And I did something wrong to become the absolute opposite. And I need to perfect again if I want to succeed. I realized that I hadn't eaten when I got back from dance and my stomach became so empty after I threw up. I actually like the feeling. It makes me feel better, almost thinner. Maybe if I threw up after every meal. No, Marley, you can't do that it's unhealthy just stick to not eating a lot. Or at all.

I woke up feeling a bit better and got ready, I smelt breakfast and my stomach growled. I really wanted to eat but I had to control myself. I had to. I went into the kitchen and thought of what my next should be. I wasn't going to eat and I had a half an hour before I had to go to school.

"Marley? I said good morning!"

"Oh I'm sorry mom I wasn't paying attention."

"Well breakfast is ready take a seat! I made chocolate chip pancakes!" Now how am I supposed to resist my favorite breakfast?

"Uh, no mom I'm not hungry right now. I think I'll just take a snack with me to school and just eat it then."

"Marley what are you talking about? You need to eat, you didn't eat last night and now your telling me your not hungry? What is up with you? Is-"

"MOM just **STOP. I SAID I'M NOT HUNGRY! WHY WON'T YOU GET IT?**" I was getting really annoyed by her nagging. I felt like my dad when he would tell her to stop talking. Well it was more like 'shut up you whale nobody wants to hear your fat ass talking'. Much more cruel. However, my mom's face seems to be wearing the same hurt face she would wear when he would say that.

"I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean to snap. I just, I'm not hungry. Okay?" I gave her a hug but she didn't hug back. I really hurt her.

"I have to go. I'll see you later." And that was the end of the conversation.

School was just awful. But if Sam wasn't there it would have been a lot worse.

Before I headed for lunch I stopped by my locker to grab a few things. I realized that I had no money to buy lunch and didn't bring any, and I was starving. But I had to control myself. A pair of arms snaked around my waist and I was startled by the action but thankful that I didn't hit him.

"Hey babe, you seem tense. Are you okay?" His chest was pressed to my back and his chin hooked on my shoulder. I turned my head to give him a kiss on his head.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just thought I forgot my binder at home that's all!" I really needed to stop lying to him. The whole 'I'm fine' reply is a load of bullshit and if only he knew what goes on in my head.

"Are you sure you're just fine? How about great, or excellent, or now that you're here I've never been better?" He gave me a kiss on the lips and as he smiled into it I couldn't help but smile in the kiss too. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

"Okay, well how about I've never been better and your radiating perfection makes me happy. Is that good enough?" I leaned back on the lockers as I tried to maintain a flirtatious attitude.

"I love it. Not as much as I love you though." He said as he gave me another soft kiss on the lips and as we parted he gave me a peck on my nose. I couldn't help but scrunch my nose.

"Okay then let's go, food is waiting for us!" Right. Food. The natural enemy of any person who hates their body and wants to become thin.

"Sure!" We left hand in hand and I had a feeling that lunch was going to ruin my day.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat?" Sam asked as we sat down at the table with our friends.

"Yes babe, I'm not hungry, I had a big breakfast!" Liar.

"What did you have?" He asked while taking a bite out of his turkey wrap.

"I had, um, chocolate chip pancakes!" Liar.

"Lucky! I wish you would have told me when I picked you up this morning! I could have taken some to-go!" He wasn't kidding. Sam loved food and he somehow maintained this perfectly toned, 6-pack, body. Sure he is on the football team and he also does synchronized swimming and, I guess it makes sense that he has this perfect body that any guy would want. Even if Sam didn't have this fit and toned body, I still would be just as in love with him. It's just a bonus that comes with being Sam Evans. I couldn't help but smile while watching him eat and all I could think was I was really head over heels in love with him. And I kind of wish I wasn't. It'd make lying to him a lot easier.

Sam and I talked a bit and he made me share his small salad and I really didn't want to but he wouldn't stop insisting and it was making a scene at the table so I obliged. As I ate, I made eye contact with Kitty who was staring at me from the 'popular' table. She got up and threw out her garbage and left the cafeteria. I scoped the cafeteria and watched as people ate and laughed. I wish I could be happy while eating food. My stomach started to hurt a bit.

"I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back." I gave Sam a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the bathroom outside the cafeteria. I looked into the mirror and as I stared into it I heard a sound. Almost like someone was gagging or throwing up. I looked underneath the stall from where the sound was coming from and I saw white sneakers. I instantly thought it was a cheerleader. The only cheerleader I know who left the cafeteria was Kitty.

"Kitty? Is that you? Are you okay?" I really was worried that maybe she was sick and needed help. She coughed in response. If that even was a response. She unlocked the stall and grabbed a tissue, wiping her mouth.

"Of course I'm fine Pudgy, I'm just doing my daily excretion." She gave me a smug look.

"I-I just thought you were si-, what do you mean by daily excretion?"

"I mean bingeing! You should try it! It really helps to lose the weight!" She patted my stomach.

"How do you binge?" Maybe if I can't starve myself I can eat I could always binge.

"Take a finger or if you want more and put it in your mouth and then just shove them down till you touch that dangling thing called the ulva. Here I'll show you." She took two fingers and opened her mouth wide enough and I watched intently not really seeing what she was doing. I think she realized this because she came closer, almost too close for me to watch. She flattened out her tongue and as soon as her fingers were about to touch the ulva she closed her mouth sucking on her fingers and stared right at me as she did it. She took them out after what seemed like forever and gave me her signature smug look.

"See? Not bad. You should try it! I promise you, you will see results in no time and then who knows maybe you can be this hot girl that everybody would be drooling over. I know if you did lose some of your weight I would definitely be drooling." She gave me a quick wink. I don't if she was flirting or trying to be a bitch. But I felt like it was a bit of both. I really wanted to try but I was worried I'd fail miserably, or that it would hurt.

"I want to try it." I said hoping she would be nice enough to help me out if I somehow make a mess and throw up everywhere.

"Of course babe, pick a stall!" I decided to go into the one she was in and left my stuff on the floor. I tied my hair back and stared down the toilet expecting that maybe I would just throw up. I felt the stall door close and lock.

"Sweetie, just staring at the toilet will not help. Come on put your fingers in your mouth. I promise you, you will feel better and I'll be right behind you to help out." She seemed like she was being genuine and decided to take her word for it. I took two of my fingers and put them in my mouth, being slow, a bit nervous about what would happen next. I felt a hand wrap around my hand that was somewhat in my mouth.

"I'll help just relax." She slowly pushed my hand and I flattened my tongue out so my fingers could pass through. I started to gag and my fingers touched the ulva. I felt my stomach clench and I started to cough. My fingers were still held there and I felt bile rising and as soon as I started to lean down, Kitty removed my hand. It hurt. A lot. The bile that came out was the salad that I had eaten with Sam and water. My eyes started to tear up and I felt Kitty's hand soothing me, rubbing my back.

"It's okay, you'll be okay! I'm right here. It'll get better, I promise." I felt sick and threw up once more before I felt my stomach relax. I heard a rip of a tissue and realized that Kitty was wiping my mouth. I wiped my tears as she wiped my mouth and for once I was thankful to have her with me.

"I-" My voice croaked and I had to cough to get the smoothness in my voice again.

"I don't really like this. It doesn't make me feel good."

"I know, I know the first couple of times are the hardest. You know what, I think eating a bit is better because it's less messier. Just do the diet I do! I just binge if I really have to. It's not my usual thing. I do it at least twice a week." She opened the stall and I went to wash my face. As she flushed the toilet, I hadn't thought of how my breath would smell of throw up and I freaked out a bit.

"I have gum, and I always bring mini toothbrushes and toothpaste just in case. I have tons of those with me just in case a friend is in need." She gave me a smile and I felt the need to hug her. And so I did. She wasn't expecting it and I was surprised when she returned the hug. As we parted I couldn't believe that Kitty was someone I actually hated. She was nice, in a bitchy way.

"Okay well let's not tell anyone about our hug."

"As long you mention to no one about what happened just now."

"Of course, I would never." She handed me gum and the toothbrush and toothpaste.

"So ar- are we like friends? Sorry that sounds a bit childish. I just was wondering." Gosh Marley your such a child, last time I asked someone if we were friends was in 5th grade after this girl pushed me off the slide and she apologized.

"No." She said it coldly. As soon as she said that I felt the tears forming. I was so sensitive. It was annoying. I was annoying myself. Not surprised.

"Not when people see us. But when we're alone then I guess I could give you the title of 'friend' and vice versa. But not in public. I still have a name to be held. And I'm not having this little incident change that. Understood?" I shook my head and decided to brush my teeth and think about how I could possibly ruin Kitty's popularity streak.

"I guess I'll just have to do this by myself then." I said as I spit out the toothpaste in the sink.

"We could always hangout when no one is around! Oh my gosh! You should come over later maybe I can help you out then!" Was she being serious? She was not being serious. I know for sure she wasn't.

"Uhm, yeah sure that sounds great." Wow an actual friend to hang out. What are the odds it would be Miss Popular.

"Great, give me your phone so I can put my number in." I took my phone out and handed it to her as she gave me hers.

"Alright, well I'll text you the information and stuff." I was getting really excited. A bit too excited. It was a bit odd that all this could happen in a matter of minutes. She left and I was in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't help but think that my life could possibly change for the better.

Or for the worse.


	10. Chapter 10

If I could write you guys a sorry letter, I would! I'm so so so so so so so so SORRY for not updating sooner. I've been having some personal problems to deal with, school, and somehow this was not in my list of things to do! SO here is chapter 10. Oh my god, I'm already doing chapter 10. Thank you for the comments, and views, and follows, I really really do appreciate it! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and have a lovely weekend! xx

**Warnings:** **Violence. **

I spent the rest of the day questioning what happened in the bathroom. It all seemed like a blur and I'm not sure how to analyze the situation. It seemed like it was a charitable act from Kitty, an act of kindness, yet part of me kept on screaming it was some sort of set up. I wouldn't be surprised if it was true but more disappointed. I just hope that Kitty would keep her word and not tell anyone what happened.

After lunch I had Algebra2/Trigonometry. And not only did I hate that class, but I had a test and I had studied but I was a bit nervous. Math was never, ever my strongest subject and that was not going to change today. As I walked in the classroom I looked around nervously noticing how everyone was frantically taking out calculators and pencils. I noticed that there were some students from the last period class still in there seats working on the test, working furiously. I knew it was going to be 42 minutes in hell. As I sat down and took my seat a cold shiver ran down my spine and all I could do was shake as the tests were being passed back. I was going to have a nervous break down. I really wanted to pass this test at least. I would disappoint my mom if I didn't and that was the last thing I wanted to do. As soon as I received the test I prayed silently and began. I went through the multiple choice getting stumped here and there. Of course as soon as I turned the page I felt uncomfortable as I read the written response question. And that's when it hit me that I was not ready for the test. I looked around me, looking at the faces of my classmates, maybe they were struggling as well. It didn't seem like they were and I let out a small sigh and continued to work hoping for the best, but expecting the worse. I looked at the questions and I knew exactly what to do, till my mind went blank. And just like that I felt a wave of nausea hit my body.

Down to 10 minutes I still had 3 questions left to do and I knew that I was done for.

5 minutes. I pulled my hair back.

2 minutes. I cracked my knuckles.

Ring. I wrote as quickly as possible.

I failed. And that's when I started to get clammy hands, my breathing got heavier and sped up, my hands shaking, my eyes watering and my anxiety attack on the rise. Everyone started to get up and I looked up in confusion. How did everyone else finish? As they walked out I tried to refocus on the tes but all I could think about what the thought of failing seeing the reaction my mom would give me. My stomach dropped and I couldn't do it. I scribbled in random answers and hoped that maybe my math teacher would be sympathetic. I got up and handed in the test to her.

"How did you think it was Marley?" I looked at her in confusion. What kind of question was that?

"It was hard." I said it being honest with a tone of dismay.

"Hard? Really?" She looked at me with confusion. Yes, hard. What do you think I'm lying?

"Yes." And I ran out of the room to avoid anymore questions being asked. As I walked out I noticed Sam waiting for me with a big grin on his face.

"Hey babe, how was alg- what's wrong?" It facial expression went from happy to worried in a split second. I didn't want to embarrass myself by explaining to him that I didn't pass. Everytime I said that I did bad on a test, the whole world seemed to hate me because apparently I'm this 'A honor roll student'. I was but, this test, I definitely failed.

"It's fine, I just took a really hard test, could we go?" I really didn't want to talk about it.

"Hey, hey wait. Look at me. Come on, look at me Marley." I felt his hands cup my face and lift it up to make eye contact with him.

"It's one test, don't worry about it okay? Don't let it ruin your day babe." Too late I thought.

"Yeah, I know, I just, I've never failed a test Sam, or anything for that matter. And I just feel sick, can we go?"

"Your going to have to fail. You can't just be this perfect straight 'A' student all the time. Besides, I want you to skip the rest of the day with me so we can have some quality time together. Sound good?"

"Sam I have another quiz to take later and AP English and AP History and I can't miss those classes! You know I would love to leave school to spend the day with you but just not today. Especially after taking that test."

"Okay, well I mean, I guess we'll do our usual then."

"Yes please, I love our usual." He took my hand and intertwined our fingers together as he walked me to my next class. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and I returned it with a not so great peck. The rest of the day just went down hill from there.

The drive home with Sam wasn't great. I told him I wasn't feeling good, which I wasn't, but also because I didn't want to stay for glee. I just wanted to get away. I had the urge to cut and time seemed to always go by slowly when I was itching for my razor. That constant craving for the razor on my wrist was inevitable and even when I wasn't thinking about it, it was still in the back of my head. And I know I say that my day couldn't get any worse. But seriously, my day could not get any fucking worse until I saw the car in the drive way.

The old blue muscle car.

And I felt my heart beat faster, my body tense, breathing becoming heavier, faster and I was all for the car just flipping over leading to the cause of my death. Death didn't sound so scary.

Isn't it scary to be ready to die at such a young age?

"Marley isn't your dad's car?" I felt his hand on creep into my own, usually this would be an act of comfort, security. But it did not feel like either.

"Yeah, yeah it is." We pulled into the driveway and Sam got out first. I sat in my seat for what felt like a very long minute before unbuckeled my seatbelt and taking a deep breath. I got out of the car grabbing my bag and reached out for Sam's hand. As we walked up the stairs I heard shouting. No, come on, really? Fighting? Already?

And that's when I heard a sound of glass shattering.

"STOP IT. STOP. GET OUT, WE NEVER NEEDED YOU THEN WE DON'T NEED YOU NOW!"

"TOO BAD THIS HOUSE IS UNDER MY NAME. YOU BETTER FUCKING WATCH WHAT YOURSELF ANN BECAUSE IF YOU THOUGHT LIFE WAS HELL THEN, I WILL MAKE IT TEN TIMES WORSE NOW."

I didn't want to hear it anymore. I unlocked the door and I saw my dad and mom in the middle of the kitchen, both in defensive positions.

"What's going on? Why are you yelling?"

"What no hello to your father?" He walked towards me reaching out to touch me but instead I pushed him away.

"No because you're not my father. Why are you back anyways? I thought you left for good this time."

"Nah, the road life wasn' ma thang, I thought why not see my family? And I missed my little princess." He came over to hug me but Sam got in between us. My dad wore a confused look on his face.

"Well, well, well if ain't the Ken boyfriend. What's a fella like you doin' with a girl like that?"

"Giving her what you never gave her."

"Oh yeah and what's that?" He stepped closer to Sam and I felt my stomach twist.

"Love." And the next thing I saw was Sam on the floor holding his face on the floor. My dad lunged on to him trying to get another hit but luckily Sam was able to wrestle him off. As Sam pushed him back he threw a punch. His fist made contact with my dad's jaw and he fell back as Sam lunged towards him.

"SHIT!" He yelled as he held his jaw

I stepped in front of Sam before he could get to him.

"STOP." I held Sam back but he wouldn't listen as he tried to push past me and wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"You son of a bitch, come on hit me one more time. That was a lucky hit blondie. You scared I'll mess up your pretty boy face?" He started to get up and tried to keep his balance.

"Don't listen to him Sam, you're better than that."

"Shut up Marley, we both know that your boy toy will be a Jerry." And that was the final straw. The memories rushed back, the nightmares, the sleepless nights, the nights were I'd wake up to just to cut, the cause of my self-hatred. The reason why I was here thinking about it all.

"What did you say?" My voice cracked as I turned around trying to keep myself composed.

"You heard what I said. And he get's to walk free, did you hear? Yeah and that asshole gets to walk free." He chuckled as he said 'free'. I ran up to him and shoved him back.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? DID YOU KNEW THAT I WAS SCREAMING FOR YOU? I NEEDED YOU. I NEVER NEEDED YOU UNTIL THAT NIGHT. THAT ONE TIME. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. EVER." I pushed him back one more time before he grabbed my wrists and shook me pushing me back against the wall. I felt dizzy and was thrown to the ground.

"YOU STUPID BITCH YOU DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT CAME TO YOU THAT DAY. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING. YO-" I was thrown into a table and I heard my mom shriek. Glass broke and I knew that I was going to have cuts everywhere. My head was throbbing and I couldn't help but cry.

"GET OFF OF HER." I heard Sam yell and everything started to go black. How ironic it was that I was in the same position I was in a couple of months back. I was able to keep my eyes open but everything was blurry. I started to lose sight of reality but the last few things I heard echoed in my ears.

Gun shots.


	11. Chapter 11

Wow guys thank you so much for your lovely comments! I really appreciate them and I do take your suggestions. I would love more to see what you would love to see happen! Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter! I wanted it to be something totally different.

**Warning:** MASSIVE PLOT TWIST. I just thought this was my sorry to you all for taking so long to update. Self-hatred, and sexual innuendos and such. RATED M. kind of. I suck at this stuff so.

I was running. I don't know from what, but I knew I had to get away from it. It was dark, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. I looked behind me to see a man coming after me with a knife, or some sort of object in his hand that looked like it. I kept on running and felt my body grow weak as I tried to catch my breath and maintain a steady pace.

"Come on Marley, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I just want to love you and be loved by you." The voice bounced off the walls of what seemed to be of a tunnel. As I focused on what he said I didn't notice something in front of me until I fell on my hands and knees. It is such a cliché thing to happen when you're trying to run away from someone who is trying to kill you. As I was about to get up I was stopped by a hand on my back and flipped over so I was facing the man who wanted to kill me. Or at least that's what I thought he wanted to do to me. Instead he hovered over my body caressing my face, pushing my hair back. I tried to squirm out from underneath him but I was not getting anywhere.

"Stop Marley, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to make you feel good baby."

"No, no please stop. No I don't want to. NO STOP!" I tried to slap his hand away from my chests but he seemed to have a plan if I tried to resist.

"This gun is loaded. You do what I say and you will get to see the light of day. Do not make me pull the trigger. Shake your head if you understand." I felt tears pool as I thought how I was reliving a nightmare.

"I SAID SHAKE YOUR HEAD DAMN IT."

"Good. Now relax." I wasn't ready. I just wanted to die instead. Just let him kill me, the shot to the head sounds a lot better than what was going to happen next. As his hand trailed down to unbutton my skirt I could hear my name being called from behind me.

"MARLEY! MARLEY!" It sounded like Sam. He was going to save me.

"SAM, SAM HELP ME. SAM!" My heart started to beat faster.

"SHUT YOU STUPID BITCH. OR ELSE." He pointed the gun towards me and pulled the safety-pin off ready to shoot. He pulled my skirt down and I was left without any pants.

"You ready baby?" He started to lean in and kiss inside my thighs.

"Stop, stop please." I started to whimper.

"GET AWAY FROM HER YOU SICK BASTARD" I heard Sam yell. He was getting closer. I held my breath as I heard the man chuckle. I turned my head back to see find Sam running towards us. He seemed to get closer and as he got closer and reached out for me shots were fired. Three shots. One to his abdominal area, one to his head and one to his heart.

"NO. SAM. SAM. NO. NO-OOOO-O. SA-AAM." I choked out sobbing, trying to catch my breath but I lost it right then and there as his body fell his eyes wide open staring right back at me.

"YOU MONSTER. HOW COULD YOU? GET AWAY FROM ME. WHO ARE YOU?" I crawled to Sam's body.

"Sam, Sam. Sam why? Wh-hy. W-HH-Y?" I started sob harder and kissed his chast lips. I didn't seem to realize the figure standing right behind me. The barrel of the gun pointed at me as I looked at him as I intertwined my hand with Sam's.

"I'm Jerry, Marley. It's too bad you didn't make it out of the tunnel and see the light again." I looked up in confusion.

And another shot rang.

Everything went black.

The sound of the shots still rang in my ears and slowly I felt myself regaining consciousness. I heard a 'beeping' sound and I heard something pumping. I was cold and the blanket that I felt covering me was not doing it job of keeping me warm. I was breathing but I felt like there was someone doing it for me as I breathed in the cold air through my nose. I felt someone underneath my nostrils and did not think much of it. I still had my eyes closed but not for long as I remembered the last thing I saw and heard. A dead Sam, gun shots, and a gun pointed at me. Sam. I gasped for air and jolted awake, freaking out, thinking worse case scenario.

"SAM, SAM. SA-" I was sitting up straight, screaming on top of my lungs. I looked around frantically, I looked down to notice the IV needle, and realized I was wearing a white tube under my nose that connected to a huge machine. I wanted out of this room now. I needed to find Sam. As I frantically tried to figure out how to get out of this place, a couple of nurses ran in and one of them came over putting her hands on both my shoulders. In an instant I pushed myself back so I could be released from her grip. A jolt of pain hit my leg. I felt dizzy and noticed the bandages on my arms. She looked confused and gave nodded her head at a nurse who writing something down on a clipboard and another nurse was pushing in numbers on the machine that connected to the tube under my nose.

"Hey, Marley. It's okay stay calm sweet heart! We aren't here to hurt you. You are in the hospital. Try not to move so much because you'll be in a lot more pain."

"Wh-what happened? Where's Sam?" I needed answers and I needed them now. She seemed to stall and put her head down unable to look me in the eyes.

"WHERE IS SAM?" Her stalling did not help ease my nerves, in fact it caused me to become a lot more nervous. I removed the blanket and tried to take off the tube from under my nose.

"No, Marley do not do that, please sit back down. Just relax okay? We will explain everything to you just please lie back down and relax. Take a deep breath. Okay?" She kept her voice calm and I felt myself growing anxious. I wanted to know what happened and I wanted to know now. I waited for her to explain and was getting impatient as she stood there. Why was she stalling? I started to feel nausea and my stomach started to make twist and turns. I knew there was something wrong. If she didn't say anything soon I was not going to hesitate to walk out of the room to look for Sam.

"Okay then quit stalling. Wh-w-what happened? Where is Sam?"

"First, you had a concussion, you have multiple stitches in your head as well as on your arms. Now Marley, stay calm when I say this. You were shot in your thigh. The surgeon was able to take the bullet out, you need to be careful. You have cuts on your arms from glass shards and bruises from some sort of abuse. Now another thing. You have self produced cuts on your arms. It is not our job to inform anyone of any personal issues unless told otherwise. Any questions Marley?" A gun shot. **A** gun shot. But I heard multiple gun shots. My heart started to beat faster. I was nervous to hear who else was hit.

"What happened to Sam?" I said it in a low whisper, too scared to hear the answer to my question.

"Marley..." She trailed off becoming meek and quiet sighing at the end of the sentence.

"No. No, don't say it. If he's gone I don't want to hear it. Please tell me he isn't gone. Please." My tears fell and I felt sobs take over my body.

"No, Marley he's still here. He was shot in his abdomen, he made it out of surgery and his in good condition and is getting a much-needed rest at the moment." I let out a sigh of relief and the tears fell down even harder, I felt so relieved.

"But Marley, your mom. She was shot in the chest, the doctors were able to get her to the emergency room to remove the bullet. She made it out of the surgery room but Marley, she might not make it. The shot has caused irregular heart beat and blood circulation. There are multiple outcomes for her. There is a high chance she will be on life support, she might survive through this without any problems besides multiple check ups with doctors and a stay at home nurse, or she might not be able to make it..." I was so worried about Sam. So caught up in the thought of losing him, I forgot the woman who had always been there for me to support me, my guardian, my rock before Sam came along. There was a chance I would lose her and I had not thought for a single second about the possibility that my mom could have been hurt. How cold I be so stupid and ignorant to not think about the woman who gave me life? And it would be my fault to take it away from her because I let him take it away. I let him take everything away from me.

"I want to see her." I was ready to get out of bed but I moved to quickly as I got dizzy and the pain from my leg shot up again and it hurt and I couldn't but let the tears stroll down my face.

"You can't right now she is in the ICU, intensive care unit. Right now she needs her rest and so do you. I will wake you up when you can see her. I promise". She gave me a reassuring smile that did not necessarily reassure me but freak me out a bit more. Those smiles are smiles of sympathy, pity, when they know the truth yet try to cover up the painful truth of what will happen. I sat back and noticed another nurse coming in with food.

"I'm not hungry." I said immediately before the nurse could put the tray on the table.

"Marley, you haven't had food in over 12 hours."

"But I'm not hungry. My stomach hurts and I can't swallow right now it hurts." It was the truth. My throat was burning and my stomach was still in knots."

"It's just soup and water. You'll be able to swallow it. It's not too hot and not too cold to hurt your throat. You will feel better, I promise." How could she think that I will feel better at this point? All I could think about was what I would do if I lost my mother. How I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I wouldn't be able to move on, forgive myself, let go. I wouldn't be able to do anything. I felt my itch on the rise and I realized that there was no way I can obtain anything sharp in a hospital. I had forgotten that my scars were visible to anyone because there were on my arms. I thought for a brief moment where I could cut so no one could see. All I could think about was the urge to cut and I need it. I really needed it. I didn't notice the nurse trying to get my attention until I felt an arm on me and I jumped in response.

"I'm sorry, I was trying to let you know that my name is Gina and that I'll be back in an hour or so to check up on you. In the mean time I want you to eat and get some rest." She smiled and left along with the other nurses. I looked down at the soup and decided food sounded pretty good and it smelt pretty good. I began to eat it and just like that, as soon as I enjoyed it, I started to hate it. I really did not want to eat anymore and so I took a bit more and felt myself dozing off. I pushed the table away and closed my eyes. I thought about everything and anything. My mind could not stop spitting out ideas and I felt so uncomfortable not being in my own bed were anyone could watch while I sleep. I was thinking about my mom, Sam, what happened to my dad. I mean where was he? And then something else hit me. The only one who was not hurt was my dad. He shot me. He shot his own daughter. And I let the tears spill once more. I tried to keep quiet as I remembered that I wasn't home to do so. I really wanted Sam to be here to calm me down and stroke my hair. To kiss my tears away and hold me tight. My leg started to hurt and the cuts on my arms burned. I really wanted to sleep the pain away and that's exactly what happened.

"Marley. Marley babe." I felt lips on my forehead then trail down to my lips. I felt a hand on my face, a thumb rubbing on my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes to see a pair of beautiful green orbs looking at me. I smiled a bit when I saw Sam.

"Hey beautiful. How do you feel?" I reached out to hold his hand and held on for dear life because I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want him to let go.

"I'm fine. What about you? Are you in pain?" I noticed the black eye, and the cut on his lip, along with stitches on his arm. I reached out for his arm to see how bad it was even though it was covered in a band-aid. I couldn't help but think that this was all my fault and I felt the tears form.

"I'm feeling a lot better because I'm here with you." He smiled.

"I'm so sorry..." I choked letting the tears spill.

"No, Marley. This isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. I wouldn't change anything if I was given the chance to. Only that you were out of reach from being shot. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you enough." I noticed tears forming and I couldn't believe what he was saying. How could he blame himself.

"No... stop. Okay?"

"I love you so much Marley. I will always love and protect you."

"I love you too. Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course babe, what is it?"

"Hold me and never let me go."

Sam got up from his seat and I moved aside for him lay with me. He crept under the blanket and I saw him make a face of pain.

"Are you sure your okay?" I was so worried that too much movement wouldn't be good for his healing process.

"Yeah, I just need to be careful when I move. I'll be okay." I looked straight into his eyes. I thought there would be some sort of sign that he was lying but his green eyes just had me mesmerized. I cuddled into him slowly and carefully not to hurt him. I felt his arms wrap around me and I fell asleep just like that.

I always woke up with Sam sleeping right next to me. It had been a 3 or 4 days since the night of the incident and we'd been spending everyday in the hospital. I was finally allowed to visit my mom today and I was nervous to see her in her condition. I was not allowed to walk and so instead they made me sit in a wheelchair and from their I was taken to her room. When I had finally reached the room I saw her resting on the bed with a neck brace. She seemed relaxed and happy almost as she ate her soup. She chuckled as she watched the Ellen show. It was the 12 Days of Christmas special.

"Mom?" I asked hoping I didn't interrupt her moment.

"Hey sweetie pie! Come in! How's your leg?" Her smile shined bright and I was so happy to see her happy.

"I'm fine! How about you? You look and sound great. I didn't really expect it."

"Yeah, a miracle is what the doctors are saying. But I'm not gonna fully healed for quite a bit. I won't be able to go to work for the rest of the school year. I'll be bed ridden for the most part and my immune system is weak and I need to be careful with everything I do."

"As long as you're still here and happy I couldn't ask for anything more." I came over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you more sweet pea."

I spent a week in the hospital and got to go home. My mom had to stay for another two weeks and so I planned to visit her everyday. Sam had to stay another day in the hospital for his final check up. When I got home, I realized that my house was a crime scene and I couldn't even stay there. I needed a place to stay and Sam's house wasn't an opption either. I was allowed to pack a suitcase and was thankful my phone was still fully charged. I brought my charger anyways just in case I would have to stay out of my house for more then one night. I looked at my phone to notice the several missed calls from I guess my so-called friends. But one caught my eye. Kitty. She left me a couple of missed calls and a few text messages.

_**So sorry to hear about what happened! Call me asap! xx**_

_**If you need anything I'm here for you. xx**_

I decided to give her a call. Maybe she can help me find a place to stay. I called her and waited for her to answer. I started to think it was a bad idea as she hadn't picked up after the fifth ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Kitty. It's Marley. I was just calling to say thank you for your thoughtful messages."

"Oh my god! Marley, hey, yeah I heard about what happened. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you need anything?"

"Thank you. And well, I was just wondering if you knew a motel or some place I could stay for a bit since my house is a crime scene. I know it's too much to a-"

"NO! Not at all! I'll come pick you up and you can come stay at my place! It'll be so much fun!"

"Oh wow, thank you Kitty. I really appreciate it. I'll text you my address then?"

"Of course. I'll be there in a bit. I'll see you then!"

"Thank you so much!"

And that was the end of the conversation. I texted her my address and she replied with a ':)x'. She was being way too nice and I started to get the feeling that this wasn't going to be a good idea. I really had no idea where this would go but I needed a place to stay and Kitty seemed welcome about everything. Twenty minutes later I noticed a nice limo pull up at the curb. At the end of the car a window rolled down. It was Kitty.

"Hey Marley!" She climbed out of her car and took my suitcase and helped me with my crutches. She threw the suitcase in the trunk. She helped me get in the car as I struggled with the crutches and as soon as I got inside, I swore the limo was bigger then my room.

"Nice isn't it?" I heard her say from behind me.

"Really nice!"

"Thank you. Sit next to me you don't need to sit all the way over there!" She took my arm and gently pulled towards her. I fell right on to her lap and felt embarrassed as I tried to get up.

"I'm so sorry Kitty. I didn't mean to fall on you!"

"No babe, it's okay. So when we get home, we can get you cleaned up and eat! I'm sure the hospital food was absolutely awful." I noticed her staring right at me. She seemed really genuine about everything.

"Yeah, no it was okay. But I do need a shower. I hope you don't mind if I use yours!"

"Of course you can use it!" I smiled at her and she gave me a warm smile back. She looked at her phone as she got a text. We finally made it to her huge mansion. I was really excited to see what it looked like. To see where the Queen B lived.

"We're here. Come on!" She got out first taking my crutches. She helped me out of the car and we walked in the front entrance. As we got in I looked at the pearl colored marble floor with black marble, diamond pattern everywhere. They were so shiny and clean and I could see my reflection.

"Well we're going to have to go up the stairs to get to my room and bathroom so come on." She came towards me and took her arm and wrapped it around my waist. Then she took her other arm and slid them underneath my legs. She picked me up bridal style and I gasped. How the hell can this tiny cheerleader pick me up?

She laughed.

"Don't look too surprised. Being a cheerleader has its strengths." She laughed as she said strengths. We finally got to her room and she set me down on her bed. Her room was huge and absolutely amazing. It was probably bigger then my house. No actually it was. Her bed was the so comfy and the comforter was absolutely the softest thing ever.

"In love with my bed now are we?" She came over and sat next to me as I kept on admiring her bed. I honestly had never felt anything more softer.

"Yeah, it's just really soft and nice."

"It is isn't it? Well the bathroom is right there if you need anything just call me okay?"

"Thank you." I got up and limped to her bathroom as I still had a band-aid around my leg and I couldn't move it a lot. I got in her huge bathroom that had the nicest tub and a shower. I took off my shirt and slowly tried taking off my pants but it seemed impossible as I was wearing sweatpants and they wouldn't budge past the band-aid. The sweatpants were already dirty and gross. I could use a scissor to cut them off but I didn't want to rummage through Kitty's stuff. I opened the door a bit and poked my head out.

"Hey Kitty. Do you have a scissor by any chance?"

"Yeah here I'll get them for you!" She got off her bed and unexpectedly opened the bathroom door. I lost my balance and was about to fall before she grabbed my hands.

"That was a close one!" I said. She took the scissors out of the cabinet and gave them to me.

"Nice bra! Is that from Victoria Secret? I think I have the same one but in hot pink!"

"Oh, um, yeah. Thank you for the scissors."

"Why do you need them anyways?" She looked at me in confusion.

"Well my sweatpants won't slide past the band-aid so I'm just going to cut the off."

"Oh here I'll do it for you!" She grabbed the scissors before I could say anything and started to cut from the bottom upwards. As soon as she finished cutting I waited patiently for her to get up but it seemed like she didn't want to.

"Wow, does your leg hurt?"

"Um not really. Unless I put too much pressure on it." She slowly got up and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Thank you Kitty. I really do appreciate all your help."

"Not a problem." She left and I was finally able to get in the bath since I couldn't get my leg with the band-aid wet. I finally finished washing my hair and turned the hose off. I got out of the tub and realized I had no towel, no underwear, no nothing. I basically was standing there naked. I was dripping wet and cold.I needed something to cover myself with but unfortunately I had nothing.

"Hey Kitty? You don't have a towel or something I can cover myself up with by any chance do you?"

I heard her come to the door and someone who wasn't Kitty opened it. I yelped and tried to cover my naked and wet body.

"Hey, calm down! I'm Santana, Kitty told me to give you this robe.

"Uh.. thanks."

"You know, you have a really hot body. I don't know why Kitty always called you 'Pudgy Marley' or even fat." I blushed a bit. I just got called hot by Santana. The Santana Lopez. The HBIC.

"Oh thank you. I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah Kitty had to leave for some emergency cheerleading practice and so I decided to stay and take care of you."

"I really appreciate it that."

"You might want to put on this robe, you're turning blue." I took the robe and Santana left without another word. As I dried myself I noticed the bra and underwear were too sexy for wearing. When I was thin enough to look good in them I would wear them around the house just to feel sexy. But with the fat that seems overwhelm my body I was no longer feeling the get-up. I put them on and slipped the robe on again. I was freezing which was weird because the bathroom was a sauna from me using all the hot water. I walked out of the bathroom to find Santana in the most awkward position ever. Whatever she was doing she tried to keep it secretive and I tried my best to make it seem like I didn't catch her doing anything obsurd.

"Oh, so you don't knock when you come into a different room?" I heard Santana say as I tried to find my suitcase. It was on the bed right next to her.

"I'm sorry. I-I just, I forgot." I felt so small in not just size but also the fact that she was so much better then me. Better looking, better talking, better everything. No wonder everyone still talked about her at school.

"Whatever, come over pudgy." I stepped closer to the bed. I got a bit nervous as I didn't know what she wanted.

"Tell me this. Why are you so self-conscious about your body? You look great, honestly, if you weren't dating trouty mouth I would not mind having a piece of you." I furrowed my brows. Was Santana Lopez hitting on me?

"Uh, Santana that's really flattering but I-I'm tak-" I was interuppted with her standing up and getting a bit closer then I would have liked.

"See that still doesn't stop me from getting what I want. And what I want is you."

"Santana n-no." I took a step back. Her dominance got me scared and flashbacks of the night when Jerry tried to do the same thing came back. I felt uncomfortable and I needed space. I felt Santana grab my wrists and in an instant her face went from a smirk to a confused expression. She rubbed her thumbs on my wrists and in an instant I realized she was touching my scars. She moved the sleeves and I tried to pull away but to no avail as she took a good look and gave me a look of pity.

"Marley, w-why would you do this?" She asked with genuine concern.

"Don't, don't tell. Please." I begged her. The tears were already forming.

"Why Marley?" She asked with deep concern.

"Why? Why do I cut myself? You want to know why? I'll tell you why. Because I hate myself. Because I'm not Kitty Wilde or Brittany Pierce with their amazing bodies. I'm not a Rachel Berry with her amazing voice. I'm not you Santana. I'm not what my dance teacher wants me to be, I'm pretty sure Sam finds other girls attractive and he's only with me because he feels bad. I want to be perfect Santana. I just want to be perfect." I started to sob and I was so embarrassed by that feeling was overwhelmed by my self-hatred for myself.

"Shhhh. Please don't cry. Marley I won't lie, you are absolutely amazing. I mean absolutely gorgeous, and your voice is so soothing. I remember when I heard it a while back when you were in the bathroom after lunch. I don't think you understand how amazing you are though. And I don't think Sam understands how much you hate yourself. Marley look at me." She cupped my face.

"I'm going to help you. I will help you. I will make sure to always be here for you. When I struggled with coming out, I needed someone. I know how it feels to need someone. To want someone or something you can't have. I promise to protect you. You need to trust me, okay?" 'You need to trust me.' That's exactly what Sam told me the first time we shared our first kiss together outside the school. She kissed my scars on my forearms and then kissed my tears away. She gave me my pj's and helped me get into them since I couldn't life my leg up to high or it would hurt. She laid me down on the bed and all I needed was someone to cuddle with. Santana didn't seem to mind and so she snuggled next to me, wrapping an arm around me.

"Kitty wanted me to get you flustered she wanted to tell Sam you cheated on him with me. And I didn't realize at the time how hurt you would be and decided to go with it. A rumor is going around that you binge and purge. I'm so sorry Marley." She looked down at me as I started to shake in sobs. I couldn't believe what she was saying. Kitty set me up. She didn't want to help me in the bathroom a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to ruin my life. I couldn't take the news and I felt my anxiety attack surface. I was shaking and sobbing and I couldn't control myself. Santana held on to me tighter, holding me in a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry Marley. I'm so sorry." Those were the last words I heard before I fell asleep in Santana's arms.


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you so much for the comments and critiques! I really appreciated them because I now know exactly how I want this to go.

**Warnings:** PLOT TWIST. **TRIGGER WARNING. **Along with death, lots of ugly sobbing, self-harm, **TRIGGER WARNING, **self-hate(extreme) and such. **TRIGGER WARNING. **This is angsty and if I had not made it clear enough, **TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU TO READ THIS CHAPTER WITH CAUTION. ESPECIALLY THIS CHAPTER. **and I cried while writing this**.**

I woke up to the smell of a sweet scent. A mixture of vanilla and cinnamon. It smelt delicious and I thought I was in a dream. This 'it' turned out to be a her. I slowly opened my eyes noticing a pair of arms wrapped around me. I was no longer in Kitty's room, in fact I had no idea where I was. I looked around and eyeballed everything trying to figure where the hell I was. It was a nice room, it was big, with red walls and black and white accessories. A Louisville cheerleading uniform was hung on a door. I could have sworn I heard that Santana went to that University. A sudden voice interrupted my train of thought.

"Morning!" Santana's sleepy voice turned into a weird sound while she yawned and stretched.

"Morning Santana. I was just wondering wh-"

"We're in my apartment. More of a condo, but I'll settle with apartment since condo sounds like I'm some rich bitch. I rented this place while I stay here in Lima." She looked over at her clock on her nightstand.

"Oh, well your room is really nice I won't lie. But how di-" interrupted again.

"I decided staying at Kitty's was a bad idea. Especially after what I told you and I didn't want you to break down crying again if she came back and decided to spit a few venomous words at you, so I decided to bring you to my place since you're homeless. You're welcome." She raised her left eyebrow.

"Thank you Santana. I really appreciate what you did for me. And what you told me as well, I really thought Kitty and I were getting along. I guess I should have seen it coming." I tried to blink my tears away as I remembered everything Santana had told me what Kitty was trying to do to me. I was shocked of course, frantic, trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together and it seemed as though I had gotten part of the puzzle. I just wanted to know why. What did I do for Kitty to hate me so much? To go through all that trouble just to make my life ten times more miserable.

"Yeah well you're too innocent and gullible and would accept any kind of relationship with anyone just so you could feel better about yourself. It doesn't come as a surprise to me when you fell for it. Kitty is a bitch. Not a bigger bitch then me of course, but she is one. And if you think for one second that she wouldn't try to sabotage anyone or anything that you love, think again." I looked up at her. I really appreciated Santana trying to help me out. Or maybe she was just sabotaging me like Kitty was. I doubted it because it seemed that Santana and Kitty weren't on the best of terms. Or that's what I heard at least.

"Stop looking at me like that. Are you listening to what I'm saying? You know what, it's your own fault. Like I said you're too gullible." I kept on staring at her not because I was attracted, but I remember her saying something last night and I thought if I kept on staring at her maybe it would pop into my head.

"Hey, Santana did you really mean everything you said last night about me being beautiful and you know... gorgeous?" I was nervous to hear the answer.

"No. You probably were too emotional to hear what I was saying over your excessive sobbing. I just said your pretty and you have a great voice. Don't take it the wrong way Marley, you're not my type. Actually, you could be, but I'm not interested."

"Oh, well I wasn't really trying to hit on you or... or anything. I-I just wanted to know if what I heard was right." I could have sworn she said I was gorgeous. And then the events of last night started pouring in. One thing I remember so perfectly. 'She wanted to tell Sam you cheated on him with me.'

Oh my god.

"Woah, you okay? Your eyes just bulged out of your eye sockets."

"You- you said. You said that this was all part of Kitty's plan, to ruin my life? And, correct me if I'm wrong, and **please**, correct me, but she wanted to tell Sam I cheated on him with you? And that's why you were hitting on me last night? And that's why Kitty was so nice about me staying at her place. This was all just a set up? And the fact that she helped me throw up was so she can go around and humiliate me?" I was off the bed and now on my feet. The anger was building up inside of me and I could tell Santana was afraid to answer. She furrowed her brows, crossed her arms and titled her head to the left a bit.

"Wait, so you do purge?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION SANTANA!" I was just about ready to explode. My voice sounded weak. I started to cough after yelling and my voice cracked a bit.

"Yes, all of what you said is true. Nothing is incorrect. Spell check has done it's duty. Now can we move on from this topic? I'm hungry and so are you. You're all bones, _dios mío._" Santana looked me up and down and reached for my arm, squeezing it. She gave me a disgusted look and shook her head a bit before continuing.

"Seriously Marley, you need a burger, _enchiladas, tartar, _anything really." She started to walk out of the room. How could she just leave. This was my life. It was falling apart. I thought it was falling apart before but now Kitty is doing it for me. I have to tell Sam what happened between me and Santana before somebody else gets to him.

"Santana wait. You need to be there with me when I tell Sam what happened."

"Are you crazy? _Claramente que está jodidamente delirante!_" She looked mad and I couldn't understand why.

"This is your problem Marley, not mine, and unless you want me to go Lima Heights on you and your boyfriends asses I would watch out. This is high school. Rumors are going to go around about you, and your going to have your fair share of boyfriends, maybe girlfriends, hook ups, break ups, mental breakdowns, drug and alcohol abuse, and many other things such as sex addiction problems, or getting pregnant like the infamous Quinn Fabrey. You need to deal. Just because you have an eating disorder and sure you cut yourself here and there, but that does not mean you are going to get pity for it. This is real life Marley. And if you don't like it, _ese es su problema_. You are going to have to get used to it or you might just end up taking your own life. If I was able to hide my love for Britney for so long and fight with myself to accept who I was, and lose my abuela, I think you can take some rumor. If this is what you think is a big deal now, wait and see the shit you'll be going through later. _Me entienden?_"

I felt my eyes quickly tear up. I just had a reality check and I didn't like it. Maybe Santana was right, maybe I was freaking out over nothing. But she had no right to call me out on my problems. If she only knew how much I hated myself already. How I blamed myself for everything, how... I complained about everything. I really was just another lost cause wasn't I? Maybe she was right about everything. If I can't take it now I might as well just end it now. End it all. The pain, the struggle, the endless worrying, the sleepless nights, the itches, the feeling of my stomach getting smaller when I didn't eat for hours, counting my calories and measuring out my portions, I could just end all of it. With a simple cut through a vein. I could end it all right there in Santana's room.

"That doesn't mean I want you to kill yourself Marley. That doesn't mean your problems aren't serious. I know I sounded cruel and I know what your thinking. But listen to me, and listen to me well. I wouldn't be here talking to you if I didn't care. I do. A lot. I used to binge and purge back in high school. I still do sometimes. Not because I think I'm fat, because I mean come on, look at me. I'm sexy, and everyone wants me. I'm walking sex. Anyways, my point is, you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you. And I guess I will let Sam know what happened. Clearly your head over heels for that boy and I know that if someone tricked me into cheating on Bri- on someone I was head over heels for, I would kick them in the balls, or vagina, and made **sure **they told everyone the truth." If you ask me, I think Santana is a bit bipolar. I heard she had some alter ego and I don't know why but part of me is saying that the person I was talking to now was not the same person who was yelling at me and making me feel awful before.

"Do I make myself clear Pudge?" Did she just call me Pudge?

"Yes I called you Pudge. I can't think of a nickname for you. It's bothering me. A lot."

"Um, yeah I understand." I looked down and noticed that my bandage on my leg needed to be changed and I thought it was a great opportunity to excuse myself to her bathroom and let this itch be scratched.

"Can I use your bathroom Santana? I need to change my bandage around my thigh."

"Yeah sure Pudgy... no shit, the hell am I supposed to call you? My little bitch? Hey, I like the sound of that. 'My little bitch'. Sounds like my little pony." Santana started to leave her room singing my little pony but instead of pony she said 'bitch'. I really had no desire of arguing with Santana over my nickname so I decided to just ignore it. I went to my suitcase, half limping, half jumping to find that my razors were still secretly hidden way at the bottom of my suitcase. I took them out along with a new bandage and the medication I had to put. I limped to her bathroom and shut the door behind me, locking it. I decided to cut first just in case I make a mess on my clean band-aid. I took out the first razor in my reach and looked at my wrist. I noticed that I still had stitches from **that **night. I cringed at the thought of what Sam and my mom were going through. My own dad, shot me. And he didn't even visit me while in the hospital. No flowers were sent, no nothing. I got angrier as I thought more of what he did to me. I decided the next place to cut was on my thighs. They could be kept well hidden and there was a lot more space to cut. I held the razor and put it against my skin. I started to tear through it.

This was for being fat.

This was for being ugly.

This was for being weak.

The tears started to form.

This was for being stupid.

This was for being gullible.

This was for being a waste of life.

It became uncontrollable sobs and the tears fell mixing in with the blood.

This was for the pain my dad had put me through.

This was for the pain I still deserved.

This is all because I'm me.

One more I thought. One more cut.

This was for being Marley Ann Rose.

I ended up with 4 cuts on my left thigh and 6 on right. They were thin but the blood seeped out and the blood trailed down my thigh. It looked like blood had been painted on me. I put my head against the wall and just cried. Cried because that was all I could do. I grabbed some tissues so I wouldn't make a mess. I cleaned it all up and decided it was time to change the band-aid. I slowly removed it and looked closely at the wound. It was stitched up with a black and blue bruise around it. I carefully put the medication on and even slower I wrapped the clean band-age around my thigh. I left the bathroom being cautious of the stinging I had on my thighs rubbing against my pajama pants. I left the room and walked down the hallway following the smell of eggs. Great, how was I supposed to avoid eating? Santana fears no bitch and trusts no man. Clearly she was going to put up a fight if I didn't eat. I finally made it to the kitchen after what seemed like miles of walking. Santana's apartment looked over the nicer part of Lima. The large windows, and when I say large I mean so large they were basically the walls, gave a beautiful view. They gave a futuristic vibe to Santana's modern apartment. I noticed her theme was black, white and red. It seemed to really suit her personality. I got so carried away with the details of her home, I didn't even notice the evil stare Santana was giving me.

"Hey Pudgey, why are you observing my home like that. Do you not like it? Is it ugly? Wait. Don't answer because I don't give a rat's ass on your opinion." She went back to flipping her eggs. I didn't say anything but instead stared at her. I'm no lesbian but Santana was true beauty. She was sexy yes, who wouldn't think so, but she had this aura about her that got me drawn to her. It seemed inevitable and I couldn't help but sigh because I wanted that. I wanted to have that effect on people. She was wearing black and white polka dot pjs bottoms with a black 'love pink' shirt. It was scooped so low that her boobs looked really big and defined. Or maybe she was wearing a push up bra? Wait I could have sworn I heard a rumor that she had gotten breast implants years ago. I always wanted those skinny thighs, that didn't touch, and were toned. And the flat abs that Santana had did not make myself feel any better. And her soft long hair, and soft skin and she was just perfect. Everything I wasn't.

Everything I wanted to be.

Perfect.

"Are you done staring Pudge?" She flipped the eggs and placed them on a square-shaped, black plate.

"No I wasn't staring. I-I-" busted.

"Shut up I know that you were staring. I know the feeling of being watched really well and you're no exception to my feeling. Sit. We're having omelette and do not say you are not hungry because not only will I go Lima Heights on your anorexic ass, but I will personally shove the eggs down your throat you won't be able to barf the remains up. ¿Ha quedado claro?" She put the plate on the dinning room table that was next to one of the large windows. I followed her and took my seat. The eggs looked good and they smelt appealing but I had gotten so used to not eating that my stomach almost does flips at the sight or smell of food. I really wasn't hungry, but Santana was going to kill me if I didn't eat her omelette. I kept on staring at them contemplating on what to do.

"Listen Pudgy, if you're not going to eat I will feed you. I guess that's the only way to get you to eat." She said as she sat down with her omelette. She took my fork and cut the omelette and held the fork in front of my mouth waiting for me to open. She gave me a dirty look when I didn't open.

"Open Marley or I swear to god you will not here the end of this. OPEN."

"Santana I'm not hu-" And she shoved the fork in my mouth. I had no choice but to chew and I did. Slowly at first but as I kept on chewing I started to enjoy it. It was not bad. But it was still food and who knows how many calories could have been in that bite.

"It's good right? Don't answer that, I know it is. Now eat, remember your my little bitch?" I looked at her with a confused expression as she took a bite out of the omelette.

"It's great, but I'm really not that hungry, and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped calling me 'Pudgy'. That is not a word of endearment, nor is 'my little bitch'. I really appreciate what you are doing for me but forcing me to eat will not make me feel better." I looked at her and waited for her to reply.

"Listen Pudgy. First, your nickname was not meant for endearment. Second, I am not here to play the role of the best friend who sympathizes with you. That is not how it goes. Third, this is my apartment and my rules. If you don't like it, pack your bags and get the fuck out." She was not kidding. Even if she said she was, I would not believe her.

"I-I got it." I looked back down at my plate.

"And stop stuttering. I don't bite, I'm playful yes, but I don't bite for the pain. More so for the pleasure. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it. Sorry."

"Whatever Pudge."

There was a long moment of silence as we ate our omelette. Santana was on her iPhone and all I did was pick at my omelette.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

20 minutes. Passed and still no one has talked. Nothing was said as Santana got up put the plate in the sink and left the kitchen still looking through her phone. I decided it was my chance to throw out the omelette. It was cold anyways, that could be my excuse if Santana decided to question why there is omelette in the garbage. I slowly and quietly got up and opened the garbage can dumping the omelette in it and closing it. I put the plate in the sink and took a piece of a paper towel and scrunched it up. I threw it in the garbage making sure it covered the omelette. I walked back to Santana's room to check if I had any new messages or calls on my phone. I found it on the nightstand and was thankful to see that there was not a single message or call. Which was weird because normally Sam would have called or texted and I could have sworn I was supposed to get a call from my mom's doctor. Wait, what if something is wrong? What if they're condition had gotten worse? I felt my heart pound faster and I started to get light-headed. I slowly walked over to my suitcase, more like limping; wincing at every step I took, and took out my anxiety medication. I took the bottle of water that was next to it out and after taking the medication I let out a gasp. I turned back to Santana's nightstand as I noticed a picture of her and someone else. I limped back over and sat on her bed. I picked up the picture to see Santana and with someone who looked like her grandma. They looked so happy. The picture didn't look recent but something that was taken when Santana was maybe a sophomore. I noticed that there was not a lot of pictures of Santana with family. More of her with Brittany which makes sense, I think.

"She doesn't even speak to me anymore. She was so ashamed of what I told her I was and she disowned me. She was ashamed of me." I heard Santana say from the door. She came closer and sat next to me looking at the picture with me.

"I remember everything so perfectly. The exact words she said after I told her I was a lesbian. She said it was selfish of me to make her feel uncomfortable. That the sin wasn't in the thing, it was in the scandal, when people talk about it out loud. That it would have been better if I kept it a secret. I never saw her after that day. I packed my bags and left. I lost someone I loved Marley. Someone who I looked up to as my mother. And she just left me like that. Because I was a sin. Because I loved Brittany and because I was happy. I was happy and she took it away from me. Sure I had Brittany but my abuela. She was my everything. She was so strong, so proud of who she was. Yet not of me. She just... she hates me." I stared at Santana and saw the tears forming in her eyes and her voice cracking as she talked broke me heart even more. I didn't know what to say.

"I loved Brittany. I still do. And I think I 've lost her and now I-I-I just don't know. I've lost the two most important things in my life and I don't think I can get them back." She wiped her tears away and stood up taking the picture and putting it back on her nightstand.

"I'm so sorry Santana. I just, I didn't know and I want you to know that I'm here for you. If you feel unloved just know I'll be here to give you that. I promise I don't bite. Not even for pleasure!" I used the same joke she used on me and I saw her smile a bit. She sniffled and walked over to give me a hug.

"You're still my little bitch, Pudgy. And this does not mean I'm being sympathetic." I hooked my chin on her shoulder and closed my eyes as I remembered how much I loved hugs. I felt safe, secure and loved. Just like Sam's hugs, but his were special. He always rubbed my back and gave me a kiss on the shoulder and then my neck. He murmed his 'I love you's' and when we would break away he always looked into my eyes. Those moments. I wanted them to last forever.

We broke away from the hug and my phone started to vibrate. I opened the text from Sam.

_Hey babe, I miss you lots. visit me soon? _I smiled and decided it was a good idea to do so.

_**Of course. I miss you too xx. **_

"Santana can you drive me to the hospital? I want to visit Sam and check up on my mom."

"Yeah sure Pudgy, let's go."

"I missed you. How has your leg been?" Sam asked holding my hand as I stood over him. He was still on bed rest and was wearing the hospital robe that still seemed to fit him the right away.

"I'm fine Sam, are you okay? Are you still hurting?"

"I told you I'm fine Marley." He tried sitting up straight. As he did he squeezed his eyes shut and winced in pain. I tried being sympathetic and tried helping him but I didn't want to hurt him.

"Babe, don't worry about me. I just can't move a lot. I have good news though."

"Okay, okay I'm sorry. What's the good news?" He took my hand into his hands.

"Tonights the last night I have to sleep here. I get to go home tomorrow morning!" I smiled, but for some reason I didn't get excited. I just felt worried. Sam was safe here, and I was kind of paranoid that he might get hurt again but that time it would be fatal.

"That's great. I really missed you, a lot."

"Are you okay Marley? You've been acting weird since you came here. And since when are you friends with Santana? I was kind of surprised to see her here." I looked behind me to see Santana looking through the glass window giving me a nod.

_**We were in the car on our way home. I was scared to see Sam for many reasons. One was I had to tell him the thing that happened between Santana and I had to tell him the truth and the guilt had just hit me in the car. I basically cheated on him. Well I didn't, I don't kno what exactly happened but I had to tell him. And keeping something else from him wouldn't help our relationship. **_

_** "I have to tell him, don't I." I kept my eyes fixed on the passing scenery.**_

_** "You don't have to tell him now. Just wait for the right moment." **_

_** "But he can read me like a book Santana. He knows me so well."**_

_** "So why hasn't he figured out that you have an eating disorder and that you cut?" She looked at me.**_

_** "I'm good at hiding things."**_

_** "You realize you are contradicting yourself? Listen, I know that if my girlfriend cheated on me I would want to hear it from her, not from someone else."**_

_** "I'm scared of how he would react."**_

_** "And how would he react if someone else told him? He'd think that you did it on purpose. He'd think you didn't love him and that there was someone better."**_

_** "But there isn't." I looked down at my hands.**_

_** "He's not going to know that. Just tell him the truth."**_

_** "Why don't you tell him? You were the one who came on to me!"**_

_** "Yes but you didn't resist."**_

_** "But I told you not too! And luckily you stopped before anything happened an-" I started to get angry.**_

_** "Just tell him."**_

I felt a hand creep into mine, his hand tightening, trying to get my attention.I turned to face him and I felt my mind racing. The thoughts clouding my judgement. I felt my heart race and I felt sick. I just didn't know what to tell him.

"Marley." His voice stern with a softness to it.

"After I left the hospital, I went home but I couldn't stay there because it was a crime scene. I called Kitty, she picked me up and took me to stay at her place. I took a shower there and Santana came over while I was showering. I got out and one thing led to another. She was being flirty and came on to me. We didn't kiss! She was about to but nothing happened. It didn't mean anything Sam. It was all part of Kitty's plan to tell everyone that I cheated on you, she wanted to ruin our relationship." I took a deep breath and waited for him to say anything. His eyes were wide and he gave me a vague expression.

"Please say something." I whispered.

"What do you want me to say?" I felt him let go of my hand. I felt the tears start to form.

"Anything. Are you mad?" Of course he's mad Marley. You fucking cheated on him.

"I just need my space." He put his head down.

"Sam, please I-I didn't mean to hurt you. It didn't mean anything, I promise you. I love you."

"Too late."

"So that's it? Are you breaking up with me?"

** "**No. I just need space Marley. Just leave. Please." He sounded hurt. He was hurt. And it was my fault.

I wiped a tear away and leaned in to give him a kiss but he moved his head and I missed. I tried to hold myself together. I tried to leave the room as fast as possible. As fast as I could with my limp.

"Don't bother coming to get me tomorrow to pick me up. I'll just call one of the guys." I turned around to see him looking straight at me. I nodded my head. And I lost all composure and just let the tears fall. I walked out and brushed past Santana. I heard her call out but I didn't bother to answer. I ran into a bathroom because I knew I wasn't going to make it to the car. I locked the door behind me and I let out sobs. Quiet, choking sobs. Ones were I couldn't let out a sound but let out heavy tears. I screwed everything up. Our relationship was ruined. I felt the world around me just crumble. All I could think about was all those moments he and I shared. From him finding me with slits on my wrist to holding me while I cried. While I had nightmares every night. Were I felt alone but he was there to let me know that I wasn't. I felt myself become drained. He still doesn't know half of my story. Sure he caught me cutting once, but he thinks I've stopped. He still doesn't know how much I hate myself. And now the hate for myself has grown ten times stronger because I ruined everything. I heard a knock on the door.

"Marley. Marley, open the door. I swear I will kick this door down if you do not open it." I unlocked the door and waited for Santana to barge in. But instead she opened the door slowly being cautious and closed the door and locked it. She took me in a hug and the quiet sobs turned into loud ones. Ones were they were so loud and uncontrollable. I let the tears soak Santana's blue blazer. She soothed my back and said the occasional 'shhs'. I just wanted to sleep.

"I-I-I, can we go-o home." I could barely let the sentence out and the tears did not help.

"Of course."

I laid in Santana's bed and more tears fell over the dried ones. To make matters worse, my mind decided to play flashbacks of those moments that Sam and I shared. From our first kiss, to those nights were we just laid there. Nothing had to be said because we knew exactly what we were thinking. Those days were we'd come from school and just talk to my mom. When we'd watch all those movies together. Laughing at each other when we cried. When he would kiss my tears away and sang me to sleep when I woke up to nightmares. When he always told me he would protect me. When he told me he'd never be the reason for my tears. Those promises kept. Those secrets I kept hidden from me. And all I could do was cry.

Santana occasionally came in to check up on me. She'd just sit on the edge of the bed and wipe my tears away. She'd wouldn't speak. She would just sit there and I didn't bother to say anything either. She'd enter without speaking and leave without a word, but a kiss on my head. She made me soup but I didn't eat it. She made me tea and I drank it all. It soothed my throat and after finishing it I went back to lying down and just staring at the picture of Santana and her abuela. How their relationship was torn apart because Santana's abuella didn't accept her. How could Santana do it. Of course she kept a guard up, but when did she break?

Time seemed to have passed by and it was no longer afternoon but the evening. Santana came in and got dressed in her pj's. She went on the other of the bed and crept under the blankets. I flipped over to my left side to meet Santana right in the middle. She gave me a small smile. And I tried to return it but I felt it falter as soon as I tried. Her smile fell as well.

"I'm sorry." She whispered quietly. She held her arms out and I slid in them. I closed my eyes and relaxed as Santana sang. But I didn't recognize the song, nor was it in english. But nonetheless, it was soothing and I felt myself slowly drift to sleep. I prayed that my mom would be okay and that Sam... I didn't know what to pray for. But I was so thankful to have Santana. At least for now.

I woke up to find Santana still asleep and I noticed we had not changed the position we slept in hours before. I was still wrapped in a tight embrace. I didn't bother moving as I didn't want to wake her up. I just stared at her. I wanted to figure her out. Why she was so guarded. I needed something to take my mind off of what happened last night. I thought about how much pain she was in when her abuella disowned her. How her and Brittany broke up. Or were taking a 'break'. Just like Sam and I. We were taking a 'break'.

"Why are you staring at me again?" Santana mumbled her eyes still closed.

"I just was observing."

"Stop being observant. It's creepy." She slowly opened her eyes and smiled a bit.

"Thank you. For everything."

"It's the least I can do. I was the one who came on to you and nearly ruined a perfectly good relationship. I like you guys a lot better then Finchel." She looked at the position we were in and quickly removed her hands and stretched.

"Right." I looked away.

"How do you do it Santana? How do you go about not breaking? Your abuella left you, and your relationship with Brittany isn't at its climax. I don't understand, how can you go about like this?" She looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You think I don't break? That I'm just this big bitch? Well you're right about the big bitch part. Because I am one. But I guess I know that my abuella still loves me. That she'll take me back. One day. And Brittany and I. We just hit a bump. Maybe we'll get back together. Maybe we won't. I want her to be happy. And she is, and so am I, I like the single life. Not being a lovesick puppy. The University I go to is far away to get away from it all. And I made new friends. My life is fine. I don't need anybody."

"What about all your glee friends that graduated?"

"Quinn is doing her thing at Yale, Puckerman is god knows where, Finn is doing fine. I mean we're hundreds of miles away from each other. It's not like I get to see them often."

"What about Rachel Berry? I heard you guys had quite the relationship."

Santana gave a light chuckle. "Yeah, man-hands. I miss her. A lot. It's weird because she was my least favorite person. But I kind of miss her and it might seem corny but she was the only real person, besides Brittany, who seemed to care. Even when I was a massive bitch to her." Santana smiled and that smile quickly faded. "We've all moved on so it doesn't matter anyways."

"You've got me." I smiled.

"Yes, I got you Pudgy." She smiled back. Our bonding moment was interrupted by the sound of my cell phone vibrating. I reached behind me to get it and looked at the caller I.D. It was the hospital. Weird I thought.

"Hello?"

"Is this Miss. Marley Ann Rose?"

"Yes it is."

"Miss. Rose we're going to need you to come down to the hospital."

"Why is everything okay?" I was getting nervous and Santana gave me a scowl.

"Miss. Rose your mother is not in good condition. It seems that the surgery did not turn out to be successful. We need you to be down here." I felt my heart stop. The world stopped and shivers ran down my spine. Hell froze over.

"I-I'm on my way." I got out of bed, Santana right behind me. I through on pants and boots, running out to the car. Santana was already in the car starting it and we drove to the hospital.

I tried to run, occasionally stopping because my leg was in pain. I walked up to the reception desk.

"Marley Rose. I'm here for my mom." The receptionist seemed to be expecting me and got up leading me to my mom's room, Santana behind me. If matters couldn't get any worse, Sam and who I assumed was the Puckerman, Santana had referred to earlier.

"Is that the HBIC, Santana Lopez?"

"Noah? What are you doing here?"

"Came to pick up my man Sam. I'll be in town for a while so I'm going to be spending quality time with this fella." He patted Sam's shoulder. It was all too awkward.

"And who are you beautiful?"

I walked after the nurse ignoring Puckerman's question.

"Marley! Ugh." I heard Santana run after me.

"Oh, wasn't that your girlfriend?"

"Puck walk or I will fucking beat you even while in this wheel chair."

I made it to the room and saw my mom laying down with all these machines hooked on to her.

"She is on life support right now. If we take her off of it, she'd only have a couple of hours to live."

"So what are you trying to say? That she isn't going to make it either way?"

"I'm very sorry Marley. But the doctors cannot do anything about it." I looked through the window. I didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet. Not now. I felt the tears forming already and Santana placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I can't do it. I can't go and say goodbye. That's my mom Santana. That's the woman who never ever left me. Gave me unconditional love. She shouldn't be here. She should be home with me, we should be eating tubs of ice cream and laughing and smiling. She won't be there to see me graduate. See me get married. See me grow up. I promised her we would find a nicer place to live. That I would give her a better life. And now I have to decide if she should get to live or die."

"Go in and tell her. And hold on to those moments, those last moments you'll have with her."

"I can't." I barely choked it out.

"I'll be right here."

"I will be too." I turned around to see Sam standing up, holding on to the wall.

"S-am." He slowly moved towards me and wrapped me in the hug that I missed. That I desperately missed. He kissed my shoulder and neck.

"I love you." He murmured.

I heard the door open.

"Miss Rose, I'm Doctor Madison. Your mom is waiting for you."

I walked inside the room. The sound of the machines and the smell of a clean, sterile room reminded me of those times I woke up in the hospital alone. And now I'd be leaving alone.

"Hey Mom."

Nothing. Her eyes were still closed.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not. This is seems so cliché." I walked over to the bed and sat in the chair right beside it.

"I don't know what to say." Nothing. "Remember that time, when we laughed at that family who were filthy rich? They had designer bags, shoes, pants, shirts, and accessories on? And the mom had blond highlights and ugly makeup and she wore those 5 inch shoes. And they had this nice car. And the girl who looked like my age looked like she was in misery." I smiled at the memory. "And you said that they might have everything, but there is one thing they are missing. And you said love. That the only love they shared was for the things they owned. And that they were probably so jealous of us because we were happy and we had each other. And that no matter what we'd stick together. And we'd never leave each other because our love was so strong." I wiped my tears away and grabbed her hand. "Why are you leaving me?" No answer. "I just want to hear your voice again. Let me know you hear me. I don't want to talk anymore. I just want to hear you." Silence still shook the room. "Remember when we bought that karaoke machine when I was eight? And every Friday we would sing any song? And you told me I had a gift? We missed the past 8 Friday's but that's okay. It's breaking anyways. Mommy. Please answer me." I felt the warm tears pool again. And my throat got tighter and I felt light-headed. "Remember how you used to say I love you to the moon and back in front of everyone. And I used to get embarrassed? And those times you didn't want to be seen with me because you were worried I'd get bullied. I'm not me anymore. I wasn't me after the incident with me ending up in the hospital. It was going to happen anyways. I started cutting and crying. I had nightmares and I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I wanted to you to be happy and healthy. But then dad came back and he... he ruined everything. He is taking you away from me. I won't have anyone left. Mom. Mom please just stay a little bit longer."

"I love you Marley. I love you to the moon and back." I heard her mumble out her eyes slowly opening, her hand squeezing mine. I felt the tears form and I tried wiping them away.

"I'm so sorry. For everything."

"Not your fault sweetiepie." Her voice was rough.

"Are you in pain?" She squeezed my hand in response.

"The doctors said you either live off on life support or I can take you off of it. And you wouldn't be in pain anymore! We could talk and you can be happy and all these machines would be removed and... and what do you think?"

"I just want a hug and kiss goodnight." I wiped my tears and sniffed.

"Goodnight? No you'll be okay. No need for a goodnight kiss and hug. Just a regular hug and kiss." I leaned down to give her a hug and kiss not moving. I gave her kiss after kiss. And didn't let go. I moved back to see her. I sat on the bed beside her.

"I'll visit you when you sleep. Remember when I would tell you before bed, that if you ever get scared, or ever feel alone, know I'll be there when you wake up. Just know that I'll be there when you sleep. I'll visit you in your dreams and we could share those memories all over again. How does that sound sweetiepie?" I shook my head no.

"No don't say that. We're going to get out of here. We're going to share memories here in life. Not in dreams."

"I love you Marley. I love you to the moon and back." I felt her hand go limp. And the machine beep.

"Mom. Mommy. MOM! MOM PLEASE WAKE UP. PLEASE COME ON." The doctors ran in and someone was pulling me away.

"NO. STOP I DON'T WANT TO LET GO. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LEAVE HER. MOMMY. PLEASE WAKE UP." I was stunned and I the strong arms pulling me away would not let go.

"I love you to the moon and back. I love you forever. I promise." I whispered. I was pushed out of the room and watched as the doctors tried to revive her. Everything slowed down. The earth stopped moving. I didn't hear anything. I just stood there watching my mom. Her lifeless body laying there. I felt numb. Broken. Lost.

That tunnel I was in lost the light to guide me out.

Hey guys quick question, Santana is going to be a big part of Marley's life and I was wondering what pairings other then Brittana would you like to see Santana be in. This does not mean that the focus will on her relationship. Because it won't be. Just a side pairing! Thank you! Lots of Love xx.


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you guys so so so much for the comments! I really appreciated them and took in account of your suggestions! I agreed with them wholeheartedly and I am using them to continue the story. I'm already on chapter 13 which is crazy and I hope to continue on a bit more before I wrap it up! This chapter does have 'sexy times' but I can't write smut because I just suck at it. So don't get all excited for smut because there won't be. It'll be very vague. I am on winter break now so I should be able to get more chapters in and update more frequently (no promises). As a christmas/ whatever holiday you celebrate I put lots and lots and lots of Sarley in this chapter. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday! Stay warm and be thankful! Lots of love xx. S.

**Warnings:** **TRIGGER WARNING, angst, **love-making (not really), and **plot twist.**

My mornings were dull. More dull than they were before. My days too long and painful. My nights endless. If it weren't for Sam, Santana and Puck I think I'd be dead right now. But unfortunately, I'm not. Days passed, weeks, until it seemed like a month had passed. It was the holiday season and I wasn't looking forward to it one bit. I didn't want to celebrate Christmas without my mom. This year we were just getting by with money issues and we weren't going to be able to afford a tree or even presents this year. But that didn't matter because all I needed was her. But she isn't even here. No she's going to be celebrating Christmas up in heaven with the most beautiful tree. She'll be happy and knowing that she's okay makes things a bit better. I've been distant to everyone, including Sam and he's taking it well. I guess he understands that I just need my space. But he also knew that I still wanted those hugs, and nights were he would sneak under my covers and hold me while I cried. His gentle kisses always seemed to make me feel somewhat better. I don't think I'll ever be better. I know they say that time heals everything but, time seems to work against me.

It was another sleepless night and I woke up to find Sam awake looking right at me. He always woke up before me and I'm not exactly sure if it's because he just wakes up or it's because he worries about me but he never fails to wake up earlier than me. He gave me a light smile and brushed strands of hair out of my face. I tried to give him a smile but it faltered as I remembered the reason he's been giving me these little sympathetic smiles. It's because he feels bad and I don't want him to feel bad. I gave him a peck on the lips which instead turned into something more passionate. Our lips locking and his hand in my hair holding me there. His lips were so soft and it tasted sweet and I savored it. I felt his tongue begging for entrance and so I let him in. Our tongues working together neither one of us trying to over power the other. I felt like I was on cloud nine. I always felt so buzzed while kissing him. What seemed like an endless, but amazing, kissing session ended with him breaking away. I pouted a bit, wanting his lips to reconnect with mine but instead I was given a smirk. Our hands found each other and we interlocked our fingers. His thumb was rubbing my hand, our limbs intertwined with each other, my head in between his head and shoulder and if we could be any closer we'd be one person. These were the moments I loved because even in my darkest times I still had him to guide me out. He was my light. We usually stayed in bed for 20 minutes before one of us interrupted the perfect moment. It was usually him and I usually didn't mind it because we had things to do, but I wasn't too happy about it this time.

"Where are you going? It's Sunday!" He got up and started looking for his shirt. I guess he forgot that I was wearing it and so I decided not to tell him.

"I have to go take care of errands babe, I promise I'll be back soon! If I can just find my shirt that would be great..." He started mumbling something incoherent and I sat under the blanket and watched as he put on his pants. Sam liked sleeping naked which may seem weird to some but to me it was something I was used to. We never had sex and it's not like he was a virgin. But I was. And I was terrified to let him know. And I'm a girl and I'm sixteen, it's normal to have those urges to pounce on someone and just have the perfect night with that special someone. And I remember talking to my mom about how I believed that Sam was the one and that maybe he'd be my first. My mom surprisingly laughed but she took it as a joke which made it less surprising. The great thing about Sam was he never pushed me to do anything I wasn't comfortable doing. We never fought which was great because our relationship never felt like it was in jeopardy of being ruined.

"But I want you to stay! Can't you do them tomorrow?" I gave him my best pout and I thought it was working till he came over and straddled me tickling me to no end. I couldn't stop laughing and it started to hurt and I couldn't catch my breath but he didn't seem to notice.

"Sa- Sam. St-" I couldn't let out a word as I tried to stop him from tickling me. He finally stopped but didn't move from his position. His face seemed to be getting closer and closer to mine and soon our lips reconnected. I would be lying if I wasn't turned on by the position we were in. I smiled into the kiss letting the moment last and hoping it would never end.

He parted away giving me his signature smirk. "Can I have my shirt babe?" I gave him another pout but once again it didn't work. He lifted the blanket trying to take off the shirt and as I tried to help him I realized that I'd be shirtless. And if I was shirtless he'd see my disgusting stomach along with my wrists which were still visible.

"No wait!" I pulled the shirt back down and he seemed surprised by my action.

"I-I. I'm cold so I want to get a shirt so I can just put it on right after." I quickly got out of the bed absent-minded to the fact that I was only in my underwear and Sam's long-sleeved shirt that was too big for me. I needed a shirt and pant to find and so I quickly ran towards the dresser and opened the drawers taking anything long-sleeved to wear.

"I don't know if I ever told you this or not but you have a really nice butt." I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and my heart skipped a beat. I felt myself blush and I looked in the mirror to confirm what I felt.

"Stop Sam I don't." I had a jiggly butt with thunder thighs that nearly touched and I was desperate to get rid of them along with my tummy.

"Yes you do Marley. I mean you have an absolutely amazing body. I must be the luckiest guy in the world to get a sneak peek of you." He gave me little kisses on my shoulder and in that moment I don't know what it was but the 'sneak peek' got to me. I felt like he wanted more but I wasn't giving him all of it. And if only he knew what I looked like without any clothes he'd drop me in a second and probably go after someone like Brittany or maybe even Santana.

"Did I say something wrong babe?"

"No you didn't. I'm going to go change." I released myself from his grasp and went into the bathroom to change. I looked underneath the shirt to notice the scars on my thighs were well hidden and realized I needed a new place to cut. I looked in the mirror to and saw that I still was the same fat and pudgy Marley even after mom died. And now that she's gone I feel better to know that she doesn't have to suffer. I've learned in the past month that yes she is in a better place now but she's also watching down on me. Which means she knows. She knows what I'm doing and what I'm doing is hurting myself, and I never wanted her to know. But now she does.

The rest of the day ended up with me laying in bed and thinking about what I have done in the past month. All I could think about was what my mom would be doing and what she would be telling me to do. I chuckled at how she would make me come and help her set up the Christmas tree and then we'd bake cookies and watch Christmas classics and all the cliché Christmas activities. I wiped my tears away as I continued to think of how I wouldn't be able to do anything this Christmas with her. Or the next. Or the one after that. Christmas was my favorite holiday and if I couldn't have my mom to celebrate it with then I wasn't going to celebrate it at all. In a couple of days I would have to eat THanksgiving without my mom. And usually after thanksgiving we'd go and buy the tree and start to decorate the house. But not this year. I really didn't see the point of the holidays anymore. My train of thought was interrupted with a knock at the door. It wasn't Sam because he had the spare key to just walk in. I got up and walked down the stairs. I peered through the window to see if I could make out a face. I didn't have to make out the face because the car screamed his name. That blue muscle car. He was back. I stood in front of the door contemplating on whether to open it or not. I could just ignore it and pretend I was asleep. Or I could call the police and have him arrested for killing my mother and shooting at me and Sam. But part of me wanted to hear what he had to say. And besides this house was under his name and I had to let him in. Another knock. I put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it unlocking the door. I opened it to see him sober and with a light smile on his face. He almost looked like my dad again. The old him before all the drinking and non-stop beating.

"Hi Marley. Can I come in?" He said with such softness and calmness. He asked to come in. He didn't just barge in, he asked. I moved out-of-the-way to let him in and he slowly stepped inside. I closed the door and looked at him. He came closer to me and I took a step back. I saw his smile falter a bit and he put his arms up. At first I thought I was going to get hit and so I put my arms up in front of my face to defend myself. Instead his arms wrapped me into a hug. I didn't move expecting some harsh words to be spit at me but as I relaxed into the hug I decided a hug from my dad didn't sound too bad.

"I missed you Marley. And I know I've been awful but it's the holiday season and I know mom isn't here so I thought maybe you'd enjoy father-daughter bonding time yeah?" We parted from the hug and all I could think was how ignorant of him to think that I would want father-daughter bonding time when he shot me. He killed his wife and now he thinks he can just make it up by spending time with me?

"It's your fault that mom is dead. And your fault that my leg is still in pain from where you shot me. It's your fault that Sam still has to be careful because if he moves to fast his abdomen starts to hurt. You think you can come back and fix everything up by coming home sober with a smile, that would fix everything? Is everything a game to you? Why aren't you in jail? I don't understand why the police said this was a crime scene if the killer isn't in jail. You don't even deserve to be here." I was far from mad. I was to the point were if looks could kill he was going to be murdered.

"Marley I didn't shoot you. I didn't shoot anybody. It was Jerry! I swear to you it was him. I was put in jail for being associated with the crime but I was bailed out. Jerry is still in jail. Marley I would never ever kill anyone. Especially your mother. I would never want to hurt you. Forget all those times I was drunk. I wasn't me. This is me. This is who I am. I've been sober for a month now! I'm trying so hard to be that dad I was years ago. Just give me a chance. Please Mars? I promise if we work together we can make the solar system the best again." I couldn't help but smile. When I was younger dad and I used to always talk about astronomy and he always called me his Mars. My dad loves astronomy. He once was a science teacher in the high school I used to go to till he lost his job for drunk and disorderly conduct in class. We always bonded over planets. And he always said that our family was a solar system that each one of us was important. My mom was the sun that held us together and my dad Jupiter because that planet was the largest and my dad liked being the 'big man' or in his words the 'big planet' of the system. It never failed to make me smile when he came back from work and he always yelled out 'the big planet is back in the Rose Solar System'.

"So what do you say? The sun is shining which means mom is probably watching us right now laughing at how ridiculous I sound."

"Okay." One more chance I thought. One more.

It was 5:20 and Sam still didn't come back from wherever he was and I was getting anxious and worried. Dad stayed and made his special homemade soup that tasted awful but that's what made it special. We always ate it when mom was out but when he left I vowed to never eat it again. Unfortunately the vow was broken.

"Listen Marley I'm going out to a little get together with some pals of mine in a bit. We're going to Olive Garden."

"Who are you going with?" I was worried because his friends were never a good influence on him.

"Do you remember ? He was the history teacher from Birch? Yeah well he and the some other faculty members are here in Lima and invited me to dinner!" Birch was a private school I went to back when I lived in New York. It was an expensive school yes but my dad had a huge discount and was so loved by everyone there that I got to go there for free. But unfortunately everyone who went there were the richest of the rich. That's why I didn't quite fit in. Fortunately we had to wear a school uniform which made it less obvious that I was of the lower class but when I was invited to parties it was obvious by my old jeans and hand me down shirts that I didn't belong.

"That sounds great dad!" I said trying to sound happy for him.

"Yeah and you know what I think if I impress them enough I might be able to get my job back! Doesn't that sound great Marley? You wouldn't have to come back but I could support you from New York and wow I'm getting way ahead of myself." My dad was beaming. He seemed so genuine about being excited and I wanted him to succeed just as much he does too.

"I'm sure you will. Just crack all those jokes and be yourself. And don't drink okay?"

"Of course Mars. I owe myself some dignity."

After dinner dad left, dressed up in a suit and I was once again alone. I put the dishes away and decided to go back up to my room. I wanted Sam but I had no idea where he was and I left him voice mails and texts, but still nothing. I started to get mad and thought maybe sleep would get me to relax. I had to go back to school tomorrow anyways which I wasn't looking forward to. But it would be a short week because of Thanksgiving. I was so thankful for the break coming but all I could think about was how mom wouldn't be there and I was left to cry myself to sleep. I had awful dreams about the night of the fight. I don't remember seeing Jerry shoot me but I also don't remember being shot till I woke up with a band-aid around my thigh. I felt my thigh start to throb as I remember the excruciating pain. I hated crying myself to sleep because I always cried to the point were I couldn't control myself. And I completely lost it. I hadn't eaten correctly in a long time which was good because I could feel my weight dropping. I slowly eased back on cutting and instead I found rubber bands to snap when I had an itch for the razor. I decided that since I was alone, checking how much I weighed wouldn't hurt. Last time I checked I weighed 126 lbs. And that was when I was eating. I got up and took the scale out from under my bed and stripped down till I was in nothing but my underwear and bra. I stood on the scale not looking down yet hoping that I had made some type of progress. I looked down to see 125 lbs written on the scale. I let out a whimper, I was such a failure. Such a fat failure to be exact. I put the scale back under the bed and sat on the bed not caring about the goosebumps that were forming on my arms and legs. I took my phone and searched 'fast ways to lose weight'. I went on a blog and read through it rather quickly. It said drinks lots of water helped while maintaining a healthy diet. Screw healthy. I'm not eating just going to drink water and to keep my sugar levels up I guess I could have candy. That was my plan and I was going to stick to it till I lost 5 lbs. Or more. I want to lose more I thought. I stood up to look in the mirror and noticed my thighs were absolutely disgusting and fat. My belly was not as big as usual but it didn't help my weight.

I sucked in my stomach and saw my ribs. Usually I would think that was a bit weird but that's kind of what I wanted. That's what a lot of models looked like. Santana's ribs showed and I remember how her perfectly toned abs made her look even thinner. I just wanted to be thin, thin enough, that when people saw me they would be shocked at how much better I looked. Maybe then people would like me better. Maybe then I would feel confident enough to be naked in front of Sam. I was ready to just lose it all and I didn't care for the consequences. All I had now was Sam. And I wanted Sam to be happy with how I looked. I fell back on my bed and crawled under my blanket. I dazed in and out of sleep and my mind wandered into different thoughts and dreams. Dreams of where I had the perfect body. Of were I was beautiful. Then those dreams turned into nightmares were I was fat and ugly. Maybe that was just my reality. But from there I would think about Sam and when we kissed it was those moments were I lived a fairytale. As soon as I thought about Sam I started to think about the heated make out session we had earlier in the day. It led to me still being a virgin and with him probably anxious to just have sex. And I thought about how one day someone was going to walk by, someone beautiful and someone who could give him what he wanted and I was going to lose him in an instant. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I tried to shake that thought out of my head. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't lose him. I suddenly felt a pair of lips on my shoulder planting kisses up to my neck and then to my cheek, my nose and then finally my lips. I looked up to see Sam smiling.

"Hey babe why'd you go to sleep so early?"

"I was waiting for you." I pouted to let him know I was mad. I ducked my head under the covers.

"Aw, come on babe don't be like that. I told you I had to do some stuff."

"Yeah and you also said you would be here soon. That was this morning. It's now six. And you didn't answer any of my calls or texts. So obviously I have the right to be like that." I felt him remove the blanket.

"Come here." He flipped me over so that I was straddling his hips and in the instant I did that I saw Sam's eyes light up. Shit. I wasn't wearing a shirt or pants.

"So this was what I was going to come home to. You could have mentioned you were only wearing your bra and underwear. I would have been here in a second." He came up to give me a kiss which ended up being another one of those intense kisses that turned into a slip of a tongue type of kiss. I let his tongue roam around and I decided to just let go and enjoy the kiss. I found his hands and linked my fingers with his. Once again I was flipped over to being on the bottom and his weight pressing down on me. I could tell he was holding most of it trying not to hurt me. My hands were soon put behind my head with his hands still locked with mine, the kiss getting heated. He smiled into the kiss and he slowly parted, putting his forehead against mine. Our noses were touching and all I could see was his perfect lips, plump and a bit bruised. I wanted more and I decided to go in for another kiss and he readily returned it. His lips left mine, a small and unexpected whimper escaping my mouth. He smirked and kissed his way down to my neck. He left small butterfly kisses here and there but it soon turned into his teeth scraping lightly against my neck, sucking on it and licking it. He left a hickey and I could tell it was huge by the way he chuckled.

His lips lingered on my neck and continued to kiss, nipping and biting his way down to my collarbone. I felt him kiss their and in an instant I felt knots form in my lower abdomen. My hips involuntarily bucked up and I squeezed his hands. The kiss on the collarbone because a hickey. He continued to bite and nip there as well and I felt myself losing it. He came up to my ear.

"Now everyone knows you're mine." He whispered. He looked into my eyes and I saw the lust building up.

"I love you." He said as he gave me a kiss on the lips.

"I love you too." I waited in anticipation of what was going to happen next. And my anticipation ended as he took off his shirt to reveal his 6-pack. He had a perfect build, strong yet soft. He didn't look ripped but instead toned. He threw the shirt to the other side of the room as I was left mesmerized by him. He took off his pants and came back down to kiss me and in an instant I felt the kiss grow deeper and this time I begged for entrance and let my tongue slip in. Our tongues didn't fight for dominance and his hands went up my arms to find me hands. but as he did he started to part away. He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed.

"What's wrong babe?" I said as he brought my hands down and as soon as I said that I realized that my cuts still haven't healed. That I still had scars and they were a bit fresh and bumpy. Oh my god. In the instant I realized it I quickly brought my hands back and sat up straight. He grabbed my hands and flipped them over to see my wrists. His fingers ran over the cuts and I just watched, tears forming. I didn't want him to find out like this. I didn't want him to find out at all.

"Marley... I- I thought it was that one time." I shook my head and as he made eye contact with me I just looked down at my thighs. His eyes seemed to have followed and his hand reached out to touch the scars on my thighs. I didn't move. I didn't breath. I just sat there as he looked at me as if I was someone else. He probably thinks I'm disgusting. He'll never look at me the same way again nor will he love me. Who would love a girl with scars and if I can't love myself then how will he? I was so scared that he would leave me. So scared that right now he's thinking about how he could let me down easily and break up with me. Just leave me alone in a dark pit. I felt numb as he continued to touch my scars. I didn't bother to look up because all I would see is pity and probably disgust. I was scared to look up and confirm what I thought could be true. I broke the silence.

"Plea- pl-please don't leave me." And those nights of soft sobs turned into loud and uncontrollable cries. If it wasn't cliché for him to find my scars and pity me, it was cliché when he kissed them. He kissed my scars on my thighs and kissed up my stomach and skipped to my wrists.

"I will never leave you." Our lips reconnected the taste of my tears on my lips mixing in. His arms wrapped around me and we layed down. I was on his bare chest letting the tears fall.

"I- I don't wan-t.. yo-u to-to leave." I tried to string a sentence together but my sobs wouldn't let me. He flipped over so he was on top of me and looked me in the eyes not letting me leave his gaze.

"I will never leave you. I promised you from the start that I will always love you. No matter how much you resent yourself. I will love you. These scars will not make me leave you. I love you more than anything in this world Marley. Through the hospital visits, through those nights were you cried, through those nights were we just layed there in complete bliss, I loved you through it all. And I will continue to love you. I will **never **leave you. Because you are my everything and if I lost you, I would lose everything. I don't want you to leave **me **Marley." As soon as I saw those tears form in his eyes, he leaned down quickly kissing me ever so lightly, but then harder as if I was going to disappear.

"I love you Marley."

"I love you too Sam."

And that night he never let go once. Never moved once. And at times he would hold me even tighter. He linked our hands together and took his other arm and wrapped it around my waist, our chests nearly touching. I looked up now and then to see him looking right back, giving me a kiss on the forehead and mumbling 'I love you'.

He gave me one last squeeze and pulled me closer before I found his heart beat and listened to it. I slowly fell asleep and continued to listen to the heart beat of my lover.


	14. Chapter 14

So I decided to go back and redo parts of some chapters so they are a bit different (10&11) so if you guys want to go back and re-read them it's your choice it really doesn't change much of the storyline! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long, midterms are just around the corner and I have had little to no time to do anything. I won't be updating for another 2 weeks! Please be patient with me. Good Luck on your exams and don't procrastinate! Study hard and make sure to have breakfast and sleep at least 8 hours the night before exam day! Lots of Love S. xx

**Warnings: **The usual, LOTS OF FLUFF OMG. THE FLUFFINESS OF IT GIVES ME FEELS. **FLUFF. FEELS.**

Nothing's changed. I don't love myself more, instead I love myself less because of what Sam is being put through. I woke up this morning to him glued to my side. He didn't leave the position he got in and I felt guilty because I got him worried. I honestly made this worse for him. I just hate everything, I hate where my life's going, where I could have been , and I miss my mom. She would know how to make everything better. I started to silently cry as I remembered mom. I just needed her more than anything and she wasn't here to help me. She was far away. Gone. Never to come back and I, I just need her here to help me through this. I looked at the time and it read 4:50. We'd have to get up soon for school but I didn't want to. I was already so behind on everything. I failed my math test that I took two weeks ago, and apparently we have another test coming up right before winter break. Great. So much to learn such little time. I was so anxious, so nervous to get this year started and now I want it over. I want it over now, I just want to leave school, run away. Find a nice home in... I don't know some place far away from Lima. I want to be a new person, and maybe if Sam wanted to, he could come with me. Run away from our problems. Run far, far away. I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath, letting it out with a light sigh.

"What are you thinking about?" I looked next to me to find a green eyed beauty looking at me with sleepy eyes.

"Nothing you'd be interested in." I gave him a shaky smile but I felt sadness take over and the smile faded.

"More then anything I want to see you happy and I want you to smile, but really mean that smile. And I want you to laugh but really mean that laugh. So please don't lie to me and say you're fine, or nothing, or anything like that. Because I can read you like a open book Marley. You're thinking about your mom and about me. You think you've made me unhappy or that you're putting me through hell. Stop thinking like that. Because it isn't true. I'm here to make you happy and you should stop thinking about me because you need to help yourself.'

"I just don't want to bring you down with me. You deserve so much better Sam. There are girls out there that are so much better then me." Sam came closer propping himself with one hand so he was hovered over me a bit. He brushed a piece of hair out of my face and looked straight into my eyes.

"There is no one out there like you. Marley, you are so much better then those other girls. Not everyone are fortunate enough to see your beauty. And I'm kind of glad because I get to have you all to myself. I don't want you to worry about somebody else finding you beautiful. I don't want you to worry about being alone. I want you to smile because you have me. A sexy, green-eyed, with a 6-pack, man. Your man. And nobody elses. And I get a breath taking brown haired, blue eyed, sweet smiling girl. And let's not forget your amazing butt. And your lips are irresistible which is why I can't (kiss) stop (kiss) kiss (a much longer kiss) -ing (kiss) them." He plants another kiss on my lips, and I couldn't help but melt in his arms. We were forced to stop as we needed air and I smiled, a real smile, as I felt the butterflies in my stomach fly around uncontrollably.

"I love you so much." I whispered against his lips.

"I love you more." And just like that our lips reconnected sending sparks to fly in the air and my stomach doing flips. I smiled into the kiss and as soon as Sam flipped us so he was on top and I was on the bottom, the alarm went off. It was already 5:00 and I was in no mood to leave the bed. Sam pulled away and I let out a small whimper and gave my best pout (which always seemed to fail). He shut the alarm off and hovered over me again.

"We have to go to school." He said with a smile spreading across his face.

"But I don't want to go. Can't we skip?" I pulled his head back down so I could reach his lips. I succeeded in getting his lips back on mine but only for a short minute as he pulled away.

"You've missed so much of school already Marley! And it's only a three-day week. Plus your friends miss you! They're really worried about you." He pulled my arm up to his face and looked at my wrists. His thumb ran over the bumpy skin that my scars made. His smile left his face and left a trail of kisses on both of my forearms. I felt a pang of guilt wash over me as he did so. He stopped after what seemed like hours and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

"Come on, I'll get you Boston Kreme donuts from Dunkin donuts! And if you're good I'll get you some coffee, or hot chocolate, your choice. How does that sound?" I almost forgot how much I used to love those donuts. And I also almost forgot how I was on a restricted diet. Sam only figured out the part about me cutting, but not about my eating habits. If you call them 'eating' habits. I was still in a train of thought as Sam got off of me pulling me up to his lap. He sat on the edge of the bed, feet on the ground, while I was on his lap his abdomen between my legs. I naturally was in my underwear and I had his t-shirt. I looked at his abdomen, were the wound from the bullet hit him. I cursed in my head at Jerry for doing this to him. The wound was healing and all that was left was the stitches he'd get removed soon. His bruise was no longer evident and my bruise on my thigh disappeared as well. I felt my head being lifted and I met Sam's eyes.

"You know I'm getting impatient here, I really want to eat and it's up to you. You have 5 minutes and if you don't make up your mind, then I'm going to make you a sandwich or something and then your morning will be awful and you would have wished to take the offer of getting donuts. So I'm gonna go to the bathroom which should take me 5 minutes and when I come out, you'd better have made up your mind." His face came closer to mine, his lips brushing past mine and over to my ear. I felt his warm breath on my ear.

"I hope you pick Dunkin Donuts." He whispered sweetly. I giggled and he picked me up bridal style, getting off the bed, he turned to place me back down. He planted another kiss on my lips. He broke the kiss going to the bathroom, leaving me in my room to decide on whether or not I wanted to eat. I was aiming for a 1,000 calorie day, which wasn't a lot, and it was hard to maintain that kind of day because food was evil like that. One banana was about 100 calories. A banana. Think about how much a donut has. Just think. I didn't want to say no to Dunkin donuts only because Sam wanted to go and eat there. But what about my diet? No Marley. Think about your boyfriend. Don't be a selfish bitch.

"Five minutes is up. So what is your decision?" Sam said, laying on top of me, leaving trails of tiny kisses all over my face, down my neck, waiting for me to answer. I had to choose, and if I didn't, I could possibly give away my eating habits. If you even call it eating. I just was so exhausted from not eating, I was drained. It would be nice to have a day off from all this dieting.

"Okay, fine. We'll go eat at Dunkin donuts." I smiled as I said it. I felt a bit excited as well.

"YES! You are THE best girlfriend ever! But you already knew that." He leaned for another kiss and I returned it with force. It went from a happy light kiss to a kiss full of passion and love. I always felt sparks flying, my tummy doing flips and my heart racing. My nervousness turned into an overwhelming feeling. He always left me wanting more of those kisses. I guess you could say I craved his kisses. We both parted for air and I looked at the clock to see that it was 5:10.

"Sam we have to go now if we want to get donuts and then make it to first period."

"Oh man but I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you." He started to lean in for another kiss, but I pushed him away.

"Now look who's complaining." I laughed. "Come on, get up." He slowly moved but gave me his best pouty face. His was by far better then mine. I think it's because his lips are perfect for that pout.

"Fine." He rolled off of me to allow me to get up. I ran over to the bathroom to do my duties. As I was brushing my teeth I noticed my razors were no longer in the area that I hid them. Shit. Where are they? I rummaged through the mess, opened my drawers and looked in the cabinet once more. Shit. Shit. Shit. I washed my mouth and started looking for them again. I didn't even notice Sam was standing at the door behind me until I heard his voice.

"I threw them out Marley." I heard him say nonchalantly. I felt myself get mad. How could he do that?

"Why would you do that?" I said facing him.

"Because you need to stop cutting? Because those weapons are killing you. Because you don't need them. You're better then that and I know you can live without them." He came closer cupping my face with his hands. I was furious. I needed those razors. He had no right to look through any of my stuff and touch anything. I couldn't even look at him. He didn't understand. He didn't get that I needed my razors. I pulled his hands away from my face and brushed past him going into my room.

"Hey, Marley? Are you mad at me for trying to help you?"

"No I'm mad at you for not getting it. How could you throw my razors out? Those were my escape for everything. I NEED them. I knew that you wouldn't get it." He looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.

"I do get it Marley, you're going through a tough time with your mom passing, your ballet teacher yelled at you a couple months back and you thought you weren't good enough, you failed a test or two, you've been hating yourself for what happened to me, what your dad did... don't tell me I don't know. I do. I know you better then you know yourself sometimes." He came over and took my hand in his. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. I instantly forgave him.

"I love you." He said with a serious tone of voice. I hesitated to say it back, letting my silence fill the air before I decided to say it back.

"I love you too." I said as his lips hovered over mine. I just loved him too much to let something so stupid to get in the way of what I had with him. I decided to end the kiss and find something to wear. I rummaged through my closet to find skinny jeans that I was dying to fit in and I took out a Nirvana jumpsuit. It was such a popular jumpsuit and Nirvana was a great band plus it was on sale for about $5.00 and I just thought why not. I started to take off my shirt when I remembered that Sam was right there sitting on the bed. I still wasn't comfortable with changing in front of him because I was so scared that he'd be repulsed by the fat that I somehow cannot get rid of.

"If you don't want to change in front of me that's fine Marley. I'll just leave!" How the hell does he know everything? I tried to think of something to say.

"No, I-I just was um.. uh... debating on what I should wear." I tightened my hold on the sweater. He came up and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close, still making eye contact. I hated making eye contact, with anyone really. It just made me feel awkward and shy and Sam's green eyes were no exception.

"You know what you would look great in?" I looked at him with a confused expression.

"Nothing." He whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine and it caused my stomach to flutter.

"It's too bad you won't get to see me in 'nothing'." I smirked, my left eyebrow flicking upwards. I walked over to my bed to put my clothes on it and started to change having this feeling of being sexy take over. I felt a rush of confidence and I felt so good. I was ready to put on my skinny jeans, but a wave of panic hit me as I worried that even if I did the skinny jeans dance, I wouldn't be able to fit.

"If you are trying to get me turned on just by the view of your butt, it's working." I heard him chuckle behind me. I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him. I took the jeans and put my feet through. I then started to pull the jeans up. I took a deep breath and silently prayed that they would pass my thighs and then butt without cutting off circulation. As I pulled the jeans up and passed my thighs, I slowly started to get excited. I didn't notice that I was still holding my breath and so I decided to let myself breath as I buttoned the jeans. They fit. Perfectly. I smiled and I probably looked stupid to Sam, but I fit in these skinny jeans.

"They fit." I whispered to myself.

"Yeah they fit. Really well. Your butt looks amazing Marley, may I just say I have the hottest girlfriend ever?" I gave him a kiss.

"Yes you may." And I felt hot too.

"I have the hottest girlfriend ever." Another kiss but this time we didn't bother with rushing.

"Ms. Marley Rose, welcome back. I assume you did some quality time with yourself?" Santana said right next to my locker.

"Hey Santana, I actually have to say I missed you! A lot, even you calling me-"

"Pudgy? Don't think I forgot. I just thought you weren't ready for that name. Plus you look like you lost some weight, which either means you are on a **healthy** diet, or you're still a rexi. Which is it?" I looked around to see if anyone was around us to hear her. I felt my eyes bulge out as I gave her the 'keep it quiet' look.

"Santana, I would appreciate it if you kept it quiet. Plus I'm eating a donut which means I'm not." I showed her my boston kreme donut.

"Oh please, I know today is your cheating day. I'm not stupid. And plus there's a rumor going around that you make yourself throw up everytime you eat, so what if they think you're a rexi as well?" she crossed her arms giving me her signature Santana bitch face.

"Because it's only a rumor. It's not confirmed if it's true or not. And if they ask I'll just say I'm not."

"Wow Pudge, you really changed. Lying and being sneaky, wearing nirvana, and for once your hair is curly which by the way looks quite flattering on you. I honestly have no idea what to say." I smiled feeling a bit better about myself.

"Hello sexy, and Ms. Rose." Puck sneaked up behind Santana. As he was about to give her what seemed like a kiss, Santana seemed to have inflicted some sort of pain on Puck as he stopped and gave a 'pain face'.

"Not here Puck." She looked at me and I gave her a smile.

"So, are you guys a thing now? When did this happen?"

"Nothing happened Pudge. Puck thinks he's sexy enough to get this." She pointed to her woman hood and I gave her an awkward smile.

"Not true. Come on Santana we went over this last night, I really like you. I want to try something between us, you know see if it works." She gave him another signature Santana look. The 'oh you have got to be kidding me' look to be exact.

"Oh shut up Puck, I already told you I don't do 69 with guys, not my thing, if you haven't noticed. Plus we already tried the-"

"Santana I'm not talking sex positions, I'm talking relationships, you know, boyfriend and girlfriend? The smoke to my high, the apple to my pie, the orange to my juice, the-"

"OKAY, I get it! ¡Dios mío! Anyways, Marley I'm having a party at my place. You're coming whether you like it or not. I need you to go from goody tooshoes to lady on the streets to freaky in the sheets for m-, I mean Sam." She gave me a wink.

"Okay, well I'll be around 7-ish?" I closed my locker and waited for Puck and Santana to say goodbye. Puck's way of saying it was slapping Santana's butt and Santana replying with a string of curse words in spanish.

"Let's go Pudge." Santana and I started walking away from my locker towards to my first period class. Sam had an emergency synchronized swim meeting so I was left to talk to Santana.

"So this party, is it a dress down sort of thing? You know just jeans and stuff?" I asked hoping I didn't sound stupid.

"No, rexi, it's a come naked sort of thing." I looked at her thinking she was actually serious.

"I'm kidding. My god, this is why you need to come to this party and let loose."

"I know how to let loose, I just choose not to." She looked at me and started to laugh.

"Yeah okay Pudge." She empashized okay giving a light laugh at the end. As we continued walking a group of jocks standing near lockers looked towards me. One of them put his finger in his mouth, pretending he was making himself throw up. I instantly looked away and tried to think of something to say to Santana, to distract myself from the jocks.

"Uh, Santana, you said that this rumor was going around that I make myself throw up right?"

"Yes Rex, and apparently really fast because those jocks were just making fun of you." She pointed back to them and I instantly got upset because Santana didn't even bother to defend me.

"Look Marley." She stopped me infront of my English class.

"Remember that time I yelled at you about being a whimp because you were crying over stupid shit? And I said this is highschool you will go through breakups and pregnancies and all that?" I nodded my head thinking back at how angry I was at her because she had a point and I didn't want her to be right, I wanted her to let me be upset. "Well this is an example of the stupid rumors, that aren't actually rumors. You can lie and say you don't have an eating disorder and people will leave you alone about it, but till then you will go through some tough shit, such as 4 inch dicks who think they're funny. Or those slut-cloned mini Quinn Fabrey's who think they run this school and want to ruin you. Like Kitty. But Kitty can go suck one of those 4 inch dicks because that's the only thing she would be half as good at. She'd be better off getting preggers. You are better then them and hotter. Just don't be a cocky bitch about it." I gave me a hug and the bell rang to get into class. I got into the class room and took my seat. It was AP English and luckily for me, anyone in AP was considered mature. I was sitting in the front on the other side of the room and I really liked where I sat because it was near the windows and if I wanted to zone out the window was the place to look through. The period went by so fast I had a late reaction when the bell rang. I got up and stuffed my books in my bag. I came out of the room and found Sam waiting for me.

"Hey!" I gave him a kiss and grabbed his hand as we walked to my locker.

"So you got invited to Santana's house party?" He asked.

"Yeah, I said we'd be there by 7 and help out. It'll be fun!" I smiled but wasn't given one inreturn. Instead it was a dissappointing look.

"You should have asked before you said anything."

"I didn't think it was a big deal. Why don't you wanna go?"

"I just don't feel like going. I guess you can go by yourself." I looked at him with a questioning look. I started to open my locker and wondered why he didn't want to go.

"Sam come on, it won't be as fun without you. And I really want to get out of the house, instead of moping around." I gave him my pout. It didn't work. I sighed and started to put my books in.

"Fine, I guess we can go. Just a reminder it is a school night and there will be drinks. I don't want you to miss school tomorrow." I gave him a peck on the lips.

"You're the best." I walked away to my next class bymyself because Sam's class was on the other side of the school and if he walked me to mine he wouldn't make it on time. It was my fault that Sam was all worried about me and I felt so guilty, just seeing him worry and not care for anything else. I felt that self-hatred I thought I had gotten over take over and I felt my mood hit a low.


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you so much for all the support you guys have been giving me! Sorry for the late update, like I said before it was going to be a while but now I'm back on that once a week twice a week update! I hope you enjoy this chapter, this one is really long!

**Warnings:** Blame it on the alcohol, cursing, sexual innuendos, **trigger warning and violence/posessivness/the 'r' word**

It was the end of the day when I got a text from my dad telling me he was at his friends house. Part of me told me he was wearing off a hangover because the words had extra letters in them and it was almost 3 in the afternoon, which told me he probably just woke up. I sighed at the text as I opened my locker and exchanged books. As I was putting a book in my bag, when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi, is this Marley?" The voice belonged to a man.

"Yeah, who is this?"

"This is , your old history teacher from Birch?" I recalled my dad talking about going out with him to Olive Garden two nights ago.

"Oh, hey ! How is everything?" I asked hoping I didn't sound uninterested in his life.

"Great, but um Marley, your dad had a drink the night we went out and wanted to be cautious and not drive so I brought him to my place to stay for the night. It seems however he may have found my liquor cabinet and drank 2 whole bottles. He just woke up from that incident last night. I was wondering if you would like me to drive him to your house, if you want to pick him up or if you would like him to stay another night. I wouldn't mind." I let out a big sigh. I knew I had to pick him up, but due to the fact that I was going to a party tonight, I just didn't want to bother. But my dad was far more important then some party.

"I guess if you don't mind, you can drop him off at my house? That would be great!" I heard some movement in the phone and worried that maybe something had happened. I heard yelling at who I assumed was my father.

"Actually Marley, I think it's best if he stayed here for the night. He isn't doing to well as it is. I'll let you know if he can come over tomorrow." I was so thankful for idea.

"Okay, thank you for all your help. I have to go now, but if you need anything, just call me! And let me know how he's doing later!"

"No problem Marley. Bye." I didn't get the chance to say bye back, because he hung up as soon as he said bye. I almost felt relieved that my dad wasn't my responsibility for the night.

I felt a pair of lips latch on to my cheek giving me an almost too sensual of a kiss.

"Hey baby."

"Hey Sam." I said not focusing on him but more on my dad.

"What I don't get a kiss? Or anything? Just a 'Hey Sam'?" I rolled my eyes and leaned over to plant a kiss on his lips.

"Better?" I said trying to sound like I actually cared.

"No. But I guess it's better then nothing." I couldn't help but give Sam a cold shoulder, I just wasn't feeling it at the moment. I mean I was stressed, worried about my dad, hungry, and unfortunately I had a feeling that my period was on the rise and I hated periods. Any girl who gets them hates them. But for me, I hated it when I got bloated because of them. They gave me a tummy and I couldn't hide them. It made things worse especially because when you don't eat as is, you get all these wild cravings to deal with. I closed my locker and looked over to an upset looking Sam, and his arms crossed on his abdomen.

"What?" I said nonchalantly.

"Why are you being so distant right now?" I was in no mood for this.

"I'm just not in a good mood." I leaned on my locker and looked down at my phone to find a text from Santana.

_**Come over to my place to help me set up at around 6. Bring Sam too! Oh and may I just say those jeans do your ass justice? I have literally been eavesdropping on people and they are all saying the same thing. 'Marley has a nice ass.' I feel the same way. And I'm sure Sam does too ;)**_

I rolled my eyes and gave a little smile.

_Thanks San, and we will, after I get this argument over with. See you in a bit xx_

I pressed the 'send' button and returned to the pointless argument Sam and I were having.

"Santana wants us to go to her place and help her set up. I told her we'd come if you don't mind." I tried to read his face, wondering what he was thinking, if he was still going to hold a grudge.

"Yeah, sure. Let's go." He went to grab my hand and I decided to let the tension disperse. I could tell he still wasn't happy even though it wasn't something he should be getting upset over.

"Nice ass." A black kid with the word 'swag' written across his hat said looking me up and down. I felt Sam tighten his hold on my hand and he stopped. He turned around, his jaw clenching. I had never seen him like this and I was a bit worried that he was going to cause trouble.

"What the hell did you just say to _**my**_ girlfriend?" He stepped in front of me taking another step forward to the boy. He looked like he was the same age as Sam and was almost the same height, but somehow Sam towered over the kid.

"I said _**your**_ _**girlfriend**_ has a nice ass. Wouldn't mind me a piece of it." He started laughing along with his posse. I knew that was the last straw for Sam. He balled his hands becoming fists. I stepped a bit closer to Sam.

"Sam, come on, they aren't worth your time. Can we please go?" I said grabbing onto his arm. I felt his tense muscles relax, and I breathed out thankful that he didn't hit the boy.

"Does she got you on a tight leash? Ay, respect ma n*gga. You better listen to her you little bitch." And another laugh came out of the group.

"Marley, let go." Sam gritted through his teeth. I felt his muscles tense and I let go. In an instant he swung his arm, hitting the kid right in the face.

"SAM NO!" I was helpless in this situation and everyone started pouring in to watch Sam beat the smaller boy. I couldn't watch Sam beat him up, the boy was already bleeding as is, and he wouldn't stop.

"STOP! SAM GET OFF!" Puck pulled Sam back and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see Santana.

"Sam, what the hell? Leave now before you get in trouble. GO." I looked at Sam with a worried expression almost too scared to look at him. He fixed his shirt and gave one last look to the bleeding kid on the floor being helped up by his friends. Sam came towards me grabbing me by my forearm tightly not letting go. He was speeding down the hallway, and in a matter of seconds we were outside his car. He opened it for me and I quickly got into the passenger seat. He slammed the door and I quickly realized that I was still holding my breath. The driving seat became occupied and I looked at Sam as he slammed his car door. I had to say something.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I yelled. It was only thing that came to mind. Sam started the engine and started to drive out of the parking lot. I noticed his knuckles had blood and prayed that it was the kids blood and his.

"Sam? Answer me right now. Why did you do that? You know you could be expelled? You could have broken his jaw or worse.."

"What the hell did you want me to do Marley? Just stand there while he ogled your ass? Might as well right?" His knuckles turned white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I furrowed my brows. He was overreacting.

"It means the whole school seems to have gained fucking interest in you. Every guy in that school has made some disgusting, snarky comment about you." About me? All I could think was how I was the epitome of invisible. How was I being talked about? In a sexual manner? I was no Santana, nor a Quinn. I didn't do anything, the only thing that was talked about at school was my mothers death, or so I thought.

"So what? You couldn't have just ignored them, you had to beat that one kid up?" Silence. I was getting angrier by every silent moment that passed.

"Answer me Sam." Nothing. I leaned back into my seat and looked out the window. As soon as we pulled into my driveway, I pulled on the door to open it but it wouldn't budge. I heard Sam get out and closed the door behind him. He came around and opened the door for me. He locked the door so only someone from the outside could open it. I got out of the car, ignoring his gesture to help me out, my shoulder brushing past his. I heard the door slam as I unlocked the front door. I left it open and went up the stairs.

"Marley." I ignored him. If he was going to ignore me, then I was going to as well. He had no right to fight the kid. He had no right to ignore me. He had no right to lock me in the car like that. I closed my bedroom door knowing he could easily just walk in but I didn't care. I dropped my books and bag on the bed and went towards my closet to find something to wear. I heard the door creak open and a figure stand behind me. I felt his warm breath on the nape of my neck and a chill ran down my spine. I tried ignoring his presence, to prove to him that he wasn't going to be forgiven that easily.

"Marley, come on babe, I didn't mean for you to get upset." I continued on ignoring him, rummaging through my closet. I felt a pair of lips on my neck, as he peppered me with kisses. I tried to maintain composure as I didn't want to forgive him so easily. I pulled away and pulled out a leather skirt. Along with a mesh green t-shirt and my green doc martens. I loved doc martens only because they went with everything and can withstand any kind of weather.

"That is going to look really sexy Marley." He winked at me, and I gave him a cold shoulder. I went into the bathroom to change.

"You know I have seen you in your underwear before, I don't see why you still shy away from changing in front of me." I heard him say outside the door and I smirked because it was true. But I was mad at him and I couldn't just give him what he wanted. After I finished changing I decided to leave my hair down in it's natural waves. I exited the bathroom and went straight to my jewelry box not making eye contact with Sam.

"Wow. You look really, really, _**really**_ sexy." He came up behind me pulling me towards him, back to chest. I grabbed a ring as he peppered me with even more kisses. I was doing a pretty good job of playing the unphased look, but it didn't last long as he started to suck and nibble on my collarbone, finding my weak spot. I took my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to resist myself from emitting a sound.

"Come on Marley, you know you can't hold it." And he was right. I couldn't. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of winning. I pulled away and went to sit on my bed and started on some homework figuring I had time till I had to go to Santana's. I felt the bed dip as Sam sat down.

"What is it going to take for you to stop giving me the silent treatment?" I ignored him.

"Fine. I guess I'm gonna have to do this then." And I felt hands reach for my stomach and I let out a yelp. Sam started to tickle me and I couldn't help but laugh. He got his way but he wouldn't stop and I couldn't catch my breath. He kept on tickling and I tried grabbing his hands to stop him but it wouldn't work.

"St-stop. Ok fine, you- win." I tried saying in between breaths as he continued to tickle me. He laughed and he finally stopped, instead pulling me onto his lap. He leaned in for a kiss and I turned my head away so instead he kissed my cheek.

"Hey. I want to get a proper kiss from you." He said furrowing his brows. I leaned in and gave him what he wanted. The proper kiss turned into a proper make out session as his tongue slipped into my mouth. I felt the weight shift as Sam pushed me back onto the bed. He hovered over me, propping himself on his forearms. I grabbed the back of his neck and intertwined my fingers in his hair getting a moan of approval from him. I smiled into the kiss as we continued. It wasn't till my phone vibrated till we stopped.

"Remind me to get you mad more often so I can get more of these make out sessions with you." I rolled my eyes and looked at the text. It was from Santana.

_**It's 5:30 and you aren't here yet. GET OVER HERE BITCH. **_

_I thought you said to come at 6?_

I was about to put my phone down but I didn't get the chance to as I got another text.

_**Yeah I did but that doesn't mean you can't come here earlier then that. **_

_Okay, fine we're coming._

_**Better wear something sexy or I will be very disappointed. This is a party do not come in fucking jeans and a t-shirt. **_

_I'm wearing a skirt just so you know._

_**Good. See you soon then.**_

_Bye xx_

"We have to go babe."

"No, come on I really wanted to finish our session." I got up and put on my jacket. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me between his legs.

"The session expired we have to go." I gave him a peck on the lips, fixing his hair, my eyes fixed on his emerald green orbs. I couldn't pull away and I truly was mesmerized by his beauty. He got up slapping my arse, making a light shade of pink creep on my cheeks. I still shied away from his sexual advances, something I needed getting used to. Sam got up and washed his hands of the dried blood. I took a look in the mirror hoping there was no blood transfer from Sam to me. I turned around noticing that my bum did actually look pretty good.

"I have a stunning girlfriend." Sam said as he dried his hands and leaned against the wall. And a layer of red was painted on to my skin.

The ride to Santana's place was shorter then I thought it would take and although I had stayed at her place before, her condo was a bit different then I'd remembered. I got the chills remembering what happened while I stayed at La case Lopez. I hadn't eaten all day, so as soon as Santana opened the door to let us in, the smell of food caused my stomach to do flips. It was almost a sickening feeling and I instantly grasped Sam's hand to prevent myself from passing out. Just having him by my side was comforting enough.

"Wow, you look different Marley, I guess angry sex does wonders doesn't it." My eyes widened and looked down in embarrassment. My face turned red and I was afraid to see Sam's reaction.

"Ay Sam, come over and help me with this crate of vodka." Sam looked at me and gave me a peck on the lips. I gave him a nod letting him know I was going to be fine. I was left alone to deal with Santana and her crude tongue.

"Guess you're still a virgin? He hasn't popped your cherry yet?"

"Santana." I said grabbing her arm and pulling her into her room. I praised myself for still remembering.

"What the hell pudge? I was just joking."

"What made you think I was doing it with Sam?" I asked crossing my arms.

"His obvious sex hair? Or is that a new look for him?" She laughed and I shook my head.

"Relax, I was kidding. Sex hair is a lot more messier then that."

"So what do you need help with?" I said changing the subject.

"Here, take this. It's a key to all the rooms in this house. I want you to lock all the doors and keep the key with you. I don't need or want the smell of sex in my house. I trust you more than I trust myself, and I assume you'll be sober because you're Virgin Marley." She handed me the key and put it in my pocket of my skirt.

"Santana baby, where are the red cups?" Puck yelled from the kitchen.

"They should be on the island." She yelled waiting for his response.

"Found them. Thank you _**sexy**_."

"So you and Puck huh? Friends with benefits or more than that?" She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.

"Experimenting. Now if we are done here, I need you to get on with what I told you to do." She left the room and I was left alone. I took a deep breath thinking about how Sam looked when I last saw him. He didn't look like he had sex hair.

I tried to convince myself of this as I left Santana's room, locking it. I decided to stay on the second floor, and then work my way down. I continued to lock every room, leaving her guest bathroom downstairs unlocked. I put the key back into my pocket and zipped it closed. By the time I got back to the kitchen, the door bell rang.

"I got it." I said making sure they heard me. I opened the door to find the old glee club and the new glee club at the door. Finn, Mercedes, Blaine, Tina, Brittney, Artie, Rachel, Kurt, Mike, Quinn, Jake and Kitty. I smiled as they came in and my breath got caught in my throat as Kitty walked in holding hands with Jake giving me her bitch smirk. I heard everyone saying hi to one another and I cursed Santana under my breath for inviting Kitty _**and **_Jake. I closed the door and saw Jake giving me a smile that I had no choice but to return. It was awkward and I just wanted Sam to comfort me. I walked into the large kitchen and smiled to everyone as they poured their drinks. I walked towards Sam who smiled to me, grabbing my hand. The smile faded as he saw Jake walking in. I prayed that the night would end without Sam leaving with bloody knuckles. Specifically not Jake's blood. He put an arm around my waist giving me a long and hard kiss on the lips. When we pulled away I noticed Jake with a the look of a psychopath. I noticed Sam was holding a cup and realized that I was going to be sober and alone for the night and I wasn't really feeling the idea of being alone.

The music was playing, drinks were being poured, everyone trying to hear each other over the loud music. So many people were either dancing, making out, taking body shots, or trying to do all three. Sam was still holding on to me and I couldn't help but think he didn't want me wandering off.

"You okay babe?" He yelled into my ear. I nodded my head in response giving him a small smile. He leaned in for a kiss, the taste of alcohol on his lips. We separated and I smiled as he gave me a wink.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." I yelled into his ear.

"I'll come with you." I looked at him confused wondering why he wanted to come with me.

"You don't have to, I'll be fine." I said trying to convince him that he didn't need to baby me.

"Alright, I'll be waiting here." He squeezed my hand before letting go. I went down the stairs, occasionally telling people 'excuse me' and having to wait for couples to take a break from their heated make out sessions. I knocked on the bathroom door hoping no one was in there.

"Occupied." It sounded like Santana. Crying.

"Santana is that you? It's Marley."

"Virgin Marley?" I heard her say.

"The one and only." I said. She opened the door and I literally had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from gasping at how she looked. Her mascara was running and her runny nose didn't help. I walked into the bathroom, closing it behind me.

"Santana, what's wrong?" I instantly assumed she was a weeping drunk. Those people who cried and overreacted over any little thing while they were in a drunken state.

"I saw Brittney kissing Artie and.. I-I hate her. She's a bitch. She kissed him and s-she.. was o-n his lap. And I w-ant Puck... but I can't have him- he doesn't love... he just wants s-ex. Marleyyyyyyyyyy." I had to hold Santana as she tried to catch her breath, and I felt awful knowing her ex-girlfriend was here and she has feelings for a guy. When I really thought Santana was a straight up lesbian. Wow that was a good oxymoron. I heard the door open, to find Puck staring at us with a smug face.

"Santana baby, I've looked all over for you." He came in closer to grab her hand.

"NO! YOU DON'T... LO-VE ME." She said ripping her hand out of his.

"That's not true, Santana, I do love you. We need to sober you up a bit and wash your face." I looked at Puck looking at him with a confused expression. Was he sober? Puck? Sober?

"Okay." She said and I looked at her bewildered by her response.

"Santana are you sure?" I said making sure the alcohol wasn't doing all the talking.

"Yes Virgin Marley, I'm sure. Thank you for helping me by the way. No wonder Jesus loves you. You are definitely.. his mother." I looked at her hoping she knew what she was getting into.

"Thanks Marley, I'll take it from here. Oh and Sam is looking for you. He looks like he's pissed that he can't find you."

I left the bathroom looking for Sam hoping to find him before he caused trouble. I tried to find a blonde hair quiffed boy but instead I found Jake staring at me. I felt almost like he was creeping on me but his gaze was broken as Kitty started making out with him. I felt somebody grab my wrist, and instantly I tried breaking free.

"Marley, it's Sam. Calm down babe. I 've been looking all over for you."

"Oh sorry, I was taking care of Santana." I looked back to find that Jake had disappeared along with Kitty.

"Do you want to drink something? Juice or water?" I kept on looking for Jake but couldn't find him.

"Baby? You okay? Is somebody bothering you?"

"Vodka." I said shocked at my reply. I wanted to let loose for once in my life.

"Baby are you sure? I mean are you really sure? You're a lightweight, I don't want you to-"

"I'll be fine Sam. Just relax, stop being so overprotective."

"I'm being overprotective because I don't want you to get hurt." I looked at him with a frown on my face.

"Okay, fine, but only one cup." He grabbed my hand leading me up the stairs to the kitchen. He poured me half a cup and I gave him the 'really?' look. I watched him pour a bit more and I was satified with the amount. I smelt the alcohol and instant memories of me coming home with bottles of alcohol everywhere filled my mind. My dad yelling at my mom, throwing a punch here and there. I remember when I had to go to the hospital. When I was nearly raped. All that leading me to my hatred for myself, and how I wished Sam didn't throw out my razors. It seemed like my only escape now was alcohol. I drank to that.

The cool alcohol burned down my throat as the unfamiliar taste heighented my senses and the pain in my arm as Sam pulled the cup away from my mouth.

"Easy there babe. Take little sips, I don't want you to get drunk on your first sip." I shook my head, realizing that Sam's idea was a better choice. Sam wrapped his arm around my waist once more as he started to talk to Finn and Rachel. It seemed that they were so into their conversation that it would have been rude to intervene. I let my eyes wander waiting for the alcohol to kick in. I waited a couple of minutes before my eyes landed on Jake. This time he was talking to some jocks from the football team and Kitty was trying to get his attention. I tried to make out what they were saying, being curious and all, before Jake's eyes met mine. Our gaze locked, neither one of us looking away. I felt like I be the one to break the contact and instead I looked to the clock above his head that read 11:34. I sighed wondering when this party would be over. The alcohol didn't start to kick in until after I had finished the cup. I felt a bit light-headed and I couldn't find Sam. He had left with Finn to get some more drinks from the basement and left Rachel and I to talk for a bit. She had to talk to Kurt and I was once again left alone. Like always. Alone. I walked down the stairs to find people playing strip poker and twister naked. I covered my eyes but decided it was too late now, and decided to watch the game of strip poker. I watched as the girl had to remove her shirt leaving her in her bra and jeans. I looked down to see she was still wearing shoes. She could have removed a shoe. I turned to heard whistling and saw a game of 'Spin the Bottle' being played. I saw Kurt and Tina go in for a kiss and Blaine smirking at his boyfriend.

"Marley! Come here!" I heard Wade yell. I walked over to the 'spin the bottle' game, sitting next to Wade.

"Okay guys it's Marley's turn. Let this little virgin have a go." Wade said in a sassy tone. I couldn't play this, not without Sam here. I stared at the bottle making sure not to make eye contact with anyone in the group. I felt the effects the alcohol take over and decided to be daring. I spinned the bottle, biting on my lower lip hoping it would land on Kurt or Blaine or even Wade, because it wouldn't mean anything. I looked up to see Santana and Puck eagerly waiting to see who it would land on.

"Oh my god." I heard someone say. I looked to where the bottle was pointing. It landed on Jake. I felt my heart beating faster, my palms getting sweatier. I couldn't kiss my him. Sam would never forgive me or have mercy on Jake's face. I looked up to see everyone's eyes on me and or Jake. Kitty looked amused by all of this and if I believed in magic, I would say that Kitty was a witch and used some kind of spell for it to land on Jake.

"Well Marley, you gonna go for it or not? If you don't you have to strip something off and stay like that till the party is over." I started to panic. I hated my body, I couldn't kiss Jake, and I'm pretty sure I needed more alcohol. I drank some more and kept on drinking till the cup became empty.

"I'll switch with Jake." I heard Sam say. Everyone looked at over elated to see him.

"You can't do that." Jake said.

"Yes he can." Santana intervened.

"No he can't rules are rules." Jake started getting defensive.

"It's my fucking party, and if you don't like it then you can kiss Kitty's cellulite ass." She said. Sam pushed Jake out of the way, and crawled towards me. I smiled shyly. I was never one to flaunt when we kissed, but I was feeling risky. Sam brought my lips to his and in a matter of seconds our lips made contact. It was slow yet rough. Almost like Sam wanted to show everyone that he was allowed to do this. To show everyone that I was his. And his only. I heard a bunch of 'oohs' and whistling in the background but I ignored it as I continued to kiss Sam. We pulled away and he brought me up to my feet, grabbing my hand. We walked out of the circle and he led me into the bathroom. He locked the door behind him, turning the light on. The sound of music still making it's way into the bathroom. Sam leaned in once more, giving me a rough kiss. His tongue begged for entrance as he licked my bottom lip. I let him in, putting my fingers in his hair, just how he liked it, his quiff becoming messy.

"You're mine. And don't you fucking forget it." He said breathlessly, his hot breath on my lips. I cringed as he cursed and he reconnected our lips. This time he kissed down my jaw, down my neck, to my collarbone, back up to my neck. He found my sweet spot and instead of his light kisses, he bit down and sucked. I gasped as he continued to do so, and I tried to escape his grasp but he wouldn't let go.

"Sam." I whimpered, pulling on his hair, only getting a throaty moan from him. He continued to suck, and bit harder. He then licked over the area leaving a little kiss. He trailed the kisses up back to my lips. As we broke up apart once more he pulled my lower lip between his teeth. He looked at me giving me a smirk.

"It looks good on you. My mark." He said. I turned around to see a huge, red with dots on my neck, where he bit my neck. I touched the hickey and winced at the touch. It hurt and as I drew my hand back a bit of blood came off. I felt a happy to know I was Sam's but almost irritated by the fact he gave me a hickey I couldn't hide. He came up behind me and I felt a weird mix of déjà vu. The same way Jerry came up to me, his eyes dark, his lips bruised and he was drunk. I didn't feel comfortable and I felt like I was losing control. The whole let loose idea was not one of my best ones. I tried to push Sam away from giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey babe, I just want to give you a kiss." I saw his confused look. I decided to hide how I was feeling and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you." He said. I gave him a meek smile trying to cover up my nausea.

"I love you too." I said shyly.

We left the bathroom, his hand intertwined with mine. I wanted so badly to just leave.

"I'm gonna go talk to Puck a bit, stay with Santana."

"But I-"

"Marley, stay with Santana." He said with a harsh tone. I saw Santana coming over with Puck.

"Hey baby!" Santana gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was confused by her affection but ignored it.

"Hey Santana." I said while watching Puck and Sam walking away and talking.

"Who gave you that? Oh my gosh, did you have a quickie with Sam in the bathroom? Baby I am so proud! Oh my- you're not a virgin- I knew it!" I shook my head trying to lower Santana's voice.

"Santana no, I didn't do a 'quickie', and I'm still a virgin and quiet down will you?"

"Aw, poo." Santana gave me a pouty face and I couldn't help but laugh at her silliness. "Dance with me! I want to see what you got!" She said starting to move her hips. I wasn't much a dirty dancer, more of the artistic dancer but part of me said to go for it. I let my hips move about and let the music take over. I listened to the beat and saw Santana smiling as I started to get into it.

"That's it. Move that ass of yours over here." We started to dance together grabbing each other's hands finally getting along, and not having to hear her say anything rude about me. It was nice to have a friend like Santana. If you consider her a friend. I twirled her around as we got closer and the music started to get more exciting. I was having so much fun, letting my hair down and just dancing with a friend. Santana slapped my bum as I kept on moving my hips to the beat. We started to laugh as we continued to dance. Santana let out a 'ugh' and rolled her eyes, gesturing with her eyes to look to my right. I saw Jake coming towards us and I almost saw it coming.

"Hey Marley, can I talk to you- alone?"

"Whatever you have to say to Marley you can say it in front of me Frappe with a side of Jew." Santana said with a sassy tone.

"It's fine Santana, I'll be back." I gave her a warm smile and let go of her hand. I walked away from the blaring music and saw Santana start to dance with Rachel and Mercedes.

I found myself unlocking a door, into Santana's laundry room. Jake closed the door behind him and I turned to face him. The only light was coming from the moon outside, but I could see everything clearly.

"Look Marley, I don't think Sam is the right guy for you." Jake said without hesitation. I gave him a confused look.

"And what gives you the right to say that? He has been nothing but kind and sweet, and he's perfect." I spit back.

"Yeah a guy who get's angry and possessive of you every time someone looks at you the wrong way."

"So what? He's just protective of me. Something I'm sure you aren't capable of doing for Kitty because you seem to let her loose with her job as a blower." I referred to the fact that she gave any guy a blow job.

"Kitty is not my girlfriend." Jake said.

"Oh right, I'm sorry, she's you're fuck toy." I snapped at him. I was feeling angry all of a sudden and I didn't know where it was coming from.

"Marley, don't you see? You're no longer sweet Marley! You have a hickey, you've been drinking, you said a curse word, and you were basically grinding with Santana. He's changing you. You deserve better. Just let me show you what you deserve." Jake's lips were on mine before I even knew what was happening. I tried to push him away but I felt a tight grip on my wrists. I was pushed back against the dryer. I couldn't move. I felt Jake's hips roll on to mine and I felt myself being put in the same situation I was in with Jerry. I bit Jake's tongue.

"SAM! SOMEBODY HELP!" I yelled out, hoping someone might actually hear me.

"Stupid bitch." Jake grabbed my jaw and reconnected his lips on mine. He put pressure on my body and I tried to move my knee in between his legs. He took it as a sign of lust and opened his legs up. I pulled my leg up as fast as possible putting as much force as I could and hit him right in his private area. He bit on my bottom lip, screaming in pain. He let go and I tried to move past him. I couldn't see exactly where I was going and I felt Jake grab my hair yanking me back to him. I yelped as he turned me around. He pinned me to the wall, the back of my head hitting the wall and I was in the same position I was a couple of minutes ago. I couldn't help but let tears spill. My head started to throb and my vision started to get blurry.

"I'm going to take the pain away baby, I promise." I felt his hand trail under my skirt and I tried to move but I was pinned tightly.

"No, pl-please Jake. No- stop." I tried to say between sobs. I felt his fingers slip past my underwear and I started to cry harder.

"JAKE STOP." I yelled. I couldn't breath, I felt myself getting light-headed my breath getting heavier.

"SAM. SAM HELP ME- PL-PLEASE!" I yelled.

"Shut up Marley and relax okay, this will all be over." He whispered putting his hand over my mouth. I felt his fingers start to trail down to the area where I was trying to prevent him from reaching. I closed my eyes letting the tears fill my vision and I wished to just die. If Sam wasn't going to save me, I wanted it to end right here. I started to cry even harder as Jake started to kiss my neck. And in an instant light flooded the room and the music was no longer muffled.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER!" I saw Sam pull Jake back and I fell down against the wall not realizing that my feet weren't even touching the ground. I saw Sam punch Jake and he wouldn't stop. Sam picked Jake up off the floor and threw him against the dryer. I saw blood and I felt nausea once more. I watched as Sam hit Jake again, again and again. Jake wouldn't fight back.

"Sam." I whispered out trying to tell him to stop. He wouldn't, he kept on hitting him and I was scared. So scared that he may have completely lost it and that he would kill him.

"SAM, SAM STOP THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM." Finn yelled pulling him off of Jake.

"SAM, YOU'RE SCARING MARLEY!" I heard Rachel scream.

"HE FUCKING DESERVES IT. HE IS A FILTHY BASTARD. HE'S DISGUSTING-"

"STOP." Finn said holding him back as Sam tried to lunge at Jake once more. I felt somebody kneeling next to me. I heard more people come in and then Santana screaming.

"PARTY'S OVER, GET THE FUCK OUT."

"Marley it's Rachel. It's okay I'm not going to hurt you." I flinched as she tried to push my hair away from my face. I saw Puck next to Jake, Finn trying to hold Sam back and the glee club standing there, wide-eyed. Santana came running over. I smelt the alcohol on her mouth but it seemed like she had sobered up rather quickly.

"We need to take you home. Come on." I was lifted up, but my knees buckled not supporting me.

"I'll take her home." I heard Sam mumble. I instantly grabbed onto Santana as he came towards me. I don't know why I became so scared, but I just couldn't get the memory of Sam beating up that kid at school and now nearly killing Jake. I saw Sam's face becoming confused and his eyes filling up with tears.

"Marley, y-you know I-I'd never hurt you right?" I didn't answer. I couldn't form the words and I just needed to close my eyes. I felt myself being helped out and then picked up bridal style.

"Thanks Mike." I heard Santana say.

"Wait!" I heard steps coming from behind. I felt a kiss planted on my forehead.

"I love you." And that was the last thing I heard before I fell into another endless nightmare.


	16. Chapter 16

So sorry for the late update, my internet wasn't working and this chapter took me a while to write. Thank you guys so much for being patient and the support! I never would have imagined to have so many people become interested in this, so once again thank you! xx

**Warnings: **angsty chapter, back to the self-hated Marley, eating disorder, and lovey dovey stuff

* * *

I clung onto the closest thing next to me as I heard a loud roll of thunder. I squeezed onto this object as lightning flashed and I anticipated for the next loud roar. I couldn't tell where I was exactly, and panic struck me as I felt the object next to me move. I crossed out object as the list of things it could be. It was human and I was scared to open my eyes and meet this stranger. As I took in a deep breath, I smelt something familiar; an enticing aquatic scent with a bit of a soft flower smell. The same scent I commented on when he first came over to my house and we cuddled. The Calvin Klein perfume that he told me about. I felt a small smile creep across my face as I remembered how perfect that afternoon was. It was also the same afternoon when I confessed about Jerry and all the trouble he had caused. It felt weird thinking about Jerry. He was in custody last time I heard and I wasn't planning on worrying about him. Until now. I started to think about how Jerry man-handled me, just like my dad and Jake. My mind started to wander as to why I felt so scared at the moment. And the memories of last night flooded my mind. The enticing smell of the Calvin Klein perfume no longer became appealing. I felt my heart beat faster and I heard a roar of thunder hit against my window. I jumped and woke up to find Sam laying down his eyes open, almost bloodshot. I felt the sudden urge to flee, but why? Why did I feel like this? I never felt like this around Sam. He was the only one who made me feel safe.

"Marley, it's just thunder!" He came closer to me, reaching out to grab my hand but my reflex made me pull away. I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't feel safe.

"Are you... are you scared of me Marley?" He furrowed his brows, his emerald eyes glistening from the tears that were forming.

"I would never hurt you Marley, **never.** I was only trying to protect you, and... and you were in pain. I wasn't there to stop it from happening. I wasn't there to protect you. And... an-and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry babe, I promise you that it will never happen again. You'll be safe with me. I made that promise and I'm going to keep it. Please babe, just give me your hand, at least tell me you still love me." I didn't respond. I knew he was being sincere, I knew he would never hurt me, but I couldn't get the image of him beating Jake out of my head.

"Marley, please." He inched a little closer and I felt his hand grasp mine. He softly held it, almost as if I was fragile. I felt safe just by the touch of his hand and I wasn't going to let him go. I wrapped my arms around his neck bringing him in for a hug and I let go all the tears I was holding back. His tight embrace prevented me from moving and I didn't mind it one bit. I felt like I had lost him the night I had seen him beat Jake, but I saw the Sam I fell in love with and I was glad to have him back.

"I love you so much." He said in a muffled voice. His warm breath hitting my neck gave me goosebumps, but I didn't move, I felt safe, bound my his strong arms preventing me from leaving and from anyone to come in.

"I love you too." I whispered back still crying. The tears were of relief as well as sadness. It had been nearly three days since I had a mental breakdown and the buildup of tears have caused my system to shut down and I was letting three days of tears out. I knew I was going to be okay. **We** were going to be okay.

* * *

I woke up to the smell of pancakes and something sweet. I felt the sun shine through my window and I couldn't help but open my eyes. I saw a tray on my lap and as my eyes adjusted to everything, a shirtless Sam was looking at me. I suddenly realized that this was his 'I'm so sorry' breakfast for me.

"You finally woke up!" He smiled and his huge grin became contagious as I returned the smile. I peered over the clock to see it was 7:30 am. I panicked and started to get up because I was late for school. I felt Sam's hand on mine and I stopped moving as I wondered why he wasn't worried about being late.

"I already called and said you weren't feeling well." He said. I slowly got back into the position I was in before and looked at the breakfast more closely. He made chocolate chip pancakes. My favorite.

"Thank you for the breakfast." I said shyly, not looking up to meet his gaze.

"No problem babe. It actually took me a bit but I figured out that you actually had to put the chocolate chips in the batter and not after they are fully cooked." He chuckled and I smiled as I pictured him nearly burning down the house. The idea wasn't necessarily funny, just the reaction of Sam freaking out about burning the house down. I looked to my phone as it kept on vibrating. I picked it up to find a familiar number on the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Hi Marley! It's , I just wanted to let you know I'm dropping your dad off right now. Would you like to talk to him?" My mood went down hill and I thought about the state my dad was in when had previously called. I didn't want to speak to my dad, but I at least had to hear what he had to say.

"Right, um, yes I would like to speak to him." I waited anxiously as he gave the phone to my dad.

"Hey Mars, how is everything?" I rolled my eyes as he sounded like a guilty boy who tried to play off his innocence.

"Fine. What happened? I thought you said you were going to be careful?" I said with almost a parent like tone.

"Listen Mars, I just took a sip and I didn't realize I was drinking from James's cup which had alcohol in it and I got drunk. It was an accident Mars." I met Sam's worried gaze as he tried to figure out who I was talking to. I mouthed 'dad' to him and he nodded his head.

"Okay, what time are you going to be home?" I asked, hoping I could leave for school before he reached the house.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes." He said.

"I'm going to school so you won't see me when you get back. Just eat some breakfast and sleep. Don't do anything stupid." I pushed my hair back in frustration.

"Okay, I'll see you then. Bye Mars."

"Bye dad." I hung up and put the phone down. As I put the phone away, I noticed I got multiple texts from Santana. About 100 to be exact. I lied back down, losing my appetite and all I wanted was just to leave. I had forgotten that I was man-handled last night and so as I got out of bed, I noticed bruises all over both my arms. I looked down in disbelief. I looked over to Sam, to see him fuming and biting his bottom lip. He wanted to say something but didn't. I took the silence as a sign to get dressed. I went into the bathroom and took a shower. I stood under the shower head, letting the warm water hit my back side. I thought about everything that happened and I couldn't believe in a matter of months I became this. I couldn't even describe myself. I tried to clear my head of all the thoughts running through my mind but instead it led to me crying. I was thankful the water was loud so Sam couldn't hear me. I was so lost. So done with everything. I couldn't control anything and it was my fault that I was nearly raped once again. I was drunk and stupid and I regretted everything. I was always putting myself in bad situations. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I'm getting closer to my breaking point. Maybe I'm way past my breaking point.

I got out of the shower, and stood in the steam filled bathroom. I wiped the foggy mirror and looked closely at myself. My eyes were red from my break down in the bathroom. I found all my imperfections without hesitation. I opened the cabinet under my sink and took out the scale. I removed the towel, drying my hair completely. I stood there naked, hoping that I could get an accurate reading. Last time I checked I weighed 124 lbs. I wanted to weigh 110. I don't remember when I decided the exact weight I wanted to weigh, however, it seemed like the ideal weight. My thighs didn't touch but the fat seemed to still exist and I was damned with a belly that didn't seem to disappear. As I put one foot on the scale, I closed my eyes and stood on the scale for a good minute before looking down. 118 lbs. Not good enough. Not close. I wasn't getting anywhere. It was because I was eating for the past two weeks. I wasn't trying. I had to start the process of not eating all over again. Starvation mode. My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a knock on the door.

"Marley, you almost done in there? I really need to pee babe and I don't think you'd appreciate me using your garbage can!" I heard Sam say. I knew he was just trying to break the ice by trying to be funny. I smiled and started to put my clothes on. I brushed my hair and quickly left the bathroom letting Sam run in. As soon as he came out I was already dressed in light washed jeans, a huge floral patterned sweater, along with my doc martens. I had recently decided to use the clothes that were rotting in the back of my closet because they were a bit too small for me to wear before the weight loss diet. Sam came over and gave me a hug, giving me a kiss on the forehead. He held my head to prevent me from looking away into his emerald greens.

"I love you more than anything in this world." He said with sweet tone. I almost forgot to reply as my eyes were wandering into his green orbs.

"I love you too. More than anything in this world of course." I smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips before pulling away and grabbing my bag from my bed. I waited for him to grab my hand so we can leave, but something seemed to have prevented him from moving. He stood in place his back facing me. I came behind him, pulling his back to my chest like he usually did with me and stood on my tipey toes to place my chin on his shoulder.

"What's wrong babe?" I asked. The roles were switched this time and I almost liked the feeling of having me to worry about him instead of vice versa.

"Nothing I just... kind of zoned out." He turned around giving me a dry kiss on the lips and quickly grasped my hand, squeezing it to let me know he was 'okay'.

"Did you eat anything babe?" Sam asked as we walked down the stairs.

"Um, no. I'll grab something quick!" I said letting go of his hand and heading into the kitchen. I decided the best thing to go for was a banana Not a lot of calories and it was healthy. I got Sam a yogurt and another banana and left the kitchen. I handed Sam his breakfast and he looked at me with a confused expression but didn't say anything. As I got in the car, I was thankful to see no sign of my dad anywhere.

"So you're fine right? I sent you 300 texts last night but you didn't answer once you bitch." Santana said as she walked me to my 4th period class.

"I'm sorry I was just tired!" I said trying to convince her that I was passed out.

"You couldn't have had Sam text me that you were okay?" She said in a sassy tone.

"I-I'm sorry Santana." I gave up on trying to convince her and just continued to look ahead. I saw the black kid that Sam had beaten up yesterday. He had a swollen lip and a black eye. He gave me the dirtiest look and I cringed and looked away, trying to forget all that happened. Apparently I wasn't going to forget as I passed Kitty in the hall way. She paid no attention to me until her side kick pointed to me. As I kept on walking with Santana and tried to ignore Kitty's presence I felt everybody stop and stare.

"Hey guys its rexi the dinosaur." I heard someone say. I stopped walking and I felt myself become tense. The joke was an insult to me. Because they thought I was anorexic. But I wasn't. So it was technically stupid of them to say it. I heard the hallway a couple of people laugh, a couple of murmurs and some sympathetic glances were shot my way.

"Let's go." Santana said grabbing my hand trying to get me out of the nauseating scene. We walked into the bathroom and I felt almost numb about the whole thing. I wasn't anorexic. I was fine. I could start eating whenever I wanted to. I can. I can gain all the weight back without a problem. I'm fine.

"Marley, I think you should get some help. See a therapist or something. And I've tried to find a right time to tell you this but hell, you always seem to have more things to worry about. But I'm telling you this because I'm your friend. Really the only friend you have. I know Sam still hasn't figured out your issues with food but I think it's time you came clean. Not just for Sam or me but for yourself. I really think it'll be better this way." Her voice was soft, almost mother-like, as she tried to tell me that I had a problem. I didn't have one. She was wrong, and I was fine. No need to pay for a therapist.

"I'm fine Santana! I can eat I'm just trying to be healthy. And if it makes you feel any better I was going to order some McDonald's later today!" I cringed as I said McDonald's. It was absolutely disgusting. The fast food chain made me want to barf. Just the thought of all this fat going into my body was sickening.

"That's a load of bullshit. The biggest load of bullshit. Even bigger than Puck's junk and that's big." The crude humor made me feel a bit uneasy by the idea that Santana has seen Puck's junk.

"I have to get to class Santana. I'll see you later." I tried to keep myself together as I heard my stomach grumble. I felt the feeling of my stomach almost eating itself.

"Not so fast." She grabbed my wrist. Luckily the scars from weeks ago had healed a bit so it didn't hurt as much as I would have expected it to.

"I want you to come over later. Just you and I. No boys, just us girls eating, watching movies and sharing stories. Plus I want you meet some of my friends." She said with a sincere tone.

"Yeah, sure. I'll ask Sam to drop me off." I started to walk over to my 4 th period class but I felt a jolt of pain in my stomach. I wrapped my arms around my stomach to ease the pain but it didn't work. My eyes started to get wet from the pain and I nearly dropped my books as I began to feel sick.

"Woah, you nearly dropped your books there!" I looked up to see Ryder, holding onto my books. I gave him a meek smile and tried to hide the now excruciating pain.

"You okay Marley? You look a bit sick!" Ryder said.

"Um, yeah... I'm fine. No I'm not, canyouhelpmetothenurse?" The words slurred out in such a rapid speed I didn't expect Ryder to understand.

"Yeah of course." He took my books and grabbed my waist. I slowly walked with him to the nurse's office which was down the hall. Luckily it wasn't too far away because by the time I had gotten in the office and on the bed I threw up in a nearby bucket. Who would have thought I would throw up water. Water and some acid from my stomach. I lied down in the nurses office as she called Sam. I asked her not to call my dad as I didn't trust him to leave the house. I lied down clutching to my stomach when I heard Sam's voice.

"Hey babe." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and sat on the chair beside the bed. He noticed my arms clutched around my body and removed my hands. I let out a small cry as it hurt to even move. He started to gently rub my belly and it was almost magical as the pain slowly eased.

"What happened?" He asked with such deep concern.

"I don't.. I was just walking and I felt pain in my stomach." It hurt to even talk and all I wanted was to be in my room, under the covers, with Sam rubbing my stomach.

"Do you want me to take you home? I can make you some tea and rub your belly and we can cuddle under the covers!" He said ever so sweetly. He knew me so well.

"I wish, but I can't miss school anymore, I'm already so behind in my classes. And the hangover from last night isn't helping." It surprised me to see that everyone that was at the party seemed to be fine. I had a massive headache and not to mention my stomach was killing me. It was probably because it was my first time drinking.

"Probably because you aren't used to drinking babe." He gave me a kiss on the nose and continued to rub my belly. I looked at him with such admiration. He was so perfect. The way he treated me and made me feel had me falling even more deeply in love with him.

"You're staring babe." He chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh with him.

"I was just thinking about how amazing you are." I said leaning in for a kiss but then backed away immediately as I realized I had just thrown up.

"Hey. Just because you threw up does not mean I don't wanna kiss. At least on the cheek." He winked and turned his head so I can kiss his cheek. As I pulled away from the kiss I instantly felt better.

"I think I'm feeling a lot better." I smiled.

"Shocking, it's probably because of my magic touch." He said in a Sean Connery voice. I laughed. I loved his imitation of Connery. It never failed to make me smile and it's just what I needed to forget about all my problems. He helped me up and took me to my class. 4th period had 15 minutes left in the class and I had Photography, which wasn't a hard class to catch up in. I gave him a quick kiss before going inside and kept my eyes down to not make eye contact with anyone. I sat down opening up my binder and took a few notes. When the bell rang I had to rush to my locker to make it to gym and change before anyone else was there. As I stuffed my books in my bag, I noticed a folded piece of paper at the bottom of my bag. I took it out and unfolded it.

_**Meet me at my locker babe, after class xx.**_

I suddenly got excited as I wondered what Sam could have possibly wanted. I left the class nearly running to his locker. I made it to find that Sam wasn't there yet and I decided to wait a couple of more minutes before leaving. I leaned against his locker looking at the text Santana had sent me a couple minutes ago.

_**I ordered some McDonald's for you to eat at lunch. Don't fucking skip out on me because I had to pull some strings to get them to bring it to the school. **_

_Why did you do that?_ I replied. I wasn't planning on eating at all and I had absolutely no choice but to meet Santana during lunch.

_**Because you're the worst liar ever and I know you weren't going to get some Mickey D's. Don't think I'm stupid Marley. Holy shit Puck is looking so fuckable right now.**_

I rolled my eyes at Santana's comment and decided to ignore the last part of the text.

_Okay fine. Thanks._ I half expected Santana to not reply so I decided to just lock my phone and wait for Sam, but Santana seemed to want to continue the conversation. About Puck that is.

_**I'm a lesbian why the fuck is Puck turning me on right now?**_

_I don't know Santana maybe he's an exception? Maybe you're in love ;)_

_**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're so funny Marley, that was a good one. I don't do 'in love'. I do pleasure without any feelings.**_

_Well like I said maybe he's an exception!_

_**Brb, he's coming to talk to me. Shit he looks so good.**_

_Okay._

I started to lock my phone until I felt a wet kiss planted on my cheek. I turned and found Sam with his arms behind his back.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to see what was behind his back. My anticipation finally ended as Sam gave me a single rose.

"You didn't feel so good and you haven't been having the best couple of months so I ran out to get you a rose to remind you of how beautiful and perfect you are to me. And plus your last name is Rose so it works out perfectly!" He seemed so excited by how he connected the dots like that and I couldn't help but almost feel proud of him in doing so.

"I love you so much."

"I love you more babe." He said and I stood on my tip toes to give him a kiss. I nearly forgot we were in public as I let my tongue wander into his mouth. It started to get hot and I had to pull away before I lost myself.

"WOO GET IT IN !" I heard Ryder and Artie yell out. I blushed in response and he laughed.

"Can I walk you to class?" I nodded and grabbed his hand. We walked in silence, but it was soon interrupted by trouble.

"Ay, Evans. Yous about to get youself in a major beef." I turned around to see Phil Lipoff standing in front with a group of black kids behind him, and the same kid Sam had hit yesterday at school. I squeezed Sam's hand to prevent him from doing anything. Clearly everything and anything I did meant nothing to him as he turned around to face the kid.

"And you are?" He asked in a stern voice.

"You know me Evans. Don't play dumb with me." He said crossing his arms.

"Oh right, yeah it's... Phil?"

"Dass right, and you best believe you will be remembering it while I beat yo face in." He had an almost villain like look to him. I kept my hand intertwined tightly with Sam's.

"And why will you be trying to beat my face in?" Sam asked furrowing his brows.

"Well, you see you hit ma brotha yesterday and nobody touches ma brother. He may be a freshman but dat ain't stoppin' nobody from beating the shit out of yous." I looked at his supposed brother and wondered how could a tall kid like him be a freshman. I could have sworn he was junior or even a senior.

"Your brother deserved it and more." We started to walk away and I was relieved we were leaving without any blood being shed.

"I don't think so Evans. It's you who deserves a black eye and much more. And I'mma do the honors of giving it to you." He stepped closer to us and I grabbed a hold of Sam preventing him from getting any closer. I was scared of seeing Sam getting angry and turning into the stranger that beat Jake senseless.

"Don't." I whispered to Sam. I locked yes with him and I felt my heart beat fast, and my eyes start to water. I was scared for him. It hadn't been 24 hours since his last fight and I was still uneasy about everything even though I would never admit it. I saw Sam's face soften and felt his hand squeeze mine.

"Marley stand behind me." He said and looked up to see Phil standing there ready to fight.

"No Sam. Not again." I stood my ground but Sam let go of my hand and pushed me back.

"I'm trying to protect you. Don't get in the way." He said with such rigid tone. He turned back to face Phil and I tried to think of ways to get Sam out of the situation.

"HEY EVANS, LIPOFF." I heard Puck yell out. He always seemed to stop Sam from getting into trouble and Santana was never far behind.

"The hell you think you guys are doing? Fighting with people watching on school grounds? You guys want to get expelled? especially you Sam. I saved your ass once already, you beat my half-brother nearly to death, you should be thankful that I stopped you before you got arrested for murder. Back the fuck down." Sam's muscles tensed and then relaxed.

"And you Lipshit. If you try to do anything, even lay a hand on any one of my friends, I will rip you apart." Phil chuckled.

"You're right. Evans, we'll handle this outside of school. Till then, I suggest you watch your back. And keep that beautiful damsel in distress out of trouble." He winked at me and blew a kiss. I felt sick and gave a disgusted him look. Sam tried to lunge at Phil but Puck was quick to stop him.

"Calm down. Take your girlfriend to her class and we'll discuss things later." He turned Sam around towards me and Sam grabbed my hand tightly. The crowd that were watching started to disperse and Sam moved his way around them. He wouldn't stop walking so fast and my hand started to hurt.

"Sam slow down." I yelled out but he didn't respond.

"What are you going to discuss later with Puck?" Nothing.

"SAM DAMNIT ANSWER ME!" I yelled louder and he stopped in front of my class. He turned and I was met with the same man from last night. The side of Sam that I was so scared of seeing.

"Nothing." He was lying and I was fuming with anger.

"Stop lying to me! Just tell me the truth. Are you going to fight Phil?" He didn't answer and I gave up. I just couldn't get him to budge and I was done trying to get him to talk.

"Fine don't answer."

He leaned in to give me a kiss but I moved my head and brushed past his shoulder into my French class.

I wasn't going to give him his gratification of being able to control me.

Lunch was absolutely awful. I sat with Santana at the tabel near where the glee kids sat. She place the bag of McDonald's right in the middle and I took out hamburgers and french fries. I tried to hide my displeasure so I can try to somewhat convince Santana I was able to stop. Sam and Puck had gone missing and I wasn't bothered because I was mad at Sam. Mad that he didn't listen to me and that he always got himself into trouble. I just wanted to let out my anger but I had no way to express it.

"Listen Pudge, I understand you're mad at Sam, but he's doing this to protect you. He loves you and he just has anger issues he needs to deal with. Puck took him to the gym to cool off. The place has this boxing room so they probably went to cool off their. Don't be mad at him because he's doing this for **you.**" She tossed me a burger and handed over fries. I hated that Santana had a point but that didn't mean he had to fight every person that posed a threat to me. We ate while making small talk and Santana explaining to me how her and Puck was complicated. I tried my best to give her advice and it helped me keep my mind off of everything that was happening.

By the end of the day Sam was still missing. I had no ride to Santana's and Santana had gone missing as well. She didn't answer my call or text and I had to take the bus. I took my jacket out of my locker and headed to the bathroom. I had such a tiny bladder and had drunk so much water because of the disgusting burger I was forced to eat. Luckily Santana had been too distracted by her problems to notice that I had only eaten half of one. This might be weird to add but, I loved the feeling after going to the bathroom when your bloated stomach no longer becomes bloated. It flattens out and you're left with a thinner figure. I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. I seemed to have lost weight in my face and it showed as my jaw line was more defined and my chubby cheeks were no longer chubby. I grabbed my stuff and headed to the parking lot to get on my bus. I looked around to see if Sam or Santana were around but couldn't find them. My phone started to vibrate and I looked at the caller id. It was Sam. I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to talk to him, or hear him, or... I just didn't want to deal with this. I let the call go to voice mail Clearly he wasn't going to give up because he called once more. Again I let it go to voice mail. A third time. I finally decided on the fourth time to answer.

"WHY THE HELL WEREN'T YOU ANSWERING?" He yelled. I had to remove the phone from my ear.

"Well 'hi' to you too." I replied.

"Don't start Marley. Where are you?" He asked with such an irritated tone.

"In the parking lot, getting on my bus." I started walking towards my bus trying to tune out everyone around me.

"Don't get on the bus. I'm in the student parking lot." He said in a demanding tone.

"I'd much rather get on my bus and the student parking lot is far away, I don't feel like walking." The second part was a lie. It wasn't that far away, but I wanted to prove to him that he couldn't control me.

"Marley. If you do not come to the car right now I'm go-"

"What Sam. What are you going to do? Break the glass of your car? Punch the nearest kid?" I noticed some people staring at me and I felt a bit uncomfortable. I waited for Sam to answer but instead I heard a heavy intake of air as he breathed in and huffed it back out.

"Hey Marley, how are you beautiful?" I turned around to see Phil and his crew coming towards me." I felt my stomach drop and began to feel nervous.

"Marley, who is that? Who's talking to you." I heard Sam ask.

"Phil." I instantly replied.

"Yeah that's right baby. I just wanted to talk to you for a bit. Just you and I. Why don't you hang up the phone and come with me?" He smiled thinking I would oblige.

"Marley walk away and come to the car right now. Don't say anything." I started to walk away and kept the phone close to my ear.

"Hey now come on, I'm not gonna hurt ya." I heard Phil say.

"Just remind your boyfriend about the terms." I slowed down and thought about what he could have possibly have meant by the 'terms'.

"Marley ignore him. Come to me right now. Keep walking." I heard Sam grit through his teeth. I picked up my pace and in no time I saw Sam standing near his car, his hand bawled up in a fist and his muscles nearly ripping his shirt. He still had the phone to his ear and didn't realize that I was near him till I hung up. He looked to me and gave me a tight lip curl, not yet a smile but not a frown either. I ignored him and got in the car waiting for him to follow suit. I heard the driver side open and close. The engine of the car roared to life and we started to drive.

The car ride home was quiet, neither one of us talked nor acknowledged each others presence. I was tempted to ask Sam about 'the terms' multiple times but I decided now was not the time. We got home and I tried to unlock the door but once again found myself locked in. Sam finally came and unlocked the door and I was up to the point were I wanted to slap him. I unlocked the door, too impatient to wait for my dad to do it. I walked in, leaving the door open for Sam to come in.

"Hey Mars, how was sc- you look mad! What happened?" I ignored him running up the stairs to my room and slamming the door shut. I took off my jacket and threw on my bed along with my books and bag. I heard the door open and close behind me but didn't bother to look because it was Sam. He wrapped him arms around my waist pulling me in but I objected his touch and removed his hands away from me. I turned around to my closet and decided it was best to shower since I had thrown up and I needed to be alone.

"Marley." He said.

"Marley, answer me." I took out a pair of black skinnies and a white knit jumper with a mustache on it. I picked up my doc martens and placed them on the bed continuing to ignore Sam's presence.

"Are you seriously going to ignore me?" He began to get frustrated. Good I thought. Let him know how it feels to be ignored. I began to look for a bra and underwear and in no time I had found a matching pair.

"Damn it. Marley just ANSWER!" He yelled out. I didn't want my dad to intrude so I decided it was best to let it all out.

"What are the terms Sam?" I asked, point-blank without hesitation. I looked straight into his eyes but I instantly looked away as I shied away from his emeralds.

"Nothing Marley. He was just saying that to get you worried. For you to act up like this." He said calmly.

"Act up? I'm acting up?" I asked flabbergasted at what he just said.

"Yes, ignoring me because of what happened earlier is acting up."

"SO THE ONE TIME I IGNORE YOU, I'M 'ACTING UP', BUT WHEN YOU IGNORE ME, IT'S ALRIGHT?" I finally let my built up anger out and it felt good to not be this shy, obedient girl.

"YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO FORGIVE ME FOR IT. LOOK... Can we just forgive and move on? Please?" He begged, and I felt like it would be better to forgive him but I wanted to take control of the situation. I walked past him and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I finished taking a shower in 10 minutes and dried myself. I removed my towel and threw my underwear and clothes, regretting the idea of wearing skinny jeans. The worst thing ever is having a shower and then putting skinny jeans. I brushed my hair quickly and walked into my room. I expected Sam to still be there but he wasn't. I threw on my shoes and grabbed my jacket and bag. I looked for my finger-less gloves and grabbed a scarf since it was going to be cold by the time I got back from Santana's. I looked at the time, which read 3:15. I had some time to kill before heading to Santana's so I decided to throw on some bracelets and watch. I put on earrings and decided I looked somewhat presentable. Santana invited me to meet some of her friends and I wanted to make a good first impression. I left my room and walked down stairs and into the kitchen to grab a water bottle. I heard my dad and Sam talking in the living room. I began to think how I was going to go about this. Was I going to smile, say hi, or just walk out of the house? I saw my dad's keys on the counter and grabbed. I'll just take my dad's car. I walked into the living room, both of them looking at me.

"Dad can I take your car? I'm going to Santana's." I asked making eye contact with my dad only.

"I thought Sam was going to take you?" He looked at Sam and I looked over to see a smile on Sam's face. I bit down on my lower lip, trying to keep my composure.

"I thought you left." I said trying to sound like I was uninterested.

"Nope, I was waiting for you. I like the sweater by the way." He said smiling. I rolled my eyes and ignored his comment.

"Mars, what do you say?" My dad asked.

"I say that I have to go so if Sam's going to take me, I suggest he take me now and stop trying to flirt out of his problems." I spit back.

"Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you later ."

"Bye Sam!" My dad got up giving him a tight smile. My dad looked at me with a scolding look. I knew he didn't like how I acted but I wasn't sorry. I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye dad." I said with a smile.

"Bye Mars, and be nice. He was only trying to look out for you." He said as Sam left.

"I get it. Dad be careful okay? And if you're hungry there's a list of numbers on the fridge you can call for takeout! There's money in the kitty jar." I said as I put on my jacket, scarf and gloves.

"Okay Mars." He chuckled as he saw me struggle to put on my gloves. I left and walked to Sam's car, getting into the passenger seat. The car ride to Santana's was once again quiet. As he pulled into the driveway and stopped I waited for him to unlock the door. He didn't move out of his seat.

"So we're just going to ignore each other?" He said quietly. I looked down gnawing on my bottom lip. He grabbed my hand, intertwining my fingers with his.

"Please talk to me Marley. I hate when you ignore me. I want to know what you're thinking." I guess it was time to acknowledge his presence.

"I'm thinking about how you always get mad, get in fights, then get mad at **me** when I have done nothing wrong, then you ignore and then you think by giving me kisses and trying to be cute you'll be forgiven. You don't control me Sam. I wanna know what you and Puck did, I want to know what Phil meant by 'the terms' and I don't want you to lie about it." I let it all out and waited patiently for his answer.

"Like how you lied about cutting yourself?" He replied with such a hurt voice.

"That's not fair. I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Well I do Marley. When you're not with me, I think about you every second and I think about somebody trying to hurt you, or someone saying something to hurt you. Even when you're with me I'm looking around to make sure that there is no one around to hurt you. I text you to keep some kind of contact with you and I stay at your place because I want to be the last thing you see before you sleep and the first you see when you wake up. I want to be here for you and protect you. You deserve more in this world then I can give you." He stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb and I felt my heart flutter as those words escaped his mouth. I didn't deserve him. **He** was the one who deserved more. I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed onto his lap. He leaned in and gave me a kiss in which I returned. It was long and heated, there was little room in the car to move in, but it was perfect. His tongue slipped in my mouth, and the kiss became even more irresistible. I tugged on his hair, knowing how much he loved it when I did and was thankful my rings didn't tangle with his hair either. As we separated for air, our foreheads connected, trying to catch our breaths.

"I'm going to be in a fight, next Friday." He said abruptly. I pulled away, wide-eyed and nearly having a heart attack.

"Wh-what... do you mean by a fight Sam?" I asked trying to catch my breath.

"Phil and I arranged a fight, no weapons just fists, I'll be okay though, I've been working out with Puck at the gym, and I've been taking boxing classes and..." I began to freak out even more. The thought of Sam in another fight caused me to think of the worst possible things. I felt tears stream down my face.

"I promise Marley, I'm going to be fine." He said trying to reassure me. He kissed my tears away but I was so distracted by the thought of Sam getting hurt, or him losing himself in the fight.

"Wh-... what... what are the terms." I tried to say. He bowed his head down and didn't say anything. I was so scared to hear his answer.

"Sam.." I whispered.

"If I win, he has to come clean about his steroid use." I had noticed that Phil had gotten larger in his upper body, and rumors had circulated about him using steroids, but I never thought they were true. But it didn't matter. I was waiting for the other part of the terms. And I felt my stomach flip as I held onto Sam's shirt, wrinkling it with my grasp.

"And if you lose?..." I whimpered, so scared to hear the answer. Silence lingered until I met his beautiful eyes.

"I have to give the best thing I have to him." I looked at him confused.

"The best thing you have? Do you mean like your car? I don't understand..." I asked.

"You." He bit his bottom lip, breaking eye contact. I felt sick. almost taken back that I was part of the terms.

"You...you're willing to give me up?" I was nearly in tears.

"No, no! I agreed on giving something up of value to me. And I hadn't thought through, but he meant you. But that's not going to happen. Whether I win or lose. He will **never **have you. No one will. I promise." I let my hands drop and I suddenly thought of all the bad things that could happen to Sam again. What if he lost and he wouldn't give me up. What would they do? They'd hurt him and I'd much rather it be me they hurt. He was going to get hurt by someone who was bigger than him, someone on drugs and I couldn't think about the consequences. The idea of Sam getting hurt, maybe even... maybe even getting killed.

"Stop thinking about it Marley. I'm going to be okay. I promise everything will be okay." I shook my head and began to cry. He pulled me into a tight hug and I let the tears spill. I was so scared of loosing him. So scared of someone taking him away from me. I felt a sudden pain in my stomach, just like earlier today except even worse. I tightened my hold on Sam.

"Sa-m my.. my stomach. I-t hurts." He instantly put his hand on my stomach and rubbed it. The pain eased and I relaxed at his touch. This is why I needed him.

I needed him to take away the pain.


	17. Chapter 17

Updated fairly quickly because I had nothing better to do and I thought why not add another chapter to this crazy love story? I will be updating one more time this weekend and I changed the POV for a bit as well (just for this chapter;maybe for the next few chapters as well). Thank you guys for the support! xx

**Warnings:** the usual

* * *

**Sam's POV**

I rubbed her stomach as she continued to cry in the crook of my neck. I expected her to react like this and I felt awful doing this to her. She was so fragile and I just couldn't watch her break again. Not after what happened at the party. She was so strong, never once mentioning the events of last night. It was almost like it never happened and I was worried that if she kept it bottled up inside, she'll snap at the slightest thing. I calmed her down and left kisses on her head, her hair smelt like coconut, my favorite scent. We sat there in silence as she slowly stopped crying and I felt her start to move around. I brought her head up to face me, wiping the remainder of her tears and gave her a kiss. I was careful not to press so hard, our lips barely touching. We were still in Santana's driveway and I'm sure she noticed the car. I tried to make eye contact with my blue eyed beauty but she wouldn't cooperate.

"Does your tummy still hurt?" I asked, almost sounding childlike as I said 'tummy'. She shook her head 'no'. I had to cheer her up before she went inside and hung out with Santana. I brought my hands up to her tummy once more but instead of rubbing it, I tickled her and she started to squirm. She started laughing and I decided to keep on going finding her weak spot.

"S-am stop-" She kept on laughing and I was careful not to go too hard so she didn't get hurt in the crammed car. I stopped, pulling in for a kiss. God she was beautiful, and her lips were perfect. I never felt like this before with a girl. Not with Santana (even though I was more of a beard), not with Quinn, not with Brittney, not with Mercedes... wow I had quite a few girlfriends- but the point is, Marley was different and I was different around her. She made me a better person, and as cliché as that sounds, it's true. She also made me feel a lot more protective and some may say possessive but it's because I'm scared of losing the one thing that matters to me. I'd never tell her this but, if she left me, if somehow I lost her, I'd- I don't know what I would do. That's why I need to win the fight. I'm not letting her go. It'll never happen. She's mine and only mine. I looked at her once more and looked down at her neck; she was wearing her small silver feather necklace she always wore. I played with a bit just thinking mindlessly about it. I decided it was time to let Marley go inside before Santana gave her crap about anything.

"You should probably go before Santana gives you a hard time babe." I said, nearly whispering.

"I know. I love you." She leaned giving me a kiss, this time with force behind it.

"I love you too babe." I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car and helped her out. As she started to walk away I decided to lighten the mood up a bit and slapped her ass. She turned around blushing and I gave her a wink. It was something about her innocence- call me whatever you want- but it turns me on. I love that about her as well, and I never wanted anyone to take that away from her. Her innocence was what made her so special and that was one of many things I loved about her. I waved back as she knocked on the door and waited. As soon as Santana let her in, I went back inside my car. I looked at my phone and decided to text Marley.

_**Don't miss me too much babe. **_

_Already am :(_

_**I have a surprise for you later ;)**_

_What is it :o_

_**You'll just have to wait.**_

_Baby tell me :( ugh nevermind, Santana wants my attention. love you xx_

_**love you **__**too x**_

I smirked and started the car as I thought about how I was gonna go about the surprise. I had asked Puck to help out and he's done more then I could ask for. I want this to be perfect.

**Marley's POV**

I got frustrated when Sam didn't tell me about the surprise but I had no time to think about it because Santana yelled at me for texting. I was introduced to the Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabrey. They were considered legends, along with Santana of course. Being in the same room with all three of them was overwhelming, I felt like I was talking to celebrities. I had nervously introduced myself to them, but instead they returned an enthusiastic hug and all three of them began talking about their love lives as well as how college was going. I didn't fit in with the conversations too well and I just sat there listening in on what they were saying.

"So Marley, you're still a virgin right?" Quinn asked. Her voice was almost like a sweet tune, so light and airy with a beautiful sound to it. I was surprised to hear of her evil ways because she looked and sounded like the sweetest girl. Obviously Santana told me otherwise. The story of how she got pregnant and gave her baby away, the way she lied to her boyfriend about the baby being his, about how she went from cheerleader to a pot smoker in one summer, also she was paralyzed at one point after getting into a car accident; the stories didn't suit Quinn. However she seemed to be going down the right path. She went to Yale and Santana mentioned that she was dating a 32 year old professor who was married. She took pride in her looks and I felt like a pauper and she was the princess with her clean cut, shoulder length blonde hair, her pearly white teeth, an amazing body that her dress flattered, and not to mention the dress was from a high-end boutique that I could have sworn was at least $430. She was something every girl wanted to be, and I was no exception. After my analysis of Quinn in my head ended I realized she had asked me a question not too long ago and I still hadn't answered. The question was out of the blue, and I heard Quinn say 'ow' after Santana seemed to have kicked her under the table.

"Um, yeah. Yeah I am..." I said awkwardly. I just wasn't quite sure if I should have said it with pride or should have been embarrassed about it.

"Well don't be embarrassed about it! You're young and if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. I personally think that it's great that you and Sam are taking it steady." Rachel said and she placed her hand on my arm giving me a reassuring smile.

"Have you ever thought about having sex with Sam?" Quinn continued on. I began to think about the question a bit. I knew Sam was the one and if anything I wanted to lose my virginity to him. But we had never spoke about having sex. Ever. We had long heated make out sessions that seemed to always make me blush, but never had it gotten to the point were we were going to do it. It seemed like Quinn was either truly interested or trying to embarrass me. Either way, it was Quinn and I didn't mind it.

"Fabrey, shut it and come and help me get the snacks and drinks." Santana snapped at her. They both got up and headed to the kitchen area. I was left alone with Rachel and I was again still intimidated by her persona. She had this broadway presence and you could feel the talent. I was so nervous to meet her, she was a star. And I wasn't just saying that, because she really was. She followed her dreams and she made it to wear she belonged; I wanted to do the same. She had beautiful ombre hair that reached just below her bosom and her bangs that were normally across her face, were swept to the side. She was gorgeous and had an amazing body. Just like Quinn. Just like Santana. I wondered how these girls stayed in shape, even how much they weighed. I always compared myself to every girl in sight. But being in the same room as these three did not make me feel any better about my weight or even my body.

"So Marley, how has everything been? I heard about what happened, and I'm so sorry. I mean if you need anything, anything at all, I'll be here with Quinn living under the same roof as Santana. You should stay here with us! It'd be fun and we could have sleepovers every night and we can gossip about boys, and eat, and watch movies... I don't know why but I'm so glad to be back home and see Lima. I mean sure Broadway is my home, but just being here reminds me of who I am and where I'm from. I'm sorry I'm rambling. How are you?" I was taken back by how fast Rachel could talk but I didn't mind it.

"It's okay, and I'm fine! I've been fine, thank you for asking. And that sounds like a fun idea. How long are you staying here?" I asked, hoping that it would be for a while.

"Well us three have a vacation for a couple of days. But I'm leaving next week. I'll be back after the semester ends for a month. Same with Quinn. You didn't get offended by Quinn's questions right? I mean she is nosy and straightforward but she was just curious. You're new to this, and vulnerable but don't think that you have to force yourself into doing anything. I didn't lose my virginity until senior year. It was an amazing experience Fi-" She stopped mid-sentence and I watched her face fall. She instantly recomposed herself and continued.

"Just be patient, if you really love him and think he's the one, then go for it." She said smiling.

"Thank you Rachel, that means a lot." We continued on talking about everything while we waited for Quinn and Santana. And when I say **we**, I mean Rachel. She talked about NYADA, and this guy named Brody who sounded like a great catch by the way Rachel described him. But I felt my heart sink at the fact that she broke up with Finn, her fiance, the one she had fallen in love with. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of someone she believed was the love of her life, and she just let go of him. Even though Sam and I have been dating for a few months, I know I found the one. I wanted him to be my first and last. I tried to get the idea of Sam and I breaking up out of my head, only to make my heart ache as I realized that I'd have to see him fight a guy and it was my fault. He'll always tell me it wasn't my fault, but I'll never believe him. I was brought back to reality as I heard Quinn and Santana come out with a tray of food and drinks. Crap. Alcohol.

"Well ladies, since that party I had was not so great, we can have a little party ourselves. No boys, and no one else. Just us girls." Santana handed Rachel and I a drink, and Quinn took hers. I brought the drink up to my nose to smell it, and confirmed it was alcohol.

"Santana I don't really want to drink this. Don't you have anything else?" I asked trying not to sound like a loser. Rachel didn't react to what I said unlike Quinn who gave me an eyebrow raise.

"It won't hurt to have a drink, Marley. I'm sure you'll be fine." Quinn said. I was somewhat reassured by her sweet voice. It was so sweet and light, and I couldn't understand why I was so mesmerized by it. Maybe it was because it was **the **Quinn Fabrey and I was just **a **Marley Rose.

"I'm sure I have something in the fridge Marley. But just so you know, we will be drunk and I'd much rather you be drunk with us to have fun and not be sober and have to clean up after us." I thought about what Santana said and contemplated on whether I should go for a drink or not. One drink wouldn't hurt. Just one.

"Okay, it's fine, I'll just have a drink."

"Alright then girls, cheers to a great first semester of college that hasn't quite ended yet, but we're almost there, and hopefully we'll find ourselves with men in our beds!" Quinn raised her cup and the rest of us followed. We clicked our glasses together saying 'cheers'. One cup, I kept reminding myself. One cup.

* * *

This was my fourth cup. My fourth time saying 'this will be the last one' and quite honestly I was having a good time. There was only four of but it seemed like the house was full of people. We danced around, sang a couple of songs, made jokes, and spilled drinks, just like in the movies. Except we weren't up to the part were we all share our sad love lives and cry about it.

"Santana do you remember that time you dated Puck and it turned out you were gay?" Quinn said laughing, Rachel joined her, while Santana and I awkwardly sat there looking at each other. I kind of felt bad for Santana, she was so confused and so desperate to find the attention she craved from someone and she seemed afraid to admit it could be Puck she craved.

"Yeah.. good times. Let's not forget he is your baby daddy. And where is your baby Beth Quinn? Oh that's right you gave her up because that's just what you do." Santana snapped back. Quinn stopped laughing and once again I found myself in an awkward situation, this time looking at Rachel who slowly brought the drink up to her mouth. It was all too much and so I decided to change the subject to something less touchy and let the alcohol do the talking.

"So, you guys have shared boyfriends, but have you ever shared underwear?!" We all started laughing all at once and when we finally caught our breaths, it seemed like they all had shared underwears before.

"Actually, Tana do remember that time I slept over at your house and we had the same underwear but somehow we ended up switching them?" Quinn started to chuckle and Santana shook her head smiling.

"We didn't realize that they weren't ours until cheer competition and we were changing- and- and I noticed-" Santana started to laugh once more and Quinn joined her. Rachel started to sing and I decided to go to the bathroom since it seemed like I had no way of joining the conversation. I tripped over nothing as I headed to the bathroom hoping I didn't spill my drink on the floor. I was a light weight and I instantly felt the affects of my four cups of alcohol take it's course. Everything was a bit blurry and I don't know how I managed to make it on the toilet without my pants still being on. I sat on the seat for a good five mintues until my butt started to hurt from the hard seat. I got up washing my hands after I cleaned my self up. I looked in the mirror and couldn't make out what I saw. My vision was blurry and I felt dizzy, instantly regretting ever taking a drink. I wanted to go home but I didn't want to embaress myself infront of Quinn and Rachel since their first impression of me was probably not that good after Santana's party. I left the bathroom only to see the three of them laughing and falling all on top of each other. I smiled and went to the kitchen counter to grab my phone. I looked at it only to find 10 missed calls and 13 text messages all from Sam. I huffed out, annoyed because I had to read every single text.

_**Hey babe how is everything?**_

_** What time do you want me to pick you up?**_

_** Answer babe please, I'm worried**_

_** I'm going to call you.**_

_** Marley answer the phone**_

_** God Marley, answer this fucking phone**_

_** If you're ignoring me on purpose...**_

_** NOW MARLEY**_

_** DAMN IT. ANSWER ME**_

_** MARLEY ANSWER**_

_** I'M COMING TO PICK YOU UP**_

_** DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING ME AN EXCUSE NOT TO COME**_

_** I'M ON MY WAY. BE THERE IN 10.**_

The last text was from 10 minutes ago which meant he would be here any minute. I jumped a bit at the sound of knocking. I got nervous thinking about how Sam was going to react. I got to the door looking through the peep hole. It was Sam and he was fuming. The girls were too busy trying to play _Just Dance_ not realizing that the tv wasn't on. I decided to quickly walk over to the tv and turn it on. I felt dizzy after the fast paced walk and slowly walked back to the door. Another knock but this time it was harder. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Sam barged in and looked around before looking at me.

"WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU BEEN ANSWERING ME? YOU LITERALLY DROVE ME INSANE. YOU HAD ME WORRIED AND SHIT MARLEY DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN." His sudden yelling and frantic movement of his arms triggered my something in my mind and I started to bawl. I couldn't help but let the tears fall and I couldn't catch my breath as I did. Sam's face softened as he watched me cry. I looked down, feeling like a child being scolded after getting lost in the supermarket. Sam pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry babe, I shouldn't have yelled. Come on let's go home." He helped me put on my jacket and grabbed my bag and phone.

"Santana I called Puck over to keep an eye on you girls. He should be here any minute. Don't do anything stupid." Sam yelled at the door. Santana smiled but continued to focus on the game. I walked out of the house, the cold air hitting my face, instantly sobering me up. I was freezing and Sam had taken notice, and he pulled me into his chest as we walked to the car. I got into the passengers seat, a bit bummed out that I couldn't stay a bit longer at Santana's. But I was reminded of the intimate conversation we had shared before however it didn't make me feel any happier. The drive home was a bit quiet, Sam occasionally asking if I was okay, grabbing my hand, and tried to make me smile with his stupid jokes. I tried to play it cool, not pushing it too far so we wouldn't get in a fight, but what really took me off guard was the fact that I was at Sam's, not my house.

"I want you to stay at my house tonight. Your dad invited a couple of people over and I thought you might want to sleep in quiet." He smiled and I mumbled a thanks, waiting for him to unlock the car. I slowly wiggled my way out of the car, only having to nearly fall flat on my face. Luckily, Sam caught me before I could actually hit the ground.

"How much did you drink?" He asked.

"Only a little bit. Not a lot." I mumbled out as I tried to stand up correctly. Sam scooped me up bridal style and led me inside his comfy and cozy home. He had a nice home, not too big but not a shack like mine. He had gone through hard times, trying to earn some money, but he was able to successfully earn enough to own a nicer place, instead of living in a motel. His family lived nearby in a separate home. I had never met his family and Sam rarely talked about them, which made me think that maybe his parents wouldn't like me. I never brought it up even though it was something I kept in the back of my mind. I leaned my head on his shoulder as he tried to lock the door. I leaned forward, still in his arms, helping him lock the door and turned the lights on. He took me up the stairs to his room and dropped me on the bed. It was comfy and a bit messy, but none-the-less comfy. Sam rarely brought me to his place, he was always worried that I wouldn't be comfortable staying here. However, it was the total opposite, and I wished I could just stay here instead of my place.

"Are you comfortable babe?" I heard him say as the bed dipped.

"Mmmm" I managed to let out.

"What happened to that surprise you were going to give me?" I mumbled. I was tired and the effects of alcohol hadn't fully wore off.

"It's post-poned. When you didn't answer I decided to not give you it today." He said. I closed my eyes and then felt a soft pair of lips on mine, not moving, just hovering over mine.

"You should go shower, so you can wake up a bit more."

"Are you sure it's not because I smell?" I said with my eyes still closed.

"Just a bit. Just a quick shower, and then we can cuddle and kiss, and cuddle some more." He said with excitement. I didn't move, but then felt nausea.

"Oh no-" I shot out of bed running to the toilet, as I heard Sam run up after me. I got to the toilet in time and threw up the liquid.

"You ate something before you drank right?" Sam asked as he held my hair away from my face. I replied with another spill of vomit. I hadn't eaten all day, the banana probably rotting away in my bag. When I finally felt better, I asked Sam to get my stuff so I can shower. He somehow had everything planned out, as I heard him unzip a suitcase full of my stuff. As he rummaged through the suitcase to get my stuff I decided to change out of my clothes and get in the shower before Sam got back. I quickly removed my shirt, shoes and finally jeans, leaving me in my underwear and bra. I was nearly out of my underwear when Sam walked in. I nearly fell back into the tub, when he opened the door. He caught me once again, saving me from a painful injury. I instantly blushed as I realized I was nearly naked, and Sam eyes were nearly out of his eye sockets

"Wow." He breathed out. I looked down too shy to make eye contact. He came a bit closer and reached out to pull me closer to him, so were were chest to chest.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered to me. A new shade of pink covered the faded blush from before. He leaned in for a kiss and I backed away as I had just thrown up and didn't want him to taste my disgusting mouth.

"I don't care." He mumbled and kissed me anyways. The kiss was broken, thankfully he didn't go for the open mouthed kiss and decided to keep it sweet.

"I have to shower now." I said trying to get him to leave.

"But I'm your boyfriend, you don't have to be embarrassed. I promise I won't touch!" He whined. He pouted a bit and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Out, now." I laughed as he started to tickle me.

"No. I want to see! Come on just in your underwear! At least let me take in your beautiful body." I hesitated at first and began to worry that maybe he'd notice that I didn't have a tight thigh gap, or the stretch marks on my butt, or the bit of tummy I had grown, the remaining scars on my wrists, and maybe he'll just think that this isn't what I pictured. I thought that if anything he'd at least be nice about it and so I stood there without my hands crossed and took in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I didn't want to see his reaction as he usually saw me in at least a shirt and at least some of my flaws were hidden. He started to slowly shake his head and I felt the rejection instantly. I started to grab for the towel and was about ready to cry until he grabbed my wrists.

"You're absolutely breath-taking." He breathed out and I shied away at the comment.

"Don't you ever think other wise." He leaned in for another kiss and I felt my heart flutter once more and the butterflies in my stomach started to move around faster. I pulled away and waited for him to leave.

"Fine." He rolled his eyes and leaned in for one more kiss and left. I got in the shower and turned on the water, standing under the shower head smiling. It had been a while since I felt this way.

It had been a while since I felt beautiful.

* * *

I was cold when I left the bathroom, and I felt even colder as I realized that Sam wasn't in his room. I decided to just sit and wait, but I began to get anxious. In no time I was up on my feet, but it seemed that I still wasn't sober and felt dizzy and struggled to stay on my feet. I walked down the stairs and saw Sam's back to me, talking on the phone.

"Just tell him to watch himself. I don't plan on losing." I heard Sam sneered. He must have been talking to Puck about the his fight, and I instantly felt sick again. I didn't hear Sam hang up and I was standing on the stairs thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong.

"How much did you hear babe?" He scared me as he wrapped his arms around my waist kissing my head.

"Just the part about you not planning on losing." I replied quietly.

"Come on let's go up and cuddle and kiss just like I promised." He grabbed my hand and led me back to his room, closing the door behind us. He moved past me getting in the bed and looked at me with a confused look.

"You aren't coming to lay with me?" He asked almost sounding childlike. I gave him a small smile, my mind still on the fight.

"Please stop thinking about it." He said coming towards me. He grabbed my hand pulling me onto the bed.

"Come here babe." He said and pulled me closer to him, half my body on his and our legs intertwining with one another.

"Why do you have to do this. Why can't you just back down?" I asked trying to understand the male brain.

"And have him win, look like a whimp, and have him take you away from me? **Hell no.**" He emphasised.

"But why did you agree to a fight in the first plac-"

"Marley." I was interrupted by his deep voice.

"You could have jus-"

"Marley stop. Just stop talking about it. I'm fighting no matter what you say, no matter what you do, nothing is going to change. SO STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!" He snapped at me, his eyes boring into mine. I instantly looked away and started to draw designs on his chest to prevent me from tearing. He grabbed my hand, stopping me from continuing with the activity.

"Marley, look at me." I slowly looked up, trying to blink away the tears.

"I'm sorry, I just... I don't know. I pushed it too far." I tried to form a sentence together but I couldn't.

"No, I'm sorry, I yelled at you when you were only looking out for me. I love you."

"I love you too." I grew tired and decided it was time to sleep.

"You tired babe?" I shook my head and he chuckled in response. I moved in closer to Sam, as much as possible, and placed my head on his heart. His heart beat always helped me fall asleep. It was soothing and peaceful and I loved every moment of sleeping with him.

"Goodnight Marley." I felt his lips find mine, and it was the last memory of the day.

* * *

I DO NOT OWN GLEE, ANY OF THE CHARACTERS, THE STORY IS MINE AND I HAVE JUST RECENTLY STARTED WATCHING THE NEW SEASON OF GLEE OMG GUYS MARLEY IS ACTUALLY BULIMIC! AND SANTANA AND MARLEY ARE ACTUALLY FRIENDS SDOTLDGHASDRH. OKAY I PROMISE I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THIS! JARLEY IS KIND OF CUTE BUT SARLEY ALL THE WAY!

Please REVIEW AND


	18. Chapter 18

Hey guys so this chapter has a bit of a time gap (only a couple of days) and it's a bit short so I hope you don't mind! (If you're here for the smut scroll all the way down; it's not in this chapter don't get too excited)! Thank you for the support! lots of love xx

**Warnings:** Wankyyyyyyy stuff and meltdowns and super fluffy with a small surprise (for Santana)

* * *

I woke up to the sound of the shower running and I lied down, sprawled on the bed. I looked around to become familiar with the environment I was in and stretched. I found myself in one of Sam's white shirts, in no pants, but I slowly remembered that Sam had gotten me his shirt instead of pj's. Last night wasn't much of a blur, but it wasn't as vivid as the memory from Santana's party. I had heard that Jake was able to get away with assault and I didn't mind because I didn't want any trouble. There was part of me that still cared for Jake, even though he had added on to the list of nightmares that reoccur in my sleep. I didn't talk to anyone about that night and I didn't want to. I wasn't ready to talk about when I was attacked by Jerry and I wasn't ready to talk about this. My chest tightened as my breath started to become uneven and I sat up trying to calm down. I felt restrained, feeling hopeless and I realized I was re-living how I felt when I was pinned against the wall by Jerry and Jake. I didn't want Sam to walk in on me having an anxiety attack but the feeling of the room getting smaller wasn't helping the situation. I felt tears forming and slowly fall as I scrambled out of bed. My foot got stuck in the sheets and I fell to the ground hitting my knee. I winced in pain and cried harder, realizing once again I was weak and unable to get away from the anxiety. I slowly got up as I heard the water being shut off and the shower curtain open. My hands started to shake and I tried to tell my hands to stop, but they continued on moving rapidly. I didn't know what to do, the room became so small, my breathing became quick and irratic, my head spinning, I felt like I was going to faint. I felt something grab me and panicked.

"MARLEY, MARLEY IT'S ME, SAM! CALM DOWN!" Sam yelled out trying to stop me from moving so much.

"Marley breath. Take a deep breath babe. There you go.." He started to breath in and out with me as I sat down and relaxed my body, the tightening in my chest lightening up.

"What happened baby? What were you thinking about?" He asked stroking my face. I focused more closely on Sam seeing that he had no shirt on and the remains of water droplets still clung to his sculpted chest. His hair was dripping wet, he probably rushed out of the shower not even bothering to put on a shirt. Or pants. However, when I slowly looked down I was relieved to find he was wearing underwear... not boxers. At least he was covered I thought.

"Babe? Are you checking me out after you just had an anxiety attack?" He smirked and I instantly looked away from his body.

"You were checking me out, who would of thought me being wet would be such a turn on for you?" He said almost with a dirty tone. He smirked and leaned in giving me a light kiss, but soon it turned into a passionate and heated kiss. I pulled away as I felt his tongue poking through.

"We have school." I mumbled, my lips hovering over his.

"No, it's a snow day. I guess it started snowing last night and there's about 12 inches of snow outside. The roads are bad as well. So there are no excuses for me **not** to get to do this." He reconnected our lips and I focused on the softness and plumpness of his lips. They were so oddly, yet perfectly, shaped; always soft from the amount of chapstick he put on and always plump. Plump in a cloud plump way and not the botox way. I slowly moved backwards on the bed, trying to keep it sexy and keep our lips connected. I wasn't good at being sexy, nor will I ever be, but I tried to maintain a sexy composure. I tried to imagine what Santana would do, but quickly scratched the idea out as Santana would do things I don't were sanitary. Not that she was dirty of course... But nevertheless she knew how to be sexy and I wanted to be sexy for Sam. I decided to take control of the situation and so with a swipe of my tongue, Sam instantly let me in without hesitation, and I explored his mouth. It felt a bit odd to be in control because it was always Sam taking the lead and I was more comfortable with him doing so. I intertwined my fingers in his wet hair, tugging a bit knowing how much he loved when I did it with the throaty moan that escaped from his mouth. I felt Sam's hand hover my thigh, and then placed it there stroking it while I tightened my grip on his hair. We separated for a bit to grab some air but reconnected as soon as we had enough oxygen in our system. His hand started to creep up my bare thigh and I felt his hands grip my hips. He pulled me on his lap, my legs on either side of him, as we continued to kiss through the movements. I pulled away slowly taking his bottom lip between my teeth, lightly tugging at it.

"Oh shit Marley, you can't do that without turning me on." He moaned. I smiled and felt like I had accomplished the notion of being sexy. Sam pulled me in and kissed me with intensity and longing; much more tongue was used and I didn't mind remembering that I had caused him to become 'turned on'. I felt something hard beneath my crotch area and wondered what it was, but I didn't want to just look down and interrupt the intimate contact I was having with Sam. I tugged harder on Sam's hair, this time he growled and I was worried that maybe I pulled too hard.

"Marley... shit." He whispered. His eyes were a much darker green, no longer shinning but more luring and giving a more sexy appeal to Sam. Maybe that's what they talked about when they say when someone has lustful eyes. His eyes were filled with lust and want. I caused his desire for me and I intrigued on seeing how far I could go. I kissed his jaw line and down his neck before I was stopped above Sam's collar bone. He pushed me back against the bed and felt his lips trail down from my jaw line, down my throat to a spot where I was unfamiliar with the reaction I would give when touched. I gasped as Sam kissed and bit down on it. He sucked and involuntarily, my hips lifted up to meet his. He moaned and I shut my eyes from the overwhelming sensation. My stomach knotted and I let out a gasp as he licked over the area he had marked. He looked up and gave me a smirk.

"You're mine." His voice was almost an octave deeper and I felt like I needed more. I pulled him back to reconnect our lips and I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling his body closer to mine. We continued to kiss when I suddenly felt Sam's hips roll down. I pulled away a bit feeling the same hardness I had felt only minutes ago. As we continued to kiss my mind wandered to health class and how we learned about when a man got excited the blood rushed all to one place giving him a... oh my gosh. Sam has a hard on and I gave it to him. As soon as I realized this I pulled away, removing my fingers from his hair and pushed myself back, my back to the headboard. Sam looked confused and worried, and I felt stupid for leading him on and basically ruining the moment. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them wondering what I should say. I bit down on my bottom lip and decided to break the silence.

"I-I'm sorry. I- didn't-"

"Don't be sorry Marley. You didn't do anything wrong, you were doing great, I was enjoying it a lot." He came closer to me, grabbing my hands and pulling them up to his mouth. He planted a soft kiss on them and I felt better after he complimented me on what I assumed was my kissing.

"Who would have thought sweet Marley, also had a sexy side. I was nearly about to devour you, and it's 9:30 in the morning." He smirked and I giggled at his comment. I was intimate with Sam, but it had never been so intimate were Sam got hard over me. Just the thought of giving him one made me squirm. Suddenly, the conversation with Quinn from last night popped into my head. It was more of an interrogation by her on asking if I had sex. I wondered if her and Sam had sex when they were dating. I wondered if Sam ever wanted to do it but knew I wouldn't agree to it. I suddenly hated myself for being the way I was, for being 'Virgin Marley'.

"Marley what's wrong?" I cursed to myself for not being subtle with my thoughts.

"Nothing. I was just thinking." Part of me didn't want to ask him anything yet, but part of me just wanted to ask just to confirm that I am a prude and that Sam has been horny but never did anything about it because of me.

"Marley..." Sam leaned in giving me a kiss. He wanted to know what was on my mind and if I didn't say anything now, there would be tension and I didn't want that.

"You aren't a virgin right?" I kept my head down and played with Sam's hands. He took a deep breath and I already knew the answer so it really wasn't such a big deal if he told me.

"No, I'm not. But you already knew that." I felt his eyes try to find mine but I didn't look up.

"Who was your first?" I asked a bit quieter than before. I just waited patiently not really caring about who it was.

"Quinn. It was sophomore year." I didn't know what bothered me more, either it was the fact that it was Quinn who he slept with or the fact that Quinn tried to get answers out of me from last night.

"She wasn't your last was she..." I whispered out, holding my breath as he let out a sigh.

"No." I nodded my head in response not knowing what to say. I got my answers and I just didn't know how to fit them in to where I was going with the conversation. He squeezed my hand and I looked up, my eyes meeting his emerald greens.

"Just because I've had sex before does not mean I want to have sex now. I don't want to pressure you or make you feel like you must have sex with me. I want to make love with you Marley, **love**, not just to have sex. I want it be perfect and I want **you** to be comfortable and safe when you're with me. There is no one else I would rather be so intimate with. And I would be so honored as to be the one for you to have the first experience with." He placed a soft kiss on my lips and I felt more comfortable with the idea of doing such intimate things. He is the one, I know he is, but I just didn't know when the right time would be to do it.

* * *

The rest of the day took place in Sam's bed, we cuddled and kissed, occasionally it would get heated but never to the point were Sam was ready to rip off my clothes. Sam ordered pizza, and brought in every junk food known to man. I didn't want to not eat or he'd become suspicious of why I wasn't eating, but then again I didn't want to eat because who knows how many calories there were in each bite of food. My hair was shedding a lot and I noticed that as Sam placed with my hair, a strand or two would fall out. My nails became weak and brittle, and I was forced to cut them short. When Sam placed the food on the bed I estimated how much I could eat without eating too much.

"You haven't been eating." Sam said abruptly.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as if he was crazy to think that I wasn't.

"I haven't said anything because I didn't want to offend you but, Marley you're becoming a skeleton. So thin and fragile, you now have this gap between your legs, your rib cage is visible, your jaw line is sharper then before and I'm always scared I'll break you. What's going on Marley?" He sat down on the bed, moving the pizza box out of the way.

"I'm eating Sam, I'm just not eating a lot that's all. I get full really easily s-"

"Don't lie to me." Sam interrupted. He looked mad and I didn't know what to say.

"I-I'm not. I have been eating." I looked away too scared to look into his now dark eyes. He got up and walked into the bathroom. He came back out with a scale and placed it on the floor. He grabbed my wrist and forced me onto the scale and I was so stunned by his sudden movements that I didn't realize that I was already on it.

"108 lbs. 108- Marley are you crazy? YOU ARE BEYOND UNDERWEIGHT!" He yelled and I flinched as he pushed me back off the scale. Last time I had checked I was about 115 lbs. I lost 7 lbs and usually I'd be happy but now I felt disappointed and disgusted.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?" I stood there head down not trying to look at him.

"ANSWER ME!" I couldn't stop myself from crying, feeling weak and hopeless in the situation like I always did. Sam ran his hands through his hair and huffed out.

"Did someone tell you, you were fat? Are people making fun of you at school? COULD YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHY THE HELL YOU'RE STARVING YOURSELF?" His voiced boomed and bounced off the walls of the room.

"I WAS GETTING FAT AND I WAS SCARED YOU'D FIND IT DISGUSTING AND FIND SOME PRETTY CHEERLEADER WHO WAS SKINNIER THEN ME WHO HAD A THIGH GAP AND COLLAR BONES AND DOESN'T HAVE STRETCH MARKS AN- AND SAM I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME." I reached the point of no return and I tried to even out my breathing as I continued on crying.

"You think I'd leave you because maybe you don't look like a fucking stick? You don't think I love that you have meat on your legs or that you have boobs, or an ass to grab on to? You don't think I don't love to pull you in with your amazing curves because I wasn't able to do that with Quinn or any of the other girls. Skinny is not why I love you. I love you because you aren't like those other girls. I love you because when I'm with you, you make me a better person and I've never known what being in love was until I met you. Until I fell in love with you, that's when I knew, that you were the one for me. Feeling like you have to be skinny to attract someone is bullshit and those who only look for the thigh gap or the collar bones or the flat stomach, they are scum. They'll only love the girls body, not her heart. I don't want you to **ever **hide how you feel. I've already stopped you from hurting yourself with razors but now I have to make sure you eat. I won't stop till you start loving yourself like I love you. You are worth so much more then what those magazines say you should look like, or what those cheerleaders tell you to look like. You shouldn't have to worry about what others think or say because what **I **think is more important then everyone else in this fucked up world. Don't you ever forget that I would do anything for you." He pulled me into a hug and my voice was gone, my throat tightened and my breath caught in my throat. I cried out tears of happiness, the relief of finally telling him. An overwhelming feeling inside me caused me hold on to Sam and I didn't want him to let go. I was always going to have my insecurities but somehow Sam made my insecurities seem beautiful.

* * *

"One more bite." Sam tried to have me take another bite out of the last slice of pizza.

"Sam I'm going to explode if I take another bite." I tried to push away the pizza.

"Just one more! You only had 5!" He continued on trying to push the pizza into my mouth.

"EXACTLY. Let me remind you that I barely ate anything before, my stomach can't hold that much food right now." I laughed as he gave me a pout and put the pizza down.

"Fine. Wanna watch a movie? We can watch all of the Resident Evil movies!" He grinned as he got up and put on Netflix.

"Don't you think we should clean up first?" I got up from the bed and walked over to him wiping the sauce at the corner of his mouth with my finger.

"I think you need to clean up because you have sauce all over your mouth." I laughed as he darted his tongue to try and wipe away the remains of the sauce.

"I can't seem to reach it with my tongue. Will you use yours for me?" He winked and I rolled my eyes. I grabbed a tissue nearby and wiped away the rest of the sauce.

"I still think your tongue would have been able to wipe off the sauce." He leaned for a kiss and I happily returned it. I went to pick up the pizza box and went down to the kitchen to throw it out.

"Hurry up Marley the movie is starting!" He yelled out.

"I'm coming!" I replied. I opened his junk food cabinet and got out some popcorn. I threw it in the microwave and after 3 minutes I took it out, forgetting it was extremely hot.

"Shit." I yelped out. I ran my hand under the cold water from the faucet. I heard Sam's footsteps run down the stairs.

"What happened?!" He asked with such a worried expression.

"I'm fine babe, I just burnt my hand a bit." The ice cold water began to numb my hand and I decided to turn the warm water on a bit. Sam removed my hand from under the water and brought it to his lips. He placed a soft kiss on it and I couldn't help but smile at how cute he was.

"Better?" He asked.

"Much better." I pushed the hair in front of his face back and stood on my toes to plant a kiss. His tongue swiped my bottom lip and I allowed access as I brushed his hair with my hands tugging lightly. I felt myself being lifted and I sat on the counter, gasping at the coolness of it against my warm skin. I wrapped my legs around his waist bringing him in closer and hooking my ankles with together to prevent him from moving. I felt his hand slowly move away from my waist, and lightly graze my bare thighs. Chills ran down my spine and goosebumps caused the hair on my arms to go up. I pulled away, keeping our foreheads connected to catch my breath.

"I think the popcorn is getting cold." I said between breaths.

"It might be cold but the make out session we just had was hot." He lifted me up from the counter and grabbed a bowl to pour the popcorn. I grabbed his hand and we went upstairs to start watching Resident Evil for the rest of the day.

* * *

"Clearly you don't get how bad this is Marley." Santana yelled. I had gotten a call from her to come over because it was an emergency. Clearly her definition of emergency is different then mine.

"I don't see the problem, you guys were drunk and Puck called to tell you he couldn't make it because he had to take care of Jake. It's a valid excuse." I said trying to calm her down.

"I MADE OUT WITH QUINN." She yelled. I looked at her shocked.

"I thought you were upset because Puck couldn't make it!" I said still shocked at what she said.

"No, I told him it was fine last night and we were playing the stupid Just Dance game and then we danced with each other and one thing led to another." I watched Santana's face fall and I settled into her bed and pulled her in for a hug.

"How did she react?" I asked quietly.

"We were having fun until Rachel came in and saw us. Quinn said she liked it and I couldn't help but like it too. I just- it's just too much for me okay? I have been having a friends with benefits thing going on with Puck but I have feelings for him and now I can't stop thinking about Quinn and how her lips were soft and... I just hate everything." Santana groaned and I played with her hair hoping it would make her feel better.

"Maybe if you spend some time with Quinn, you can figure out if it was just a hook up or maybe there were hidden feelings behind the kiss." I quietly said.

"I guess, but she's leaving soon to go back to Yale. I don't have a lot of time to figure it all out." I looked at the time on my phone. 12:15 pm.

"Do you wanna go shopping? Maybe that could get your mind off of things!" I suggested.

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Rachel and Quinn won't be back till 4:30 so I might as well do something with my life/" Santana got out of the bed and gave me a warm smile.

"Thank you." She said as she gave me a hug.

I got a text from Sam who was with Puck, training for his fight next Friday.

_**Could really use your lips to get me through this beautiful.**_

_Later, I promise. Stay safe x._

_**Don't forget to eat. Love you xx**_

_Love you too._

* * *

"So you're saying I should be sweet and friendly when I walk in?" Santana asked me. We were sitting in Santana's car in her driveway. The mall wasn't crowded and we had went on a huge shopping spree. It was mostly Santana who bought, since she had the money to do so, I was forced to wait for Santana as she tried on clothes, I had to give her my opinion on everything she tried, I had to hold her stuff and I obliged because she deserved to be happy for a few hours before we got back to her place.

"Santana whatever happens, at least you'll figure your feelings for her- if there is any."

"Okay, let's go." She got out of the car and opened the trunk of her mini cooper. We wobbled our way up the stairs trying to hold on to the heavy bags. We walked in and saw Rachel talking on the phone and Quinn watching tv. Quinn gave Santana a big smile and got up to help us with the bags. Quinn placed a kiss on Santana's cheek and I watched as Santana's face turn a light shade of pink. It was weird seeing Santana in such a position but I pretended that it was normal and walked to the couch. I nodded to Santana to talk to let her know that now was the time to talk to Quinn.

"Quinn can we talk?" Santana said anxiously.

"Of course." Quinn replied with a sweetness to her voice. They both went upstairs and as I watched them go up I heard the doorbell ring and so I got up and opened the door to find Sam smiling.

"You didn't call!" I said surprised to see him here.

"I didn't know I had to. Are you not happy to see me?" He gave me a small pout. I laughed and gave him a kiss.

"No I did. Let me get my stuff." I went back inside and grabbed my bags from the shopping spree and grabbed my handbag.

"Bye Rachel!" I said and she smiled with a wave.

* * *

"I love that you're always staying here now." Sam said as I took off my pants and started looking for my pjs.

"I do too. But you know what I'd love even more?" I said continuing to look for pj's.

"What?" He asked.

"If you'd stop hiding my clothes so I'd be forced to walk around pantless and in one of your shirts." I smirked and he tried to play off a confused look but eventually broke.

"But I love seeing your sexy legs and just to see you in my shirt basically means you're mine." He grabbed my hand and led me to his closet.

"I put your clothes in here. I made room here and in the drawers so you don't have to rummage though your suitcase." I was surprised and felt like it was official, I had moved in with Sam and my clothes in his closet confirmed it.

"There are some stuff still back at your place if you want we can go and get the rest."

"So is it official? I live with you?" I asked.

"I should have probably asked you before but I was just too excited. But..." He grinned and I knew he did this so I had no choice but to say 'yes'.

"Okay, fine. I'll live with you."

"I have one more surprise." He said and picked me up and through me over his shoulder.

"Where are we going?" I asked, the blood rushing to my head. He took me downstairs and to the living room.

"Close your eyes." He said.

"Why?" I tried to get off but he tightened his hold.

"Just do it. Please?" I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Are they closed?" He asked.

"Yes. They are closed now put me down, I'm getting dizzy." He slowly dropped me and I lost my balance trying to find something to hold and instead he grabbed me. He turned me around and I waited for him to stop moving me.

"Okay. Open." He said and I slowly opened my eyes to find a huge Christmas tree in the living room. I hadn't thought about Christmas since mom died and I remembered her mentioning that we wouldn't be able to afford a tree. The tree wasn't decorated but there was boxes of ornaments filled and I felt my heart flutter.

"I know your mom isn't here to celebrate Christmas with you and your dad isn't much of a dad so I asked Puck to help find a Christmas tree and this was one we found for cheap." The tree was beautiful, and it was green unlike the tree's that I used to get which were either already dying or close to.

"I love it. Thank you Sam." I turned around to give him a kiss. He picked me up and I linked my ankles around his waist. We continued to kiss before he pulled away.

"When do you want to start decorating it?" He asked.

"Later, Right now, I'm enjoying this." I leaned in as I said it.

"Mmm. Me too." Sam said as he walked up the stairs. As soon as he dropped me on the bed he pressed the 'play' button to start the movie. I snuggled into him as the movie began and started to eat the popcorn, not bothering to think about how many calories were in each bite and I enjoyed every piece I ate.

* * *

It was Wednesday and I had getting more and more nervous for the fight happening on Friday. I was at ballet class and I tried to focus on the moves rather than fight, which was working at first until I started to think about the possibility of Sam getting arrested and I was lost in thought not realizing I hit Annalyse. I had gotten better in ballet and was getting back to the way I was before all the problems had arrived. The class was over before I knew it and I was out the door expecting to see Sam waiting for me at the door. He wasn't there and I began to worry because he was always there to pick me up. Always early and if he was going to be late (which was never) I would expect a text. My phone started to ring and I looked at the caller id and relaxed bit to see it was Sam.

"Hey where are you?" I asked trying to make out the sound in the background on the other line.

"I'm on my way, don't go anywhere." He replied.

"Okay, I won't." I waved to Annalyse as she got in her car. She waved back and started her car. I hung up and sat on the bench in front of the studio and snuggled into my jacket as the ice cold air hit me. My eyes started to tear in result and I was worried that I might get sick because I was sweating and sweat and cold weather doesn't go well. I heard a car honk and got up as soon as I saw Sam's car grabbing my dance bag and still trying to keep warm. I opened the door, feeling the warm heat and I got in as quickly as possible, closing the door behind me.

"Hello beautiful." Sam said giving me a quick kiss as I buckled me seatbelt.

"Why are you so late?" I asked putting my hands under my thighs to get them to warm up.

"I was with Puck at the gym and was getting into the fight, I forgot that you needed to get picked up. I'm sorry you had to wait outside, you should have worn something heavier." He said rubbing my thigh to try to warm me up.

"What fight?" I asked looking at him as he watched the road.

"It was a spar, nothing serious, I was just practicing..." He said as if it was no big deal.

"For Friday." I said not letting him finish.

"Hey, babe we've gone over this. I'll be fine don't worry about me!" He said trying to look at me while trying to look at the road.

"Can't you just back out? Why are guys so adamant in trying to look tough? It doesn't make you look any less tougher if you just don't do it." I felt chills run down my spine and reached out to turn the heat on higher.

"I can't do that Marley. And I don't know how many times I have to say it." He began to get frustrated and I knew if I pushed it he'd just get angry and start yelling. I decided not to say anything and the rest of the drive was silent.

* * *

I had finally finished my shower and decided to go right to sleep instead of waiting till Sam finished his shower. I wasn't deep in sleep when Sam snuck under the covers and pulled me in close. I decided to act like I was so I wouldn't have to engage in an awkward conversation and Sam didn't seem to notice that I was faking it. Two more days I kept thinking. Two more days till Sam had to fight Phil and I just wasn't ready to find out the outcome. I just didn't want Sam to get hurt and I nearly forgot that if Sam lost, he would have to give me up and Sam wasn't going to let that happen either way. I was worried that it'll just cause more trouble for him.

I was the one thing that mattered most to Sam, the one thing he was afraid of losing. It was always me who caused the trouble, always the damsel in distress and I just wanted for once to be able to take control of a situation without somebody trying to stop me.

And I was determined to stop this fight.

* * *

Alright you dirty minded, smut reading, boys and girls. I'm not good at smut because I've never written smut so I don't know if I will actually write a smutty chapter. I'm leaning to more of a love making chapter, but I will put a warning up if it is the chapter. It will be in one of the next few chapters (if I do, do it). I've already seen one request for it and if I see more then I'll take it under consideration in doing so. Thank you for the support!


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry for the late update, I've been going through some stuff and I've also been waiting for people to give me ideas on whether or not they would like the intimate chapter. I'm still not sure yet, but I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for the support!

**Warnings:** such thoughts are provoking, therefore I recommend you **do not read** if you can be easily triggered. In other words, **THIS CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR GIRLS AND BOYS WITH EATING DISORDERS.**

"What if we broke up?" I blurted out as Sam gave me a bowl of cereal. He nearly dropped the bowl before giving it to me.

"What do you mean, why would we break up?" He asked, his brows scrunching up in confusion. I felt kind of stupid for asking the question but I was planning something.

"I mean if we fake broke up. Pretended that we hated each other, that you didn't care for me and that way Phil wouldn't have anything on you if you lose!" I said thinking it was actually a good plan. Sam shook his head, smiling.

"Marley, are you that worried?" He asked eating his cereal.

"Yes! Sam, think about it. Just for a day, we can pretend that we hate each other or something and.. I don't know just pretend that you don't care about me and Phil won't see the point in trying to beat you or you won't feel pressured to win! There wouldn't be any further problems if I was just out of the picture fo-"

"Marley. I can't do that. I can't pretend that I don't care about you." He said combing his hair back with his fingers.

"Try. Just try, for me. For us. Just act distant, don't make eye contact with me, don't even look at me and give me dirty looks. Just be mean." I said still holding the now soggy cereal.

"I can't be mean to you Marley, you're so fragile and you're cereal is becoming soggy so I recommend you eat it now." I rolled my eyes and let out a 'ugh' while placing the cereal on the nearby night stand. I got up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom, closed and locked the door not wanting Sam to come after me. I was so frustrated, angry and annoyed. Why couldn't he just do this one simple thing and make life easier? I looked in the mirror and noticed I was breaking out above my eyebrows. I got angrier looking at the acne on my face and got the sudden urge to see how much I weighed. Sam kept on trying to shove food down my throat. I understood he was trying to help but it wasn't. It just got me sick and I felt like I was gaining weight way too fast. I checked under the cabinet for the scale but couldn't find it. He probably hid it somewhere, I thought. I sat on the counter and dropped my head into my hands, my hair becoming a curtain over my face. I just wanted to prevent any further problems.

"Babe we have to get ready for school and you haven't finished your cereal." He yelled out. I got off from the counter and used the bathroom, taking my time with everything. As I got out, I saw Sam try to pull his pants up, his bum looking unusually better looking. It wasn't like he had a squishy bum before, but now it was much more firmer and rounder. I tried to ignore the thoughts running through my head and started to rummage through the closet for something to wear.

"Aren't you going to eat?" He asked, his voice becoming muffled as he pulled his shirt over his face.

"I'm not hungry." I said in a very irritated voice. Sam noticed and brought the cereal over to me, bringing the spoon up to my mouth, trying to get me to open my mouth.

"Open up for the choo-choo train." He said in a baby-like voice.

"I said I'm not hungry." I said while taking out a chunky knit sweater with a pair of dark washed jeans. I walked past Sam, who was still holding his position, and placed the clothes on the bed.

"You need to eat and we aren't leaving till you finish this bowl. I don't care if I have to feed you myself, now please open up for the train." He said adding a pout. I shook my head and started to remove my shirt and quickly tried to throw on the sweater, sucking in my stomach a bit as I put it on.

"**Marley.**" Sam said this time with a more serious voice.

"I said NO. Stop treating me like a child. **I'm not hungry**." I said with the same serious tone of voice. I put on my jeans and was about to search for my bag but a felt tight grip on my wrist. Sam pulled me in closer, his eyes dark and his grip tightening.

"**You're going to eat it and I don't want to hear another word.**" His jaw clenched and I tried to release my wrist from his grip but he continued to tighten his hand around it.

"Let go. Sam, stop you're hurting me." I said still trying to remove his hand around my wrist. I watched his dark eyes and tried hard to intimidate them but failed miserably. I tried to snap Sam back into reality by giving him a kiss on the lips and I felt his grip loosen and the blood to start circulating once again. I pulled away and didn't look back as I looked for my bag.

"Marley..." I felt his hand on my shoulder as I bent over to grab my bag from the floor.

"Don't touch me." I replied coldly, walking away. I grabbed my jacket and threw it on before heading out in the cold. The wind whipped my face and instantly my hands, nose and ears became nearly frozen.

"Where are you going? It's freezing outside! Come back inside Marley you'll get sick." I heard Sam yell. I continued to ignore him and started to walk back home, hoping to find my dad's car there so I can drive to school.

"So you're going to ignore me? Because I told you to eat cereal?" I shook my head and stopped, and turned to face him from where I was standing.

"It's more than that Sam. You don't get it do you?"

"Obviously not!" He yelled out and I could tell he was getting cold, his nose and ears turning red. I didn't want to bother with continuing to argue this early in the morning and continued to walk. I needed to clear my head, needed to be alone and I honestly didn't mind the idea of being alone.

* * *

I pulled into the student parking lot and sat in the car breathing in and out. I was panicking as I had never been without Sam before which wasn't necessarily a good thing. I rummaged through my bag to make sure I had my medication and let out a sigh of relief when I saw them in the inside pocket. I had a feeling I would need them soon. I jumped a bit as I heard my phone ring and didn't bother to read the caller ID to know it was Sam.

"Look just for today and tomorrow, let's pretend that we broke up and go with the plan that I had mentioned. I'm not mad at you anymore but if we could just keep the game up maybe Phil won't see the point in figh-"

"I get it Marley. Fine. If you think it's a good idea, then let's do it. Don't do anything stupid so I don't have to worry, okay?" I heard his voice soften as he said 'okay' and I couldn't help but want to see him and give him an 'okay' kiss.

"Okay, I promise." I said.

"Alrighty then, I'll see you around babe. Oh and don't forget to ea-"

"Yes, I know. I won't. Love you." I was ready to hang up before I heard the glass window being knocked on.

"Love you too." Sam hung up as I got out of the car to meet Santana.

"Who are you talking to? And why aren't you with Sam? Did you guys break up? OH MY GOD YOU DIDN'T?! MARLEY BROKE UP WITH SAM! WOW!" I rolled my eyes and tried to stuff my phone in my bag.

"Don't over do it San, I want it to be believable but not to the point where it's like a soap opera." I had mentioned to Santana about the plan when I got home, however, she seemed to find a cheating scandal much more believable then us just breaking up.

"How's the Quinn issue been?" I desperately wanted to change the subject to prevent me from getting all worked up about everything.

"We discussed how it wouldn't work if she was going to be focusing on her college work as well as how the distance would prevent the relationship from growing and that our friendship or frenemy relationship is too valuable to ruin and doesn't want to destroy something cherished. Her words not mine. I guess it was just a one time thing, I mean I knew that it wouldn't work but part of me kind of wanted it to." Santana said shrugging her shoulders a bit.

"At least you aren't confused anymore and that everything's been worked out. Have you been talking to Puck?"

"Yeah, he came over last night. He told me that Jake was allowed back in school since no charges were pressed. I just think that it's bad timing especially since Sam has to pretend he doesn't care." I let out a sigh imagining how Sam would overreact if he saw Jake anywhere near me.

"He'll just have to control himself. I just want this to be over and done with." I opened my locker and continued to chat with Santana about how one time when she was so drunk she made out with anyone and everyone and thought she kissed her cousin, or maybe I misheard that. I really do hope I misheard that. As I exchanged the books in and out of my locker I heard Sam talking and unconsciously turned to look but stopped myself as soon as I saw Phil and reminded myself that we were 'broken up'.

"You think Phil is gonna buy this act?" Santana said.

"He has to or this whole plan would be a waste of time and I'd be left patching up Sam's cuts and bruises after the fight."

"Phil is coming pretend you're talking about how mad you are at Sam or something." Santana mumbled quickly as she rummaged through her bag pretending to look for something. If I wanted this to work I had to use what little acting skill I had.

"I'm so glad I'm done with him. I just don't understand what I saw in him. He was controlling and rude, and I'm not bothering on showing up at that fight. It's not happening. I don't even want to see his trouty mouth face again." Santana winked and mouthed 'good one' to me.

"Hello ladies. I know that you're already going to support your boyfriend and you're going to be my prize when I win, but Santana I would like to invite you to support me in my fight against Sam Evans. Tomorrow night, 7:30, at Bigmentons Big Men Gym. I would love to have a sexy cheerleader like you to cheer me on." Phil winked at Santana and made a gagging noise.

"First off, I'm not Sam's girlfriend and I'm not going to that fight between you two. It's a waste of my time and quite honestly I have better things to do. Not to mention I already have plans." I said with a nasty tone. I wanted to make sure that Phil got the idea that Sam and I were broken up.

"Second of all.." Santana continued. "I ain't nobody's cheerleader and I sure as hell will not cheer for your ugly ass Lipshit. So I recommend you scoot your ass out of my premise or I will call my boyfriend to help Sam beat your ass. Or I could just go Lima Heights and yous will know how it feels to be beaten up my someone smaller then you, and of course sexier. So I recommend you back the fuck down and I hope someone tapes your ass getting kicked at the fight cause we ain't goin' to watch." I stood there almost speechless as I took in Santana's verbally abusive speech to Phil and Phil had a dumbfounded expression.

"What you mean you aren't Sam's girlfriend? You know what, that don't matter because I'm still going to fight him and whether you're showing up or not is up to you because to win and get to beat your ex's ass is the best prize. And maybe I'll come pick you up after since you're now single. You could award me with a good old fashion blowj-"

"Gonna go Lima Heights in 3 seconds Lipshit. Nobody wants to touch your baby carrot sized weener. It's an insult to the male species. And the baby carrots." Santana snapped at him. Phil winked and started to walk away. I groaned and mentally slapped myself realizing I didn't make this better for myself.

"Did that just happen?" I asked and Santana gave me a tight smile.

"Well at least he got the fact that you're single!"

"Hello sexy." Puck said giving a kiss to Santana. Santana looked a bit awkward and I could tell she wasn't feeling the kiss, she was still hung up on Quinn and I gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I have to get to class guys, I'll text you San." I said walking away giving the both of them a smile.

* * *

"If you don't eat, Sam is going to come over here and he'll ruin the plan and that's it. That'll be the end of the plan and it'll be your fault because you didn't eat. So fucking eat the spinach or I will shove it down your throat." It was already lunch and I was glad the day was almost over. Not being with Sam or seeing him or even getting to touch him was killing me and I was close to ruining the plan if I couldn't control myself.

"I'm not hungry San, I'll be back. I have to use the bathroom." I got up and didn't let Santana stop me from going. The bathroom was empty even though it was lunch, I was alone. I looked in the mirror noticing how my thighs seemed to have gotten bigger and I felt my mood hit rock bottom. They look like pounds of fat stuffed into a bag, which were my jeans, and were dying to breathe because of how tight the bag was. I left the bathroom, not wanting to see anymore of my disgusting body.

"Well, well, well... If it isn't Miss. Rose. The single, independent woman who's ex-boyfriend I'm about to beat the shit out of." I was nearly a walking hazard as I attracted every possible danger. I turned around to face Phil and his posse.

"What do you want." I asked, playing it off like I wasn't scared they were going to jump me.

"We just wanted to say 'hi'. Is that a problem?" I nervously played with my necklace as I continued to look down at the floor not wanting to make eye contact.

"N-no. I have to go." I walked past the large group, but was stopped as they blocked my way.

"Can you move?" I asked trying to say it in a firm tone.

"No. We need to talk Marley. Not in the open like this, so if you may, follow me." Phil said.

"I can't, I'll be late to class, maybe later." I said trying to move past the blockade.

"But it's lunch. And I'm positive you aren't planning on eating the spinach. Let's not make this messy and bring attention to something silly. I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to have a little chat with you about **Sam.**" He emphasised 'Sam' as he knew that I would oblige to anything if it meant it was about him. I looked at Phil's towering body, it almost looked like he had grown a couple of inches and gained plenty of muscle to knock anyone out with one punch.

"I'm not interested. I'm no longer dating Sam and I don't care. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go." I said getting angrier as they still wouldn't move. I felt a cold hand grip my wrist and was pulled to face Phil.

"I said I didn't want to make this messy but you give me no choice. Listen up and listen well Marley. If you think that by faking you don't care about Sam is going to make me go easy on him, then you're wrong. And he still has to hold up his end of the bargain if- actually when he loses. So if you two really don't care for each other then he wouldn't care if he lost. So I recommend you wear something sexy to my house tomorrow night after I win." His warm breath was tingling my skin but remained my composed attitude even though I was terrified of the events that were going to happen tomorrow.

"I still don't care." I said calmly. I removed my wrist from his grip and pushed past the group of boys blocking my way. My wrist was throbbing and I swore that it was going to fall off if anyone else tried to grab it. It's been through so much, getting grabbed at time after time.

"Marley." I heard someone call after me.

"Look Phil, I-" I stopped as I saw Jake come up to me.

"Jake, wh-what are you doing here?" I asked a bit nervous, taking a step back in case I would need to get a head start away from him.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I saw Phil talking to you, and I just wanted to check up on you." I looked at him confused.

"I'm fine. Thank you." I started to walk away but was stopped by Jake's voice.

"Wait. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry Marley, I wasn't myself that night and I'm never forgiving myself for what I did to you. I also wanted to thank you for not pressing charges, it would have put my mom in a huge debt." I nodded my head and as he continued to explain himself, I looked at the huge scar over his eyebrow, the stitches visible through the hair. His cheek and left eye were a bit swollen and purple and black. His bottom lip was cracked and his hands were wrapped in bandages. Sam did so much damage just on his face, I felt sick thinking about the rest of Jake's body.

"Are you okay?" I asked interrupting Jake. He looked confused but quickly sighed.

"Yes, I'm fine. But that doe-"

"How bad did he hurt you?" I said in a low tone of voice, not really wanting to hear the answer. He was quiet and I was starting to grow impatient and lifted his shirt to see the rest of his bruised and bandaged body. I gasped as I saw his upper half of his torso wrapped in bandages and big black, purple and red bruises on the rest of it. I didn't want to believe that Sam could do such damage.

"I'm so sorry." I said as I felt my eyes water. It was my fault that he had gotten hurt so much, that he was nearly killed.

"It's not your fault. I've gotten much worse. Don't worry about it." I shook my head 'no' and I started to feel light-headed, nausea and dizziness taking over.

"I-I have to go." I squeaked out and I walked away desperately trying to figure out where I was going. Thoughts of what could happen at the fight tomorrow played through my head; the idea of Sam possibly looking like how Jake does scared me and made me feel sicker then I was before. The thought of being this object that they patronized me as, made me feel even worse, and I didn't even have Sam to comfort me. I ran into any empty room as I felt my anxiety getting the best of me. Warm tears falling, and all I could do was grab my stomach and sink down against the door, one hand muffling my cries and the other gripping my sides. I desperately needed mom, but she wasn't here to wipe my tears away or hold me close and tell me how everything was going to be okay. She wouldn't be able to sneak me a cookie because she isn't here. She left me to fend for myself and I don't know how long I'd be able to do it without Sam. I heard footsteps in front of the door and my body froze and I tensed, trying to catch my breath, but my erratic heart beat wouldn't give me the chance to regain control.

"Breath Marley. Breath." I said in between gasps. The doorknob turned and the door was pushed open, hitting my back.

"Ouch." I yelped, and got up from the floor quickly.

"Marley, what the hell are you doing?" Santana came over grabbing my hands. I shook my head trying to let her know that I wasn't able to talk. She pulled me into a hug and I felt her hand rub my back. It wasn't long before I was able to breathe normally but I didn't let go of Santana. I didn't want her to leave, I was too vulnerable to breaking once again.

* * *

**Sam's P.O.V**

"Is she okay? I have to go see her."

"No. You can't. Unless you wanna blow your cover trouty, I recommend you stay put and not go crazy. She's fine, she just needed to breathe a bit. I calmed her down, she does want to see you though. I'll be dropping her off at your place after school tomorrow. Just call her tonight or something. She's sleeping over at my place tonight, and Puck said that he's wants you to eat this protein bar." Santana handed me the bar and all I could think about was if Marley ate.

"Did she eat?" I asked.

"Nope. She didn't feel good, but I'll be feeding her at my place. Don't worry trouty she's my best friend, I'm keeping an eye on her." She said with a sassy tone.

"Thank you Santana. I really appreciate it." I gave her a small smile and she returned it with a small smile back.

"You're welcome. Just don't go all Hulk on Jake." I looked at her with a confused look and began to worry.

"What do you mean? Is Jake in school?" I asked starting become to more worried.

"She said something between sobs that you really hurt him and something about you getting hurt, h-"

"Did he touch her? Did he hurt her?" I asked not letting Santana answer.

"I swear if he ev-"

"Calm the fuck down. He didn't do anything, he made sure she was okay. You don't need to overreact. I have to go. Just call her later okay? I don't wanna to have to watch her cry her eyes out again." Santana got up, patted my hand and left. I just thought about how I'm the cause of Marley's distress and she is scared. I felt guilty of causing her pain when I promised her I wouldn't. I know she wanted me to be safe and wanted me to be with her but I couldn't just not fight, not when it was tomorrow and especially not when they would try to take her away from me. That was another thing I promised. That no one would take her away from me and I couldn't just break that promise too.

She was the one thing that meant something to me and I wasn't going to give her up.

* * *

"You know Puck said he was kicking ass at the gym. I think he's going to kick Lipshit's ass. Not that there was any doubt before." Santana said as she continued to cook. She was making Spanish rice and beans with chicken breasts, which sounded absolutely delicious which is why I was actually paying attention to Santana; I was waiting for the food to be done.

"I hope so... San when is the food done?" I asked checking over her shoulder to see what she was doing.

"Impatient are we? Just a couple of minutes. But talk to me Marley. I always talk about my problems and you just cry, which doesn't tell me anything. We've got time so pour your heart out." Santana turned her head to me, still mixing the rice in the pot. I placed my chin on Santana's shoulder. I wasn't sure what to say. Where do I begin?

"I miss my mom. A lot. And when I came home this morning it smelt like liquor but dad wasn't home. I didn't get to talk to Sam all day, not a single kiss, and I had an anxiety attack. Not to mention I thought I was going to be jumped my Phil and his gang. I saw Jake for the first time since your party, all bruised and beaten from what Sam did. I felt sorry for him, and I know I shouldn't have felt sorry but I did because it was my fault. I was stupid and drunk, I should have known better. I just hate myself so much sometimes. I just want crawl up in a ball and cry because that's my way out. Sam found out I cut so he took my razors, he found out that I didn't eat so he now watches my every move, making sure I eat. I can go from crying for hours to being numb and just sitting thinking what's going to happen to me tomorrow, next week, next year, if I'll even make it to graduation. I've never felt so alone and nobody gets that. Nobody understands that even a small smile could make all a difference. Nobody understands how when I sit alone, I want someone to come and sit with me. I'm shy and awkward because I don't want to sound stupid. I never say the right things and I stutter at the weirdest moments. I'm scared to fail, I'd rather blame myself then anyone else because it really is my fault. And no one can say otherwise. I'm gullible, naive, I mean I listened to Kitty. I believed that she was my friend. I'm innocent, too innocent, because I'm afraid of the consequences that will lead to me being reckless. I mean that party is the perfect example. You're my only friend Santana. And I'm scared you'll get bored of me, without a word telling me why, not telling me if it was my fault, won't bother with me anymore, just leave, ignore me, pretend we weren't best friends for so long and act like strangers when we're around each other. All of a sudden all those memories we made become.. just memories to reminisce in, thinking 'if only...'. They said that life's going to be hard but it'll be worth it in the end. When's the end. When will I say 'they were right'? I'm not the girl I was a couple months ago. And I'll never be that girl again." I took a step back and watched Santana's face, hoping maybe she would be a bit sensitive about the topic. She turned the stove off and looked at me, her eyes filled with tears. She grabbed my hands and looked at me not breaking contact.

"I would never leave you. You have your whole life ahead of you and if you give up now, if you leave now, you'll never know. And I know what it's like to battle with yourself. To not know who you are, where you're going, who's going to be there when you finally get your answers. But look where I am now. I'm happy, sure I'm having issues with my love life, but that doesn't matter because I'm happy and I know that in the end it'll work out. And I won't lie, you've made me a better person Marley. You've made me care about things I'd normally wouldn't care about and you've proven to me that even the shy, naive girls, they're the strongest. And I want you to know that you're a beautiful person inside and out. Even if you may have stretch marks on your butt because you've gained a bit weight in that area, at least there's an ass for Sam to grab. And if you don't have a tight stomach, that doesn't matter because that tummy is great to cuddle with, it's better to sleep on some kind of cushion then rock hard abs. And even if you aren't a size zero or a 1 or a 2, hell if you become a size 6, I'll still find you beautiful and so will Sam. You don't need a number on a scale to tell you otherwise. You need to tell yourself that you're worth it. That someday you'll find your happily ever after, just give it time. No matter how alone you feel, you're never really alone because somewhere out there, there's another girl just like you. Battling her inner demons, trying to find to a reason to smile and hoping she'll find somebody to except them. I pity those girls, and I hope that one day. They'll find that happiness they long for. One day, they'll find a friend, a lover, and it'll all fall into place. Just give it time. Be patient, and find happiness in what you want. Keep in mind that you've got me. I'm always going to be here. I promise." I wiped a tear from her face and I felt my throat tighten, and I couldn't help but try to smile away the tears. I brought her into a hug and felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I finally let someone know how I was feeling and it felt good. All of sudden the sentimental moment passed as the door bell ring.

"Really?" Santana said and I laughed at her irritated attitude.

"I was actually being sensitive for once and someone had to ruin it." Santana went to answer the impatient guest and I followed wondering who was at the door.

"Quinn? What are you doing here, I thought you left for nerd school?" Quinn walked in, bringing her suitcases with her as well.

"Santana, I lied okay? I really want to try us. It wouldn't hurt to try and I really do like you. Maybe more then friends, maybe more then frenemies. I just know I like you. A lot. And that kiss, that kiss was not an accident, I mean it kind of was but I actually have been wanting to kiss you like that since I can remember." Quinn breathed in and then out and I could tell she felt elated to let that all out.

"Oh! Hi Marley. I didn't notice you there..." I smiled and then my phone started to ring.

"Hi Quinn. I'm going to leave you two alone, Sam's calling anyways." Santana was still in shock and stood there looking at Quinn with an awed expression. I left the two of them to have their moment, heading to Santana's bedroom.

"Hey." I said with the sound of relief echoing through the phone.

"Hey beautiful. I missed you so much, I don't know how I'm going to do this again tomorrow." I smiled and layed on Santana's bed thinking about how Sam was probably sprawled on his bed, shirtless and in his underwear, his hair all messy from his hands messing around with it all day.

"I miss you too. What are you doing right now?" I asked expecting his answer to be something corny.

"Well I was thinking about you and how much I really wanted to kiss you and see you. **Please** let me come over, just for a minute? Just so I can give you a little kiss?" He whined and I laughed at his corny remark and his child-like behavior.

"And what if one of Phil's friends, or even Phil see's you with me? You'd ruin the plan!" I said smiling as he groaned.

"What if they don't? Marley don't tell me you don't miss my kisses?" I could tell he was pouting and I felt my stomach do little flips at his cuteness.

"I miss them a lot actually. But you know, when I finally do see you tomorrow, those kisses will be amazing because you waited and your longing for them will be worth the wait."

"You better be waiting at my place when I get back! I want a prize for when I win the fight!" He said laughing.

"You don't want me to come and watch?" I asked.

"I do, I really do. You're my motivation and I want to see you when I kick Phil's ass. And then I want you to give me a victory kiss after I win. But I don't want you to get hurt, or see me getting hurt because I know you wouldn't be able to handle it." He said sympathetically.

"That's not true! I would be able to handle it." I said getting irritated by what he had just said.

"You wouldn't get emotional seeing me getting beaten up and getting all bloody? It kind of makes me sad actually. I thought you'd be more sensitive about that." Sam said wanting pity and I chuckled at his puppy like voice.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't be upset seeing you get hurt, but I at least want to be the first one to congratulate you when you win! I don't want to wait anxiously in your bed, wondering where you are and if you won!" I replied with a baby like sound.

"What's going to be my prize if I do win?" Sam said with a seductive demeanor in his voice. I panicked, not knowing what to say. What would I give him? I mean, I could give him celebratory sex... but I don't know if I'm ready and I don't know- I don't even know if he wants to have sex and maybe he just wants a sandwich!

"I was just kidding babe. You don't have to get me anything. You're my prize. That's all that matters." He said sounding worried as if he may have said something wrong.

"Marley? You still there?" I continued to think about how if I believed he was the one for me, the only one I'll ever love, then I want him to be my first and obviously my last.

"Yeah, I was just thinking how much I wish you were here with me instead of talking on the phone with you." I sighed giving myself a mental high five for thinking of such a good explanation on the spot.

"I know. Only a couple of more hours and we'll get to cuddle and kiss and sleep with each other." Sleep with each other. Did he mean actually sleeping or having sex sleeping. My head started to hurt with all this thinking about sex.

"I'm counting down the hours. I have to go, my ear is starting to hurt. I'll text you okay?" I said rather quickly.

"Of course. I love you." He said and I quickly returned it with an 'I love you too'. I left the room hoping I wasn't interrupting Quinn and Santana's conversation but was soon relieved to see them laughing and setting up the table. I nearly forgot how hungry I was, but the smell of the rice and chicken reminded me with the sound of my stomach growling. Both Quinn and Santana looked over and I awkwardly smiled to them.

"Hey Marley. Took you long enough. If I didn't know you any better, I would have thought you were having phone sex with Sam." Santana sniggered at Quinn's comment, making me blush and nearly scream as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Rachel grinning, still holding onto my shoulder.

"Don't listen to her. She's just joking. I missed you Marley! How has everything been?" Rachel gave me a hug and I couldn't help but smell her hair. It smelt like vanilla, although I'm not sure why I was so interested with the smell at all.

"I thought you guys were leaving? I actually thought you had already left!" I said helping the girls out with setting the table.

"Actually we were, but Rachel and I thought it wouldn't hurt to stay for a bit longer. You aren't happy we're here?" Quinn said giving Santana a wink. I could have sworn I saw Santana blush and I instantly smiled at her vulnerable state.

"I am happy to see you guys. But I think someone is jumping for joy to see you Quinn." I smiled at Santana who rolled her eyes at me and continued to smile at Quinn. It was nice to see Santana smiling and blushing over her possible love interest. It reminded me of me whenever I was around Sam, always making me turn a light shade of pink.

"Are we going to eat or are we going to make Santana blush more? I'm hungry and I'm ready to gossip and eat." Rachel explained as she sat down at the table. I sat next to her while Quinn and Santana sat across from us. I played footsie with Santana for a bit and she gave me the 'cut it out' look.

"Santana we have to say a prayer!" I said giving her a scolding look.

"Ugh whatever. Dear..." Santana began to say it and I looked down at my plate full of food. I was feeling a bit nausea and I was begging my body to just let me eat just this one plate.

'You want to see that fat go? Then don't eat. You want to sit down and not have belly rolls hanging out? Then don't eat. You want to look good naked? Then don't eat. Maybe you're not ready to have sex because you aren't worth it. I mean look at you. You're fat, disgusting and Sam would never want to be near that. Don't kid yourself Marley. You want to see change? Then don't eat.'

And just like that I lost my appetite.

* * *

Really excited to upload the next chapter because it'll be the fighting chapter and I just don't know why but I'm excited. Again, I'm really sorry I haven't updated in so long, I really should have updated sooner! Thank you for the support and please let me know if you would like an intimate chapter! I'm still taking it under consideration! I'll be updating again later this week! Lots of love xx


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you guys for your inputs! I really do appreciate them and therefore have made up my mind but have decided to not tell you what my decision is (cause I'm mean like that). Enjoy this chapter and thank you for the support!

**Warnings: I do not condone violence and some raw stuff mixed in**

"If you're going to sit there and not eat, I will shove the food down your esophagus You were annoying me earlier how you were hungry and now you won't even touch your plate." Santana said glaring at me and waiting for me to reply with food in my mouth.

"Sorry I was just thinking." I mumbled as I picked up the spoon and took small bites of food.

"Nervous about the fight?" Quinn asked nonchalantly as she took a sip from her drink.

"Well yeah, I'm just thinking about what I'm going to see. I mean I've never actually seen a fight and it would be less nerve-wracking if it wasn't Sam fighting in it." I fiddled with my spoon before taking another small bite of food, taking extra chews before swallowing it.

"I wouldn't worry too much, a lot of Sam's friends will come to his rescue if anything was to happen. Plus he's looking like he is in really good shape so I doubt he'll be losing and leaving with a lot of scars." Rachel said with a sweet smile.

"So Berry, how's you and Finn? I heard you guys hooked up?" Santana smirked and playfully elbowed Quinn. Rachel shook her head giving Quinn a dirty look.

"I didn't hook up with him. It wasn't like a one time thing! We've been doing it for a while and well we just don't know where we are. I mean we still love each other of course and that won't change, but the distance it seems uncanny to have a relationship where it'll put strain on the both of us." Rachel let out a large sigh and I looked down at my food thinking about how many times Rachel had actually done 'it'.

"I mean if it's good sex why not?" Santana asked without a change in tone.

"It's more than about good sex, Santana. We're in love and it's not even sex to me anymore. I mean to us, we're just making love. Of course pleasure comes into play, but we connect and we feel alive and our bond becomes stronger. I feel like nobody could break us apart." Rachel said as she took a bite from her chicken. I continued to think about what Rachel said. Making love versus having sex, it didn't seem like two different things but in reality, they were. One was about pleasure and the other about connection, a bond growing stronger, a love growing and two becoming one. I wanted that with Sam and I felt like thinking of it as making love rather than having sex, it made me feel more comfortable with the idea.

"You're still a virgin right Marley? Haven't gotten your cherry popped by Sam yet? Ow!" Quinn yelped at Rachel who kicked her and Santana who elbowed her harder then playful.

"Okay, I'm sorry that a bit crude. I mean last we talked I thought maybe you were warming up to the idea! Don't feel pressured to do so, just think about it." Quinn said with a soft voice. Her voice was so sweet and innocent yet it had a fine raspiness to it that kept anyone in ear shot distance alert to the sound of her voice.

"I don't know, I just- I'm waiting for the right moment I guess." I said meekly. I quickly took a drink of water as my throat was quenching for thirst after what I had just said.

"Wow, didn't expect that answer. But it's good you're considering it and taking precautions. Don't want to end up regretting it thinking you lost you're virginity to someone who wasn't worth it. Not saying Sam isn't worth it, just saying tha-"

"Okay I think we heard enough about sex. Let's talk about something else? We can pick this up later!" Rachel said interrupting Quinn. I mouthed 'thank you' to Rachel and she nodded her head in return. It was going to be a long night.

I got home to a very quiet house and wondered why dad wasn't home. I walked in to the smell of liquor still evident in the room from early today and I was ready to explode as I continued to smell it even after making it to my room. I called dad numerous times but he didn't pick up once which got me worried and decided it was best to just wait it out and see if he'd come back on his own. I took a shower and replayed the events that happened during the dinner at Santana's place. We had finished dinner and we were discussing the worst sexual experience. When I say 'we' I mean them, which was mostly Santana and Quinn. Rachel had only had sex with two people, a guy named Brody and her lover Finn. She described her first being, and I quote 'an experience she will never forget and a moment she'll treasure forever.'

I was in bed ready to go to sleep, but decided to wait and see if Sam would call. I slowly began to doze off and for some reason thoughts of worst case scenarios played through my head. They were a variety of ways I was dying, seeing Sam get hurt, my dad coming home drunk and lighting the house on fire, watching my mom die over and over again at the hospital, Jerry attacking me, Jake nearly raping me, and it was ll too much to the point were I didn't realize I was crying and screaming. I was woken up my sudden and erratic movements and as I woke up I was in panting, my lungs trying to take in as much air as possible all at once. I crawled up into a ball wishing Sam was with me to reassure me they were only dreams. That he'd protect me and fight them off for me. That's what he usually did anyways.

I checked the clock only to sigh at the number 12:40 shinning through the dark room. I had time to sleep again and tried to relax, hoping my crying would ease up. I pulled my blanket up under my chin and tried to pretend that Sam was with me, rubbing my back, humming a soft tune, playing with my hair and giving me kisses as I fell asleep. It only made things worse when I re-awoke half expecting to see Sam by my side. But he wasn't and it scared me and I had to remind myself once again that I'd be okay. Everything was going to be okay. I only had a couple of more hours. Just one more day. I could do it.

I had to.

* * *

The day went by faster then it should have. I expected it to dread on and on but instead it went by so fast, I didn't realize I was in lunch eating. Actually eating, without a second thought.

"Hey slow down. You look like you're going to implode." Santana said snatching the salad away from me. She started to eat from it too and I relaxed when I saw Sam but then tense again when I saw Phil not too far behind.

"Relax, you're getting me worked up for nothing, and you're going to make it worse if you keep staring at Phil and Sam." Santana continued, with a mouth full of salad.

"I'm sorry, I'm just anxious okay? How would you feel if Puck was in a fight?" I said taking the salad back and eating from it, this time pacing myself.

"Probably not anxious but excited to watch him kick some ass. And then again maybe seeing him shirtless would actually make it all the more exciting. And sweaty and panting an- I'm sorry I'm just getting horny just thinking about it." Santana smiled as she looked past me. I looked behind me only to waste my time and find Puck already giving Santana a kiss.

"Hey baby, how are you?" Puck asked sitting next to Santana. I ignored the touchy couple in front of me and looked around to find Sam. He was gone and so was Phil which made my stomach churn. Only a couple of more hours and it's over. My phone's vibrating interrupted my thoughts and as soon as I saw Sam's name I couldn't help but smile.

_**If I can just say you look absolutely beautiful today, then I would but you made me promise to this stupid plan not to tlk to u so i'll text it. yu look stunning. i miss you so much.**_

_I'm not wearing anything special though. but thank you. I miss you more. Just a couple of more hours and we'll be together I promise just keep playing along._

_**I know. So what are you thinking of doing after I win? Cause we can go out to celebrate! I know you aren't a partier but Puck is throwing one at his place and I don't want to go but he's forcing me and I don't want u to feel uncomfortable. Maybe a dinner? Or stay home,watch movies, cuddle, kiss, you know the usual?**_

I looked at the text half expecting for the word 'sex' to jump out but there was no mention of it anywhere. I thought about how I could make it such a perfect night for him. Maybe giving him a night of pl... pleasure wouldn't hurt.

_We can stay home and have an amazing night! I wanna be alone, I haven't gotten a single kiss from you since Sunday and Monday morning wasn't a treat for either of us. What do you think?_

I waited patiently for him to answer and began to get nervous. Maybe I was being to forward? My thoughts were interrupted by my phone's vibration. I was nervous to read the text and my shaking hands were proof that I was.

_**What did you have in mind beautiful?**_

_I don't just, cuddle and stuff. nvm..._

_**Come on Marley, say it babe. I won't embarrass you! I'll tell you what I want! I want you to come and stand outside the boys bathroom. Right now.**_

_Okay, i'm coming._

I looked around and started to get up, and neither Santana or Puck said anything. I walked out and headed to the area where the bathrooms were and waited patiently. I looked around only to be met by empty halls and the muffling sound of the lunch room. I felt arms wrap around my waist and lips hovering over my ear.

"Boo." His warm breath caused goosebumps to rise and I was pulled into the boys bathroom.

"What are you doing? I can't be here! We can't be together? Have you lost your mind?" I said trying to stop myself from smiling as he locked the door.

"Nobody's here to see us and I really need to kiss you right now." Sam's lips were onto mine before I could even begin to explain how bad of an idea it was. I smiled into the kiss, and god how I missed his lips. I didn't realize how desperate I was to have them until now. Our lips stayed locked until our tongues swiped past each other, softly and not hungrily. I was never one to be rough but I felt eager to feel his body close to mine and to prevent myself from removing his shirt, my hands found their way to his hair, tugging on it as we continued to move our tongue and lips in the heat. As I continued to pull, his throaty moan told me I was going to give us away and so I slowed it down, but was soon lifted up and placed on the sink. His hands found there way to my hair as well and we took a moment to breathe but as fast as we separated, our lips reattached. His lips moved away from my mouth and down my neck.

"I. Have. Missed. This. So. Much." Sam said in between kisses.

"Sam." I gasped as he found my weak spot on my neck.

"We.. need to-oh my... stop." I said in between gasps. Sam pulled away and looked at me with such lust, his emerald greens, a dark pool of green. More than his usual green at least and it frightened me to think of what his eyes would look like during the fight. Maybe monstrous? Maybe they'd become black? He'd turn into the incredible Hulk and all hell would break loose because of it.

"I really needed this." He said giving me a quick peck.

"Me too. I wish we were home instead of the boys bathroom. We wouldn't have to be so quiet." I smirked a bit at how dirty that sounded and watched Sam's eyebrow raise.

"And if we were home alone, do you know how loud I'd make you scream?" Sam whispered into my ear, low and husky like.

"So loud, the neighbors will finally know my name." I blushed at the idea and quickly tried to brush off the comment. Clearly I was unable to do that and Sam laughed at my light pink face.

"You like it when I talk dirty don't you?" He smirked and I rolled my eyes trying to hold back a smile. I playfully pushed him back, partially annoyed that he was getting to me.

"It's okay, I like talking dirty to you. And doing dirty things to you..."

"Sam. Stop, not here." I said almost whispering.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I got carried away. You should probably go though. You don't want to get caught and get all flustered having to explain why you were in the boys bathroom." I got off the sink and gave Sam a kiss before leaving the boys bathroom, and left but making sure no one was around. As soon as I confirmed no one was coming, I quickly walked out as if I had just come out of the bathroom and walked back to the lunch table.

"Why does your hair look like that?" Santana said with a sly look. She raised her eyebrow coaxing to Puck to look at me.

"I was hot and tried to fix my hair but it didn't work and... and- it came out like this." I spit out, mumbling a bit near the end.

"Looks like a quickie occurred." Puck said, his laugh echoing in the lunch room.

"Shut up." I said and I was forced to spend the rest of the period getting laughed at.

* * *

I got home and took a shower, hoping it would relax me more, even though I knew nothing would calm me down or even make me feel better about tonight. Dad wasn't home once again, he left a note saying he was out and won't be back till later. It was a relief that I wouldn't have to tell him where I was going on a Friday night. I got out of the shower only to be surprised by Santana rummaging through my closet.

"You have no sexy clothes to wear. Thank god I brought clothes from my closet." Santana continued to rummage through my closet, as if she was invited to do so.

"How did you even get in my house? And why are you looking through my closet?" I asked shivering as I walked. I was still wrapped in a towel and my bedroom was cooler then the warm, sauna-like bathroom.

"I know where you hide your key and I'm looking for something you could wear tonight. But there isn't anything, which isn't a surprise. I brought crop tops, bandeaus, bralets, disco pants, tight mini skirts, tight dresses, anything sexy you name it, I have it." She opened the bag full of clothes and dumped everything out, with the occasional shoes and accessories falling out as well as a curling iron and straightener.

"This is a fight, Santana. We aren't going to a rave, or a nightclub. I don't want any attention while I'm there. That's the last thing I want." I said pulling on a robe and going through my closet to take out a sweater my mom had gotten me for Christmas two years ago. It was a little worn in, and the color was a bit faded, it was a bit cheap, but it kept me warm. It also reminded me of the best Christmas I had. It wasn't anything special, but the memories we made were. I tried to shake out the memories of when I was happy and with my mom. When she was still here.

"Absolutely not. You are not looking like a hag. I'm not allowing that and I know Sam would be disappointed seeing you in it. Actually, he's too self-less to care when it comes to you, but that doesn't matter. So throw this outfit on." Santana handed me a coral crop top and disco pants that looked too small for me to fit in. I decided to not argue and tried on the clothes.

"So are you guys going to have celebratory sex?" Santana asked nonchalantly while looking at her phone.

"Santana, I don't know how you could say that so comfortably! No we will not be having celebratory sex. I don't want to and he doesn't either." I bit my lower lip knowing how awful that lie was. Sam was a boy, like any boy he got horny and wanted some kind of release. He was a faithful boyfriend and he would never cheat on me. But it worried me that he stray away because he wasn't getting any 'action'. The most heated thing to ever happen between us was a make out session were he got a hard on and I wasn't able to please him.

"Fine. Will you guys be making love?" Santana asked once again without a change in tone.

"Why is it so hard for anyone to understand that I'm not ready? I don't want it to be just sex. I don't want it to be a reward because he won. I want it to be a special bond, were we both want each other to be our last. Our only. So yes, I want it to be 'making love' rather than just plain old sex." I buttoned the pants and fixed the top and looked in the mirror. I was surprised to see a skinny girl staring back at me. My legs looked long and lean, my thighs not touching, my waist looking smaller thanks to the high-waisted pants and the crop top gave me an even thinner figure. I smiled at how I looked, feeling sexy and empowered. Something that was taken away from me from the night of Santana's party.

"Well, you'll definitely be making something tonight. And that's making heads turn. This is motivation, Sam will love it." She winked at me and I couldn't help but smile at the idea of being Sam's motivation. His one and only.

"What was your first time like?" I asked while Santana started to brush my hair and heat up the curling iron, or wand. I wasn't sure what it was to be exact.

"Well if you want me to go into detail, it was ba-"

"No! No details! Just.. were you nervous?" I asked mumbling a bit, knowing that Santana never gets nervous.

"Ha. Yes, I was. Actually very nervous. But it was fun, and he was nice about it. It wasn't a big deal that everyone makes it up to be. Just a pleasurable moment between two people and then it's over and done with. But because it wasn't someone I was in a relationship it's going to be different for you. You love him and care about him, and vice versa. It'll be different experience for you. I don't know maybe I should have waited for the right guy but looking back at it now, I feel happy with the decision. It was an experience and I've learned from it. I just don't know if I recommend you do the same. Especially because you are Virgin Marley, and you didn't get that nickname for no reason."

"Maybe you're right. But I do think Sam is the one for me and I don't know. Maybe I'm ready? Maybe I'm just not ready for the consequences of it, I mean what if I screw things up and he gets embarrassed for me and he doesn't enjoy it and he just doesn't want to do it ever again?" I rambled on about how he would break up with me, but I knew he wouldn't. He isn't like that. But it was the 'what if's' that were getting me. By the time we had ended the conversation, Santana had given me a makeover and I almost didn't recognize the girl in the mirror.

"You look hot Marley." Santana said as she shook the curls out and my hair became even more wilder. It looked natural in a way and the makeup wasn't out there. It just hid my imperfections and it made my skin look clearer. My eyelashes longer and fuller, my lips a hue of redish pink and I couldn't believe that I could look like that.

"Thank you Santana. I feel great." I said still admiring myself in the mirror. I never admired myself, ever. And it was nice for once not to see all these flaws and fat.

"Well you look great. We have an hour, I'm sure you want to get there before anyone see's you there with him."

* * *

"Welcome ladies. Absolutely stunning may I say?" The large man said to Santana and I. I had never gotten any attention from men in that way and at first I thought he was speaking to Santana but it turned out he was talking to me as well. The gym was large, sweaty and hot. The huge fighting ring took up most of the gym leaving people to stand and watch. There was a fight going on and it looked like a practice run if anything. It made my stomach do flips as I watched the two guys fight. I was thankful that I wore my doc martens in case I had to run around. I changed my outfit feeling too sexy, instead I went for something comfortable. But Santana of course didn't allow that, so she made me wear a crop top sweater with disco pants. It was less sexy but none the less still a bit revealing. I was wearing a neon bralet as Santana called it and a big chunky necklace that kept on choking me a bit even though it was loose around my neck. I was getting hotter even though I wasn't wearing a jacket, and I again was left to fend for myself as I saw a group of guys from school walk by looking me up and down, one even whistling. I began to feel a bit self-conscious but reminded myself how good I looked and decided to walk it off with confidence. It didn't last long as I tripped over a wire and caught myself on a bar near the wall. I let out a breath of relief and looked around for a blonde haired boy. I couldn't find him and so I decided the next best thing to do was to ask someone.

"Excuse me, do you happen to know where the guys who are fighting are?" I asked a kind looking man. He looked at me weird but smiled, letting me think that it was a stupid question.

"Yeah sweetheart, down that way if you're looking for the blonde he's on the side. That way." He said pointing me to the right.

"How did you know I was looking for a blonde?" I asked, weirded out by his good guess.

"You look too sweet for the jackass fighting him, I only assumed you were here for him." I gave him a polite smile and he gave me a smile back.

"Thank you." I said and started to head towards the right side of the gym. I walked down the hallway looking for a room with Sam in it.

"Excuse me what are you doing here? You are not allowed here unless you are a friend, or a girlfriend. And even if you are, you still aren't allowed here. So please le-" The large man was interrupted by a booming sound behind him.

"Hey. She's allowed here. Leave her the fuck alone or get the fuck out. I don't care if you're his trainer or the boss of this place. You're choice." I looked past the man in front of me to see Puck, with his arms crossed and his muscles bulging through his leather jacket.

"Fine with me. Go ahead little lady." He moved out of the way and I walked up to Puck who titled his head to the door.

"He's in there waiting for you." Puck grinned and I got a bit excited finally getting to see Sam again. I opened the door to find Sam doing what I assumed was a workout, but he instantly stopped and smiled when he saw me. I ran up to him, jumping on him and he caught me without a second thought. I hooked my arms around his neck, while his hands held me up. I gave him a big kiss and I didn't break away until he pulled away to say something.

"I'm so glad you're here babe. I was getting nervous you wouldn't show up." He said before leaning in for another kiss.

"I'm your motivation remember? I'm here to help you win." I said grinning and I leaned in to reattach our lips.

"Mmm. Yes and I need you to do something for me." He put me down and held my waist as he moved me.

"I want you to lay down." I looked at him confused and I couldn't help but think he was a bit crazy.

"Why?" I questioned.

"Don't ask, just do? Please babe?" He gave me another kiss and I obliged. I layed down on my back throwing my bag to the side. He towered over me and then knelt down, hovering over me, but close to the point where his lips were close to touching mine. But before I could reach up he pushed himself off the ground. I layed back down and watched as he lowered himself back to were he was before, this time giving me a kiss. Every push up he made, I rewarded him with a kiss. He was sweating a bit and his hair was getting in the way, but I didn't mind one bit. I giggled every time he came down and it seemed like we had been doing this for an hour before he finally stopped. He pulled me up and brought me in closer to him.

"Do you think I'm going to win?" I of course was supposed to say yes. But I also believed that he was.

"Yes. I do think you're going to win. Just remember, I'm going to be there to cheer you on!" I propped myself up on my toes to reach his lips with mine.

"Excuse me lovebirds, I hate to break your romantic cliché moment, but the fight is about to begin." Puck said with Santana by his side. Sam chuckled and I smiled at his comment but the smiled faded as the reality of it all was Sam was going to be in a fight, probably a bit illegal, and he was going to get hurt. There was a possibility he was going to lose, but I only had hope that he would win. I knew he would. I had to think like that or I'd have a panic attack and I didn't want that. Not now.

Sam grabbed my hand and took me out of the room.

"I'll see you out there okay?" He gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"Good luck!" And I gave him one last kiss on his soft plump lips. It made me sad to think that they could be damaged in the fight but I decided not to think about it and just focus on how perfect his lips were. Kissable and irresistable. I started to walk away our hands slowly separating and left not looking back at Sam. I wasn't ready for the fight and I was worried that neither was Sam.

* * *

I was unsure of how close I wanted to be to the ring so I kept my distance and stood in the back but not too far so Sam was still able to see me. I had found Santana next to me and she gave me a reassuring smile that only made me more anxious. Santana was about to say something but was interrupted by the voice of a large man who wore a referee outfit.

"Gentleman, and the few ladies out there. Welcome to Bigmenton's Big Men Gym. This fight is not necessarily a 'legal' fight so if you're running away from the law I suggest you find a place to hide or stand near a quick exit. Tonight, it's a battle between two gentlemen that have bad blood and are fighting it out till one is on the floor." I wasn't aware that the fight wasn't legal but it was too late to do anything because the man was already introducing Phil. Phil came out in shorts, his abs flexed and his arms larger then I could remember. He had on a cocky look, almost like he knew he was going to win. The crowd was yelling and clapping, as I looked around I saw people from school and Phil's posse not too far away. One of them was staring at me and I accidentally made eye contact. I looked away quickly not wanting to cause any trouble just by a look.

"On the right side, we have Sam Evans." Sam came out with Puck right behind him and the trainer that yelled at me earlier. Sam's were more defined then ever, his body in the best shape I had ever seen him in and his arms were toned to the point were it looked like he was flexing. I was left speechless and didn't notice my mouth was wide open till Santana forcefully closed.

"You don't want a fly to land in your mouth." Santana said but I paid no attention as I was focused on Sam.

"Alright gentlemen. The rules are simple; there are three rounds, whoever gets knocked out first, loses and the opponent wins. Whoever holds someone down for more than three seconds is the winner of that round. If your opponent taps out, you let go. If the opponent say's 'stop', you stop. Have I made myself clear?" The ref looked at both of the boys.

"Crystal." Sam said and Phil nodded his head and the moment was coming.

"Shake on it. May the best man win." Phil and Sam shook hands and went to opposite sides of the ring. Puck gave him a reassuring nod and yelled 'you got this'. I heard a bell and my heart stopped. This was it.

The two boys moved back and fourth, not stopping once. Phil took a swing from the right side but Sam moved back nearly missing the hit. Sam took a swing as soon as Phil's hand was down and hit him right in the face. I started to bite on my lower lip and waited for the next hit from Phil but instead Sam continued to take swings at Phil, hitting him from the right and left and occasionally hitting him in the center. Phil was losing his balance but somehow became aware of the punch Sam was going to throw and blocked it. He hit Sam twice in the abdominal area and I shut my eyes trying to get the image out of my head. He hit Sam again this time in the face and Sam fell back, but catching his balance before falling. I heard Puck yelling and I wasn't sure what was happening but I caught eye contact with Sam as he moved around and gave him a small smile, hoping to send him a message, that he could do it. But I don't know if I could.

Another hit was brought to Sam's face and I could tell he was going to be severely bruised and his cut on his lip wasn't helping. I guess the horror on my face gave Sam the message and he was no longer looking at me but instead looking at Phil and he looked angry. Angrier then before. In an instant Phil was on the floor and Sam was holding him. The ref counted three seconds and Sam was pulled off, the room started cheering, Santana and Puck yelling out to Sam. Puck handed Sam water and Phil was pulled to the side by his coach. I looked back to where Phil's posse was and they looked angry. But not at Sam because they were all looking in one direction. Me. I felt uncomfortable and I grabbed Santana's arm, squeezing for comfort and she held my hand in return. The ref called the start of round two and I was once again tense. Phil took a swing at Sam and hit him in the arm, not causing much damage. Sam hit him, this time his arm coming upward and hitting Phil's jaw, but Phil moved a bit so not much damaged seemed to be done. Phil hit Sam repeatedly, trying to hit his abdominal area as Sam tried to block him but he looked like he wasn't able to bear it any longer. A few people were shouting, cheering Phil on. Sam's name was called out numerous times and I was just so focused on what was going on I didn't even realize that Santana was yelling at me to loosen my grip on her arm.

"I'm loosing feeling in my arm and my hand is gonna go limp so if you would please loosen up a bit." I murmured a 'sorry' and continued to watch Sam getting hit but was surprised by his punch thrown at Phil right in the face causing Phil to be out of it, but not long enough for Sam to hit him once more. Phil blocked the hit and slammed Sam to the ground, knocking the wind out of Sam and putting him in a hold. The ref counted three seconds and Phil got up bouncing up and down smirking and looking straight at me giving me a wink. I started to feel sick and I didn't want to watch anymore. One more round. I can make it through one more round. Phil went to drink water and spit it out along with blood in the mix. Sam looked like he was going to pass out any minute but I didn't know whether to go up to him or not. I couldn't move and just stood there stunned by Sam's bruised and cut face, his sweat causing his toned body to gleam in the poorly lit room. His now sweat drenched hair mopped over his face. The bell rang, signaling that the last and final round was starting. It was the tie breaker, the fate changer. I watched as Sam and Phil faced each other and Sam take his first swing hitting Phil in his shoulder, clearly causing some kind of pain as Phil held his shoulder. He hit again this time in the arm and Phil looked like in so much pain, the height difference between Sam and Phil was a lot but as Phil crouched a over a bit, it became equal.

"He found his weak spot." Santana murmured in my ear.

"How do you know? What is it?" I asked looking at Santana confused.

"Remember that if Phil loses he has to admit to taking steroids? Well he took them by injections and they get bruised after taking them. It also weakens the body after many intakes so his arms aren't necessarily that strong." I continued to watch as Phil started to hit Sam repeatedly once again, in the abdominal area, and Sam was trying to block it. Phil suddenly pulled Sam's head in and whispered something in his ear.

"Santana. What's Sam's weakness?" I asked and watched as Phil smirked and gave me another wink. Sam looked heated, angrier then ever, just like he was when he beat Jake, just like when he beat that kid, when he was angry and overprotective with me. He took on a new persona, the one I never wanted to see.

"You." Santana said. And I realized that Phil must have said something related to me. And Phil was no longer looking at me but at Sam who was ready to kill. Punch after punch after punch, Sam wouldn't give Phil the chance to put his hands up. Phil's head turned to the left, blood along with saliva was spit out. Phil fell back, clearly unable to move, but Sam wouldn't stop. Sam continued to hit him and the blood became more evident. I couldn't watch and I felt the room becoming smaller as I watched the crowd yell in response. I let go of Santana and ran out. Ran out of the gym and let the cool air take over my hot body. I couldn't breathe in that moment and I felt light-headed. I heard more yelling and I didn't want to know what was happening. But by the sound of it, it seemed Phil redeemed himself and I no longer could function. I leaned back against the cement building and took in deep breaths. I was glad that Santana didn't follow me out. I needed space and I wouldn't be able to talk, which would have probably led me to feeling faint. More shouting and yelling came out of the gym and I just didn't want to think anymore.

It seemed like an hour had passed, but in fact only twenty minutes passed. I didn't know what was happening and I didn't want to. I heard the door open and found Santana standing in front of me.

"He wants to see you babe." She said smiling, but it didn't tell me anything. It looked like a sympathetic smile, but then again it looked like a reassuring smile. She reached her hand out and I grabbed it.

"Did he win?" I asked trying to keep my composure.

"By a landslide." She squeezed my hand and gave me a bigger smile. I let out a breath that I was holding in as I awaited her answer. As we walked in, I saw that the room was still very much crowded but everyone seemed to be discussing the fight. I walked down the hallway with Santana and I opened the door to Sam's room. I saw him putting a shirt on and as he saw me come in he opened his arms and I ran into them. I didn't want him to let go and I fisted his shirt, grabbing it and decided to look at the damages done. I looked up at his cut up and bruised face, tender to the touch that I wasn't sure if I should even touch him. I looked at his cut lip, his soft and plump lips no longer kissable, he had a cut on his cheek bone. I lifted his shirt quickly seeing nothing yet, but knowing there would be something tomorrow. I grabbed his hands and he watched intently as I looked at his cuts.

"I'm okay Marley. I won and now we get to be together babe. You don't have to worry about me." He said sweetly, pulling my face towards his, his lips softly touching mine. He put pressure but I was worried I'd hurt him and so I pulled away. I jumped up and he caught me, his hands holding me under my thighs. I hooked my arms around his neck, nuzzling my face in the crevice of his neck.

"Let's go home babe." He murmured into my ear. I nodded and I was put down but didn't let go of Sam. I was deprived of him for too long and I really needed to be able to hold him without having to eventually let go. As he grabbed his bag and placed it on his shoulder I couldn't help but think of what state Phil was in; if he was worse or maybe he was sent to the hospital! We made it out to the main area, were the ring was, and the room started cheering and giving Sam pats on the back, crowding around and nearly trampling me over. Sam didn't let go, in fact he tightened his grip and pulled me close to him so I wouldn't be stepped on. As we almost reached the door out Sam's name echoed in the room.

"I thought you two broke up? Did you two play me and thought you could get away with that? Nahhh, that ain't happenin'." Phil yelled at us with his posse right behind him. He was in a much worse condition compared to Sam. His arm was in a cast, and his hands were bandage, his face was cut up and his lip split. His bottom lip was swollen and his left eyebrow was as well.

"Phil, you lost, whether we played you or not. So I recommend you just go rest and then come and talk to me because looking at the state you're in, you won't be doing anything about this situation. Don't forget, you're part of the deal. Let everyone know you use st-"

"I got it. Get the fuck outta here before I come after your girlfriend. She looks like she won't put up a fight." Phil snickered and I felt Sam begin to let go and move towards Phil. I wasn't able to stop him and it was too late anyways. Sam held Phil up by his shirt and backed him up against the wall. I tried to pull Sam away, pulling on his arm but he wouldn't budge.

"Listen up and listen well. I beat the shit out of you once, I can do it again. You even think about fucking touching her I will kill you. Do you understand? Or did I knock the sense out of you too?" Phil pushed Sam back and swung at him. He missed but Sam was quick to react and punched Phil back with so much force I heard something crack.

"SAM STOP. GET OFF." Puck yelled, pulling him away from Phil.

"GET OUT NOW. SOMEBODY CALLED THE POLICE AND THERE ON THERE WAY. THAT GOES FOR EVERYBODY HERE. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN OR YOU WILL BE FACING CHARGES AGAINST YOU. DO NOT SPEAK OF THE EVENTS THAT OCCURRED HERE. OR DO. YOU'LL BE THE ONE GETTING SHIT ON." Puck yelled out to the crowd and everyone started to move. Sam picked his bag up and grabbed me not giving me a chance to collect my thoughts as to where we were going. In no time we were outside Sam's car and he opened the door for me, ushering me in without a word. I heard the door lock and I knew he was turning into him. I began to worry as Sam wasn't in the car yet and soon began to fiddle with my bag. I decided not to wait and tried to open the passenger door but to no avail, it wouldn't open. Suddenly the driver's door opened and Sam started the car, driving with such sudden speed, I didn't get the chance to put my seat belt on. I didn't want to say anything knowing he was angry as it is and if I did say anything he would throw a fit and God know's what would happen. We were no longer in the sketchy side of Lima and in the more reserved area, nearing Sam's house. We pulled into his driveway and we sat there motionless, only the sound of our breathing filling the quiet environment. He was the first to move and got out of the car, I let out a sigh as soon as he left and I knew the routine. I waited for him to unlock the door and I got out knowing he would either try to be cute to make me feel safe or he would still be angry and wouldn't bother with me. He scooped me up bridal style and I closed the door with my foot. He opened the backseat of his car and grabbed his bag and once again I closed it with my foot. I helped him unlock the door and I felt better being back inside his home. It was a bit messy, no surprise, I had told him to keep it clean or else I wouldn't stay with him. He took me upstairs to his room and dropped me on his bed. He dropped his bag and layed on top of me, not wasting any time to kiss me.

"You. Have. No. Idea. How. Much. I. Missed. You." He said in between kisses.

"Yes I do. But I missed you more." I said and brought his lips back on mine, my hands finding their way up to his hair.

"Mmm.. No. I missed you more." He said keeping his lips close to my face before leaving trails of kisses.

"I missed your lips. I missed your sexy legs. I missed your soft hands pulling on my hair. I missed your oh so sexy laugh. Your beautiful smile. I missed your coconut smelling hair. I missed waking up to a nearly naked body next to mine..." I playfully shoved him at his comment and he laughed coming back trying to catch his balance. He started to tickle me which was necessarily the best idea because I actually had to go to the bathroom really badly.

"Sam don't-" And I moving trying to get him to stop.

"Give me a kiss and I will." He said not stopping.

"Okay. Okay, just stop!" I said trying to move his hands away from my stomach. He stopped and leaned in but I had other plans and slipped underneath him, running to the bathroom laughing at his reaction.

"Sorry babe, I have to go to the bathroom!" And I gave him a wink not knowing where that came from.

* * *

"You need to take a shower, I'm not cuddling with a sweaty and cut up boyfriend." I said as I changed out of my clothes.

"No, I mean you're in your underwear right now, that's like a once in a blue moon thing and I'm not missing it." He said pulling me closer to his body. I tried to push him away, his sweaty smell becoming too much but he clearly had another thing in mind. His hand grazed my thigh, his lips finding mine. His hands were attached to my hips, playing with the waistband of my underwear. I didn't know what to do and panicked as he slowly pulled the waistband down. My stomach knotted and shivers were sent down my spine. I grabbed his hands before he can pull them down anymore and pulled away from his lips. He gave me a small smile and didn't say anything until I rolled my eyes.

"I'm gonna go shower. Don't miss me too much." He gave me a quick peck and left without another word. I fell back on the bed and turned on the tv watching whatever and not caring because I just a weird experience that wasn't necessarily weird but it was weird. It just confused me a bit. Why wasn't I ready? Why couldn't I be ready? I was getting hot, even in the December weather, which bothered me because I was in my underwear and should have been freezing. Sam had finished his shower and came out in just a towel wrapped around his hips. He was dripping wet which made him even more irresistible and once again my stomach was in knots. His hair was dripping and the steam from the bathroom caused his body to shine. I was almost turned on by it and I wasn't sure what to do with myself.

"You know, as your boyfriend, I do give you permission to come and touch me instead of having to gnaw at your bottom lip." He smirked and I hadn't realized what he was talking about till I tasted copper in my mouth.

"Maybe I don't want to touch you." I said teasing him. What was I doing? Where was I going with this? He came over to the bed, still in his towel, giving me a kiss.

"Yes you do." He grabbed my hand placing it on his abs, that were still wet from his shower. Our lips didn't part as his body got closer to mine. The kiss was so hot, the predicament was so hot, I was forgetting to function and needed to breath.

"I even take your breath away. That's how hot you find me." He seductively whispered in my ear. I soon myself biting my lower lip again holding back any sound made. He placed soft kisses on my neck and didn't give me time to adjust as he found my sweet spot and I let a moan slip. I was shocked by the sound and Sam chuckled but continued on to nibble at it. I was getting hot and my stomach was coiling.

"Breath babe." He whispered, giving me a kiss on my nose.

"If you're not ready, you're not ready. I'll wait as long as I have to." He said looking me in the eyes, his beautiful jewel like eyes not allowing me to think straight. He was the one, he was the only one I wanted. I wanted to make love to him because I loved him and he loved me. No matter the consequences, I was in it for now and forever. I was ready.

"I'm ready." I said quietly.

"Are you sure?" He said furrowing his brows.

"I've never been more sure." I said and with that our lips found each other and weren't going to break free. This was the moment I waited for. The moment were we'd become one and more than ever I wanted to know what love felt like. Not just emotionally, but physically. This was the moment that I'd remember forever.

The kiss turned from sweet to passionate in a matter of seconds. And love was in the making.

Sweet, passionate love.

* * *

Okay so this was a long chapter and I hope you guys enjoyed it! It was hard to write it because I honestly had no idea how to write a fight scene. I don't know how I'll be any better at writing a love making chapter! So bare with me if I don't update soon! But thank you for your patience and support! Really, it means so much! I never thought this whole story would get so popular, so thank you all who have been supporting me. Lots of love xx


	21. Chapter 21

The chapter you've all been waiting for.

**Warnings: Clearly you shouldn't read this if you're under 15 or 16. Just read this with caution. Some sweet love making is in this chapter and if you don't like it, don't read it. By the way, this has a lot of Marley thoughts/what she is thinking since she is new to all of this.**

In no time, my shirt was off, leaving me in my bra and matching underwear. Sam's towel was off, leaving his naked body in full view and his... well you know... penis, in full view as well. It was rather awkward looking at it and larger then I had imagined which got me a bit nervous. We were kissing and touching each other, my hand accidently stroking his dick (did I just think that?). His moan let me know he enjoyed the touch and I decided to 'accidently' stroke it again, this time grasping it lightly and pulling on it.

"**Fuck** Marley. It's not about me- **shit**. Tonight it's about you." I giggled a bit at his choice of words that I caused him to say. We were being a bit rough but it slowly became passionate as our touches lingered, our eyes making contact every now and then. I tugged on his hair, he entangled his hands in mind and continued to let our tongues explore each others mouths that we were already so familiar with. I pulled away, taking his lower lip between my teeth, tugging a bit. I tried to make it look as sexy as possible and it worked as Sam moaned.

"No more. Fucking no more." He said and he pushed me down on the bed only to kiss me more, and I smiled into the kiss knowing I was driving him insane. I felt his penis rub against my thigh; it felt hard and I thought back to the time we were making out and Sam got so hard. I got him hard and that just made me feel even more sexier. I wasn't aware of the things I could do to drive Sam insane but it got me the chills just thinking of what this was all leading up to.

Sam's hands ran up and down my body, sending me chills and with every delicate touch he placed on my skin, I felt more and more alive. Just being this close to him made me feel vulnerable but not knowing what to do, not having any experience before- that was what made me vulnerable. All the constant nagging from others, the jokes thrown at me, the name 'Virgin Marley' would no longer be of use because I wasn't going to be a virgin any longer. Our lips parted as I placed my hands on his chest, and lifted my head from the pillow to have room to move. Our breaths were short and it only made things hotter as we continued to move our tongues together. I pulled his face closer by tugging on his hair- his weakness, and his throaty groan gave me a new sensation of want. We parted for air, but Sam didn't stop moving as he trailed kisses from my lips, to my neck, going down in between the valley between my breasts and continued his way down to my legs. My head fell back more as he sucked and nibbled the area where my thigh started and my hips ended. It was a feeling that caused my stomach to coil and I had never felt it this strong before. Sam came back up only to place a kiss and he looked down at me, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I love you." He breathed, his warm breath sending another wave of chills. He planted another kiss, a softer one and I was feeling needy and added more pressure to the kiss. I replied with a breathy 'I love you too' and Sam slowly started to kiss his way down. I wasn't sure what to expect until I felt Sam's breath hover over my now seemingly wet underwear. He stayed there only to grasp the sides of my underwear, pulling them down slightly to reveal my hip bones. He planted kisses from one end of my hip to the other sucking and biting on both sides, then licking over them. It was quite a turn on actually and I wanted more. He then continued to pull my underwear down a bit more and I held my breath, realizing that I was going to be fully naked in a matter of seconds and that had never happened before. Nobody has seen me naked, except for that one time were Santana walked in on me while getting out of the shower, but this was different. So much more different and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. I obviously was bad at masking my emotions as I saw Sam come back up only to give me another kiss.

"Breath babe. I need you to breathe and relax for me. I promise I won't hurt you." I nodded my head and let my lungs fill with the oxygen it needed. I hadn't noticed that I was light headed before but it was evident as I felt the blood rush back to my head. Sam went back down, this time pulling my underwear off, leaving me only in my bra. My breath hitched as I felt Sam's warm breath once again hover over the now naked area and the coil in my stomach tightened. I felt Sam's hands spread my legs apart and I obliged, anxiously waiting for his next move. I looked down only to be met with emeralds looking back at mine. He planted kisses between my thighs and then on my swollen clit that was hot and begging to be touched. I was thankful for taking that sex class in knowing what exactly did what down there but I felt a bit dirty knowing what I wanted and what I wanted was to be touched. He licked and sucked over my area and I was enjoying every second of it. His lips parted over my clit, sucking and nibbling causing me to moan incoherent words, my head turning to the left, hitting the pillow. Sam held my hips down and then slowly kissed his way back up, kissing me as he unclasped my bra which was bothering me anyways. I felt Sam's hand trail back down to my crotch area. I gasped as I felt his cold finger slowly slide inside of me and come back out. Sam continued to kiss me and I was trying to focus on the kiss but his finger kept on distracting me. I let my mind wander and let myself relax, trusting that Sam knew what he was doing. He re-entered and I once again gasped in the kiss and I felt his lips tug into a slight smile but still continuing to kiss me. I felt his pointer finger continue to enter and I was almost sure it would get stuck and it might be silly to think that but I wasn't sure of what he would do with it.

"I'm going to put another finger in okay? If you want me to stop just tell me to 'stop' and I will. Don't push yourself if you can't do it. I just need you to relax." Sam's soft tone of voice was all I need to relax and it made my heart flutter just knowing that he was willing to stop everything if I didn't want to continue; I was more comfortable knowing that anyways. I nodded my head and allowed his second finger to slide in and I let out a quiet 'yelp' and smiled to Sam letting him know that I was okay. He continued in and I felt myself getting stretched. It was odd and rather satisfying but nonetheless uncomfortable. I had never worn a tampon before and so I hadn't the slightest clue of what it felt to having something inside of you, let alone finger. I squirmed a bit as I felt Sam's fingers move a bit inside of me and bit my lower lip as he sent my stomach into oblivion. I shut my eyes and gasped as he continued to move about inside of me and kissed my neck down to my breasts. A breathy moan came out and I was shocked by my own body as I continued to enjoy the sensation Sam was giving me. He left a warm kiss on my lips and pulled out, leaving me empty and wanting more. Sam reached over to the side of the bed pulling out a condom. I remembered the sex-ed teacher mentioning how the first time having sex was painful if not done right. I trusted Sam and if I remained calm and didn't think much about the pain I think I would be okay. Sam rolled the condom on and I was getting a bit freaked out at the thought of his big... thing... going inside of me. Gosh I was such a prude and I didn't want to be; not until after we finished. Sam hovered over me, supporting his weight on his forearms and slowly leaned in for a kiss. It was a much needed kiss and I didn't want him to pull away.

"You're so beautiful." He said in a low tone of voice. My stomach made flips and I was sure that I would be perfectly okay with the world ending. My hands ran up his toned abdominal area, and finally reaching his face. Our eyes never broke apart as I felt Sam lower himself a bit more and slowly start to enter. I was caught off guard and my breath caught in my throat, holding it there as Sam gave me a soothing kiss.

"Relax for me babe." He whispered and I reminded myself that it wouldn't hurt, that Sam wouldn't hurt me and everything would be okay. I closed my eyes willing myself to relax and to not ruin the moment. I felt Sam's soft lips on mine and this time it was more passionate, more harder which took me by surprise. I didn't mind it at all, as I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and as our lips continued to stay in rhythm, I felt Sam's hips slowly grind into mine and I gasped as I felt him push inside of me a bit more. I was feeling a bit in pain, my eyes starting to water. I tried to blink the tears away before Sam could see, but he was looking at me all along. His eyebrows furrowed and I felt guilty of making him feel guilty.

"I'm sorry Mar-"

"I'm fine- keep going." I said between breaths. I didn't want him to stop, besides it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I pulled him in for a kiss to let him know I was okay once more and my hands tugged on his hair to make him move in more. I felt him move in more and more, slowly but the pain not easing. 'The pain would be over soon' I told myself. I had to keep it together.

"I'm almost there babe, just a bit more." His warm breath causing goosebumps to rise on my neck. He trailed kisses down to my neck, finding the spot where my body seemed to respond to best. He bit down and sucked while continuing to push inside of me. The pleasure of him kissing my neck caused my hips to buck up to his, allowing him to be inside of me entirely. It was painful but the pleasure of it all seemed to overpower the pain. I was panting and my body was craving for more as Sam licked over the hickey. He stopped and looked down at me as I fidgeted to become comfortable in the position I was in. I moved my hips slowly and I relaxed as the pain faded.

"Are you okay?" He mumbled over my lips. I nodded in reply and I felt his hand caress the right side of my body, slowly moving his hand up and down before moving his hips. I gasped at the sudden movement, not expecting the waves of pleasure to hit me. His hips kept on hitting mine, my hips meeting his uncontrollably, as he thrusted in slowly at first. I was feeling anxious for more but decided to let Sam take the lead. He placed a hand on my hip, keeping my hips down, and continued to thrust in slowly. I bit my lower lip as I felt the coil in my stomach tighten even more.

"Shit Marley." Sam moaned out. I bit harder on my swollen lip, as Sam's hips started to move faster. I was losing my thought process in it all, the pleasure becoming almost overwhelming. I let out a moan, unaware that I was capable of such noise and Sam continued to pull in and out of me.

"S-so... tight.. babe." He said and I knew he was close to the final waves of pleasure hitting him. I pulled his face down to mine, one hand still intertwined with his, the other tugging on his hair to kiss me. Our lips met, soft to the touch, but the force was driven with passion and lust. My hips met his wanting to feel more of the waves of pleasures hitting me. My moans escaping my lips, into Sam's mouth. His thrusts became faster and harder, hitting a spot that caused my body to shake and my hips to push up.

"Sam.." I whimpered out. My mind barely functioning as Sam went faster, the only thing my mouth was capable of releasing were moans and Sam's name. His undeniably sexy rugged breathing and strings of profanity made everything more hotter. We parted for air as we looked at each other and his eyes locked on mine. I closed my eyes as I felt the coil in my stomach tighten a bit more before releasing.

"Look at me Marley." Sam panted out, and I slowly opened my eyes, letting out moans, my hips going up, my toes curling, my lower area becoming warm, the overwhelming feeling of pleasure had me seeing white and I wasn't able to describe the amazing sensation I was feeling as it spread throughout my body. I panted for air but continued to move my hips with Sam's as I felt him release inside of me. He hovered over me, collapsing on me but not putting all his weight. Our breaths were uneven, sweat gleamed off of Sam's body and I felt drained. Sam slowly started to take himself out of me, but part of me didn't want him to leave.

"No. I want you to stay." I said in a breathy voice. It may seem weird to want that, but I did and I hoped Sam wouldn't mind it or thought it was a bit awkward. He gave me a kiss before smiling at me and rolling over a bit and Sam pulled out removing his condom. I frowned a bit until I felt him re-enter, a gasp escaping my lips feeling him inside of me once again. He opened his arms so I could cuddle into him and brought the blanket over our warm and flushed bodies. I never felt so close to him before, never felt this alive and never felt this good. It was probably such a cliché thing to do, cuddle after having an intimate time with someone, but it was the right thing to do. I was so tired, and I was ready to sleep. I looked at his chest, gliding my finger lightly over his soft skin, writing 'I love you' and 'you're beautiful'. I didn't think he'd realize it, and it surprised me when his voice interrupted my thoughts.

"You're the one who is beautiful, babe. Ever so stunning." He said and I got butterflies and my heart felt like it stopped. I cuddled into him more, his strong arms wrapping around my body, not wanting to let me go. I felt safe and secure knowing that I wasn't going to go anywhere. He belonged to me and I belonged to him.

"I love you." I tilted my head up to see him looking down at me.

"I love you too." He replied, leaving a kiss on my forehead as I fell asleep.

I didn't want to be anywhere else but in my lovers arms.

* * *

Hey guys, I'm **so** sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I was busy with school, and I just came back from Disney! This chapter was short and I'm sorry about that and I told you guys I sucked at writing these scenes! This was my first time writing anything like this so I'd appreciate it if you put some **constructive** criticism and not just be rude about it. I'll be updating again later this week and I had fun writing this chapter so who knows, maybe if you guys liked it and gave me advice on how to improve it (like if you want it more detailed, but I don't know how detailed I can get o.o) with love making chapters I'll write more. Thank you guys for being so patient, I really am so thankful for all of you who are reading it. I hope you guys had a safe and fun spring break! Lots of love xx


	22. Chapter 22

Oh my gosh I saw last week's episode and I honestly think they did such a good job with the whole situation. They honestly are just great actors and they all had me in tears! I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for your amazing support. Lots of love xx.

**Warnings: This chapter may be triggering. I do recommend you take precautions before reading this. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you, you'll make it out. **Some fluffy stuff!

I was in a blissful sleep, warm and safe in the arms of a man who I had given everything to. I hadn't been able to shake the events of last night out of my head but I didn't mind because last night was probably the best night of my life. I looked up to see Sam still asleep and took the opportunity to admire his peaceful and beautiful features. His messy hair seemed to provide a shade over his eyes, his lips plumper then ever and rosy as they could possibly be. His bone structure screamed model but in this moment, he looked cute and cuddly. I just wanted to give him little kisses all over his face but thought it would be best to just admire from afar. I brushed his hair out of his face and moved slowly to level myself on my forearms to get a better a view of his him. His arms around me seemed to tighten and I was worried that I was waking him up but relaxed after a minute of not moving. I looked at his light scruff growing and giggled because I always loved a little scruff on a guy. Just the thought of his scruff tickling my face as we'd kiss made me giddy and I let out a small sound but quickly covered my mouth before I made anymore. Unfortunately my opportunity to continue to gaze at Sam's face ended as he mumbled something but was able to catch what he said.

"Why are you awake so early babe?" He said with his eyes still closed.

"I just wanted to admire you." I whispered timidly remembering the state of nudity we were in. I suddenly stiffened at the memory of me asking Sam to stay inside of me. I felt hollow but maybe he was still in there.

"I pulled out when you were fast asleep." He said slowly fluttering his eyes open. He didn't even read my face to know what I was thinking but I guess my body told him.

"Oh." I said as he flipped over on his side facing me. The blanket that covered us both was no longer covering my breasts as I felt the cold air hit my warm body. I pulled the blanket up to cover them and shyly looked away as I saw Sam stare with a small smirk playing on his lips.

"You know you don't have to be shy about me seeing your body. I mean I already saw it naked last night, might as well make it a habit!" He said slyly. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I wasn't sure about what to say and decided to look over at the clock. It read 8:40 am and thought it would be a good time to take a shower after the sweaty and sticky mess I was in from last night. I suddenly had the urge to pee and I was determined to do so before anything else.

"Um, could I go to the bathroom and shower?" I asked, wondering why I was even asking.

He chuckled at my question. "Why are you asking? You can do whatever you want babe!" I felt stupid for asking but I wasn't sure of what to say. I had to get to the bathroom but was naked and all my clothes were thrown all over the place. I decided to try and steal the light blanket covering Sam and I with me. As I got up and pulled the blanket with me I was stopped, the blanket nearly falling out of my grasp. I turned to see Sam holding onto the blanket his smirk telling me to let go.

"You don't need the blanket! Just go." He said tugging on the blanket a bit more.

"But Sam I'm naked and I need to go to the bathroom really badly!"

"I've already seen you naked while having sex, why is it any different now? And I'm cold and I know you don't want me to get sick." He gave me his signature pout that I always tried to pull but with no avail. I was just about ready to pee myself and thought what the hell, I'll just hope that I didn't look stupid naked and running to the bathroom. I let go of the blanket, the cold air enveloping my body and quickly hurried to the bathroom hearing Sam whistle behind me and cheering me on as I ran in. I was on the toilet and my bladder deflated like a balloon and I felt my body become lightweight. As I was about to get in the shower, I took a look in the mirror and counted eight hickeys on my neck and collarbone. My hip bones had a hickey on each side, the bruises so evident, the purple and blue bruises standing out against my fair complexion. I got in the shower and quickly adjusted to the warm water hitting my still cold body.

As I exited the shower I found a towel along with a pair of my thongs and a white v-neck t-shirt that belonged to Sam. I rolled my eyes at his choice of underwear and decided that I would just be wasting my time arguing that I didn't want to wear a thong. I brushed my hair and quickly shook it out as I left the bathroom. I expected a still naked Sam to be lying in bed waiting, but was surprised to find the bed left in a mess.

"Sam?" I called out but he didn't answer. I walked down the corridor calling his name out again and in return I received a sound of glass breaking.

"Sam?" I yelled a bit louder with a tone of worry and ran down the stairs and towards the kitchen to check up on him.

"I'm okay, I just dropped a cup." I came over to help him pick up the glass pieces, careful not to step on them.

"No, stop. I'll do it." He said.

"It's fine Sam, I wo-" I spoke to soon. I yelped in pain as I watched the blood flood the palm of my hand from holding the glass wrong.

"I told you not to Marley. God why don't you listen." Sam dropped the glass in his hands and grabbed my wrists. He quickly picked me up and sat me on top of the counter and held my hand under the running faucet. I flinched in pain as the cold water hit against my cut and tried to hide my emotional distress. Sam walked over to a cabinet and took out a first aid kit. I don't remember seeing that there I thought and rolled my eyes figuring that Sam bought it knowing I would be a walking hazard. He slowly removed my hand from under the faucet and grabbed a towel telling me to apply pressure on it. I did and watched him unwrap the large band-aid and uncapped the neospirin bottle. He removed the bottle and used a Q-tip to apply the medication on my cut that was still bleeding.

"Ow." I flinched as the gel like cream hit my cut. The cut didn't look too bad, but it was no paper cut; although paper cuts hurt like a bitch. After he finally placed the band-aid on my hand I was told to wait on the counter until he finished cleaning up the glass. It was such a long wait that my butt started to feel numb against the cold, hard counter. Sam finally finished and took my hand gently inspecting the band-aid. As he looked at my hand I noticed he was shirtless and only in a pair of boxers which I didn't mind but now was not the time to have my imagination get wild.

"I didn't mean to yell." He said cupping my face and giving me a warm smile as the pad of his thumb lightly smoothed over my right cheek.

"I know, I was clumsy and should have listened anyways." I admitted to my fault because I was a walking hazard, I really was. Sam had every right to freak because if anything that piece of glass could have stabbed right through the skin and then I would have been in a worse situation. Sam leaned in for a kiss and as a 'sorry' I decided to take control of the kiss by pushing my tongue in his mouth ever so gently and letting our tongues find a rhythm. I smiled as I pulled back from the long make-out session. Sam's hands found themselves under my shirt and I had to hold back a giggle as he tried to tickle my tummy.

"What do you wanna do today?" He asked with an excited attitude. I admired his face but was quickly distracted by his bruised face which seemed to look better and the scars on his chest stood out on his toned body. It didn't register that the fight was actually yesterday and again I nearly forgot I wasn't a virgin.

"Maybe we could just cuddle? Or is that boring? I mean we cou-"

"That sounds great." He said and picked me up from the counter. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms wrapped around his neck pulling him in close to get a quick kiss. Clearly Sam had another thing in mind and the quick kiss became a heated exchange of breaths. I was on the couch and pulling in Sam for another round of kissing before I realized were his hand was trailing. I wasn't aware that you could have sex twice in a row, maybe this wasn't sex. What was it then? His hand trailed down my stomach, his hand creeping under my barely there thong. Oh my gosh. He was going to finger me and there's light and we aren't naked- oh gosh. I was about to say something but Sam's cell phone saved me from potential embarrassment. Sam seemed to continue to encourage his hand and so I stopped him having an excuse to.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" I asked. He furrowed his brows contemplating on if he should.

"No, it's not important." He said moving closer.

"How do you know? Just check, if it isn't somebody important then don't answer." He sighed and grabbed his cell phone from the coffee table. I guess the caller was someone important because Sam had a serious look, one that he showed in protective situations.

"I'll be back. Stay here." He gave me a peck on the lips and walked to his room answering the call as he went. I shook my head at his command, it's not like I was going anywhere. I waited a couple of minutes before I started to get impatient and I was about to get up and see what he was up to before I decided it would be a bad idea to even move from where I was.

Ten minutes later and he still hadn't showed up and I knew that it was time to see what was taking him so long. I got up from the couch not realizing how warm my butt had been until after getting up. I walked in to the bedroom and found him pacing back and forth, his fingers running through his hair. He wore a serious- and almost aggressive look, but softened as soon as he saw me. He gave me a warm smile that was supposed to convince me that everything was fine.

"I'll be out there in a minute babe I promise." He whispered to me as he returned his focus to the caller. I took that as my sign to go and left to find something to busy myself with. My thought process stopped as I became face to face with a full body length mirror hanging on the wall near the door. I looked at myself up and down, pulling my shirt up to see how my stomach looked and turning around to see my backside. I wasn't going to lie but my butt looked great from all those squats I had been doing on a daily and my stomach looked more tight and my waist was smaller. My thigh gap was there if I stood in a weird way but it was there. I just had to get it down to perfection were even when I sat it'd still be there. I heard the bedroom door open and quickly ran over to the couch and played with my phone, pretending that I hadn't just been looking at myself in the mirror.

"Hey beautiful, what are you doing?" He asked leaning over the couch giving me a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Just looking through some texts. Who were you talking to?" I asked as he lifted my legs and sat down readjusting them over his lap. He hummed in response as his gaze was refocused on his phone.

"Sam?" No response. I let out a sigh and decided to call Santana and make him feel the way I was feeling for the past twenty minutes. I texted Santana to call me and in no time my phone was ringing. I got up and watched Sam's face scrunch up in confusion.

"I'll be back." I said and was about to answer the phone before Sam grasped my legs.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"My friend? Why does it matter?" I asked as I removed my legs from his grasp. His face relaxed a bit and as I started to walk towards the stairs he slapped my butt and I couldn't help but yell out an 'ow' because there was no piece of cloth to cover my butt and soften the hit. He hit my bare butt and it was pretty painful. I walked up the stairs and closed the door behind me as soon as I got into the bedroom.

"Hey Santana!" I said as I started pacing.

"Hey babe. How was your night at casa de trouty?" She said with a ever so sarcastic voice.

"Fine.." I mumbled not wanting to let Santana know that I lost my virginity. However I wanted to tell her because a. She was my best friend and b. I didn't want 'Virgin Marley' to be my nickname anymore.

"Your tone of voice tells me you two either got in a fight or you did something last night and you don't want me to bring it up. Do I need to use my third mexican psychic eye or are you going to tell me?" I bit my lower lip and concentrated on my thoughts. If I told her I wouldn't hear the end of it but if I didn't and she found out, I still wouldn't hear the end of it and she would give me crap about not telling her.

"Santana I- holy shit!" I said as I saw the red hand mark on my ass. It was so red that the detail of the hand was perfect, it was almost inked on my butt cheek and it was going anywhere. I had this strange feeling in my stomach that told me I liked it but another part of me was saying 'how dirty of you to like it.'

"WHAT?" Santana yelled through the phone. I squinted at the loud sound and had to remove the phone from my ear.

"Nothing, nothing. I just thought I saw a spider. It was just a dust bunny though." 'Good, Marley. Way to just lie.'

"Marley?" I heard Sam call from nearby.

"I slept with Sam. I have to go okay?" And just like that I hung up and took a deep breath before opening the door to find Sam already waiting for me.

"You okay babe? You look flustered." He said as he cupped my face and gave me a little smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess- I just- you know you slapped my butt and there's now a mark." I said anxiously, playing with my necklace as he laughed. He looked behind me and straight at the mirror.

"Did I hurt you?" He seductively whispered in my ear.

"No- no it's just now your handprint is on my butt." His warm breath tickled against my ear.

"Good. Because I love it." He squeezed my butt however I quickly removed his hand but, he was quick to throw me over his shoulder and on to his bed.

"Tickle monster!" He said before his hands started to frantically tickle me. I was gasping for air and trying to tell Sam to stop but I wasn't able to form a coherent sentence. There was no sound coming out and I was laughing and tearing, half because he was tickling me and half because it was starting to hurt. But soon the tickling was now fully pain, as my stomach started to ach.

"Sam, stop." I said and tried to move his hands away from my stomach but was taken aback as he grabbed my wrists and held them above my head. His light green, playful eyes turning dark and dangerous. I tried to wiggle from his grasp but it was no use and he took his hand and placed it on my hips.

"Sam what are you doing?" I asked, worried that he might do something he'll regret. His face close to mine, his heavy breath mixing in with mine.

"Sam." I whispered hoping maybe he'd calm down by the sound of my voice.

"Babe?" I said as he squeezed my hip and wrists. It was starting to hurt and I wasn't feeling safe anymore.

"Sam let go!" I yelled out and waited for him to respond. His tight grip was stopping the blood circulation and shit it hurt like hell. There was only one thing that came to my mind that would get him to respond and it was for me to start crying. I thought of everything and anything bad. I thought about watching my mom die, watching Sam get shot, getting hit by my dad, the one time all the cheerleaders called me 'fat', when I told Sam that I wasn't eating, all those times I looked in the mirror and saw me. When I see myself, that's when I lose it.

Bingo. That's all it took for my tears to spill and then become an uncontrollable mess. I started to shake and gasp for air. 'Went too far Marley, too far.' I felt Sam's grip loosen instantly and his face become so worried that I was sure he was going to cry too. I crawled back to the headboard and tried to catch my breath. I watched as the red marks left on my wrist from Sam's tight grip stand out. That didn't help because I soon became aware once again of how dangerous Sam was and I just wanted to run and hide but I couldn't.

"Marley. Marley- no no no babe. I wasn't going to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I- I- babe-" Sam was at a loss for words and his fingers ran through his hair. I was able to regain composure and remember that this was all an act. That I needed him to snap out of it and now I needed to snap out of it.

"It's okay. I know. I just- you weren't responding and I forced myself to cry. It was the only way I could get you to come back to me." I said wiping my tears away and smiling to let him know I really was okay. Because I was smiling. When you smile it means you're okay. That you're _fine._ That you aren't hurting, that you don't need anyone to hold you tight and let you know that you're loved and wanted. Because you're smiling and there's no way you're not in pain. **Because you're smiling.**

Sam rushed over to give me a hug and gave me kisses all over my face and I felt so bad to have put him through something like this but it was the only way to get him to respond, to get my Sam back.

"I love you. I love you. **I love you.**" He repeated and I replied just the same.

"I love you too." I really, really did.

It was as if I could slip right through Sam's arms even if he didn't hold me tight enough/ He was the shield that protected me from the harmful inhabitants of the outside world. It was quite comforting to have someone protect you but a bit annoying when it was to the point were you weren't even allowed off the bed. My phone was constantly buzzing and every time I went to pick it up Sam would hold me tighter forcing me to stay in the little spoon position I was in. Santana was not giving up and it had been only an hour since I told her about me losing my virginity. If she kept it up for another hour I think my phone would fry.

"Sam what if it's my dad? I need to answer." I said trying to find my way out of the maze of limbs. Sam sighed and removed his arms around my waist, returning his attention to a football game. I looked through all my calls and texts ignoring the ones from Santana which all said the same thing but my attention was caught when I saw multiple calls from my dad; I knew that he needed me.

"Sam I have to go, my dad's left me multiple voicemails and calls." I said getting up from the bed and finding any article of clothing I can get a hold of.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

The drive was rather quick and I wasn't anticipating anything bad to have happened to my dad since he was doing such a good job of staying sober and on the right path but unfortunately I was wrong.

The moment I opened the door, the strong smell of alcohol flooded my nose, burning my nostrils and causing my eyes to tears.

"Where the fuck is it?" I heard my dad say, glass breaking and a door slamming shut. Shattered glass bottle covered the floor and it was as if it was a couple months ago all over again.

"Dad? What happened?" I carefully stepped around the glass and was grateful for Puck calling Sam over because he needed help lifting something at his place.

"Marley? Ho- I-III. I was lookin' fer that uhm- cap opener thingy-" He came over with a smile as if he wasn't drunk senseless or that there was glass all over the floor.

"No that's enough drinking. What happened? You were doing so good and going somewhere with your life! Why did you relapse into this mess?" I dropped my bag on the side table and went to look for some cleaning items but was stopped by my dad's nearly incoherent voice.

"Wh-wh-awh-what do yous mean mess? I ain't a mess Mars. You- you a mess. You don't even eat. Look at you- all bones and nothing else. Trying to be a model are we? Ha. You're too ugly to be one of dem. Look at you'eer mother. Got fat only after one child. Hic. You should eat Mars. Best you can do is eat and hope that Sam will love you then. Best not get pregnant though cause he'd be stuck with you. I know from experience. Hic. In fact get pregnant- your last resort." He started to laugh and I felt my stomach drop down to my feet and that lump in my throat grow bigger in size.

"Why would you say? How could you say that? I'm your daughter, I was here for you when mom didn't want anything to do with you. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING EVEN AFTER YOU BEAT ME, ALL THOSE TIMES I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH BRUISES- I COVERED FOR YOU. I TOLD EVERYONE I WAS BEING CLUMSY AND I FELL. YOU DRANK MOST OF YOUR LIFE AWAY AND YOU LEFT US WHEN WE COULDN'T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEEDED. YOU DON'T DESERVE MY HELP. YOU DESERVE TO ROT IN THIS HOUSE, WITH YOUR ALCOHOL BECAUSE I'M NOT YOUR BITCH. I'M WORTH- MORE THAN THAT." I choked at the end not knowing how he'd react. He stood there in surprise, he almost looked sober. At least more sober then what he was like before.

"I can be manipulated only so many times. Before even 'I love you' starts to sound like a lie. I try so hard to be the best daughter for you. I try my best to keep an open heart. I just want one thing from you. Just love me, put me first before your alcohol. For me. Please." I said with tears threatening to spill. My throat was dry and I could barely let out a sound as I saw his hand raise and slap me across the face. It was a blur but I could still feel my hair being tugged on and I let it happen. Let myself be that rag doll that was thrown over and over again; that doll that you would hate because it was ugly but then would hold on to it because it didn't feel right to let it go. I was that doll.

"Dad- let go please. I'm sorry- I'm sorry stop dad plea-"

"SHUT UP. YOU THINK I'M A MESS HUH MARLEY? YOU THINK THAT I'M A FUCKING MESS?" I was lifted by my hair but was thrown into the living room and onto the couch. I felt glass on the couch and looked over to see the side of my right hand spilling with blood. 'No no no.' I didn't need anymore scars. That constant reminder of my worthlessness, my body screamed it but I could change my body, I could hide them under my clothes, but not my scars.

"I was just being honest. You have to listen to me. Daddy I really didn't mean it when I said you were a mess, I- you just need help." I said slowly getting up and facing him, his fists clenching and unclenching as he stepped closer to me.

"No Mars. You need help. Not me. Not fucking me. I'm fine. I'm doing great, hell I called Jerry over for a couple of shots and then we'll be out and about. You remember Jerry right? Out of jail. Out on bail. Out and about. I won't let him near you but he was a mess before and he got better. You'll get better too. Because **you're the fucking mess you worthless brat.**" And his clenched fist hit me right in the face near my eye. I screamed in pain, my face throbbing, my hands shaking.

"Stop crying, clean this place up. I'll be back later." He said and the door slammed closed leaving me alone in covered in tears and blood. Exactly how I wanted to end up.

The door banged so loud I was sure that the door was going to be kicked in and guns would be pointing at me. I slowly dragged myself off the floor and opened it to find Santana. Her face was red and teary and looked as if she had been up all night stressing. I gave her a meek smile but she instantly shook her head pulling me into a tight hug. I didn't just start to cry, I started to wail. The noises were of someone in pain and dying, like someone was stabbing them slowly. The tears barely able to form at the pace of my screams. I held onto Santana with all my strength but my body was failing to do so and soon I felt my legs give in and buckle, my body nearly falling but caught mid-fall by Santana.

"You can't tell Sam. You can'-t tell Sam, Santana please don't tell Sam-" I was blurting out not letting Santana interrupt me because I needed her to **not tell Sam**. It was mandatory, almost necessary that she didn't tell him or that he didn't find out.

"That's not what's important right now. We need you to get you to the hospital Marley-" Multiple police sirens as well as an ambulance went off and I could see the lights flashing through my curtains. I couldn't believe Santana called the police when I didn't want Sam to find out let alone all of Lima Heights.

"How could- how could you call them?" I backed away from her not even wanting to look at her.

"I didn't! Someone must have called 911, Marley I didn't even get the chance to put on matching shoes for Christ sake, how the hell was I supposed to call anyone?" She said holding on to me as if I was about to fall. I wasn't in the mood to hear her- I wanted to sleep, crawl under the covers and just die. Hope that God would just take my life away and it would be a natural and peaceful death. If I had to- I'd do it myself. I looked at the blood smeared on my wrists and I got this euphoric feeling of being alive all over again. Those days I spent locked inside my bathroom, letting that razor slip through my skin. It had been so long since I got my hand on a razor and now look at me. I was still a mess.

"Marley I'm going to need you to come with me okay? Just lay down..." I wasn't aware that someone was talking to me until I felt myself being pushed back onto a bed. A moving bed that seemed to lead me out of my house. I saw Santana, her mouth moving but no sound coming out. It was weird- almost as if this was an outer body experience- watching myself get carried away into an ambulance. I was confused. What was happening? Why am I going to the hospital? And the last thing I saw was Sam.

And I was enveloped into the darkness- the place where I feared the most and I was there. Weak and bloody. I was numb and it was time that I finally let it take over me. Just let myself die. It was painless and peaceful. Just how death should be.

* * *

Okay so maybe you guys didn't see that coming because I didn't. So I hope you liked this chapter- it was all such a big plot twist because I thought that this chapter would be cute and fluffy but it wasn't. I hope you guys liked this chapter! Reviews would be great since I haven't been hearing anything lately which is good I guess because it means I'm doing something right (I think) (I hope). Lots of love!

* * *

Prayers go out to Boston, the victims, the witnesses, the families of the victims, the injured. God Bless you all. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. Never forget that.

There's good in humanity and the good always out do the bad.

I promise.

Sara xxxx


	23. Chapter 23

**Warnings:** really angsty ending I'm sorry okay I just had to; **TRIGGER WARNING**

"Marley babe- wake up. It's just a bad dream, babe please wake up. It's okay." I wasn't aware of what was happening, whether I was in a hospital bed or if it really was all just a nightmare. A realistic and terrifying nightmare. I was hot and I felt tears sting my eyes that were so tightly shut not a single tear could fall out. I felt Sam pull me in and I wasn't aware of where I was going but I had a hunch it was in his arms to cradle me. I felt a jolt in my body and my eyes flew open, my muffled cries becoming a horrendous yelp. I clung onto Sam and struggled to maintain a steady breath but was soon soothed by the calm heartbeat of Sam's and his motion of moving back and forth. His light kisses peppering my head and whispers of 'it's okay', 'it's going to be okay' were keeping me from falling off the edge of sanity. I was so relieved to know that it was all just a dream even when I could smell the blood, I could feel every hit, when the moment I knew I was going to die felt so real. How could it be just a dream?I felt myself slowly fall back to sleep but was too scared to let my mind wander into my deepest, darkest thoughts and struggled to keep awake.

"Do you want some tea babe? Maybe with honey? It'll help you fall asleep and we can cuddle and if you want I can stay awake until I know you're at ease." He murmured into my ear. I sniffled and nodded my head in response and I felt him start to pry me from his body as I was clutched to him like a baby.

"Wait Sam. Can I come with you?" I asked.

"Yeah, come here." I crawled over to get off the bed but was lifted before my feet could touch the ground. I wrapped my hands around his neck but left space to fit my head in the crook between his shoulder and head. As soon as we got downstairs he placed me on top of the cold countertop that sent chills down my spine. I focused on trying to remember the last thing that happened before I fell asleep. It didn't add up, I was sure that I went to my dad but everything else was a blur. I watched Sam intently as he started to boil the tea and look for the honey in the cabinets.

"What happened last night?" I asked without warning.

"You mean after I hurt you while tickling you? Nothing, we layed in bed and you fell asleep instantly. Your phone kept on ringing, I guess Santana wanted to talk to you but you slept like a baby until a couple of minutes ago." He opened my legs a bit, and fit himself in between them. He gave me a sympathetic smile and I felt so mad at myself for freaking him out and waking him up at this hour. It was always my fault.

"Do you want to tell me what your dream was about?" He asked slowly, shying away from the question which was odd because Sam was never one to shy away from anything.

"I was getting beat up by my dad. It was so real and I felt like I was going to die. There came a point were I was lying in my own pool of blood and then I was on a bed or something and it was moving i- it was weird. It just seemed all too real and I was overwhelmed I guess. I'm s-"

"Don't you dare say your sorry. That's not something to be sorry for. You're okay Marley, I'm not going to let anything happen to you and you shouldn't feel guilty for waking me up. It's my fault, I must have triggered something yesterday when I got too rough with you. I might have scared you and I'm sorry for that. I promise it won't happen again babe." He brought my hands up to his mouth leaving kisses and I smiled knowing that he was so genuine and I wondered how I could be so lucky to have someone like him. So patient and kind, protective and everything I've ever wanted and more. So much more. The whistling of the teapot interrupted the moment letting Sam know it was ready to be poured. I gazed at the clock surprised that it was only 12:13 am and not later then I expected. Sam poured the tea and grabbed a paper towel assuming it was too hot to hold. I reached over to take it from him but he instantly removed his hand out of reach. I nearly fell off the counter and I grabbed myself before falling off.

"It's too hot. I'll hold it." I got off the counter and walked towards the stairs. I really was in no mood to talk or anything really. I wanted to sleep but I didn't want to have any dreams- anything I'd be conscious of anyways. But then again tea before bed wouldn't necessarily help because I'd need to pee later, but that wasn't important. I finally crawled under the covers and cuddled into the pillows as Sam placed the cup on the nightstand near me. He crawled under the covers and opened his arms for me to cuddle in. His warm and very much naked torso wasn't so comfy but I guess Sam realized it and reached for his t-shirt and threw it on in one quick movement. It was quiet and I decided it would be a good time to drink my tea as Sam turned on the t.v and put it on Titanic.

"Clearly you want me sobbing." I said with a more sassy tone to my voice.

"It's either this or X-Men." He said and I actually took a moment to think over my choices.

"I don't want to cry... fine. Put X-Men." I said as I squished myself into him, keeping an eye on the warm cup of tea in my hands.

"Don't burn yourself babe." He said giving me a kiss on the forehead. I gave him a smile in return and let my attention return to the t.v.

* * *

Sunday was another lazy day as Sam had to run an errand with Puck but wouldn't tell me what it was he had to do. 'It's just a quick pick up babe. I'll be back soon.' He had said leaving me with a kiss and his whole entire bed for me to lay in.

* * *

I was in biology, and I wasn't necessarily paying attention, I was mostly thinking about the break down I had last night after weighing myself after a month or so. I gained five pounds. Five fucking pounds and I wanted to just cut my body open and let all those five pounds that I gained to pour out of my body. I felt so sick and so self-conscious telling myself that I should have seen it coming. My thigh gap was becoming less of a gap and my flat stomach returning to its pudgy ways. I couldn't help not eating- I wasn't using my app that counted the calories I took- I'm returning to my old ways and I couldn't let myself become miserable again. I owed myself that.

I hadn't noticed the bell had rung until I felt someone brush past me. I quickly gathered my books and headed to my locker.

"Hey Marley! Can't wait to see you perform at Glee practice!" Unique said followed by Tina and Blaine. I looked at them confused, wondering what they were talking about.

"What are you guys talking about? I'm not singing."

" said you were going to sing at the last glee practice. You've been missing so much of practice that he thinks you've lost interest and aren't serious about it anymore. Sam said that you would perform on Monday just to prove that you were still serious about it." Blaine explained and my annoyance level skyrocketed. How could Sam even think to volunteer me to sing without even asking if I wanted to?

"Your face is telling me you want to punch Sam in the face. Speaking of the devil!" Tina replied. I was hesitant to look behind me as Sam's arms snaked around my waist giving me a kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately, this caused me to get even more annoyed and pried his arms away. Unique, Tina and Blaine took the gesture as a cue to leave and good on them for knowing it was time.

"What did they want?" He asked not really taking any notice with my look of disdain.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong?" He said letting out a heavy sigh telling me he was in no mood for this either and honestly I felt the need to let out my anger.

"What gave you the idea of making me sing today in glee practice? You didn't even bother to ask and yet you still have not brung it up. How am I supposed to find a song by this afternoon? Wh-w-what were you thinking?" I stuttered as I tried to say 'what' and wanted to punch myself in the face for just being a terrible talker. I always stuttered but it was the worst when I was mad and trying to get my sentences out all at once. It just made me look stupid and I hated looking stupid.

"Okay calm down. I didn't think it was such a big deal. Honestly, I thought I was doing you a favor and the least you could do was say 'thank you'. I didn't mean to get you worked up babe, I just didn't want you to get kicked out." He said with a such a soft tone and that just got me more annoyed. I was mad at him and I wanted to **stay** mad at him. Him smooth talking his way out of the situation was absolutely the worst thing he could possibly do. I think I'm on my period. Yeah, definitely because I'm not usually this bitchy. Or at least not yet.

"God Sam that's not the fucking point. I need you to ask me! I just- forget it. Whatever, I'll just find something I know by heart and practice during lunch." The perfect excuse for me not to eat. Sam's face went from soft to stern in a split second.

"You're overreacting, just cal-"

"Don't say it. I'm calm you just don't get it!" I was calm, I really was but I had no idea where I was going with this and at this point there was no turning back.

"I have to go." I said, ending the pointless argument.

* * *

_**Don't be a bitch Marley, honestly this wouldn't be such a big deal if you didn't overreact.**_

_clearly you aren't a good friend if you don't defend me in these types of situations._

I was plainly ignoring my English teacher and continued to text Santana about the argument I had with Sam. He left with Puck since he had a study period and I hadn't seen him for the rest of the day since he had left. It was the last period of the day and I honestly was not looking forward to glee because I was hungry and moody and I'm pretty sure on the verge of a meltdown.

_**Do you want chinese food takeout? I'm not busy and I'm bored. If you want I'll pick you up from school- save you the awkwardness with Sam. Consider it a favor and make up for not siding with you.**_

I rolled my eyes at her text reading it in her voice.

_Maybe. I'll let you know about picking me up._

_**Okay bubba just don't text me last mintue. **_

The bell rang and I was so hesitant of getting out of my seat. I really didn't want to face Sam and I didn't want to sing. I just wanted chinese food. Damn it Santana.

I walked in last- actually no, Sam still wasn't there and I was pretty sure he was in school, or that's what I thought. He never texted me letting me know where he was and I didn't think much of it. We weren't on talking terms yet. I took my seat in the back and hoped that maybe if I hid behind Unique and Kitty, would somehow forget that I was supposed to be singing. I sat there patiently waiting for both and Sam to show up but I didn't have to wait long. Well for at least - Sam still hadn't showed up.

"Alright guys. Marley sinced you missed last weeks assignment, you'll be doing yours today. You're up." clapped his hands gesturing me to the center of the room not even giving much of an introduction to buy me some time.

"Bu-but Sam isn't here and I was going to wait for him." I said hoping the excuse would do the trick. He didn't buy it and shook his head and I felt the need to lash out.

"Oh- the song has to be a very driven, emotional song. A song that reveals something about you. A pain, a struggle, something you were able to push past. Anything you've overcome." He continued. He wants me to share my deepest darkest secrets. He clearly thinks too highly of himself because he was not going to make me sing something personal.

"And before you start- it has to be real, raw almost fragile. We need to face our struggles and mistakes and not let it define us but, let it push us to be stronger." I was going to be sick just by the thought of something raw. Raw was the feeling of a blade cutting through my skin- the feeling of really anything. Just the **feeling**, that was something I strived for and I hadn't had that raw feeling in so long, I was almost craving for it in the moment. But it had to be something raw and I couldn't do that, not infront of anyone. I was only my raw self in my bathroom or under my covers crawled up in a ball. I could sing a song that hit home and the irony was it actually had to do with hitting and it took place at home. I let out a small chuckle at the irony.

"Fine." I said coldly. I wasn't going to allow myself to break, I'll fake the tears but that's as far as I'll go because crying means weakness and I couldn't be weak. I turned to the pianist and band behind me hoping they'd know how to play it. I turned around and the worst cramp decided to hit me at the worst time. Oh god, it was one of those cramps and I literally felt my lower stomach tighten and untighten. I scrunched my face but quickly relaxed and sucked it up. I had to sing and I wanted to get it over with.

I nodded my head to the pianist to start and the first few notes of the song started.

_Four years old with my back to the door,_

_ All I could hear was the family war._

_ Your selfish hands always expecting more._

_ Am I your child or just a charity award?_

_You have a hollowed out heart_

_ But it's heavy in your chest_

_ I try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless_

_ Hopeless, you're hopeless_

_ Oh, father, please, father_

_ I'd love to leave you alone_

_ But I can't let you go_

_ Oh, father, please, father_

_ Put the bottle down_

_ For the love of a daughter_

_ Oh_

And my voice cracked. Come on Marley keep it together. Don't think about it- just sing.

_It's been five years since we've spoken last_

_ And you can't take back_

_ What we never had_

_ Oh, I can be manipulated_

_ Only so many times,_

_ Before even "I love you"_

_ Starts to sound like a lie_

My heart started to beat harder and the fake tears in my eyes became real but I was determined to go through this entire song without crying.

_You have a hollowed out heart_

_ But it's heavy in your chest_

_ I try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless_

_ Hopeless, you're hopeless_

_ Oh, father, please, father_

_ I'd love to leave you alone_

_ But I can't let you go_

_ Oh, father, please, father_

_ Put the bottle down_

_ For the love of a daughter_

I bet he's home right now drinking and it's been almost a week- maybe it has- I lost count since he called or texted to check up on me. The 'nightmare' I had wasn't a nightmare, it probably foreshadowed what was going to happen in the future because he wasn't going to change. Never. And just when I thought things couldn't get worse from here Sam decides to finally walk into the room and I nearly freeze up because I didn't expect him to show. I kind of didn't want him to, it'd make singing this song so much easier.

_Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?_

_ How could you push me out of your world,_

_ Lied to your flesh and your blood,_

_ Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved?_

_ Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?_

_ How could you throw me right out of your world?_

_ So young when the pain had begun_

_ Now forever afraid of being loved_

Just close your eyes it'd be less painful Marley.

_Oh, father, please, father_

_ I'd love to leave you alone_

_ But I can't let you go_

_ Oh, father, please, father_

_ Oh, father, please, father_

_ Put the bottle down_

_ For the love of a daughter_

_ For the love of a daughter_

You'd think that by telling yourself to not cry and just stay strong that you'd fucking get it but, you don't. I'm too scared to open my eyes to see everyone's reactions. But when I do, my eyes seem to meet Sam's first and I've lost every willpower to stop myself from falling apart. Sam's eyes are hurt and almost broken as if I sang the song about him- but I didn't. All eyes were on me, and I could have sworn I saw Unique, Tina and even Kitty crying. I didn't want to do some dramatic exit but I felt my breath start to become uneven, my heart beating faster, my palms sweaty and the pressure on my chest become heavier. Now was not the time to be having an anxiety attack. My mind was all over the place and I couldn't focus on one thought which of course made everything worse for myself. I ran out of the room before I could start to say something and I could barely see through my tears. The hallway was cooler compared to the choir room but that didn't help because I felt sick and my cramp because ten times worse and I nearly fell over from the pain. I leaned against the lockers and tried to hold myself up but the cramp was so excruciating and I was usually at home under the covers with pillows, or Sam was rubbing my stomach when my cramps came but, right now I had neither and I was almost sure I was going to pass out from the pain. I started to settle myself on the ground still holding onto my stomach, but felt a strong pair of arms hold me. His scent was all I needed to know that it was Sam and I was going to be okay.

"S-sam it-it hu-r-ts." I tried to spit out but the pain was just causing me to stutter.

"What hurts babe? Is it your stomach?" His hand instantly came over to rub on my stomach but it wasn't helping.

"Ho-I. I wan-na go home." God dammit Marley speak. Fucking speak. But Sam knew instantly carrying me bridal style outside to the parkinglot and in one swift movement placed me in the car.

"I'm going to get your stuff from the choir room babe. I'll be back as quick as I can." He placed a kiss on my nose and closed the door. I let myself cry out in pain since I was alone for a short period of time. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head, of course the cramp would not allow that but I had to try.

* * *

The car ride was awful- I mean me crying out in pain and squeezing Sam's hand so hard that I cut his skin a bit- awful. It was as if I was going into labour and honestly I didn't want to even think about how painful that would be. I was in bed, in Sam's oversized shirt and his sweatpants that were so large that I looked like I was drowning in them. I was comfortable no doubt but, I was still in pain and I needed to sleep it off but my cramps wouldn't have it. I was wrapped in Sam's arms who just held me tight as I continued to find a comfortable position. It seemed that the fetal position was the best for my situation and I just prayed that the pain would go away.

* * *

I woke up to the smell of Chinese food and not a moment later to the sound of Santana singing in spanish. I opened my eyes to find that it was dark outside which meant I slept the whole afternoon which stressed me out because I hadn't done any of my homework and I was behind schedule. The pain in my lower abdomen went away and I felt better but, that feeling didn't last long as I noticed how bloated I was. Great, I most definitely am getting my period and now I look fat. I walked down the stairs to find Puck and Santana setting up the table while Sam came over to me with a big goofy grin on his face.

"What?" I said giving him a smile back. I mistreated him today and I felt so awful about it.

"You feel better?" He asked picking me up as if I was a child. I wrapped my legs around his waist and met him at eye level. I gave him a kiss on the nose and his face scrunched up in the cutest way possible.

"Much." I said in reply as he moved me to the living room where Santana and Puck were setting the food down.

"You know you're lucky I know you so well- I got you brown rice and teryaki chicken with steamed veggies." Santana said giving me a little kiss on the cheek. I unhooked my legs from Sam's waist and let go of him to hug Santana. It had been so long since I'd seen her or spoken to her face to face- it just felt good to have her here.

"I missed you." I mumbled as I hid my face in the crook of her neck.

"I missed you too. I'm hungry and so are so you." She pried me away from her body and she gave me a wink and went to sit by Puck. I took a seat by Sam and for the rest of the night we ate and laughed and watched 21 Jump Street. I was pretty sure the simplicity of the night with the people I loved the most was the reason why I was smiling so much and I wished it didn't have to end.

* * *

"So what you're telling me is the sex was great and you only have had the sex once?" Santana asked me as she fixed her hair in the bathroom.

"Yeah it was- I um. Yeah." I didn't know how to reply to that. I mean at least we had sex right? Once is enough. Or it should be- I think.

"And you haven't been horny since? You guys haven't done anything since?" She asked genuinely sounding confused.

"Santana we had sex last week I mean obviously we might get a bit aroused but not to the point where I-"

"Exactly. You might not get horny but, Sam sure does. Puck told me how he really wanted to do it again and how happy he was the first time. Apparently you're really good in bed which surprises me a bit but, then again doesn't- because the good girls are always good in bed- well almost always." I was puzzled, did Sam really want to do it again?

"But I'm going to be on my period soon and I can't really do it when I'm on my period." I said kind of nervous as to what advice Santana would throw my way.

"Then you pleasure him. Ever heard of a blowjob? It really does wonders to a guy. You can have him wrapped around your finger for the day if done right." She said nonchalantly. How could she just talk about this as if it was just a normal conversation?

"I've never really done that." I said meekly.

"Don't worry. Obviously he isn't going to expect you to be a professional- he'll help you out."

"Santana come on we have to go!" Puck yelled out from outside the bathroom.

"Text me if anything else should happen. I'll send you this great link that'll help you learn about this stuff." She said and it took me a minute to understand what I needed help with.

"No! Santana I don't want links I think I'll be fine just figuring it out on my own- if I decide on doing it." Santana just gave me a sinister smirk and walked out to the car with Puck.

"I'll text you!" She yelled as she got into the car.

"What were you two talking about in there?" Sam asked from the couch.

"Nothing she just wanted to catch me up on her life. It's been complicated for her I guess." I closed the door and walked over to where Sam was lying on the couch. I straddled him and gave him a kiss on the cheek before placing my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and we sat in comfortable silence until Sam continued to pry answers from me.

"What links was she talking about?" He asked. Crap, how did he hear that?

"She was being stupid and-" I stopped before continuing. I didn't want to lie but then again I didn't want to embarrass myself.

"Porn links?" He asked lifting himself up meeting my eyes. I looked at him stunned, wondering how he even knew?

"It's okay Marley. If you want to watch porn from time to time you're allowed. Nothing to be embarrassed about babe. I mean I would be happy to be giving you all the pleasure that you need but if you fe-"

"No Sam not for me. Not porn links- more like how-to links?" He looked at me confused and I bit my lower lip, I really didn't want to get into what I meant.

"Like-uh forget it. It doesn't matter I told her to not send me whatever she was going to send me." I was so flustered and I felt my face heat up. Sam cupped my face the way he usually did when I didn't look at him and made my eyes meet his.

"You can tell me Marley. There's nothing to be embarrassed of. It's just me." He said giving me a warm smile. God that smile always had me melting.

"I just wanted to know how to make you feel good. I heard that you wanted to do stuff but didn't want to push me into doing anything so I thought maybe if I learned ways to do that for you..." I felt hot, so hot and buried my face into his chest as Sam started to laugh.

"Stop laughing at me. It's not funny." I said playfully shoving him even though I really wanted him to stop.

"I know, I know. It's cute. You're too cute. I just- God Marley you're adorable babe." He shifted underneath me, forcing me to move with him and I gave him my biggest pout. I didn't want to be cute. Sam took the opportunity to kiss me but I still kept my pout in place not letting him have his way.

"Come on, I don't like it when you pout or don't kiss me back." He gave me a pout back and furrowed his brows. He looked like a kid who had to sit in the corner. I decided to mirror his face and that got him to start tickling me.

"No tickling!" I said but my demand was ignored and Sam pushed me back and started to tickle me. Half my body was on the couch and the other half wasn't.

"Sam- I'm gonna fall!" I managed to say as he continued to tickle at my sides. I yelped as I felt myself almost fall and Sam flipped under me and off the couch taking me with him. He hit the floor with a thud and I followed suit but with a more cushioned fall. He scrunched up in pain and I gave him a kiss on the nose because his nose just looked so cute.

"Aw baby are you okay?" He pulled me into a kiss and I didn't object to his tongue sweeping in. The kiss was heated but still sweet and I couldn't remember the last time we shared a kiss like that.

"Now I am." He smiled and I couldn't help but become giddy over his perfect face. I don't know how many times I have absorbed every little detail from his crooked smile that would turn into a smirk when he was being dirty, to the crinkles by his eyes. And his eyes- oh god I could get lost in them for hours on end and I swear I've never been so intimidated by eyes before. His soft lips that were so plump and- yes they were quite large but that made him more kissable. And when he pushed his hair back or when his hair was wet, he had me melting. But I liked his hair best after a heated kiss and I swear he loved it. He could be the cutest thing one second to a dangerous and sexy man in another. Although I've never planned on asking- there was always something about him that intrigued me, especially when he became so protective, whenever he got so easily mad or when he could go from soft and easy to almost aggressive. And I wanted to know more about him now then ever.

"Tell me your deepest, darkest secret." I said while placing my head to rest on his chest. He started to play with my hair and I relaxed at his touch.

"Why do you ask?" He said in a low and tender voice.

"Because you never share anything with me and I never really ask. It's not fair to you- I want you to trust me enough to tell me. You're always here for me, I just want to be there for you too. But you never open up to me about anything." I held my breath waiting for him to reply. It was different because I was taking control of the situation and that never happened. I was always the one breaking down like the weak person I am.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm happy and that's all that matters right? No need to dig up things that would cause distress." He avoided my question and I didn't want that. He never allowed me to do that to him so why should it be any different when it comes to him?

"Tell me about your family. I've never met them and I know you have two younger siblings but you never talk about them." I waited for him to answer. He sighed and I felt his chest rise and fall as he did.

"Stevie and Stacy are 8 and 9 years old. I talk to them every day on the phone. My mom is Mary and my dad is Dwight. We've always been a impoverish family, only making by and never getting to really splurge on anything. I've had a job ever since I can remember- at one point I had three jobs at a time. Before I moved here to Lima, I was rarely in school, always helping out my parents around the house or at a job interview or at job, working. One time, I promised Stacy and Stevie that when we would move, I would get them the toys they've always wanted from two christmases ago. It never happened and I remember the look of disappointment they gave me. They hated going to school because everyone would make fun of them. They didn't have that many different outfits- one for every day of the week- and occasionally I'd purposely shrink one of my shirts in the dryer so Stevie could wear them. I didn't care if I had only one shirt left because to see him come to school mad at himself that he didn't have that many outfits when it wasn't his fault- it wasn't fair. I'd ask my neighbor who had an older daughter for some hand-me downs to give to Stacy. I remember I lied to her- told her that I bought it from the store that all the girls in her class were wearing. She was so excited but the next day when she came back from school- she was so upset. The girls told her that she was wearing a fake. Little fucking 6 year olds told my sister that she didn't deserve to even be wearing a fake designer shirt." Sam gritted through his teeth as he cursed the girls. I hugged him a bit to try and sooth him and waited for him to continue.

"I grew up with just as little as them and sure I got picked on at times because I had already worn an outfit once but, nobody was as cruel as those 6 year olds. Nobody deserves to feel like shit for what they're wearing." Sam stared at the ceiling and shut his eyes for a moment. I watched his face become soft again but, was surprised to see tears forming. It was such a sensitive topic- especially when it came to his family and I hadn't meant to make him feel so bad.

"I'm sorry Sam. I know what it's like too. I mean my mom sews- used to sew fake tags inside my sweaters. You remember that day? That week? You made me feel better about it- you told me that you used to have your mom do the same thing. You're an amazing brother for doing all that just to make your siblings happy." I gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose and propped myself on my forearm, slightly hovering over Sam. He was so full of love, full of life that I wanted for myself. I wanted to be able to protect him, be strong enough to support him whenever he doubted his self-worth. I was so weak compared to him- so worthless and pointless in everything I did. Honestly, I did more harm then good and nobody could prove to me otherwise. I just gave people something to stress about- but now that I think about it, nobody actually cares. Do they?

No. That's silly to even think that. But I'm being selfish again and instead of focusing on Sam, I'm focusing on myself.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his voice breaking a bit. I met his gaze and gave him a smile to reassure him it wasn't serious.

"Just about you." I started to play with his blond locks, pushing them out of his face to get a better view of his sharp bone structure. He was breath-taking really. I don't know if I could count the amount of times I've been so mesmerized by him- but it was longer then the amount of times I've critizied myself. Which is a lot. My train of thought was cut off my Sam's lips attached to mine and I didn't hesitate to kiss back. Had my phone not rung I think the kiss would have led to something more heated. As I pulled back Sam let out a whimper and I gave him one quick peck before answering my phone.

"Hello?" I asked as I pushed myself off the ground where I was lying with Sam.

"Hey Marley, could you come home tonight? Haven't seen you in a while. Thought we could talk for a bit." He sounded a bit distressed and I felt my stomach drop at him wanting to talk. That was never good. Ever.

"Yeah, sure I'm on my way."

"Great I'll see you in a bit then." I hung up and looked down at Sam who wore a puzzled look.

"Can you drop me off at home? My dad wants to talk." I reached my arm out to pull him up and he grabbed my hand not really using my hand to pull himself up.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"I'm not sure, I'll go get dressed quickly and then you could drop me off. I don't know if I'll be back." I started to head for the stairs before I felt Sam's hand catch my thin wrist. Sam's face seemed confused as he looked at my wrist which were covered in old scars. My wrists were thin, infact my arms were thin which I didn't mind- in fact it reassured me that I was thin enough to have my bones show a bit.

"What do you mean you won't be back? Where you going?" He asked pulling me in closer to his chest. I chuckled and shook my head at his worrying tone.

"I mean I might sleep at my house- just for tonight." He gave me a pout and shook his head.

"No. I don't want you to leave me baby. I'll pick you up as late as you want but I want you to be sleeping with me. I don't like being alone and I don't like the thought of you being alone."

"I'm not leaving you. I promise I'll try to make it quick then." I gave him a quick kiss and ran up the stairs to get dressed.

* * *

"You promise?" Sam asked for the tenth time that evening.

"Sam, for the last time I'll try not to take long. Now unlock the door so I can get out." Sam sighed and did as I told.

"Don't bother getting out Sam. Just go home and I'll text you. Love you." I said and closed the door as he replied with an 'I love you too'. I took out the key to the house and unlocked the door. I could smell alcohol and it made my stomach contort at the thought of my nightmare possibly coming true.

"Dad?" I yelled out as I closed the door and walked through the hallway full of boxes.

"In here Mars." I walked into the kitchen and found him with ten bottles of alcohol on the dinning table. I was relieved to see them all full and my dad still sober.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I noticed there was fresh chinese food on the counter top, and boxes stacked up.

"Are you renovating or moving?" I asked with a silly tone. I wasn't trying to be serious but, apparently the situation was because Dad never got chinese food unless he had to share some bad news. One time when I was younger, my pet hamster died and my dad was so worried about how I'd react so he got me watermelon. Another time, my favorite Barbie doll got ran over by a car and my dad gave me ice cream before telling me.

"What is it dad?" I could tell he was nervous, he twiddled his thumbs and I was growing worried and impatient as I waited in the uncomfortable silence.

"Marley, I want you to eat first, you look like you haven't eaten in days. And don't argue against what I'm saying. The less you argue, the faster I'll be able to say what I'm about to say." I huffed and nodded my head turning to grab the food. I'd rather eat tofu but arguing wasn't going to me anywhere, especially when I needed him to just say what he had to say.

* * *

"So that's it? You got a job and you're leaving. Back to the city. Back to your old job. Leaving. Not coming back? You didn't bother to tell me that you were taking it under consideration?" I was fuming as my dad told me he was going back to New York to work at the old private school I used to go to.

"Marley, I'll be making a good amount of money, I'll be able to send you money to support you and I know it may seem far but-"

"It's fine, because I'm already used to you being out of my life for a majority of my childhood. And the only things I can remember from the times you were around were your drunk talks and hits. I'm sure I'll be fine." I was being bitter about this but I just got him back in my life. I had him in a better situation and now he's leaving me. Again. For good. And I'll be alone- no mom and dad. Nobody. My eyes burned from the tears forming in my eyes. I heard the chair move and my dad wrap his arms around me.

"I'm not leaving you Mars. I'm living a better a life because of you and I'm doing this for you and myself. You have Sam and Santana- you have your friends. You've been so strong to hold out for this long without me around- you're strong enough to continue to do it yourself. This doesn't mean I won't visit from time to time and you can call whenever you want. I'll drop everything. I'm doing better yanno? My alcohol consumption has gone down a bit and I've finally got my daughter back in my life. Finally I'm getting a grasp on my life." He sounded so happy, so freaking happy to be sharing how he felt and I was taking that away from him. Fuck. Why am I so selfish? This shouldn't be about me. This isn't about me. I looked up to me his eyes and smiled.

"I love you dad." I said my throat tightening.

"I love you too Mars." He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead and that's when I had to try really hard not to burst in to tears. My throat burned from trying not to yelp, the tears ready to fall at any given moment but I had to stay strong.

"I'm leaving tonight, one of my friends is on his way right now." He mumbled.

"We could watch a quick sitcom like when you were little!" I smiled at the thought and quickly agreed to his idea. I walked over to the couch in the living room and turned on the t.v. Two minutes later, after finally finding Full House, my dad walked in with a bowl of popcorn. He squeezed next to me on the couch and I snuggled into him a bit. He smelt like cologne and free of alcohol. He smelt like dad from when I was little and it hurt to think that it took all this time for him to finally come around but I was glad that he finally did. I lifted my head to watch his reaction at the show as he laughed and I realized how happy he was. And it only made things worse for myself because he was happy and I was faking happiness which he believed was real. He thinks that his little girl is the same little girl from 12 years ago. Happy, healthy and full of life. But I was lying to him- and he believed the lie, just like everyone else and the thought didn't help stop my tears from forming. I decided to just cuddle into him more and focus on the show rather then what potential I had in life. I honestly have lost it all.

The doorbell rang and I jumped a bit as I felt my dad shift from under me. The door opened and cold air enveloped the house, sending chills down my spine. I got up to say 'hi' to my dad's friend. I waited awkwardly as my dad went to get his boxes and suitcases. There wasn't a lot of things he was taking which made it quicker for him to move everything and less time for me to still be around him for the time being. As soon as his friend helped him put everything in the car, his friend got into the drivers seat. I waited by the door, the tears threatening to fall and my throat constricting. I saw him walk towards me, knowing fully well that this was the last goodbye I would get to say to him because who knows when I'll ever see him again. Who knows when he'll ever see me again? I felt my panic attack on the rise and I was getting sick at the thought of him leaving. God I didn't want him to leave. I needed him to stay- I couldn't afford to lose him too.

"Dad." I yelped out as he reached out to hug me.

"Mars. Please don't." But I couldn't and all the tears fell all at once. I tightened the hug and took in another inhale of his scent. I wanted this to be the last goodbye because if he came back and left again- I wouldn't be able to handle it. Maybe he shouldn't come back. Maybe he's better off in New York city. He could fall in love and have a family- a step-daughter who wasn't messed up. He could live in a beautiful home and could forget about his messed up and broken daughter. But I wanted him to stay.

"Please don't forget me." I managed to sqeek out. My throat was hurting so much from the overwhelming emotions.

"I'd never forget about you. Never. I'll call you every night, make sure you know how much I love you. If you hadn't yelled at me for what I was doing, Marley I wouldn't be here, I'd still be drinking, probably out with a couple of friends right now. I want to thank you more than anything."

"Don't. You were strong enough to pick yourself up. And I'm so proud of you for that dad. I never stopped loving you, even after all those bad moments we had- there was never a moment where I hated you. I love you- s-s-so much."

"I love you more Mars. I love you so much more." He pulled away and held my face. The pad of his thumbs wiping my tears.

"I'm so proud of you, you're beautiful and smart and you have such an amazing future ahead of you darling. Never forget that- never give up." He grabbed my hands and pushed my sleeves back. My eyes widened as I watched him kiss my scars. How did he know? As I opened my mouth to ask he stopped me before I had a chance to inhale.

"You're going to have your struggles and you're going to want to find a way to take away the pain they give you. Mine was alcohol and yours is cutting. But I was able to overcome it- and you'll be able to as well. Nobody is stronger than you Marley and you have me, Sam, Santana and your friends from glee. You can fight this. Because I know how easy it is to just give up. Just remember that you're in the eye of the storm. That at the end of every storm- there's going to be a beautiful aftermath. You might lose a couple of people along the way, you might even lose yourself for a bit, but the people that stick with you through the storm- those are the people worth keeping in your life. And it may take time to repair your injuries, hell you might not even fully recover- but that's okay. I'll love you regardless and so will everyone who'll be fighting with you. Never be sorry of who you are darling. I love you and so does mom. We're like a solar system remember? We might be miles apart but the force between us is so strong nothing will break it." I nodded my head in response because I was still overwhelmed by everything and how he could have figured out that I cut and he could be okay with it.

"I have to go Mars. I'll call you when I land in New York. Stay safe and have Sam or Santana come over so you're not alone. I love you." He gave me one last kiss and started to walk away. I was holding onto the moments that had just passed before I realized that my dad was waving frantically at me. I waved back, giving him a weak smile. He blew me a kiss and I blew one back thinking about how corny that was. I chuckled for a minute and watched the car drive off. As soon as the car was out of sight, I slowly carried myself back inside. I shut the t.v. off not wanting to hear the sound of laughter coming out of the t.v. and headed to the kitchen to clean up the plates from the dinner. I felt numb for a bit, but then I noticed a sticky note that read_ 'Moisturize after washing the dishes!'_ I laughed at how stupid it was but realized that it was supposed to be stupid. He knew it would make me smile but it also made me feel so alone in the empty house. I turned back to look at the kitchen from where I was standing and noticed unopened bottles of alcohol in a box. I walked over and read another sticky: '_I don't need these so might as well give'm to Santana for a party. Don't drink and drive. Actually don't drink at all.'_

But the only good thing about being in an empty house- is that no one can stop you from cutting and drinking your life away.

* * *

So I know it's been a month since my last update and you guys have no idea how sorry I am. I've been busy and just overwhelmed and it's been a stressful past few weeks and I haven't even had a chance to breath for a minute Thank you so much for your patience, you might have to wait a couple of more weeks before the next update! My last exam is June 18 so expect lots of updates this summer! I love you all so much and hope that this chapter wasn't bad idk I didn't feel so excited about posting this chapter but I had to because you've all been so patient! Good luck on your exams and you're lucky if you're already on summer vacation! Lots of love xx

:)


	24. Chapter 24

Hi guys! It's been a while since I updated and I am so beyond sorry! I just recently finished my exams and a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I just came back from a week long stay at the city with no laptop so I couldn't post the chapter up. Anyways I promise to be updating more frequently. Okay babes I hope you enjoy this chapter! X

**Warnings:** Sam is so cute sigh I wish he was my bf. **Trigger warning. Also implied desire for a poly relationship (**don't freak out you'll understand later in the chapter just read**).**

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to drink the entire bottle of that cheap brand of vodka. So I won't and I'd continue to add how I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to do something daring. So I'm sitting here staring at the bottle in my hands thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong if I drank the bottle. _Come on Marley. Just drink it. _I quickly pulled off the top of the bottle and took in a deep breath before taking a sip. It burned as the liquid went down my throat and I didn't think things through as the burning sensation reminded me of what happened at Santana's party not too long ago. But it just urged to me continue on drinking- maybe it'd help me forget things for a while.

I took the bottle in search of something to do and in a matter of minutes I was already dancing up my way to my room. I slowly fell forward but caught myself quickly. I only drank a quarter of the bottle and I was already losing it- I wasn't a drinker but I didn't think I was such a lightweight. My room was a bit unfamiliar- nothing was different but the feeling was strange- almost foreign. I had been living with Sam that it felt like wherever he was, was home. I tried to get the thought of Sam out of my head because if he saw me now- I don't even want to know how he'd react. I chuckled at the thought. I actually _chuckled_. I never made myself happy, I always thrived off of someone else's happiness. It was always somebody else's job to make me happy and I hated that. I hated that I couldn't do anything for myself. All I was capable of doing was making myself miserable and I was pretty good at it.

I took another sip from the bottle, but that sip quickly turned into a chug. The burning was more painful but nothing I couldn't handle. My thoughts were distracted by the sound of someone knocking on the door. _Shit._ I can't have it be Sam not even Santana. I can't have them either finding me nearly pissed out of my mind. I slowly tried to walk down the stairs, but the alcohol was blurring my vision and I nearly fell down the stairs but luckily I was already on the second to last step as I did.

I went to open the door ignoring the logical action of checking who was at the door before opening it. I honestly could have cared less. I opened the door to not only be surprised but scared because _what the hell was __**Jake**_ _doing here?_ I was quickly about to close the door before he could react, the action sobering me up a bit. But my reflex was too slow and Jake held the door open before allowing me to close it. He looked guilty, almost upset about something and I didn't really know how or why he ended up at my house.

"Please just hear me out Marley?" He said quietly. Hear him out. Ha. I should just punch him in the face for what he did to me. Honestly, he deserved it, even if he did protect me from the time I was ganged up by Phil and his friends.

"There's nothing you can say so just leave before I call the police." I said hoping the threat would scare him away. It clearly wasn't a threat to him because all he did was laugh.

"You're drunk aren't you? Look Marley I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I've been feeling guilty for what happened at Santana's party and I just need you to forgive me so I can move on with my life. Nobody- not a single girl looks my way – no one even wants to talk to me because they all think I'm a rapist." He put his hands in the pocket of his jeans and all of a sudden I felt a pang of guilt for ruining his life. Even when I was drunk I still felt guilt and that really didn't do me justice.

"Yes okay. I forgive you. I'm sorry for all the anger and hate you've been receiving. I hope we could push past this, yeah. Now if you'll excuse me?" I said, a bit out of it not realizing what I was saying. I felt a bit dizzy and it didn't help trying to walk backwards away from the door.

"Okay. Um, do you need anything? Would you like me to stay with you till Sam comes?" I shook my head but that was a bad idea because I got really light-headed again.

"M' fine Jakey- g'night." His eyebrow rose up in confusion and I gave him a wide smile hoping that get him to leave.

"Goodnight Marley. Don't drink too much okay? Be careful." He walked away towards his car and I quickly closed the door and headed towards the kitchen thinking that taking the stairs wouldn't be the safest thing for me. I was so mentally drained- partially because of the alcohol but, I've _been_ mentally drained. Just exhausted from all the problems that just seemed to come to me nonstop. I thought that the alcohol would help take the exhaustion away but it only made it worse. The bottle in my hand felt lighter and I looked in it to notice it was almost done. I sighed pondering on whether I should get another bottle. I placed the bottle on the counter and headed towards the box of alcohol. So this is how my dad felt? Maybe my dad and I are alike in more ways than one. We both had that escape for something- something addictive and something we had control over. For the most part at least. I soon found myself thinking about the razors that were still hidden in my bathroom cabinet.

Alcohol wasn't my escape goat. It didn't help, in fact it just made me feel ten times worse and I was trying to feel better. I slowly walked up the stairs, focusing really hard on where I was stepping so I wouldn't fall up. I almost made it up before I tripped over my feet and came falling down. Hard. I was definitely going to feel that in the morning. What time was it anyways? I decided to not get up and just army crawl up the rest of the way to the bathroom. As soon as I reached my destination I slowly got up, my hands moving around the wall feeling for the switch. The light blinded my already blurry vision and I found myself squinting to minimize the brightness until I could regain focus. I opened the cabinet and found my razors wrapped and neatly hidden behind a few products. I took them out, carefully unwrapping them so they wouldn't stab my fingers. I forgot how the razors felt cutting through my skin but it wouldn't take too long for that same euphoric feeling to seep through my system. I grabbed one of the razors and instantly felt the familiarity. It was as if I hadn't stopped. The feeling was sobering, and disturbingly relaxing because I had control of everything again. I was capable of anything without screwing everything up.

I slowly brought my arm down and looked at the scars that lined my forearm and wrist. I was shaking, my breath was uneven and this wasn't something that would happen. In fact the only time I was nervous was the first time I did it, but even then I was sure that I wanted to do this. And I'm **sure** I need this. I need this so badly. I placed the razor above one of my deeper cuts I had on my wrist. I slowly pressed down but was quickly stopped by a firm hand.

"Don't. Don't do it Marley." My hand shook and my breath got caught in my throat as I looked up to meet the emeralds that were glossed with tears. I never felt so overwhelmed because Sam had never caught me trying to cut myself.

"S-Sa-" _Fuck. That's it. You're done Marley._ I tried to say his name but there was such a large lump in my throat and it was dry and it was getting so hot. I just needed to breathe, but I couldn't, not when he was looking at me with such sadness and hurt. He took the razor and threw it in the garbage without breaking eye contact with me.

"I'm sorry." Is all I could manage to say. It came out as a croak. I couldn't even recognize my own voice and it scared me how weak I was. The tears were staining my cheeks and I really wanted to break the contact Sam had on my arm because it almost burned.

"Don't be." He pulled me towards his body and pulled me into a tight hug. I was engulfed by the warmth radiating off his body and I really couldn't handle the silence. I needed him to say something.

"It's not your fault." I mumbled into his chest and he kissed the top of my head in return.

"And it isn't yours either babe." He let go grabbing my hand and led me out of the bathroom, shutting off the bathroom light along the way. I was still a bit out of it, my vision was a bit better but Sam seemed to know better. He picked me up off the ground, my legs wrapping around his waist and my arms around his neck. I nuzzled my face in the crevice where I always fitted myself in when I need some kind of comfort. Even after we reached the bottom of the stairs I continued to hold on to him.

"We could talk about this tomorrow if you'd like. It seems like you had a bit of a party without me?" He whispered in my ear and I could feel a smile forming on his lips.

"No, we can talk about it now." Because I'd rather sleep in a bad mood instead of waking up to a bad mood that would ruin my day.

"Are you going to move out?" He asked as he dropped me down.

"I might, if you'd take me in permanently." I said hoping I didn't come off needy.

"Of course baby." He gave me a kiss, one of those kisses that were sweet, yet firm.

"Let's go?" I gave him a quick peck. He grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers, giving my hand a little squeeze as we headed for the car.

"If I didn't know you better, I would have thought you drink a lot because you drank almost a whole bottle and you're not passed out yet." He said giving me a wink. I laughed and he laughed along with me. Quite a way to end the night I guess.

* * *

"You aren't going to tell me?" He asked as I came out of the shower. I was startled grasping the towel a little tighter around my body not expecting him to be waiting for me. I grabbed the hairbrush and started to brush my hair as I looked at him, confused as to what he was talking about.

"Tell you what?' I asked concerned about what he could have been talking about.

"About Jake visiting you." He said his arms crossed over his chest. I was no longer brushing out my hair but instead fumbling with the brush not knowing how to explain why Jake was there.

"He just came to say sorry, nothing happened Sam. I promise." I tried to uncross his arms and brought them around my waist, standing on top of my toes to give him a kiss but he turned his head so instead I kissed his ear.

"Babe, please you have to believe me." I gave him my best pout but it didn't work. He looked disappointed and I hated that look on him.

"It's not that I don't believe you. I do. But you weren't going to tell me and that- **that's** what's upsetting me. If I wasn't waiting outside your house about to see you, I would have never seen him and you would have never told me." He wasn't taking this well and I was feeling guilty because I he was right. I wasn't planning on telling him. At least not right away.

"I wasn't going to tell you right away. I was going to wait until tomorrow morning. Don't get mad okay? I was fine and you were there so I was safe." I peppered kisses all along his jawline, trying to ease his clenched jaw.

"That's not the point baby girl. If I'm not there and something bad happens to you- I'd never forgive myself. I still haven't forgiven myself for when h-"

"Don't. Don't talk about it. Please, let's just change the subject?" I gave him another kiss, this time making it firm and taking the lead. He relaxed his tense body and returned the kiss with the same firmness. I swiped my tongue across his lower lip and in a matter of seconds I had my tongue licking the inside of his mouth. My hands found their way up to his hair and tugged his head lower as my toes were getting a bit sore from standing on them for so long. I nearly forgot that I was still in my towel and bit his lower lip so he could release my waist out of his grip.

"Ow. Why did you stop?" He asked with such a childish expression, his pout a bit bigger from the short make out session.

"I'm kind of naked under this towel Sam. Let me just get some clothes on and-"I was interrupted once again with his lips back on mine.

"I don't mind. I actually like it." He mumbled over my lips before placing them back on mine once more. I giggled as he tickled my sides, making me squirm under his touch. I soon found myself over his shoulder and then being dropped on his bed. He straddled over me and continued to tickle me even though I was sure he was only doing it so the towel could slip off.

"Sam, stop the towel!" I tried grabbed his wrists trying to hold him off but he was stronger than me- a lot stronger than me in fact- and I found my wrists being pinned down above my head. He snuggled his face in my neck and planted soft kisses, his light stubble tickling my sensitive skin.

"You haven't shaved?" I asked trying to distract him before he decided to do anything more than kissing.

"Nope- I decided to let it grow out a bit. Took you a bit to notice." He smiled before kissing my nose.

"Sorry, I guess it's because you don't look any different. Still beautiful." I replied as I looked in his eyes. I was always mesmerized by his eyes and maybe it's because they're like kaleidoscopes or because his emerald greens almost sparkled in certain situations and other times they'd become dark and mysterious. He lowered his body, our chest flushed together, never breaking eye contact. It was quiet and the moon was the only light that seemed to emit through the window.

"Not as beautiful as you." He said before kissing me, much softer and sweeter then when I had kissed him only to stop him from talking. It was quite romantic, how he held my face and made me feel so safe just by his touch. His hand wandered down my body, slowly stopping to grip my leg, giving it a tight squeeze. He pulled away from lips, gasping from our heated kiss.

"You can get dressed." He said, letting me go and falling on his back. There was something off in the way he said it; he sounded hurt and it confused me because moments ago he was fine. I propped myself on my forearm and looked down at him. He gave me a small smile that didn't reassure me of anything, in fact it worried me. There was something on his mind and I could tell he was nervous to talk about it. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and got up to scavenge for my underwear's. I looked for a shirt after finally putting on my underwear and bra, but was too distracted and nervous. Sam was too quiet not making a single comment on how cheeky my underwear was, or how he'd rather me sleep naked.

"Come here babe, I have a shirt." He called over from the bed. I walked back towards him and grabbed his Pink Floyd t-shirt. I slipped it on, noticing how it was a dress on my smaller frame. He reached for my hand and pulled me down on top of him. I placed my head on his chest, my legs entangling with his. His heartbeat was calm and soothing, easing my worry, but it didn't reassure me of anything. He planted a kiss on my head before taking a deep breath and I knew that it was time for me to hear what he had on his mind.

"You know when you love someone and you'd do anything for them to be happy? You do everything in your power to protect them, to help them and to just love them with all you can?" He stopped, and I hoped he didn't expect me to answer. _W__here was this going? What was he trying to say?_

"I love you Marley, God if only you knew how much. And I need you to know how much. I love you more than words could describe, more than my actions could probably portray." He stopped again and I felt that annoying lump form in my throat preventing me from talking. He grabbed my hand, intertwining them and bringing them to his mouth. His lips shook as he kissed the corner of my lips and I looked up to meet his watering eyes.

"Marley- I want to help you. But you also need to help yourself. I know a great doctor, she's great with trauma and body issues, and self-hate. You'll like her, I trust her. A lot. She helped me and she'll help you."

That was it. That's what he was scared of telling me. The room became hotter, my chest tightening as it became harder to breathe and take in what he just said. I couldn't blame him, I had no right to. He was right, I'm messed up and maybe I had to hear it from him. I just really didn't want to admit it. But I'm fine- I'm still here. I don't need to talk to some stranger about my emotions because she's getting paid to listen to me, she doesn't actually care. **No. **He had no right to make that decision for me. I let go of his hand and pulled myself away from his body and got off the bed heading for the bathroom.

"Marley!" He grabbed my wrist pulling me down on the bed.

"Why?" I managed to choke out. My tears were threatening to spill and I could tell he was about to cry as well.

"Because you won't open up to me, and maybe if you talk to a stranger someone who you won't feel judged- it'd be easier. I try so hard to talk to you about it but you just don't open up. Your nightmares are getting worse- you don't even realize you had one the next morning. I never tell you because you'd freak out. Just try it. One appointment won't hurt and if you don't like it, we won't have to do it again. Please babe." He cupped my face, forcing me to look at him.

I was too tired to argue, just so exhausted to even go against what he had to say.

"Fine."

"Really?" He laid down on the bed bringing me down with him. We laid in the same way we were laying in before.

"Yes." He tilted my head up to meet his gaze and I hated when he forced me too look up at him when I talked to him.

"You promise you're okay with it?" He pecked my lips and didn't stop, even as I tried to answer him.

"Yes, I promise." I chuckled as he licked my cheek.

"What are you doing?" I asked cringing as he continued to lick my face.

"Licking you. You taste good." He didn't stop, not once even after I tried to pull away. He flipped us over and continued to lick my neck.

"Stop, that tickles and it's not very clean." I said trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

"Not true baby girl. It's very clean. Cats even do it. And you just taste so good, how could you expect me to stop?" He clearly was trying to lighten up the mood and I was glad he was trying because it was working as he continued to lick my neck and left kisses. The silly game became a bit of turn on as he started nibbling and sucking, leaving marks to be hidden tomorrow.

"Remember how I said there were no actions to show how much I love you?" He asked not stopping with leaving a hickey on my collarbone. I replied with an involuntary moan and bit my lip freaking out because _I made that sound_. A familiar feeling pooled in my stomach that reminded me of the night Sam and I had done _it. _I was interrupted by Sam's hands softly caressing my leg, leading up to my inner thigh, sending shivers throughout my body.

"I think there might be something a little bit close to showing how much I love you. Can I show you?" He whispered over my ear shell. I was really anxious and bit _turned on_ by the way he was treating me.

I hadn't necessarily expected the night to end up with me nearly aching for Sam's touch but I was desperate and so far gone that I just really needed this.

"Yes." I said nearly losing my breath. I was getting hot and bothered by the way Sam had his hand gripped on my thigh, giving it a light squeeze before pulling himself off of me and pulling his shirt off. As he pulled it off his t-shirt, I took notice in the trail of hair that traced down into his underwear. His toned abs were defined but it only made me more excited to actually get to touch them instead of be a nervous wreck like the last time. He still had a faint scar on the side of his abdomen from the fight he got with Phil but, it was almost healed and it didn't bother me as much anymore.

"God, I love you." He whispered, his face hovering over mine before placing a soft kiss, my lips aching for the feel to last for as long as possible.

"I love you more." And the night seemed to last for more than I could have hoped for.

* * *

I woke up being the little spoon as usual. My back pressed to his chest, his breathing was soothing, calming and it made me feel safe. Although I was always safe whenever I was near him, in his arms- that's when I felt the most at home. Last night was perfect- just like the first night. I was still shy, but he never made me feel weird about it. You know a guy is a keeper when he doesn't comment on how you accidentally squeezed too hard on his- well yanno- his thing. And I still blush over the thought of how embarrassing it was, but he laughed it off and then peppering me with kisses. Gosh I was bad at this. But last night also had me laughing as he burped right in my face and tickled me to death for burping right back in his. So maybe last night wasn't exactly _romantic_ but it was nonetheless sweet and I enjoyed every second of it. Even though every second I was wondering if I was doing something wrong and maybe that's normal for someone to be having sex only their second time but I'm pretty sure Santana told me how she was the dominant one her second time- but then again it's Santana, she's almost always the dominant one in all situations. It had me giggling at the thought of Santana being more dominant then Sam because in all honesty Santana was a badass bitch who didn't take shit from anyone. I kind of wish I had that edge to me, but it wasn't an edge for Santana. Santana was Santana and- wow I _miss_ her, now that I'm thinking about her. I miss her a lot.

I reached for my phone on the night stand but was quickly pulled back into Sam's chest, his arm around my waist tightening around me.

"Stay." He mumbled into my neck. His warm breath tickling against my cooler skin.

"I need my phone babe." I replied as I wiggled out of his arms. As I grasped my phone, I made sure to grab my t-shirt that was thrown last night in the midst of our heated embrace. I quickly pulled the shirt over my head, my back facing Sam. It was too early for some kind of sexual comment and I wasn't fully awake to process and react to a comment like that. I was thankful that I slept in my underwear last night because knowing Sam, he would have made me go find one butt naked. I quickly scrolled through my contacts, annoyed that Santana's name started with an 's'. It took some time to find it and I felt Sam lift the back of my shirt, exposing my skin and I felt myself shudder at his light touch. He continued to draw random patterns on my back, ever so lightly causing shivers to run down my spine. It was quite distracting as I tried to focus on what I was trying to do but it was no use and I almost dropped my phone when I felt Sam trail kisses down my back. I refocused my attention on calling Santana until I realized that it was 6 am and calling her would only make her angry. Instead I sent her a text to call me whenever she decided to wake up so we could go for some coffee. I placed my phone back on the stand and turned to face Sam who still had a sleepy face on and his hair was a mess.

"Had a good night sleep?" I asked as I brushed the hair out of his face.

"A really, really, really good night sleep." He said with his low, morning husky voice and his signature wink. I playfully shoved him and decided to cuddle into him since it was too early to do anything else. I gave him a quick peck on his chest and placed my head near his heart to let myself lull to the sound of it. Instead I fell asleep within a matter of seconds, listening to the beat of his heart.

* * *

"So you're saying that Quinn and Rachel are coming back today? That's great Santana! It'll give you time to work things out with Quinn and maybe you'll finally know if it's Puck or Quinn your heart desires." Santana didn't seem too happy about the idea; she had her thinking face on and messed about with her cup of coffee. We were sitting in Starbucks before we decided to walk around a bit as we talked about Santana's dilemma.

"Puck said that he'll wait even if I pick Quinn. And I know he isn't just saying that. But the **sex** Marley. I can't leave the sex because it's amazing and I know that's not the only thing I should be thinking about because it isn't- but oh my god. Last night we-"

"Okay! How about we not talk about sex. Besides I'm pretty sure you said the same thing about Quinn one time."

Santana gave me a look that told me to shut up and that's exactly what I did as she continued to rant about how both sex were amazing at sex and that she doesn't have a problem with a poly relationship if they both would consent to it. I cringed at how that might end up working out.

"I highly doubt they'd want to share you Santana. Just test the waters with Quinn and see if you still have the same feelings you had when she was here last time. If they aren't there then that means she isn't the one and it was just the sex you were into. And if the emotions seem to be more demanding then I think you need to really look at your options from a different standpoint. See who knows you best and who would be the best option for you." Santana had her thinking face on and she let out a sigh as she continued to think over what I offered to her.

"I guess that sounds like a good plan. I still don't see a problem with poly relationships. I mean I have a cousin whose best friend's sister is in a poly relationship. He said that the sex is awesome and…." I rolled my eyes as she continued to explain to me how the poly relationship worked and I swore to myself to never make any new friends that are mildly addicted to having sex.

* * *

Okay so I didn't want to make this too long because the next chapter will be a lot longer and that'll have drama and I would to hear your ideas, and I was wondering if I should wrap this story up? Idk I really do love writing it but I don't want to make it too long. I'm planning on writing another fanfic- much shorter than this one but instead for the Vampire Diaries. Sigh yeah I love that show. And teen wolf oMMG TEEN WOLF LNSGLJFKG. SO GOOOOOD. If you know any AMAZING Sterek fanfics PLEASE TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS I NEED MORE STEREK.

Oh and if you want to follow me on tumblr- just so you can ask for when I'm updating or have any questions instead of asking on here it's .com. I warn you it's mostly a one direction blog soo yEAHHH. Don't have to follow if you don't want to. I'm just on there all the time and you guys can get updated on what I'm doing for the fic (if you ask of course).

Okay thank you for your patience you guys are amazing omg you guys really are. I'm so sorry about being late and not giving you a good enough chapter. I know I'm sorry I suck but I'm trying! THanKS GUYS. LOTS OF LOVE XX

i'M UPDATING SOON I PROMISE!


	25. Chapter 25

Hey guys I have a new update and an important note below. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for the support.

**Warnings: **drama lama chapter

"I'm not really sure what to say." I said to Dr. Teresa. She was in her late 30's possibly early 40's and she smelt of expensive perfume. She had her brown hair up in a neat bun, her while blouse rolled up and her arms holding a pen and notepad. Her skirt looked of an expensive brand along with her pointed heels. She screamed rich and it made me feel uncomfortable because here I was in a ripped up pair of jeans that weren't actually styled like that but because they were worn in so much and in Sam's shirt that I decided to not change out of when I woke up this morning. She gave me a small smile before scribbling something down leaving me in total silence and for me to think about how I needed new converse because mine were badly bruised and scuffed from wearing them almost every day.

"Now I looked at your past reports- police records say that the first notice of abuse was reported at the age of 10. But of course it was the _**first **_reported abuse. Was there any previous abuses? Any that were not reported before the age of 10?" She seemed insistent on getting an answer and she acted as if she thought she was good at her job. Too bad I was going to prove otherwise.

"No." I lied because I saw no need to feed her ego and honestly the look on her face had me nearly laughing because she looked surprised. Almost like she knew too well that I was lying but I honestly could have cared less because this was pointless. I was wasting my time being here because I knew that I wouldn't get better. But then again, I'm not actually trying and I'm doing this for Sam- so I should be trying. I dropped my head, continuing to look at my shoes and waited for her to continue on with what she thought was doing a 'good' job.

"Well Marley, I don't think you're telling me the truth. Most abuses start at a very young age and it seems that yours would not make sense if it started at 10." _She's so stupid_, I thought to myself.

"Actually it does because that's around the time my dad started drinking and that's around the time the abuse started. So if you're implying that it seems to be odd-"

"No, no, of course not Marley. I'm just trying to figure you out. You're very different from most of my patients. I hope I didn't offend you. Let's start over shall we?" She gave me a tight smile that screamed 'fake' and 'annoyed' but it was her own fault that she embarrassed herself like that. I couldn't understand how Sam liked her so much.

"Yeah let's do that." It was going to be another 45 minutes till the session ended.

"So you aren't going to explain to me why she had to tell me that she recommended you see another doctor? What the hell Marley? What did you say to get her so frustrated with you?" Sam asked as I walked into his room. I tried to distract myself by looking for a pair of sweatpants and to buy myself some time to explain how I may have insinuated that Dr. Teresa was only doing this for the money and not to help someone's mental state. But, it was true I mean she seemed to only be interested in the fact that Sam would be coming back again to pick me up giving her the opportunity to flirt with him just like she had when he first dropped me off. And the money. She was definitely in it for the money.

"Why don't you explain to me why she gave you heart eyes and couldn't keep her hands off of you?" I said taking my pants off and was left in my shirt and before I could put on my sweatpants, Sam's eyes met mine and he was angry.

"That has nothing to do with anything we're talking about."

"Bullshit. I saw how she looked at you. Did you have an affair with her or something? Am I missing something?" He came closer, leaving me to hit my back against the wall and his arms making a barrier on either side of my body. His face was close to mine and he seemed to notice that I wasn't going to stand down.

"It doesn't matter, it's in the past. It was over a long time ago- now stop avoiding the question and **answer me**." He was yelling at this point and so was I. I didn't need to answer him and I wasn't interested in doing so.

"**I HAVE NO ANSWER**." And it was all a blur as to what exactly happened first. The phone ringing or the sound of a punch hitting a wall. It didn't matter because I was startled by both. I ducked under Sam's arm and went to pick up my phone.

"Hello?"

"Marley, I'm coming over." Santana said sounding almost out of breath.

"Is everything okay San?"

"No." And she hung up leaving me to stare at the screen in confusion. I felt Sam's prescence pass me and if I wasn't so mad I wouldn't have had the guts to grab him by his wrist tightly but it seemed that the anger was acting for me.

"Where are you going?" And all he could do was stare down at my grip on his wrist and he looked surprise.

"Out." He said with a dry tone and he pulled his arm out of my grip.

"Great." My voice coming out strained and I cursed myself for not sounding as cool and dry as Sam did.

He left without another word and I was left standing in the same place wondering where the hell things went wrong.

* * *

"And she said that she wasn't going to wait anymore because apparently she's becoming impatient. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE MEAN BY 'BECOMING IMPATIENT'? EVERYONE WAITS FOR ME UNTIL I'M READY AND YET SHE HAS THE BALLS TO TELL ME TO HURRY UP. She's so lucky she has a cute ass." Santana grunted as she sat back down next to me on the couch. This had been going on for the past fifteen minutes; she constantly got up when she got heated and when she finally started to cool down she'd drop herself back on the couch until she started to get heated again.

"God Marley why is this so hard?" She asked, her head landed hard on my lap and started to play with her hair. It was soft and her hair smelt like cinnamon spice- she gave off that scent and to be quite honest if her personality had a scent, it would be cinnamon spice.

"I'm not sure San. But I do know that you have to start sorting your feelings out quick. You need to think with your heart and not with your mind. Your mind will only tell you what it _thinks _is right. Your heart will tell you what _feels_ right. And when your heart makes that decision- you follow it. Don't overthink it- just go for it."

I thought about what I said and thought how I could give great advice but never was able to take my own. I was a hypocrite- always telling me what to do and what not to do meanwhile I couldn't even follow my own orders. I suddenly felt Santana move away from my lap and turned to face me.

"It feels right to be with Puck. It feels right to be with him because I trust him and we have a history. But that's the problem. The history between us goes way back to when we were kids and it's comforting. Because I know what he's like and he knows what I'm like. But when I'm with Quinn- it's the unfamiliarity that excites me. The idea of something new- I want that for myself. I need that."

I understood how she felt- well I was never in her position but I understood that emotions get in the way of things and they sometimes screw things up for us. I've tried to numb myself from emotions that I didn't need in my life and I have successfully ruined myself. I've destroyed myself and there's no way of getting me back to the way I was before.

"I think I've figured it out already. I'm just afraid that the person I choose- it'll just end wrong." She said quietly, as if she was talking to herself rather than me.

"It'll be worth it. If it ends wrong- it ends wrong. You can't change the outcome of things but you can change the progress. So how you get there, it all starts from how you want to start- in this case, who you choose will start your journey. I think you know better than anyone else what it's like to struggle with something like this. And I know you're stronger than you're letting yourself be right now." She reached out to hug me and I quickly accepted it, knowing that if anyone deserved happiness in their life- it was Santana.

* * *

Santana left and I had gotten off the phone with my dad. He was fine- actually he was more than fine. He was happy and I was happy for him. By the time I had finished the call with him, I was still waiting for Sam to come home. We needed to talk- we needed to work things out between us and him running away like that makes him a coward but I'm a coward as well so we're technically both at fault.

It was 9:08 pm and Sam still hadn't come. He hadn't called either and I was worried that maybe he was hurt because I always thought worst case scenario. I texted Santana to ask if Puck had heard anything from him.

_**he needs time to cool off.**_ She sent me.

That worried me because he could be thinking about leaving me and I couldn't lose him. Not because of a stupid fight. I wouldn't be able to live with myself- forgive myself for being the reason he left. I started to feel nauseous at the thought of him coming back home and breaking up with me. Telling me 'it's over Marley. You need help and I can't help you anymore.' Or something worse like 'I don't love you anymore. Not like how I used to. I hope we can still be friends.' I soon found myself crawled up in a ball on Sam's bed, the tears escaping and only the quite whimpers echoing the room. I hated being alone and more than anything- I hated being alone with my thoughts. I immediately got up and went to get dressed hoping that a walk would clear my mind since all the razors in the house have disappeared and Sam's razors are locked somewhere. He doesn't trust me with any sharp objects either so all the knives are locked in a cabinet and he has the key. It was for the best but I hated him for it because I needed to get away from my thoughts and feel something other than guilt. Now I have to take a walk.

I grabbed the extra key off the counter top in the kitchen and as soon as I opened the door the cold air blew in. I yelped at the sudden temperature change and noticed how my light sweatshirt was not going to keep me warm. I ran back up the stairs to look for a heavier jacket. As soon as I grabbed hold of one I was running down the stairs and out the door only to think about the possibility of rain. I remember Santana claiming how she was worried that if she got caught in the rain while leaving, her hair would frizz.

Sam's neighborhood was quiet and peaceful- it was a perfect neighborhood to raise a family. Which Sam didn't have and that just had me wondering where his family was. Why his family left or why they never bothered to call. I had been living with Sam for months now and not once had he mentioned family- but I also never noticed pictures of his family. The only time we talked remotely about his family was about his brother and sister. But even then it wasn't necessarily the happiest conversation to have about family. However I'm not one to talk since I was abused for a good part of my childhood, then my dad left and I've been switching schools constantly because somehow people found out about my mom. God I was so stupid to even worry about people finding out about who my mom was- because she's gone now and I wasted a good portion of my time worrying about her rather than just being content with who she was.

A car passed- the headlights grabbing my attention and shaking me out of my thoughts. I checked my phone for any calls or texts from Sam but I had nothing. It was 9:50- he still hadn't even bothered to contact me. No that isn't fair. He can't get away with not telling me where he is, leaving me alone and then forcing me to wait for him. He probably won't even tell me where he was or explain why he left.

No. That's not happening, he's not getting away with it.

I ran back to the house and quickly went inside to grab my bag and car keys. I ran back to my dad's old car that he left here.

As I started to drive down the road I thought of every place Sam could be. He could be hiding at Pucks or he could have been at Finn's I mean it was possible he could have been anywhere. I know that Santana knows where Sam is. Of course she'd never tell me which forces me to figure everything out myself. And only one place popped into my mind as where he would go if he was angry or needed a place to take out his anger.

The boxing ring.

* * *

The drive took longer than expected considering I almost was in a car accident. But it wasn't my fault- I had the right of way. As soon as I parked in front of the gym I looked for Sam's car and didn't find it. So maybe he wasn't here. I left the car only to bump into someone hard as I turned around.

"Oof." The voice said.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" I said trying to identify who I had just elbowed. It was too dark and his head was facing the ground.

"I'm fine Marley. What are you doing here?" And I was soon facing Jake who seemed to have a swollen lip. It couldn't have been from me elbowing him because I was almost sure that I hit his stomach not his lip. The light from the gym radiated a bit on his face and I noticed that his eyebrow was swollen as well.

"I was about to ask you the same thing Jake. What happened to your lip?" I asked examining his lip. It looked fresh and still a bit bloody.

"I got hit while sparring with a guy in there. Nothing I can't handle. I have to go though. Take care Marley." And I nodded my head in response and started to walk away but soon felt a tight grip on my arm pulling me into Jake.

"Listen to me before you freak out okay?" His face was too close for my liking and I was close to trying to escape his grip but I figured that it wouldn't do me good because it's 10 pm and there's no one else to witness what was happening in the lot.

"Your boyfriend needs to back down from the fight or he will get himself killed. Not only is he putting his life on the line- but yours as well. He's stupid for agreeing to the rules and honestly you'd be better off with me. But I'm fine with who you chose. Just know that you had the option of staying with **me**. You still have the option." He tightened his grip as he emphasized 'me'. "And I could have protected you instead you chose a criminal. Maybe you don't really know him Marley. Has he ever talked about his family to you? About his past?" He chuckled. "You don't know do you? That's a shame since you guys have been dating for a while now. Just a word of warning Marley, never let your guard down."

The death grip Jake had on my arm was so tight it had a numbing affect and I was too busy trying to figure out what Jake meant by 'life on the line'. What the hell did Sam get himself into? I needed to breath but, my lungs were constricting and the cool air became hot. I felt like I was suffocating by those words.

"I need to go." I somehow managed to let out.

"If you need me Marley-"

"No. Now let go." I was never going to rely on Jake for anything.

"Just be careful." His lips were close to mine and I became worried that he might kiss me. I pulled myself out of his grip and he smirked at my effort.

I quickly opened the door to the gym and saw that there were only a few people left in the gym. Most of them were cleaning up their stations while others were heading into the locker rooms.

"Hello Miss. We're actually going to be closing soon so if-"

"Is Sam here?" I quickly interrupted, my eyes darting from place to place looking for a blonde boy.

"Uh yeah. He's in the back. He's sparring right now and I highly doubt he'd want a pretty girl like you to dis-"

"Thanks." I walked to the back of the gym and opened the large door that would lead me to the ring. I quietly turned the knob so no one would hear me coming in. I quickly sneaked in and made my way around the corner to find Sam and some man, about the same height as Sam but wider, fighting. Last time I had seen him fight was with Phil and that was a couple of months ago. I wondered how many times Sam had fought after Phil.

He was sweating and panting but he looked angry and didn't look like he was going to stop anytime soon. He brushed the damp hair out of his face and watched as his body moved side to side missing every hit his opponent threw at him.

"Good Sam. Stay focused. Keep thinking about your anchor." Anchor. What was his anchor?

"Marley?" Shit I failed to go unnoticed. Sam's voice boomed my name and I had a feeling he wasn't so happy to see me.

"Hey- I-I just came to check up on you. It's late and you didn't call and I was getting worried. I didn't know you still came here to box." I became nervous as Sam moved through the ropes and jumped off the ring. His chest was rising and lowering at a rapid pace and his eyes were dark. That confirmed he was mad.

"I thought maybe I'd find you here. And I j-just… Sam are you okay?"

"We'll finish this tomorrow Sam." The coach said. His opponent came behind him and patted him on the back.

"Get some sleep Sammy." The guy chuckled.

We were finally alone and I hesitated to show some sort of affection, to explain to him that I wasn't mad. I reached out for his arm and as soon as I touched him he flinched out of my touch.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to him even though we were alone. He looked straight into my eyes not even flinching.

"Sam. Please talk to me."

"Why did you come Marley?" Well at least he was talking to me.

"I was worried about you. I mean if you were in my place you would have gone crazy. You probably would have done the unspeakable looking for me."

"No I wouldn't. I wouldn't have looked for you." His voice was monotone. It was unemotional and that scared me. It made his statement hurt even more than it should have. He was bluffing. Right? Bluffing. He had to be.

"What do you mean?" And if the sound of my voice cracking didn't give away that I was hurt, then the tears did. He cupped my face the way he always did when I was upset. He brought my face closer to his and connected our foreheads together.

"I mean I wouldn't have gone looking for you because I would have never let you leave me."

"I hate you, you're not allowed to do that to me. Don't expect me to forgive you for this because I won't." I said trying to hold back a smile because in all honesty he was being cute with his pout and damn it that pout.

"No pouting. It's not going to work. Not this time **Sammy**." As soon as I said that he instantly scowled.

"Don't call me that. It's such a stupid nickname. I hate it." He said with a seriousness that left me uneasy.

"Sorry. I thought because- that guy- he called you it and I thought it was cute. Never mind I guess." His face faltered a bit and his scowl eased a bit.

"It's okay babe. Come on, I need to change and then we can go." He grabbed my hand but I wanted to lighten the mood up a bit more before we left.

"Teach me how to box." I quickly said not realizing what I had just asked. It wouldn't hurt to try- actually knowing me it probably would. But I wanted to prove to everyone else that I could pose a threat to anyone who crossed me. I was so tired of being the damsel in distress all the time. My whole life that's what I've been and ballet seemed always prove how weak I was- considering how many times a week I go only to act out a dance about a girl who falls in love with a prince who falls in love with some other girl and in the end the girl kills herself.

** Kills herself.**

"Babe it's late. And you'll be exhausted after only a couple of minutes." He tried to pull me but I resisted.

"I'm not going until you teach me. Just the basics. And if you think about it- I'll be all sweaty and panting and I'm sure you'd love that." I winked to seal the deal and it worked because the not so subtle growl that came from him confirmed that he'd love that.

* * *

"Okay now after you take a hit you immediately put your guard up in case your opponent is going to hit you again. The first blow will get you dazed but the second could knock you out and that's why you always have your guard up." He explained as he moved my hands up in a defensive position.

"Now I'm going to throw some punches- you use all the things I've taught you okay? I'll go slow and easy on you." I looked at him straight in the eye but realized that the first rule was to watch your opponent's arms. When he threw the first punch I ducked and moved to where he was standing and he was standing where I was.

"Good. Try it again." And that's what the rest of the night consisted of, him throwing punches and me ducking or moving about to miss the punch. I decided to challenge myself a bit and tried to take a punch. This time I didn't move when he threw another punch. I stood my ground and put my arms up ready to take the blow and to my surprise it didn't hurt as bad I thought, except my arm stung a bit after.

"Why didn't you move?" Sam asked as he grabbed my arm to look at it.

"I wanted to see if I could take a hit. It doesn't hurt that bad, I'll be okay!" I tried to reassure him but that didn't convince him.

"Babe, I didn't even hit you that hard. I wasn't even trying and if you bruise even a little-"

"I'll be fine Sam."

"Okay, let's go then. We both need a shower." He laughed as he made a face.

"You smell." He said as he got jumped off the ring. He reached out for me as I tried to figure out how to get out of the ring.

"You smell worse than me. And look worse for that matter." I maneuvered my way through the ropes and jumped off the stage.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really." I replied back with a smirk.

"Wait here I have to get my stuff from the locker room." He placed a quick kiss on my lips but then instantly deepened it by sliding his tongue in. It took me a minute to realize it, but quickly relaxed into it. I tugged on his hair and he let out a muffled moan.

"Fuck. Stop before I take you right here." He mumbled over my lips. I quietly laughed at the thought because he would actually try to do it.

"You're so hot when you're sweating and panting." He placed another quick kiss and I shoved him away, this time laughing without holding back.

"Go get your stuff." I quickly replied.

* * *

"I saw Jake again." I said quietly. His grip on the steering wheel tightened and his knuckles became white.

"What did he do?"

"How do you know he did anything?"

"So he did do something. I knew it. I knew I smelt something odd about you." I looked at him even more confused.

"I smelt odd?"

"He kissed you didn't he." And that's where I got even more confused.

"No he didn't he-…" I stopped, thinking about where the conversation was going to go.

"I knew that he son of a bitch wouldn't back off without nearly getting killed again. And if I need to-"

"No Sam you aren't going to kill him." The car stopped and I looked to find that we were already home.

"Did you spar with him at the gym before I got there?" Sam didn't answer and that confirmed that he was the one that gave Jake the bloody lip and swollen eyebrow. I was getting angry again and much to my surprise Sam forgot to lock the car door, so I got out of the car not even waiting for Sam to catch up.

"You know what he told me?" I said as I entered the bedroom. Silence.

"He told that you were putting yourself in danger? That apparently you were going to die? What the hell does that even mean Sam? What did he mean by putting your life on the line? What fight was he talking about? Who are you fighting?" I turned around to face him, more than aggravated by his silence.

"I have a fight against Mathew Ruubayo. He won national title in Russia. He came to the gym and I was mad. We may have bumped heads a bit and I said a few things and he said a few things back. He wants to fight me to prove that he's stronger or whatever. Look Jake was trying to scare you. He's just trying to scare you away from me."

"I thought you were done with fighting? You never even bothered to tell me that you still go fight at the gym still."

"I didn't think that was something important to share." He scowled a bit.

"Like not telling me you slept around with your therapist who now happens to be my therapist? Is that why you recommended her to me? She was just that good in bed right-"

"**Stop**. Stop Marley. That has nothing to do with us. I told you that was over and done with years ago." I smiled even though deep down I was nervous as to where this would end up. Probably badly again.

"Great." I said and grabbed spare clothes and underwear to go take a shower.

"That's it?" He yelled out but didn't move from where he was standing.

"Yeah that's it. I'm so sick of always finding out things last and whenever I do it's never from you it's always from someone else. And then you get mad at me and then we end up yelling and I'm getting tired of having screaming matches." I make sure to make eye contact with him so he knows that I'm holding my ground on this.

"So what do we suggest we do Marley?" He crosses his arms and waits for my answer.

"Start talking to me. Open up to me. Stop hiding things from me. I'm your girlfriend and I want you to be open with me. About your past, your family, your issues- everything. God why is that so hard for you? Why do I always have to answer to your every question but whenever I try to get something out of you, we always end up like this." His expression remains the same.

"If you don't work with me, we won't get anywhere." I take a step forward and I instantly regret it because Sam comes towards me with two quick strides and has me pinned me against the wall.

"You want me to work with you? How about you work with me as well? Because I'm sick of this bullshit with you being a bitch to Teresa and then getting jealous every time I defend her."

"I'm not jealous." I spit back. He smirks and lets out a little chuckle.

"Marley you are more than jealous. I see how you react every time she touches me. I know you hate that she gets to touch me- it drives you **insane** doesn't it? And it makes you nervous because I might like it." His breath is hot in my face and his pupils are dilated. My breath hitches as he presses his body closer to mine. His mouth ghosts over the shell of my ear, his warm mouth sending chills down my spine.

"Don't worry. You're better in bed then she ever was."

"I-I'm go-ing to... to shower." I say back quickly trying to get out of the barrier that Sam has around me. I can feel myself blushing so hard, the shade of red becoming hot and unbearable on my skin. I really didn't know how we got from arguing to me being pinned against the wall gasping for air.

"I'll join you." He says and I can't look at him because I'm so embarrassed and turned on and _how does he have this affect on me? _

Before I can even argue against him, he grabs my hand and pulls me into the bathroom with him.

* * *

Okay guys first things first. There are no words to describe how distraught I was to hear of Cory's passing and I wish I could have in some way reached out to you guys to let you know that I'm here. I really have no words to express how shocked and upset I still am and it's probably nothing compared to those who looked up to him as an idol as well as Lea Michele. God bless you all and please, please, please take precautions in everything you do or about to do. This fic hits some really sensitive topics and some of you readers might be able to relate to some of this stuff. I in no way condone excessive alcohol drinking, starving yourself, cutting yourself, overdosing on drugs, taking drugs, **hating yourself. If you need anything, if you feel like I have in some way offended you in the way I have written any of these issues let me know privately and I'll fix it. Please please please don't resort to making such decisions that can harm you. If your angry take up some kickboxing classes, if your sad go for a run, go do your hobby, do something you love, be around the people you love. A healthy and happy life is so much more important then some grade you got in school, or some name that you got called. You're strong enough to push past all the negativity. **

Second, I have another chapter ready to be posted because I have had so much time to write so if you want me to do a double update today then I can or I can post it later in the week. Whatever floats your boats.

Thirdly, **thank you so much for your patience. You are all so incredible and lovely for giving me the time to write these chapters for you guys. There are no amount of words to explain how thankful I am for your support. Even though this ship is still small, I hope that maybe in the new season that Sarley will become a thing. I mean it obviously will because I mean come on what characters have not been in a relationship with each other yet?**

Alright guys I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I ended it on a very interesting note. I have written the next chapter for it but idk if you guys want me to start where I left off or skip the whole shower scene? Please let me know as soon as possible! Lots of love. xxx


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